She watched him in stunned surprise as he went out the door. She remained inert for only a moment and then she ran after him. “Brody!” she yelled as she stumbled down the stairs.
The ground was covered with a dusting of snow that had fallen in the night and the temperature was freezing, but she had the heat of anger inside her.
“How can you turn your back on our love?” she said as she came face-to-face with him at his driver’s door. “We’d be so wonderful together.” The burn of tears mortified her, but she was no longer in control of her emotions. “How can you tell me you love me and then leave me?”
He reached out and dragged a finger across her trembling lower lip. “Find a real prince, Mandy.” He tossed his duffel bag into the back of the pickup.
“You’re a fool, Brody.” Tears began to trek down her cheeks and she angrily tried to brush them away. “Oh, wait, I must be the fool. I must be as stupid as my father always told me I was to fall in love with you.”
He held her gaze for a long, shattering moment and then turned and got into his truck. “You’re a jerk, Brody Booth,” she yelled.
Then he started the engine and drove away. She watched until she could no longer see the truck, and it was only then she realized how cold she was. It wasn’t from the outside temperature, but rather an icy fist that clutched her heart.
He was gone.
Even though he’d told her they had no future together, she hadn’t really believed him. She’d trusted in the love she’d felt each time he held her, when they laughed together and when they had made love.
Her tears came faster and faster as she hurried up the stairs and back inside. She threw herself across the bed as deep sobs choked her.
She’d thought Graham had devastated her heart when he’d betrayed her, but that pain had been nothing in comparison to the utter brokenness she felt at this moment. She knew Brody’s heart and his soul. She knew there wasn’t a monster inside him just waiting to be released. She’d seen his compassion and she knew his tenderness. He was a good man and deserved all the happiness he could get. She believed with all her heart that she was his happiness.
But she couldn’t make him reach out for her. Even though he’d told her he loved her, she couldn’t force him to stay with her.
It was over. It was done...the danger and the desire. She would never be the same again. Brody had taken with him a huge chunk of her heart, leaving her feeling more empty than she’d ever felt in her life.
Her tears finally stopped. She went into the bathroom to wash her face. Mascara slid down her cheeks and her lipstick was only a memory. The sight of herself made tears well up in her eyes once again.
Darn him for his stubborn belief. Darn him for the fear that had to reside inside him. And damn his father for everything he had been...everything Brody was not.
She sucked up the last of her tears. She’d told Brody that when she woke up each morning she always chose to be happy. Tomorrow it wasn’t going to be that easy.
* * *
“Do you have to step all over me to get to the food?” Brody said to Sawyer as they stood in line for lunch.
“You’ve really been a cranky bear since you came back to the ranch,” Sawyer replied. “Maybe you should just call her.”
“I’m not calling anyone,” he growled.
It had been four long days since he’d left Mandy’s apartment, and the entire town was still talking about the crimes that had taken place.
More important, it had been four days of agony and confusion for Brody. He’d never known the kind of loneliness that now had taken up permanent residence inside him.
He thought about Mandy every minute of the day and dreamed about her at night. He missed her laughter, the way a tiny wrinkle danced in the center of her forehead when she frowned. And her smile. How he missed her smile.
“Maybe I wouldn’t step all over you if you kept moving.” Sawyer’s voice snapped him out of his wistful thoughts.
“Sorry,” he mumbled darkly and quickly served himself a helping of Cookie’s seasoned fries. He moved on down the buffet line and added a big hamburger and a serving of baked beans to his plate, then found a place at the table next to Flint and Mac.
Sawyer and Clay sat across from him, and as the men began talking about ranch business, Brody’s thoughts filled once again with Mandy.
He should have never confessed that he loved her out loud. It would have made things so much easier on her if he hadn’t said those powerful words to her. And he definitely shouldn’t have given her that last kiss...a kiss that had revealed his heart to her.
But he had, and he’d never forget the sight of her tears. It broke his heart that those tears had been caused by him. The other thing that broke his heart was that she’d told him she must be as stupid as her father had told her she was to fall in love with him.
She’d spent so much of her life believing she was stupid and worthless, playing a role as the bad girl in town to ease the pain she’d lived with so long.
Worst of all, he wanted her to be happy yet couldn’t stand the idea of her being with another man. How selfish could he get?
The day unfolded like the three before. He tried to focus solely on his work, but his mind refused to cooperate and instead filled with visions of the woman he loved.
His head rang with the sound of her giggles as he’d chased her around the room with a finger full of frosting. He smelled her scent everywhere...in his lonely room at night and during his rides in the pasture. His body warmed when he thought of holding her close in his arms, stroking the length of her naked body and making love to her.
Dammit, why couldn’t he get her out of his head? His own thoughts were bad enough, but why did everyone who’d seen her over the past couple of days feel the need to tell him?
Sawyer had come back from lunch the day before and had told Brody she looked sad, but she had told Sawyer that the For Sale sign in her yard had been taken down and she was working in the big house in preparation for moving in there.
