by Sable Hunter
As he rode across the pasture from the old stone ranch house, he touched the medicine bag that hung on his belt to make sure it was there. He needed the hoddentin for the ritual. Next, he placed his palm over his chest, feeling the izze-kloth beneath the material of his shirt. Braided from four strands of dyed leather and punctuated with beads and shells, the medicine cord was sacred to him, a source of strength and healing. Over the past twelve months, he’d spent a great deal of time studying and learning more about the spiritual side of his heritage. Part of his motivation was to fulfill his promise to his father and part of it was to find his own path to becoming whole again.
Like his father did when his mother passed, he set aside a year to remember. A year to honor Kelli in his heart. A year to prepare himself to move on without her. His brothers didn’t fully understand his process and Benjen didn’t talk to them about it. Not that he thought they wouldn’t understand or care, the act of passage was just too precious and private to share. Of course, they noticed he rarely went out, but they didn’t question him about it. If someone else made mention of the fact, they just laughed it off and told them he was shy.
Raising his face, he gazed toward Honey Creek, smiling at the caress of the wind on his face. Sometimes, he felt she was near him. Unlike his ancestors, he wouldn’t shun her spirit if she returned to him. He’d been prepared to walk beside Kelli Conway for the rest of his life, a person couldn’t pivot away from such an aim quickly – or he couldn’t. He’d needed the time…but now, that time was over.
As he neared Packsaddle, Benjen headed to the area where the ascent to the plateau was gradual. He didn’t want to leave his mount at the base, preferring the company the animal gave him. Letting the horse choose its footing through the high grasses and wildflowers, they made their way through canyons so remote his mother used to say if you wanted to hear a rooster crow back here…you’d better bring your own rooster.
Once he arrived at the summit, Benjen ground tied his horse, pausing to give him a gentle rub. “You’re a good boy, Zeus. Eat some grass while I tend to business.”
Walking a few dozen yards farther, he came to the entrance to the cave where he’d stored his implements. Just inside the dim interior, there was a large flat rock that served, for want of a better word, as an altar. Going a little deeper within the confines of the cave, he found the leather backpack which contained his things. After pulling it from behind the boulder where it was hidden, he knelt by the altar and spread out the things that would help focus his thoughts.
Solemnly, he examined the contents. A red willow stick for its healing powers, sage for cleansing, sweet grass for blessing, a strip of red felt for protection, and a turquoise for guidance. The last two items were the most important, a terracotta box held earth from his father’s resting place, and an eagle feather to give his prayer wings.
After lighting the sage, he raised his hands in supplication. “Grandfather, Sacred One, teach me love, compassion and honor, that I may heal the Earth, and my own heart.”
With this simple plea, he began the ritual, whispering words of remembrance, offering an invocation of tribute to the woman who’d meant the world to him. Stripping off his shirt, he touched the raised scar of his sorrow, then opened the medicine bag to dip his finger inside. With a slow, deliberate motion he spread the pollen across both cheeks, a sign of his respect and gratitude for the privilege of knowing and loving his chosen. “I wish you were still with me. I don’t understand why you were taken away. Know that you made a difference in my life. Not a moment we shared was wasted. The love you gave to me, the love I gave to you, this has made me a better man.”
Bowing his head, he sat still for long moments, letting his heart tell Kelli goodbye.
When he felt the heavy mantle of lamentation lift from his shoulders, Benjen rose and put away his things. He would go forth with the determination to find love and joy.
Apple at 23
“You have my greatest sympathy, Ms. Cates.”
“Thank you.” Apple nodded as her husband’s commanding officer placed the folded American flag in her lap.
He patted her on the shoulder. “Your husband was a fine soldier and a good man. His aptitude for languages was unparalleled. With his help we were able to make some invaluable connections.”
“Yes. I’m glad,” she agreed in a shaky voice. What else could she say? Obviously, the details of their personal life were unknown to Captain Holcomb. “He loved his country.”
