by M. Malone
CHAPTER ELEVEN
FINN
When you love something, it has power over you. I knew Rissa had me by the balls but I never knew how tight her grip was until she didn't come home.
"Yes, I know she's not at work today. I'm asking if anyone there can tell me why. Has she called?"
"Sir, we can't give out that kind of information."
"I know you can't give out information about her but I'm just asking if anyone there has actually talked to her today."
I let out a groan when the person on the other end hangs up. "Damn it." The people at her company are just doing their jobs but that's little consolation when she could be hurt somewhere. Alone and scared.
Fear makes my chest so tight I almost can't breathe. If something happened to her, no one would even know to notify me. After driving by her house and looking in the windows, I'd eventually given up and come back here. Her car was still parked on the street outside of her office. It was like she'd gone to work and then vanished into thin air.
I pull out my phone again. "Jonah, I need the car."
I walk into my office and then pull out the file Patrick Stevens assembled on Rissa last month. I'd asked him to find out everything about her which was why I had information about her business partners. But there was one person that would always know how to find her.
I run my finger down the page until I find the address for Gloria Blake. Then I take the elevator down to the first floor. By the time I walk out of the building, Jonah is just pulling up to the curb. I get in and tell him the address.
When we pull up, I recognize Daphne's sporty little green car. Rissa must be here.
I look at Jonah. "I'm not sure exactly what I'm walking into so this may take a while."
He nods. "Of course, sir."
I climb out and then walk up the driveway. The front beds are planted with cheerful pansies that add wild splashes of color to the otherwise plain yard. I knock on the door and then step back to wait. The door swings open.
"You have some nerve showing up here."
The brunette standing in Rissa's doorway glares at me. The effect is ruined slightly by the cheerful blue streaks running down the side of her head.
"You must be Tara." She's the opposite of Rissa's other business partner. This one looks like a lioness ready to take down her prey. And she's looking at me like she's more than ready to sink her teeth in.
"Yes, I am. I don't need you to introduce yourself. You're just the asshole who scared my friend out of her mind this morning."
Her words shed a little light on why Rissa has suddenly gone MIA. But how could I have scared her when I haven't even seen her?
"What are you talking about? I'm here because Rissa didn't come home last night. I called your office and they won't tell me anything. I was worried."
"Worried? You're the reason my friend is currently buried under the blankets and scared of the world right now. She said you screamed at her. That you scared her!"
I take a step back, the jumbled memories of that night are starting to make sense. The weird dream I had about Rissa must have been real. Or at least some of it. I don't even remember everything just seeing flowers and feeling like my head was going to pop off. And screaming.
Oh god. She saw me like that.
Suddenly Daphne appears over her shoulder. "I thought you were a nice guy! I would have never told you where Rissa was that day if I'd known you would do this."
It's a powerful thing to see them both ready to take me down in defense of their friend. One looks determined and the other looks scared to death. Only someone as strong and resolute as Rissa could demand this kind of loyalty just by existing.
"I know this looks bad, hell it is bad, but it's not what you think. I would never scare Rissa on purpose."
Tara comes out on the porch and slams the screen behind her. "That may be true but it doesn't change the fact that Rissa was crying. That doesn't happen often. So, I don't give a damn how much money you have and I don't care if you kill our contract. She's been through too much already and no one is going to put her through this hell again."
"Again? Someone scared her before?" I think back to the night Andrew was waiting at her house and suddenly the whole scene makes a lot more sense. It also makes me so angry that I'm not sure I trust myself to even speak. "Please, just tell Rissa I'm here," I whisper.
"Why do you even care? You've obviously just been stringing her along. Otherwise, why would you invite her to stay with you and then scream at her to get out when she comes back?"
With a defeated sigh, I sit down on the step. "There's a whole story behind this but that story is for Rissa alone. I know you're trying to protect her and I'm glad she has you guys."
That seems to take some of the fun out of it for Tara. She scowls and then says, "Well, don't go getting all sentimental now. I'm having too much fun yelling at you."
I'm starting to understand why she's friends with Rissa. They have the same sarcastic sense of humor.
"You can watch us from the window while I talk to her and then I'll be out of your hair. But you don't have to worry. I've spent the past few hours in hell thinking that something happened to her. I love her more than I knew it was possible to love. And all I want is the chance to explain."
* * * * *
They leave me sitting out there for ten minutes before the door opens again. Gloria steps out on the porch and I immediately get to my feet.
"Miss Blake. It's nice to see you again."
Gloria looks at me for a long moment. "What's going on with you, young man?"
I didn't want to give this information out to just anyone but I'm incapable of lying when Rissa's mother is asking me to explain myself.
"I'm on heavy pain medication, ma'am. I thought I was dreaming."
She nods thoughtfully then opens her arms to me for a hug. "I'm glad I didn't misjudge you. You were always a good one. Come on in here then."
I enter the house and then take a seat on the couch.