Mac had run into her on the street and came back to tell Brody she’d looked sad but had asked him if he’d be willing to play his guitar at a house party she intended to throw in the spring.
Would she invite Brody to the party? Doubtful. She hadn’t even tried to call him...and he’d waited for a call from her. He’d been perversely hoping for one of those before-bedtime calls that they’d shared before George’s murder.
“You’re nothing but a miserable bastard,” Clay told him at dinner that evening.
“Either call Mandy and make up or go see a psychiatrist,” Sawyer added with one of his usual easy grins.
“A psychiatrist would be easier for him,” Clay continued. “Brody isn’t afraid of a shrink, but one bubbly beautiful female has him quaking in his boots.”
“Knock it off. It isn’t funny,” Brody replied.
“I’ll tell you what is funny,” Sawyer said. “Rumor has it that Leroy Atkinson was stark naked and somehow locked himself out of his house yesterday.”
“Now that is funny,” Flint said.
Leroy Atkinson was an older widower who was best known for his belief that aliens visited his ranch on a regular basis. That same rumor had it that his living room was covered in aluminum foil to keep alien beams from reaching him. Leroy was like an eccentric uncle to most of the town, and especially close to Dillon.
“Wait...I’m not done yet,” Sawyer continued. “While he was standing on his front porch trying to figure out what to do, Sharon Watson drove up to deliver some groceries to him.”
The men all laughed. “Wait...I’m not done yet,” Sawyer said again. “According to the story, he grabbed up that fat old coon dog of his in an effort to hide his unmentionables. The dog barked and Leroy dropped him. Sharon set the grocery bags down and ran for her car.”<
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“So, how did he get inside the house?” Flint asked.
“Sharon called Dillon, who has a key to the house. He drove out and rescued poor Leroy,” Sawyer replied.
“So, all’s well that ends well,” Brody said and then realized he’d just echoed one of Mandy’s favorite sayings. For the rest of the meal Brady brooded about the woman who was no longer in his life.
An hour after dinner Brody sat in his truck in front of Ellie’s house. He’d had no appointment and his knocks on her door had gone unanswered. A glance in her garage showed her car was missing.
He couldn’t imagine that she’d be gone long and so he sat and waited. He wasn’t sure what he wanted from her. He just felt the need to talk to somebody.
He wanted to know when he would feel better. Although he knew she couldn’t tell him, he’d like to know how long it would take before he forgot that he’d ever loved Mandy.
Minutes ticked by. It was almost an hour later when Ellie’s car finally pulled into the driveway. Brody got out of his truck to greet her.
Her trunk popped open, displaying a handful of grocery bags. “Ah, just in time to help an old woman,” she said to him as she got out of the car.
“And I’m glad to do it,” Brody replied. He grabbed the bags and followed her to the door.
“Did we have an appointment?” she asked as she unlocked the front door and allowed him to go in before her.
“No, we didn’t. I was just hoping I could catch you for a short session.”
“We can do that. We can chat while I put my groceries away.” She first pointed to a chair at the kitchen table and then pulled out a box of ice cream Drumsticks and smiled at him. “An old woman’s indulgence.” She placed them in the freezer and then eyed him directly. “So, why are you here, Brody? Has something happened?”
Those simple questions unleashed him, and for the next fifteen minutes he told her everything that had transpired between him and Mandy.
When he was finished he felt naked and wrung out and more vulnerable than he could ever remember. “If I’m doing the right thing in walking away from Mandy, then why do I feel like everything is so wrong?”
“Your problem isn’t about loving Mandy. It’s about loving yourself, Brody. It’s about recognizing that you were a frightened little boy who desperately wanted your abusive father to love you.” Ellie leaned forward. “It’s about growing up and recognizing you deserve to love and be loved.”
She sat across from him at the table and shook her head. “Brody, you have shown enormous restraint under the worst of circumstances. That kind of restraint speaks to the truth of who you are at your very core.”
Something clicked inside him and a weight lifted from his soul. He had carried a burden of fear with him since the moment he’d left his father’s house. Even though Ellie had told him the same things for the past six months, at this moment her words finally unlocked his heart and opened his eyes to real possibilities...including the possibility of a future with Mandy.
“I’ve got to go,” he said and stood.
“Of course you do,” Ellie replied with another smile. “Believe in yourself, Brody, and go and claim your woman.”
With a nod, he raced for the door, suddenly...urgently needing to see Mandy. It wasn’t until he got into his truck that new doubts crept in.
It had been four days. Was it possible he’d waited too long? Left her too cruelly for her to ever forgive him? Was it possible that in the four days they had been apart, she’d decided she didn’t want him anymore? That he wasn’t her prince?
Tension tightened his chest and his breaths became painful. What if it was too late? Dammit, he did deserve to love and be loved. He was a good man and he’d be a better man with Mandy by his side.