They were the last two people left in the graveyard. The few friends who came to pay their respects and the Honor Guard who offered the traditional salute had already departed. Since there was no casket to be lowered into the ground, the only thing for the funeral home to do was to set up Alan’s headstone next to Jenny’s.
“One of the good ones.” Holcomb offered Apple his arm. “May I walk you to your car?”
“Yes, please.” Before stepping away, she took one last look at the two grave markers. Apple didn’t even recognize the world she lived in now. Nothing was how she thought it would be. She’d lost everything. “I’m so grateful you came, Captain. This has been a heartbreaking process.”
“Of course, I understand. Changing Staff Sargent Cates’s status from MIA to Presumed Dead was a difficult one for us all. We spared no effort looking for your husband. His radio was all we found. Plus, we received no ransom demand or any communication from the local factions. After a year of searching, we can come to no better conclusion.”
“I wish I could know for sure, it’s hard to get closure.” Despite the hurtful truth’s she’d learned about her husband’s true feelings, Apple wished he were alive. “Living in limbo is so hard.”
When she stumbled, he caught her before she fell. “Watch your step, these rocks are hard to walk on,” the Captain cautioned her as he led Apple from the cemetery to the car she’d driven from the church where the service had been held.
“I will.” She wiped at the tears flowing from her eyes. “I can’t see the ground very clearly.”
“Here.” He gave her a handkerchief. “You’ll be getting some information in a few days about your benefits, but if you have any questions don’t hesitate to give me a call.”
Apple thanked the kind man again and slid into her seat, giving him a last wave before he turned to climb into the black SUV he’d arrived in. Leaning her head on the cool glass of the window, Apple tried to catch her breath.
Her eyes wondered over the graveyard. She felt as desolate and lonely as it appeared. Where should she go? What should she do? With the money she received from the military, she could move somewhere different and buy a home of her own. With her experience working for a veterinarian, another job would be fairly easily to find, maybe. She also planned to get the pet her husband had never wanted in his home. “You have to pick up and move on. Make a new life for yourself.” Apple gazed at her own reflection in the rearview mirror. “Pity we can’t make a new you, Apple Cates. You’ll still be the woman your own husband found plain and boring.”
CHAPTER TWO
Six Months Later…
Present Day
“Glad to see you, Blackhawk! Been awhile.” Reverend Mike slapped the counter in front of Benjen, almost shouting to talk over the old-fashioned jukebox rattling out music from the seventies. “Can I get you another beer?”
“One’s my limit. I’ll take a water, though.” He pulled a couple of bills from his pocket and laid them by his empty mug as he glanced around the Dam Pub. Rustic was the kindest thing anyone could say about the décor of the bar/restaurant. “Glad to see the place hasn’t changed.”
“We’d be doing better if your brother hadn’t stolen my star pastry chef.” The rotund old biker retied the star spangled do-rag around his head, then filled a glass with ice with water and handed it to Benjen. “How is Sara, by the way?”
“She’s good.” Leaning closer to the man so he could hear, he added a snippet of information, “Daniel is building her a new hous
e.”
“Glad to hear it.” He jumped up on top of the bar and shouted to the top of his lungs, “Somebody turn down that damn music! I can’t hear myself think!” After someone did as he asked, he settled himself back on the floor and finished his thought, “That little girl deserves to be treated like a queen.”
“I agree and she will be, believe me. Daniel is head over heels for Sara.” His smile came freely and broadened when Benjen realized he could take a full breath of air without feeling the familiar pang of loss.
“Well, hello, handsome.” A touch on his back caused him to raise his eyes to the mirror over the bar. Reflected in the glass was a gorgeous brunette, the same girl who’d been with Kelli the day they’d met. “Glad to see you’re back among the living.”
“Denise. Nice to see you.” He reached up to capture the woman’s wrist as she let her fingers do the walking from his neck to the inside of his shirt collar. “What are you up to?”
“Seducing you.” She gave him a fetching smile. “I’ve had my eye on you for a long time. How about it?”
Being a red-blooded, healthy male, Benjen felt his body respond to the idea. His mind and heart, however, weren’t on the same page. “My goodness, girl, you’re a go-getter, aren’t you?”