"I'll go get Rissa." Gloria smiles kindly at me and then walks down the hallway and out of sight.
Now that I know Rissa is coming, I'm hit with a sudden case of nerves. I have to explain my erratic behavior and ask for her forgiveness. And there's no guarantee that she'll give it.
Rissa finally appears in the doorway. With no makeup and her wild curls pulled off her face, she looks so young.
There’s so much of the girl I loved still in her face. But for the first time I'm noticing all the ways she’s different. In some ways more fragile and in other ways stronger. I didn't think it was possible but the love I feel for the woman she's become makes the way I felt about the girl look like a crush. My first instinct is to protect her at all costs. I want to make sure that no one ever hurts her again, including me.
She sits on the other end of the couch. "I heard you were calling the office looking for me. I don't know why."
"That's because you have no idea how worried I was when I woke up this morning and you weren't there.”
She shakes her head. “But I was there. I got up to get ready for work and then you came out to the living room talking about buying me flowers. You were screaming at me."
"I don't remember any of that."
“What was wrong with you? I’ve never seen you like that.”
“Drugs do that to you.”
“You’re not …”
“A druggie? Yeah, I am. The pain pills that keep me sane also cause me to hallucinate sometimes. I’ve been hiding it from everyone around me. But just like always, you see the things no one else does.”
It's humiliating to bare myself like this to her. I would love to be able to stay a hero in her eyes but she's always been the one person that I couldn't keep a secret from. So my worst moments will always be played out in front of the person I most want to impress.
"I know I scared you and there are no words that can explain how shitty that makes me feel. I only came here to make sure that you're okay.
And to tell you that you don't have to worry about me bothering you anymore."
"What?" She turns and looks at me, her blue eyes going wide.
“I’m not good for you. And you were right to run away from me.” I stand and Rissa jumps up as well.
"This entire time, you've been saying that this whole thing is unhealthy and I shouldn't be trying to hang on to the past. You're getting your wish. I'm terminating the contract effective immediately. I'll pay out the remaining balance for the next six months anyway since the breach is on my side."
I can't resist pulling her into my arms and kissing her forehead. She grabs onto the front of my shirt, hanging fast even as I'm trying to pull away.
"Goodbye, Rissa."
I wave to Gloria, who stands watching us from the hallway. Once I get outside on the porch, I take in a deep lungful of air, feeling like I suddenly can't breathe.
Every step I take away from the house seems to require more and more effort. Jonah is still parked alongside the curb and when he sees me, he starts the car.
No more revenge, no more uncertainty, no more jealousy. No more Rissa. Things will go back to the way they were.
Just before I get to the car, the screen door bangs open behind me. I turn to see Rissa running across the lawn. She stops right in front of me and pokes me in the chest with her finger.
"You know how I feel about charity. I’ll do the work that I’m getting paid for. But what happened yesterday, that can never happen again."
Hope blooms inside my chest. Then I squash it just as quickly. Even if Rissa is willing to forgive me, there's something I need to do first before we can be together. Right now, I'm a risk factor and she doesn't need another one of those in her life.
Which means that I'll have to leave her for a little while.
"Did you hear me?" She gives me that sassy look I love and then pokes me again. "You scared me, Finn. I can't be scared like that anymore."
"It will never happen again. You have my word on that. I’ll see you tomorrow." I turn to go before she has a chance to change her mind.
"What do you mean tomorrow? I haven’t done my work for today so I’ll see you there in an hour."
She turns and runs back to the house. I get in the car with a big grin on my face. Even though I know I have to leave her, I plan on enjoying all the time with her I can get before then.
* * * * *
When Rissa opens the door, she’s so overladen with bags that she doesn’t even see me at first. She’s wearing jeans and a soft lemon colored sweater. Her wild red curls are still bound up in that messy knot on top of her head that instantly makes me want to pull it down.
And in that moment, my heart speeds up and my whole body seems to sing. Just seeing her makes me happy but I try to tamp down my reaction. Things are still precarious after what happened this morning and I don’t want to drive her away.
Just the thought makes me feel weak. I’ve had years to plan the things I would say to her, how I’d make her regret leaving me. But in all my planning the one thing I didn't plan on was falling for her again.
And now I’m caught up in her spell, just like a teenage boy with a crush.
When Rissa finally drops the mess of bags she’s holding, she looks over to the kitchen. When she finally notices me, she lets out a little squeak of surprise.
“Finn! Were you waiting on me to get here?” The subtle pink in her cheeks betrays that she’s not entirely comfortable being around me just yet.
"I wanted to catch you before you started. I need you downstairs today."
She grabs her supplies and follows behind dutifully as I walk out into the hallway and then lock up behind us.
"What do you need me to do downstairs?"
"I need you to do a final clean on Apartment 2A."
"Oh." She falls silent and then looks over at me again. "Any reason?"
"The building manager called and asked if we could change the move-in date for a certain tenant. He'll be moving in tonight."
