After taking out a piece of the paper and a pen, he returned to the table and sat. He hadn’t thought too much about Christmas but he now found himself sorry that he hadn’t bought her a gift.
Her father was dead and he doubted that George had ever bought a gift for his daughter. She had no boyfriend who might buy her something special. He supposed Graham might bring her a gift, but Brody should have somehow gotten her something.
Thinking for several long moments, he finally decided what he could give her. He wrote on the paper, folded it tightly and placed it beneath her little tree. He then made coffee and returned to the table to wait for it to brew.
Last night after the cookies had been baked and frosted and they’d eaten a dinner of sandwiches and chips, they’d settled into the sofa to watch Christmas movies.
As A Christmas Story had played they’d laughed together and he’d tried not to want her again. Following that movie they’d watched Miracle on 34th Street. He’d never seen it before and he’d found himself oddly touched by the story of believing in somebody and taking a chance on love.
Jeez, what was wrong with him? She was messing with his head, making him want things he could never have. The small apartment was beginning to feel claustrophobic as he battled himself inside. Thank goodness Graham was coming to eat with them today. At least that might give Brody a break from his constant desire for her.
Dillon had called yesterday to check in on Mandy. He had no news to share with them about the investigation. For the first time Brody was starting to wonder how long this was going to take.
He was supposed to be the acting foreman for Cassie, and yet he hadn’t been on the ranch for the past couple of days. What happened if Dillon didn’t clear this up for weeks...for months?
He needed to get back to his own life and yet there was no way he wanted to leave Mandy alone until she was no longer at risk. He didn’t trust anyone else to have her back like he did.
She was his danger. Getting any closer to her was sheer madness. There was no way they had a future together. She had no idea who he was at his core...and his greatest fear was that his core was rotten.
By seven o’clock Mandy was up and busy in the kitchen. She had ordered Brody to the sofa and out of her way. The little Christmas tree was lit and carols played from the stereo.
“Once we eat whatever leftovers there are after this meal, we need to make a trip to the grocery store,” she said as she placed a ham in the oven.
“By the size of that ham we’ll be eating leftovers for the next month,” he replied.
She laughed. “Go big or go home, right?”
He couldn’t help but smile at her. “Are you always so happy?”
She gazed at him seriously. “I get sad and scared and disappointed like I imagine everyone does, but I have always believed you have a choice when you open your eyes in the morning. You can choose to be miserable, or you can choose to be happy. I try to choose happiness.” She smiled. “And now it’s time to get busy making my special sweet potato casserole.”
At noon the whole place smelled of baking ham and cinnamon and spices and more wonderful scents that had Brody’s stomach rumbling with hunger. Under Mandy’s watchful eye, he set the table for the meal, and soon after that Graham arrived.
The food was delicious and the conversation light and easy. Graham’s eye still sported a faint shadow of a bruise, but that was all the remaining evidence of the beating he’d taken. They didn’t talk about the attacks that had occurred or George’s murder.
When the meal was over they lingered at the table over coffee. Brody was quiet, simply enjoying the laughter and chatter of the siblings.
It was good that the two had been reunited. They still had another week of Graham being here before he flew home to get back to work and his fiancée. But they made plans to visit each other often, and Graham talked about Mandy being in his wedding party when he and his fiancée got married.
At least she’d have her brother when Brody walked away from her. And he would eventually walk away, because it was the best thing he could do for her.
Once their coffee cups were empty, Mandy insisted they move to the sofa for gift-giving. Brody sat next to Graham as Mandy danced across the room to the little tree.
“Before we start...” Graham stood and pulled a small gaily wrapped gift from his pocket. “This is for you.” He held it out to her.
Her eyes misted as she took it from him. “I bought you and Mom a gift every year,” she said. “I wrapped them and put them under my tree and then I’d donate them to charity a day or two before Christmas. I never forgot you, Graham. I missed you every day.”
Brody’s throat thickened with unexpected emotion as the two hugged. Jeez, all this holiday stuff was turning him into a sappy fool.
Graham had bought Mandy a pretty gold bracelet and she gave him a bottle of cologne. Then she brought Brody a folded piece of paper he hadn’t noticed was beneath the tree.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“With everything that has happened, I didn’t have a chance to buy you anything, so I hope you see this as a real gift.”
He opened it and read. It was a promissory note for one pecan pie made from Cass’s special recipe. “This is a terrific gift,” he exclaimed, surprised and touched that she’d remembered a toss-off comment he’d made. “My only question is, when can I turn this note in for an actual pie?”
She laughed, her eyes sparkling with happiness. “As soon as we make that trip to the grocery store. And now...who wants a piece of apple pie?”
“Wait...you missed a present,” Brody said.
She frowned and went back to the tree, where she found the slip of paper Brody had placed there earlier. She unfolded it and grinned at him. “This is the best present ever.”
“What is it?” Graham asked curiously.