“Hey, I see what I want and I go for it. What’s wrong with that?”
“Not a thing.” He pulled her around to the side. “How about a drink?” Giving a hand signal to Reverend Mike, Benjen called him over. “Give the lady whatever she desires.”
“Thanks.” She gave Benjen a big smile before placing her order. “I’ll have an Austin Amber Ale if you have it.” While the bartender fixed the drink, she sidled closer. “How about you, Big Chief? Are you going to give me whatever I desire?”
“And what would that be, Denise?” he asked slowly, considering what could happen if he was willing.
She was about to answer when her drink was placed in front of her. After giving him a wink, she took a slow sip, pausing to lick the residue from her upper lip.
“A good time. Do you think you could show me one?”
…Just outside the front door, Apple took a deep breath. “Come on, you can do this. Eating alone is no big deal.”
Since moving from San Angelo to Kingsland, she’d limited her dining experiences to homecooked or fast food – not that this place looked to be an upscale eatery. Still, she needed to force herself to get out among people.
Raising her hand tentatively, she opened the door to the establishment and was immediately met by a wave of cool air, the smell of frying beef, and the pounding sound of a familiar tune she couldn’t quite place – maybe she was just too nervous to listen. Ever since she’d read Alan’s journal, being around people wasn’t as easy as before. She used to be outgoing and never met a stranger. Those days were mostly over. Working at the veterinarian’s office was easy enough, primarily because she was in the position of offering assistance. Besides, folks who loved animals seemed to be a different breed. What made her edgy was being in a situation where people thought she expected something from them for herself. Even the attention of a waiter or a waitress made her uncomfortable. “Bear up, just get a burger and go home. You’re not here to find a date,” she whispered to herself as a harried looking woman in black leather pants and a full-length apron motioned for Apple to follow her.
In a few moments, she was seated at a booth in the corner, a perfect place from her vantage point. She could see everyone in the room, but not be seen by most. Soon, the same woman appeared with a glass of water and a large laminated menu. “Thank you.”
“I’ll give you a couple of minutes.”
Even though a burger was on her mind, she perused the menu. “Dang, they have a salad.” Each time she was confronted with the choice of a salad, even at McDonald’s, she felt guilty if she didn’t get it. Glancing down at her generous bosom, she thanked goodness for baby-doll tops and empire waists on dresses. Apple loved ultrafeminine clothes and she haunted vintage shops. Her favorite thing was wearing lacy bed jackets and other lingerie as outerwear. She also adored maxi-dresses and sundresses. Jeans were not her favorite, mainly because of her curvy butt. Yes, Alan’s comments had made her throw all her pants away. Taking a deep breath, she stared at the selections, then made a soft growling sound. “Okay, fine. Bloody conscience.” When the waitress returned, she placed her order for a grilled chicken salad with balsamic dressing and a diet coke.
While she waited, Apple let her eyes rove over the crowd. A giggle escaped her lips when she saw that about half the crowd were bikers. “Why didn’t I notice the motorcycles?” Oh well, she must’ve been preoccupied with getting up the courage to come inside. “See, this isn’t so bad, fraidy cat.” As she continued to let her gaze move over the room, she let herself people-watch for a bit. There were a couple of young families seated nearby. She smiled at the sight of one toddler feeding himself French fries, a ring of ketchup circling his smiling mouth. There was also an older couple who seemed to be having a tense moment, the man kept tapping a map and she kept shaking her phone. “I bet they’re arguing over directions,” she whispered to herself. There was a good mix of people. Probably some of them would be nice to know. Over time, she was sure she’d make friends.
Shifting her position, her focus landed on a couple of men, probably truck drivers. One raised a glass in her direction. Apple gave him a small smile, but quickly looked away, hopefully dispelling any interest.
And then her baby blues settled on a cowboy. “Oh, be still my heart.” He was gorgeous. Just her type – if she had a type. “He’s right out of the movies,” she muttered softly. If she wasn’t mistaken, he was part Native American, taking the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing to a completely new level. A fantasy man. Apple couldn’t help but stare. Like a dieter salivating over a display of pastries, she let herself indulge in the view, knowing full well she would never sample the goods. “Yum.”