We get on the elevator and ride down to the second floor. "I've designated this floor for everyone with disabilities because there is a ramp going down to the first floor. I don't want anyone trapped in the event of an emergency."
"That's smart."
I open the door to the unit with my key and usher her in. "It just needs a last minute check to make sure it's presentable. The tenant should be here soon."
She walks around the room, and then leans down to peer closely at the counters. "This looks like it was just cleaned."
Was it? I think back over the schedule she'd shown me for the last week. I must have gotten the units mixed up. Not that it really matters since I was just using this last minute cleaning as an excuse.
Rissa frowns at me then disappears into the back of the unit. She goes into each bedroom and then comes back out into the hall. I avoid her eyes and eventually she disappears into the bathroom. When she comes back out, she crosses her arms. "This place is completely clean. Why are we really here?"
The doorbell rings. Rissa jumps and looks around.
I let out a sigh of relief, grateful for the interruption. "The new tenant must be here."
I open the door and usher the two men on the other side in. One is the building manager I hired a few months ago and the other must be the newest tenant. As he passes, his gait is only slightly uneven. I would never know he wears a prosthesis if I hadn't read his file.
The building manager shakes my hand and then introduces us. After assuring him that I'll take things from here, I turn back to my newest tenant.
"Rissa, I'd like to introduce Major Clark Halliwell. Major, this is Marissa Blake. She works here getting the apartments ready for move-in."
He shakes her hand. "Well, I can see you've done a great job."
Rissa beams at the compliment. "Thank you. Welcome to the building."
While the other man walks around and explores the apartment, Rissa comes up at my elbow. “Did you do this just so I don’t have to come up to your place again?”
I don't even have to answer that question. She's always been clever so I don't try to pretend. “You should never have to be afraid, Rissa."
Major Halliwell turns from where he stands at the window. “I want to thank you for this Mr. Marshall. This is much more than I was expecting.”
I switch my cane to my left hand and extend my right hand to shake. “No, thank you for your years of service. We’ll leave now so you can get settled.”
Rissa follows me out into the hallway. We walk in companionable silence. As we pass one of the other units, she pokes her head in to check on her crew.
“They’ve made a lot of progress,” I remark. And they have. I never could have guessed when I hired Rissa that this entire floor would be ready so fast.
“Yeah, they have. I have some of the best crews out there. I always choose the ones that really want it. The ones that others turn down because they have a disability or because they have children. So many people think that these things slow you down on the job but those same things also make my crew more determined. I remember how hard it was for my mom. She got fired from so many jobs because she needed to be there for me when I got sick. I promised myself that one day I would be the boss and that I would never be like that.”
We get on the elevator and I push the button for the lobby. “I can see what kind of boss you are. You’re amazing."
She waves the compliment away. "We all cover for each other when needed."
Once the elevator stops moving, she peers at the elevator panel, as if just realizing that we’ve gone down instead of up. “Aren’t we going back to your place? I still haven’t cleaned.”
I shake my head. “You don’t need to. We both know that wasn't why I hired you."
She doesn't exit the elevator so I sigh and walk out into the lobby. If she won't leave then I will. I can hear her shoes squeaking on the floor as she hurries behind me.
"Mr. Stevens originally told me that the entire buil
ding had gone through a recent upgrade and redesign. I assumed the owner was planning to sell the building not keep it. But there's no way normal people could afford this kind of real estate."
"You're right. The people who most deserve these apartments can't afford them. Not without a little help, anyway."
“That’s why you’ve been renovating this building. You’re donating all these apartments?” She turns to me, her eyes bright. "That’s why you insisted that we concentrate on one floor at a time. You've been lining up tenants and scheduling them to move in."
“Not all of them will be donated but at least a third. I know what it’s like to leave the military and wonder if you can make it.”
“That’s really nice of you.”
I grunt at that. “I’m not a nice guy. Don’t fool yourself. I brought you here to get payback for how you left me. My plan was to hurt you and I succeeded. I’m not a nice guy. I’m an asshole.”
She shakes her head. "Don't try to make it seem like you were just pretending this whole time. I know you and you meant every single thing you said to me. You love me."
It would be kinder to just lie to her. To pretend that this was all part of my plan from the beginning and to make her hate me. Then she could go on with her life without a backward glance. But when I look over at her, her eyes glow with knowledge. She smiles like she knows what I'm about to do and is already amused by it.
She always sees everything.
"You're right. I meant every word. That doesn't mean that I'm good for you though. We need to slow down and I definitely need to figure my shit out. Because I can't take the chance that I'll ever scare you like that again. Or that I might hurt you. I'm more determined now but I'm also more cautious. I'm not as reckless as I used to be because I know now how much I have to lose."
"You told me that you weren't going to let me go so easily this time. Was that a lie, too?"
Now that bothers me so I take her by the arm and pull her over to the small lobby area so we aren't giving the concierge such a show. "I wasn't lying. I've never lied to you. I'm just taking a step away."