by Saylor Bliss
“Dammit,” the nurse mutters, “this isn't good. You're too early.”
“Let's get you down to labor and delivery,” she says, rushing out the room to get a wheelchair. I'm hunched over the side of Carson’s bed in a mix of emotions as tears run down my face. I close my eyes and say a prayer.
She comes back with a wheelchair and helps me into it. I look back over my shoulder one last time at the frail little boy I love so much.
“You're going to be fine, and Carson is stronger than he looks,” she says into my ear. I nod, and another contraction hits, almost making me pass out.
We rush into labor and delivery just in time. I’m lifted onto a bed and my legs are placed in stirrups as the doctor walks in. I don’t have time for pain medicine or breathing coaches. No one asks me about my birth plan or how I’m feeling.
Contraction after contraction rip through me, leaving me little chance to breathe, much less talk. My mind is racing, and in some deep recess, I know this isn’t okay, that I shouldn’t be here now and that everything is happening much too fast. I remember the pain I was having in jail and while Mrs. Simpson was visiting.
I’ve been in active labor for a while, and I was too ignorant to realize it. No one ever told me I would feel pain in my back. I always thought contractions were in the stomach, where the baby is, but these contractions feel like they are breaking my back in half while swallowing me whole. I want to crawl in a hole and die for just a moment’s relief.
“Oh wow, looks like we are having a baby,” the doctor says after peering under the sheet the nurse placed over my spread legs. If I wasn’t in so much pain, I might chuckle, but another contraction hits me right then, and with it, the undeniable urge to push.
“Go ahead, sweetie. Push,” he coaches, and I lean forward, grunting with the effort it takes to do so.
I feel like I’m being ripped wide open. My entire body is on fire. I want to scream and cry at the same time, but I don’t have the energy for either. I feel the doctor’s fingers at my opening, twisting and pulling, and then another contraction, and I feel fire.
My vagina is on fire. I am on fire. I am being burned from the inside out. I am being ripped from the inside out, and I can’t stop it. I can’t stop pushing. I can’t stop screaming. I grab my knees and lean forward again. My body is on the verge of being split in two.
“Good. Keep going. I see the head.” I take a breath and then push again as the next contraction hits. I push with everything I have. I imagine my poor baby stuck in the tunnel between there and here, and I am the only one who can help her escape. I bear down, grabbing the rails of the bed, and shove with every ounce of strength I have left.
My body feels suddenly lighter. I can literally feel it as she slips from inside me. My stomach lowers instantly, although not back to its original size, and I can feel her tiny body as she slides from within me, landing in the doctor’s hands. A nurse entered the room during my pushing, and she steps forward to speak to the doctor.
“Ah. I see. Okay.”
I wonder what they are talking about, but then the sweetest cry fills the air, and nothing else around me matters.
“Congratulations. She is beautiful. I’m going to pass her to you, but her umbilical cord is still attached. I was just informed that we are saving it and the placenta for a possible transfusion.”
I nod my head, thankful that someone remembered during the course of my labor, because I damn sure forgot. The doctor passes me my daughter and places her gently on my chest. Taking one of her thin hands in my own, I count her fingers and marvel at the beauty of her tiny fingernails.
A nurse wraps her tightly in a blanket, lifting her from my chest and placing her in a warmer. She’s almost six weeks early. I feel a moment of panic and fear overcome me. I can’t lose her. I should have been more careful and taken better care of myself. I should have done more to keep her inside longer. I’ll never forgive myself if she isn’t okay.
A technician with the blood bank comes in but manages to work around me and her. She has already quit crying, and I miss the sound. I want to hear it again so I can know that she is all right. That she is still breathing and healthy. I need someone to tell me something. The doctor pushes on my stomach, forcing out the afterbirth, but I am oblivious to the pain.
“Are you all right, Miss Hart?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Can…can you call my baby’s father for me? He should be here.”
“Of course. What’s his number?”
I rattle off the number and wait as she leaves the room to call Cal. I need him here right now. I know he will demand all the answers I can’t. He will take care of both of us.
“I’m sorry, Miss Hart, but there was no answer. I left a detailed message letting him know what was going on,” she says and then, to distract me, “What will you name her?”
“I don’t know yet. I’m waiting for someone special to help me pick the name, but he’s sleeping right now.”
“No rush.”
I can’t wait for Carson to wake up and see her. I know he is going to love her as much as I do. It’s been hard deciding how she will refer to him, but after this last run-in with my mother, I’ve decided to take her to court for full custody of Carson. I want to raise him as my own son, and for now on, this beautiful angel will be his sister.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Callum
I’ve had lawyers working around the clock to get the charges against Amelia dropped. Mine too, but right now, I consider hers to be a top priority. I know how much it eats away at her knowing that she was arrested and that she has a charge on her record now. If I can do anything to make it all go away, I will.
Griffin goes to court this morning, and I plan to be in the front row when the judge calls his name. If his bail is set, then I’ll pay it. Not because he deserves to be freed, but because I want answers, and at this point, I don’t care what they cost. I’m going to get them.
