by Peak, Renna
He started to shake his head. He didn’t say a word, only swung his head from side to side.
My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it thrashing in my ears. I had to keep myself from bolting out of the place. “I’ll just be going now.”
He said nothing—just stood there with his mouth hanging open.
I pulled my hands out of my pockets and began to back away toward the door and nearly jumped out of my skin when I bumped into a woman standing in front of a rack of sweatshirts. I turned and made my way to the door, swinging it open and almost running around the side of the building, getting back into my car before I was completely aware of what had just happened.
He had recognized me.
I didn’t know how it was even possible, but I knew that look. It wasn’t like I was famous or anything. It wasn’t like there should have been a reason for him to know who I was—not unless he had been warned about me.
I started the car and gripped the steering wheel so tightly I could feel my fingernails digging into it. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. The people here were supposed to talk about this girl—they were supposed to tell me what I needed to know. I was supposed to find her and get her to come back with me. Hell, if someone would tell me where she lived, I’d throw her over my shoulder and take her with me, whether she came willingly or not. There would be time for explanations later. No one was supposed to know who I was. No one was supposed to recognize me. What the hell did that mean, anyway? That people were trying to protect her? From me? It didn’t make any sense.
Whatever it meant, it didn’t matter. My entire body tensed when I saw the flash of red hair walk past my car. I watched her—them—as they walked toward the back of the building, back to a small outbuilding that looked like it had served as a gardener’s quarters at one time, back when this place had seen better days.
And she was holding his hand—the hand of the blond, muscular man who had also walked right in front of my rental car. She was holding his hand. I watched as she turned, shaking her head at him and felt my stomach drop out of my body. I could see her blue eyes all the way from my car. I could see her face—her body. The way she moved. I had never been so sure of anything in my entire life.
I had found her. I had found Jen.
3
I didn’t even stop to think about what I was doing—it was like something inside of me took over.
It was almost like I was watching them through a tunnel, but I sat there in my car. Watching. My fists clenched into balls as I watched him walk her to her door. My lips curled into a sneer as I watched her shaking her head at him, smiling. My muscles tightened involuntarily when I saw him put his hand on the door frame and lean in to kiss her.
I finally let out a long breath when I saw her duck away and swing the door closed.
She hadn’t kissed him. Whatever it was that was going on between them—it didn’t involve kissing. He had wanted it—I could tell. I knew it in the way he looked at her, in his body language. But she had refused him, and that had to mean something.
I sat there, watching, for what seemed like an eternity. The only sound I could hear was my heartbeat thudding in my ears. I just sat in my car, watching. Waiting. My fingernails digging into my palms, my fists were clenched so tightly. And when he finally walked past, I was out of the car before I even knew what I was doing.
I grabbed him by the throat, pressing his body into the brick wall on the side of the gift shop. I felt my hand squeezing his throat and felt his hands grabbing at my arm, almost clawing at my hand.
I could only stare at him, my eyes almost bulging from my head. I wanted to kill him for even touching her—for trying to kiss her. For trying to take what was mine. For trying to steal what I had been searching for so long. In that moment, I truly believed he deserved to die for it.
And as quickly as I had lost my sense of reason, it returned, just as I felt him beginning to go limp in my hand. I released the grip I had on his windpipe and watched as the color finally returned to his face.
I kept him there—pressed against that wall until his breath came back. His eyes widened when he thought he realized what was happening and he released the weak grasp he had on my forearm to reach into his pocket.
He pulled out his wallet, tossing it to the ground near my foot. His eyes were wild, searching mine. “I don’t have much. But you can have it. Take it.” He glanced down at the wallet he had dropped before meeting my gaze again. “There’s only about twenty dollars in it, but it’s yours.”
I glared at him, grinding my teeth together. “Who is she?”
His eyes were blank, and I could feel him gulp under my hand. “Who?”
I motioned with my head toward the door where he had been with her only a moment before. “Her. The girl you were with.”
“Becky? She’s no one. Just a girl.”
I tipped my head toward him, narrowing the distance between us. I spoke through my tightened jaw. “Are you sleeping with her?”
His lips began to quiver, like I had taken away his favorite toy. I felt my hand begin to tighten around his throat again. “No. I didn’t. I lied. This is about the bet, isn’t it? I didn’t think…”
I narrowed my gaze, glaring into his eyes. “What bet?”
His voice was quivering, just like his chin. “The bet. The bet. I didn’t think they’d send someone. I’ll pay it back. Every cent.”
I pulled him forward and shoved him back against the wall. “What bet? What bet, you dumb little fuck?”
“I bet them that I could get her into bed. The guys at the tavern. Pete and Stan. I lied … I said I did. She wouldn’t even have dinner with me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry… I’ll give it back. As soon as I get my next check … I’ll pay them both back…”
I shoved him again before releasing the grip I had on him. His knees went weak and he slid down the wall until he was almost squatting. His voice was still shaking. “I swear to God, I’ll pay them back.”
“Good.” I nodded, kicking his wallet back over to him, a sense of relief washing over me. He hadn’t slept with her, and that was really all I cared about. “Put your wallet back in your pocket.”