Twilight shadows drifted down as he drove to her ranch. She had to want him still, because he couldn’t imagine his future without her. His heart banged against his ribs as he turned down the long drive.
The big house was dark and her car wasn’t there, nor was her car parked in front of the garage apartment. The café! He slammed his truck into Reverse and took off back to town.
He felt as if he might explode if he didn’t talk to her right now. His love for her was the only beast inside him and it begged to be set fully free.
He whirled into a parking space down the street from the café and got out of the truck. Doubts once again struck him, stopping him in his tracks.
Had he blown it forever with her? Would she find it in her heart to forgive him? He thought about what she’d told him—that each morning she always chose to be happy. For far too long he’d gotten up each morning and had chosen to be miserable.
Mandy had taught him a new way of thinking. She’d shown him what was possible. And it was with those possibilities filling his head that he settled his cowboy hat firmly on his head and then marched into the café with a determined stride.
If she would just give him another chance he would wake up each morning and choose love and happiness every day. He would do everything in his power to make sure that she had only happy days for the rest of her life.
He walked into the café and instantly saw her. She was waiting on a booth of people, and when she saw him her bright smile faltered. That scared him.
He sat at a table in her section, his heart once again beating so quickly he felt half-dizzy. She moved from one booth to the next and then finally approached his table.
“What can I get for you?” Her voice was cool and there was no smile for him.
“Mandy...we need to talk,” he said. He removed his hat and placed it on the chair next to him.
“I heard everything I needed to hear from you,” she replied. “So, what can I get you?”
Her eyes didn’t quite meet his. He reached out for her hand, but she stepped back from him. His heart cracked. “Please, Mandy...just hear me out.”
“Not now.” She finally looked at him but her eyes were as cold as the wind outside. Too late. The words whispered through his mind. She released a small sigh. “I get off in two hours. I can give you a minute or two after that.” She didn’t wait for his reply but turned on her heel and stalked away.
Chapter 16
Mandy escaped into the kitchen, her heart quivering like a captured bird. She hadn’t expected to see him here. She hadn’t been prepared to see his handsome face tonight. She had hoped he’d have the decency not to come into the café during the hours she worked for at least longer than a mere four days.
Four days had certainly not given her time to heal from his rejection of her and her love for him. Heck, she was still crying over him when she was in bed at night.
New Year’s Eve had come and gone and she’d spent the night watching happy people celebrate on television while she was eating chocolate cupcakes and crying.
It wasn’t like she didn’t think she could survive without him. She was stronger than that and she would survive just fine. But oh, she’d wanted him so badly.
Still, just because he’d shown up here and wanted to talk to her didn’t mean anything had changed between them. She’d bared her heart to him once and he’d trampled on it as he hurried out of the door.
She’d been completely open and vulnerable and she wasn’t likely to be that way with him again anytime soon.
“Should I kick him out?” Daisy asked when the two women met in the kitchen. “He’s taking up table space and hasn’t ordered a thing.”
Mandy knew Daisy didn’t give a darn about whether Brody ordered something or not. She was just letting Mandy know she had her back if Mandy needed it.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll serve him a piece of pie and a cup of coffee and demand a fifty-percent tip.” Mandy attempted a teasing smile, but it fell flat. “He wants to talk to me. I told him we could talk after I got off work.”
“What do you think he wants to talk to you about?” Daisy asked.
“I have no idea.” Mandy couldn’t help the small flicker of hope that lit up inside her.
“Don’t let foolish pride screw you up,” Daisy replied. “I made that mistake with my second husband.” She frowned. “Or maybe it was my third. Anyway, pride rarely does anyone any good when it comes to matters of the heart. Now, get out of here and tend to the last of your customers.”
Mandy’s shoulders stiffened with tension as she grabbed a piece of apple pie and a cup of coffee and approached Brody once again. “Here you go,” she said as she served him.
“Do I get service with one of your smiles?” he asked softly.
She forced a tight smile to her lips. “There, that’s as good as they get these days.” Once again she escaped his table as quickly as possible.
If he really needed to talk to her, why not the afternoon after he’d left her? Why not the day after? Why had he waited four agonizing days?
Why was he here? He’d already told her he loved her and had still left her. What more could there be to say between them? The questions and his presence had her on edge while she tended to her customers and her shift drew to an end.
She finished up and went into the break room to take off her apron and retrieve her coat. Her heart thundered wildly as she left the room to see Brody on his feet and standing by the front door.
“Bye, Daisy. See you tomorrow,” she said.
“Good night, hon,” Daisy replied.
“We can talk in my truck,” Brody said as they stepped out into the cold night air. Not a star or the moon was visible overhead.
“We can talk right here,” she countered. She didn’t want to sit in the truck that smelled of him, a fragrance that would only break her heart all over again.
It was better they talk here, where the only scents in the air were delicious aromas from the café and the faint smell of impending snow.
“So, what do you want to discuss?” She stared at his face in the light that came out of the café windows.
Sheltered by the Cowboy Page 19