The court doors open, and everyone files in single file. I take off my belt and pull my wallet from my pants, setting them both, along with my key, in the black box on the conveyer belt and then walk through the metal detector. It doesn’t beep, not that I thought it would, but there is always that moment of fear when you pass through that it may beep and the whole force will come crashing down on you.
I grab my stuff out of the box and step off the side to slide my belt back into the loops before climbing the white marble stairs to Judge “Stone” Jackson’s courtroom. It’s filling up quickly, but I manage to find a spot in the second row. It’s not as close as I want to be, but it will do.
We all stand as the deputy calls court to order and then sit again as they move down the docket. It’s been almost two hours and I’m ready to be done with this place. I want to be back at the hospital with Amelia and Carson and the team, not here.
Finally, they call him. Griffin Martin.
He stands and walks to the front of the courtroom, both his lawyer and mine by his side. The judge asks how he pleads, and he pauses before answering.
“Not guilty.”
“I’d like to request bail for my client, your honor. He is not a flight risk and is willing to wear a tracking device if necessary.”
“Bail granted in the amount of $300,000.”
I stand and leave the courtroom. I don’t want to waste any more time waiting for him to be released. My attorney knows that if bail is granted, I will pay it, so he should be gathering his things now and making his way back to booking. I pay the required ten percent bond and sign all the papers at the clerk’s office and then get in my pickup and head around to intake to pick him up.
I don’t have to wait long.
Maybe fifteen minutes or so, and he is walking out, shoulders slumped forward, eyes shielded from the glaring sunlight. I remember my own ordeal in jail and how bright the sun seemed to me when I exited. I can’t imagine being in there for two weeks.
“Come on, man, we have to get to the hospital,” I call to him,
making him jump.
“Cal, you shouldn’t have bailed me out. I deserve to be in there.”
“What do you mean, you deserve it?”
“Those drugs . . . they were mine. I mean, I don’t do them. Hell, I don’t sell on the regular, but I got in some trouble with loan sharks, and a buddy of mine came to me with a deal. All I had to do was hold on to the weed for two weeks and then drop it off at another location. I’d make enough to make all my problems go away.”
“Dude. What the fuck. Why didn’t you come to me? I would have helped you.”
“I fucked up, man.”
“Yeah, you can say that again. They arrested Amelia and me. We were both charged with the same shit you were.”
“Are you fucking serious? I’ll fix this, Cal. I promise, I’ll fix this shit.”
“Let’s worry about it later. Okay? I don’t want to stress Amie anymore.”
“No problem.”
We pull into the hospital and head up to Carson’s room. On the way up, I think about what Griffin said. I feel like I should have known he was in trouble, that he needed some help. How desperate was he to go and make this deal with someone who obviously either knew heat was on them, or more than likely, were the police themselves?
I wish I had known and could have helped him.
Carson is lying in his bed sound asleep when we walk in, but Amelia is nowhere to be seen. My stomach drops. I know she wouldn’t leave this room. Not without being carried out forcefully.
Turning on my heel, I race from the room in search for anyone who may know where she is. I hope she is okay. I can’t lose her now.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Amelia
I’ve just dozed off when Callum rushes in the room, followed by Griffin. My stupid hormones are still raging, because as soon as I see him, my eyes fill with tears. Cal stops dead in his tracks when he sees me, and I watch as he takes in the room, his head shaking from side to side. I don’t know what he is thinking, but I do know he is entirely too far away.
I want him to come closer to me and to hold me. I need to feel his strong arms around me, but I don’t know how to ask him. I don’t know how to say the words. I lift my hand, holding my hand palm down and out toward him, beckoning him to me. He takes a step and then another, and then he’s at my side and wrapping me in his arms. I take in the warm, musky scent of his cologne, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“I’m so sorry. I should have been here for you.”
“No, it’s fine. You had to go get Griff. It’s okay.”
“But you were all alone.”
“It was fine. I was fine.”
“And the baby?” he asks, and finally, I understand. He thinks we lost her. It was really early to be delivering, but not too early.
About that time, the nurse walks in, pushing the baby in her cradle.
“She needed a bath, but she’s back now,” I say, pointing over his shoulder. His head whips around so fast, it’s a wonder he doesn’t end up with whiplash.
“She’s here? She’s okay?”
“Yes. She’s better than okay. She’s perfect.” The nurse passes her to Cal, and I sit up, feeling my milk drop, ready to feed my beautiful baby girl.
“Yes, she is. Just like her momma.”
“Oh, gag,” Griffin says, coming to sit on the other side of my bed so he can get in some baby time. I slap him on the arm and then pull him in for a hug. I’ve missed him while he’s been away on what I am going to refer to as vacation from now on.
He captures my hand in his and pulls it to his chest, taking all my attention.
“I am so far beyond sorry, Amelia. You have no idea how much I wish I could erase everything, but I promise you, I am going to do everything in my power to get all the charges against you dropped.”