At the same moment, she noticed the beautiful girl at his side. While he sat there calmly, her body language conveyed the message that she was on a mission to get him into her bed. Apple felt an odd desire to go over and get between them, an impulse that made her roll her eyes at herself. “A guy like that wouldn’t be alone. Doesn’t mean he would be with you either, sugar lump,” she scolded herself for the foolish notion.
“Here you go. Grilled chicken salad and your drink.”
The sudden announcement caused Apple to jump in her seat. “Oh, thank you.” She brought her hands to her lap so the waitress would have a clear place to set her plate.
Once she was alone again, she ate her salad, but kept her gaze on the sexy hunk across the way. “Dinner and a show, this is turning out better than I expected.”
…Benjen raised his glass and shook a piece of crushed ice into his mouth.
“So, how about it, Blackhawk? Let’s go back to my place and see what kind of trouble we can get into.”
He had to hand it to her, Denise was tempting. Benjen had no doubt he could slake his lust on her beautiful body. Still…as much as interest as his cock was showing, he couldn’t rid himself of the feeling that he’d regret it. Obviously, he had some soul searching to do. “Thank you, but I’m afraid I have to pass, Denise.”
“What? You must be joking!” She seemed to be insulted.
Benjen gave a truthful excuse. “I have to get up early in the morning. Raincheck?”
“Raincheck!?!”
By her tone, he could tell the woman was insulted. As he surveyed her, Denise’s face flushed, her impressive chest heaved, and her hazel eyes flashed fire. For a second or two, he regretted his decision. He’d bet she was a hellcat in bed. “Yea, I need to take my dog to the vet first thing in the morning before I do the last cutting of hay for the summer.”
“You’re turning me down because you have to take some mangy dog to the vet?”
Fighting words.
“My dog isn’t mangy.” His tone was short and sharp.
“Maybe
not, but I guess what they say about you is true!” She didn’t give Benjen time to ask what was being said, she just came out and told him in no uncertain terms. “You either can’t get it up…or you’re gay.”
Instead of insulting him, Benjen found it funny. “I assure you neither of those things are true, Miss Denise.”
“Can’t prove it by me!” She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “If you don’t use it, you lose it. Isn’t that what they say?” Denise leaned into him and whispered in his ear, “I hope your cock dries up and falls off.”
“Now, that would be a shame.” His instincts about the woman were spot on. “Have you considered I might just be picky?”
“Really?” She glared holes right through him. “Well, pick this.” Denise shot him the finger, then flounced away.
“Wow, you pissed her off, Blackhawk.” Rev. Mike guffawed behind the counter. “Did you see her face?”
“Yea, I saw it.” Benjen sat down his empty water glass. “She wasn’t happy, was she?”
“I don’t blame you, though. With a woman like that, a one night-stand can turn into a life-long headache.”
“Hmmm.” Benjen nodded, not disagreeing. “I think I need more than a good time,” he admitted to himself as much as he was confessing to the bartender. “I guess I’m waiting on Miss Right to come along.”
…Apple fished a tip from her purse and placed the dollar bills next to her almost empty plate. She couldn’t help but smile at the scene that played out before her. She’d watched the handsome man as the woman rubbed up against him. There was no doubt she was propositioning the cowboy. As Apple ate, she’d fully expected to see them leave together. To her shock, she watched the brunette give the guy the bird, then huff off in a snit. She would’ve waited just to watch the big man leave, but a message from her boss ended her stint of voyeurism. The doctor had received a phone call about someone dumping a litter of puppies on the clinic doorsteps. Since Dr. Cleveland was out of town, the responsibility fell to Apple to see to their unexpected guests. Sadly, this happened all too often. Why people couldn’t take responsibility for their animals was something she would never understand. One of these days, her dream was to open a no-kill shelter. Tonight, however, she would bottle feed the puppies. When they were old enough, she’d find them homes. Hopefully.