“It’s good for five foot massages.” She leaped around the coffee table and into Brody’s lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you, Brody. It’s such a thoughtful, wonderful gift.”
She jumped back up before he could fully register the pleasure of having her so close to him. What he did experience was an intense desire to spend each and every Christmas with her. He wanted to bake cookies and watch sappy movies with her again and again. A hungry want shot through him...the want to belong with her.
The very last thing he’d intended to happen was to fall in love with Mandy, but he had. He loved her. He was madly, crazy in love with her. And yet the odds of them being together in the future were the same as him looking out the window and spying an elusive unicorn.
* * *
Once Graham left, Brody pitched in to help her clean the kitchen. They worked in companionable silence while the Christmas carols playing from the radio continued to fill the room.
When the kitchen was back in order and the dishwasher was running, they sat side by side on the sofa. “So, what’s your tradition for Christmas evening?” he asked.
“I don’t have one,” she replied. She could think of one she’d like to establish tonight—for them to make love again. But she knew mentioning that topic would make him mad and she didn’t want to ruin what had been a wonderful day.
“Tell me about the men you work with,” she said. “I can tell you what they order when they come into the café, but I don’t know that much about them.”
He settled back, looking comfortable and at ease. “Mac McBride often entertains us at night by playing his guitar and singing. He’s also recently taken over the training of the horses and he’s like a horse whisperer. And then there’s Clay Madison...”
“A big flirt,” Mandy said.
Brody laughed. “He is that, and then there’s Jerrod Steen. He spends a lot of spare time at the youth center. Sawyer is probably the nicest guy on
the face of the earth but he can’t hold his liquor worth a damn. The rest of the original twelve have married and some of them have moved off the property.”
“You all must have been really tight when you were growing up.”
“We were like brothers.” His eyes grew distant, as if he was remembering his past. “There were a lot of folks in Bitterroot who didn’t look too kindly on us. Most people treated us like we were trash and probably out to take advantage of Cass. And most everyone in town thought Cass was crazy to staff her ranch with a dozen runaway boys. There was definitely an us-against-the-world mentality among us when we were all younger.”
“It was good that you had each other. Once Graham ran away, I had nobody. It was hard for me to make friends in grade school because I had to hurry home from school each day to clean the house and make dinner and do the laundry.”
“I’m sorry for saying this, but your father should have been shot for heaping that kind of responsibility on your head, especially when you were so young,” Brody said darkly.
She shrugged. “I just thought that was what good daughters did. I guess neither one of us had a chance to have a real childhood.” She didn’t want to talk about her father anymore. “So, out of all the men on the ranch, who is your best buddy?”
He frowned. “To be honest, now that we’re all adults, I’m not overly close to any of them. I mean, I care about them all and we have a lot of history together, but I’m pretty much a solitary person.”
“Why is that?” She gazed at him curiously.
He cast a glance just over her shoulder, but his eyes filled with a shadowed darkness. “I just don’t like sharing too much of myself.”
Secrets. She didn’t want to pry, but she wished he felt close enough to her to share his secrets with her. She wanted all of him, the good and the bad. Although she couldn’t imagine that he had any bad inside him.
“I wish you could confide in me.” She spoke her thoughts aloud.
“Confide about what?” he asked. He leaned forward, as if looking to flee.
“About whatever puts the shadows in your eyes. About whatever secret it is you have in your soul.”
He laughed, although it sounded forced. “I think you’re being a little dramatic. I don’t have any big, dark secrets.”
“Then why are you so afraid to have a meaningful relationship in your life?” She studied his features intently. Whether he recognized it or not, he was not only amazingly handsome but also had an intelligence that challenged her and a kindness that touched her heart deeply. Why wouldn’t he want what most people did—a future filled with a real, true love?
“I like my life fine as it is,” he replied, and once again his gaze didn’t quite meet hers. “Marriage just isn’t for me.” His eyes locked with hers, and in his she saw the warning he intended.
Don’t expect anything from me. Just because I’m here now with you doesn’t mean I’ll be here tomorrow. I’m not looking for love or marriage. Those were the kinds of words his eyes spoke nonverbally.
A sharp stab of disappointment swept through her, but she shoved it away and raised her chin. “I can’t wait to be married. I’m ready to give my heart, my body and my soul to a commitment that will give me love and laughter and children.”
He leaned back once again. “How many children do you want?”
“At least two—a boy and a girl—and they will know every minute of every day how very much I love them. My daughter will have the fun and free childhood that I never had, and neither of them will ever know the bite of a belt or the pain of physical or mental abuse. I hope my son will grow up to be a man like you.”
He laughed again, the sound holding a touch of bitterness. “Don’t wish anything about me on any kid,” he replied.
“Why do you feel that way? You have some wonderful qualities,” she protested. When he didn’t reply, she continued, “Don’t let him win, Brody,” she said softly.
He frowned. “Don’t let who win?”