“I understand, Griffin.”
“No, Amelia. I mean it. I fucked up. Big time. And it was stupid. So stupid, and I should have never done it. I was in a bad place, and that is no excuse, but I need to know you forgive me. I don’t expect your friendship, but I need your forgiveness. Please.”
“Griffin, you have it and my friendship. I’ve learned something very valuable through all this. Something I should have learned a long time ago. We don’t walk away from those we love, no matter what.”
Tears fill his eyes as he leans downs and kisses me on the forehead.
“God, Cal. You’d better treat this one right or I swear, I might turn straight and take her away from you.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. I lost her once. I refuse to let go again.”
“You didn’t lose me, baby. That was just our False Start. We had to wait for the play clock to start over again. This time, I think the offense and defense are both on the same page.”
“Oh God, not the football talk again! Someone kill me now!” Griffin mock-yells into the room, careful to not wake my baby girl. I look around the room at my family and let the assurance of home settle over me. I meant what I said to Griffin. When you truly love someone, you don’t hold their mistakes against them. The girls in jail taught me that. There are tons of genuinely good people in the world who are serving time for making a simple mistake, and in this world, in this crazy, chaotic world that we all live in… I think it’s time to start spreading a little more love and a lot less hate.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Callum
Six months later . . .
Carson got released from the hospital today. Everything looks great with his counts and the treatment program seems to working really well for him.
The stem cell transfusion worked out perfectly. When we got news that the cells pulled from the umbilical cord were a sixty-three percent match to Carson, there wasn’t a dry eye in the hospital. That little boy touched so many hearts in his stay here, none more so than my own.
Packing his bags and taking him home was a bittersweet moment for all. It took over an hour to wheel him down from his room, and standing outside when we loaded him in the car were at least a hundred people, doctors and nurses and other patients alike. There is just something about Carson that lights up a room, an inner goodness that touches those around him. He draws people to him and sets their souls aglow.
The charges against Amelia and me were dropped completely when Griffin took the full blame. He sat down with his attorney and told him everything, and then they decided on the best course to get him the least sentence possible. He’s still got a hard road ahead, but we will be right there by his side the whole way.
“Can we get McDonald’s on the way?” Carson asks, and I can’t think of a single reason I should ever tell him no.
“McDonald’s sounds so good!” Pattie, or rather, Momma, as everyone has taken to calling her—except for Carson, who calls her Grandmamma—echoes in the car. She was released from county about a month ago, and Amelia was adamant about bringing her home with us. I couldn’t say no to her even if I tried, but it was a tough adjustment for me, allowing a woman straight out of jail into my home with my family. I should have known to trust Amelia’s judgment. Everything has worked out perfectly, and Pattie has been the biggest blessing to us all.
“We sure can, buddy. You think sissy can eat some fries?”
“Yeah, she always takes mine.”
“Sounds good.”
We won our case in court against Margaret. Not that I was worried. I mean, her track record alone showed the judge why she was not fit to be allowed to be his mother for another second, much less another day.
Carson now calls Amelia Mom, and he’s asked if he can call me Dad. I love the idea, but I will love it even more after I make his mommy my wifey.
“You sure she will say yes?” I ask him, my little co-conspirator.
“Yeah. I know she will.”
“Ok. I hope you’re right.”
“Oh, I am.” He whispers.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Amelia
That man didn’t waste any time filling my belly with an
other baby. I think he plans to keep me naked and pregnant for the rest of my life.
“Yep. Or die trying,” he states resulting in an arm slap.
The charges were dropped against both of us in exchange for Griffin’s full statement. He is even getting a shortened sentence for cooperating with the authorities. Of course, I had to threaten to beat him over the head with a baby bottle full of breast milk to make him do that, but let’s face it, he’s far too pretty for prison. They would eat him alive there.
“Can you put that baby down for a minute and come eat?” Cal asks, taking Callia from me.
We let Carson name her, just like I had wanted. He decided on Callia because he said she looked like a pretty flower and she needed a name to remind her of that.
I love it.
“Momma, can you open my apples for me?” Carson asks, and my heart swells. A year ago, I never would have imagined I would be given a second chance at my happily ever after. I never would have thought that I would be sitting here surrounded by the people I love the most in the world, eating McDonald’s.
“I sure can, tiger.”
Carson passes me his apples, and I tear them open, then set them on the table in front of him and take my seat beside him. I pull my quarter-pounder from the bag and open the lid as Cal comes back to the table.
Sitting square in the middle of my box where my burger should be is a blue velvet box. I lift it and search the room for Cal, finding him by my side on one knee.
“You know I love you more than anything in this world. I always have and I always will. I can’t survive this world without you. Will you do me the undeniable honor of becoming my wife?”
“Yes. Yes, I will. I love you so much, Cal.” I wrap my arms around him as he stands, lifting me from my seat. Taking my hand, he slips the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen onto my third finger and then kisses it.
“Told you, Dad,” Carson calls with a mouthful of chicken nuggets, causing everyone around the table to laugh.