“Your father.” She scooted closer to him on the sofa. “From what you’ve told me he abused you until you finally escaped from his cruelty. Don’t let that abuse continue to haunt you to the point that you don’t reach out for happiness. Whatever loop might be playing in your head, you need to know it probably isn’t true.”
“Like the loop in your head that tells you you’re stupid,” he replied.
She nodded and then smiled. “And we both know I’m not stupid. I’m doing my best to quiet that nasty voice in my head, and you need to do the same thing.”
“So noted, but that’s not going to change the fact that I intend to live my life alone.”
Once again a bitter disappointment filled her. She should have never allowed herself to fall in love with him. She certainly hadn’t intended it. She wasn’t even sure when the desire for his friendship had become something so much more, but it had exploded into a wonderful, beautiful thing.
One thing was certain. She couldn’t talk him into loving her. She couldn’t persuade him to want a future with her. All she could do was hold tight to the minutes they shared together right now.
She raised a hand to her throat. The soreness of the bruises would eventually heal. She had a feeling it would take her heart much, much longer to heal when Brody walked out of her life for good.
Chapter 12
The next couple of days passed excruciatingly slowly for Brody. Although he did have his days on the ranch to try to diffuse some of the sexual tension that had become a constant, tormenting companion, it just wasn’t working.
Mandy certainly wasn’t helping things. He believed she was being deliberately provocative when they were together in her apartment. She licked her lips far too often when eating, constantly reminding him of the hot sweetness of her mouth.
She sauntered across the room with an extra wiggle to her hips. Or was it that he was just acutely aware of her every move since making love with her?
He now raised his face to the sun as he brought his horse to a halt at the stables. It was another frigid day but the sun was bright overhead and there was no wind, making it feel warmer than it really was.
He dismounted and led his horse inside, where several other men were unsaddling to prepare to go in for lunch. He was looking forward to the noon meal with the other cowboys. It was a reminder that this was where he really belonged. Minutes later he walked with Mac McBride, Sawyer and Flint McCay into the large dining area.
Cookie had big sloppy joes, seasoned fries and a bowl of cut-up fruit ready for them.
As always there was a lot of ribbing and laughter when they filled plates and moved to the picnic tables to eat. The topic of the ribbing today was once again Sawyer’s inability to hold his liquor.
“It was another stellar night at the Watering Hole,” Flint said. “Sawyer had three beers and slept like a baby in the corner of the booth.”
“Yeah, if we were teenagers we would have written all over his face with markers and put an alley cat on his head,” Clay added.
“And even a scratching, hissing alley cat wouldn’t have been able to pull him from his stupor,” Flint said.
Sawyer looked sheepish. “I can’t help it,” he said. “I don’t know why I just pass out after only a couple of beers.”
“Maybe you should stop drinking altogether,” Brody said.
Sawyer looked at him in horror. “But that’s what we do. We all go to the Watering Hole and have a few drinks. It’s been part of our tradition since all of us turned legal.”
“Besides, if he didn’t go to the Watering Hole he wouldn’t have a chance to see his secret love, Janis.” Clay grinned at his buddy.
“She’s not my secret love,” Sawyer replied.
“Ha! We’ve all noticed you looking like a love-struck teenager whenever she waits on us,” Flin
t said.
“I do not,” Sawyer protested, but his cheeks dusted with a telling color.
“Leave the poor guy alone,” Brody said.
“Okay, then let’s talk about you and Mandy.” Clay’s blue eyes sparked with a mischievous twinkle.
“Let’s not,” Brody replied.
“At least tell us if Dillon has any idea who’s attacking her and why,” Flint said.
“None that he’s sharing with us.” Brody’s stomach knotted. “Other than the café, Mandy isn’t going anywhere without me until Dillon gets somebody in jail.”
“Is her brother still in town?” Clay asked.
Brody nodded. “He’s got a couple more days here.”
“I met him the other night at the Watering Hole. He seems like a nice enough guy,” Clay said.
“Yeah, but I don’t fully trust anyone after Adam fooled us all so badly,” Brody replied.
The group fell silent for several long moments and Brody knew they were all thinking of the man they had grown up with, a man who had been one of their brothers and a man who was a serial killer.
Nobody had seen the malicious evil that dwelled beneath his pleasant facade. Brody had no idea who now might be hiding his rage toward Mandy beneath a pleasant face and a friendly smile.
“I still think this is Jimbo’s work,” Flint said. “I heard about George owing him money and this sounds like something he’d do to warn anyone else that he means business.”
“Sean and Donny fit the description of the attacker,” Brody said. “But so do most of the men in this town.”
“I just don’t get it,” Sawyer said with a frown. “I mean, I get why somebody would have a beef with George, but why Mandy and her brother?”
“We don’t get it, either.” Brody picked up his glass of iced tea. “And believe me, we’ve gone over everything that’s happened a hundred times.”
“I hope Dillon gets on top of it soon,” Mac added.
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