He snatched the wallet and stood up, backing away from me toward the street. “I’ll pay them back.”
I nodded again, reaching for my own wallet. I pulled out a bill and walked over to him, shoving the money into the chest pocket of his t-shirt. “Buy yourself a drink on me.”
His voice was still quivering as he took another couple backward steps toward the street. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah. And you’ll stay the hell away from Becky, too. If I so much as hear you’ve breathed the same air…”
“I won’t. I swear.” He took another step back.
“Good. Then you and I won’t have a problem. And just so we’re clear, if I hear you’ve been anywhere near her, you won’t live to see another girl in your bed. Understand?” I smiled at him.
He nodded before he turned and started to run down the street toward the center of the small town.
I didn’t necessarily enjoy strong-arming people. That kid was barely more than a boy—probably not even as old as Jen. But I could see it in his eyes—the lust he had for her, at least until I had almost squeezed the life out of him. He would probably go to the tavern now—go there and tell everyone in town that some asshole was trying to get him to pay off some bet he had made about sleeping with her. Some asshole from out of town had threatened his life.
I dropped my head into my hands for a moment, scraping my fingers through my hair. It had been almost nine months since I had seen her. She probably thought I had given up on her—that we would never see each other again. I could forgive her for moving on, especially if she had some notion that I was dead. I wouldn’t do what Daniel had done to her. Her asshole ex-fiancé had terrorized her for moving on after he made her believe that he had taken his own life, and I knew I could never do what he had done. I knew I wasn’t that kind of man.
I would forgive her if she had been with someone else, but I also knew that what we shared was strong enough to win her back. Daniel had never been that lucky. I knew he and Jen had never shared what she and I had. I knew that he had never loved her the way I did. I knew she had never loved him the way she had loved me.
I took a deep breath and leaned against the cool brick of the back of the gift shop, watching her door. My gut was rolling—almost making me nauseous. I sat there staring, almost willing her to come out on her own—to look out her window and see me standing there. If she saw me on her own terms, it wouldn’t be as shocking for her. It wouldn’t scare her—make her want to run from me. Because I didn’t know what I would do if she wasn’t happy to see me. I didn’t want to think about what would happen if our reunion wasn’t a happy one. I had spent all these months searching for her, and all I had wished for was a happy ending. I just wanted her to come back to me. Willingly. I didn’t want to have to take her against her will. I didn’t want to have to force her to do anything—I wanted her to want me as much as I wanted her.
And I was terrified that she wouldn’t.
* * *
I hadn’t even had the chance to make myself lunch when I heard another soft rapping on my door. Tommy was nothing if not persistent. I walked over to the door, the knot in my stomach warning me about the thought of kissing him. I knew I couldn’t do it—I couldn’t let myself feel anything like that ever again. It was fine if the townspeople here thought I was weird. Or cold. Or just plain frigid. I didn’t care what they thought—I just wasn’t ready to move on. Not yet. Besides, it wasn’t as though Brandon was dead. There was still hope. It was small—tiny, even. But I had to hope that, someday, things might work out. We might get a second chance.
I forced a smile to my face before reaching for the door knob. I knew he would be able to hear me—the door was made of wood too thin to be soundproof—cheap, just like the rest of the motel grounds. “You know, Tommy, just because you waited five minutes between asking, that this does not make this request number fifty…” I swung the door open to find a man on my doorstep. But not the man I had been expecting. My jaw dropped and I could barely get out the final word of the sentence—my breath had caught in my chest and I was only barely able to whisper the word. “…one.”
He smiled. It wasn’t one of the friendly smiles I saw every day from the people living in this town. This was different. This was Brandon. And the electrical jolt that shot through my body when his eyes met mine told me everything I needed to know and made me remember everything I had wanted to forget. I loved this man. I missed him and I loved him, and there was nothing on earth that was ever going to be able to change that.
My heart almost felt like it might fly out of my chest, it fluttered so quickly and so hard. I couldn’t find any words—the only thing I was capable of doing in that moment was staring into his blue eyes. It was still there—that connection we had always had. Just the way he was looking at me told me he could feel it, too. He had found me, just like they had warned me he would. But I had been so careful … so sure that I hadn’t done anything…
He looked exactly the same—the same thick, black, almost curly hair that made me want to run my fingers through it. The white dress shirt he wore hugged his sculpted chest the way it always had—making me want to run my fingers over his defined muscles. And the way his eyes blazed lit a fire inside me that I hadn’t felt in months.
An eternity passed before he finally spoke, motioning toward the doorway. “Can I come in?”
I couldn’t find any words. I couldn’t even find my breath—I was pretty sure I hadn’t breathed at all since the door had opened. Since I had looked in his eyes for the first time in almost nine long months. Since I had last seen him in Montana.
I finally found enough of my senses to step aside and let him through the entry. I swung the door closed and pressed my back to it as the excitement and lust I had felt upon seeing him began to give way to the other feelings I knew were just below the surface.
He had gone over to look at the painting I had so carelessly tossed aside only a few minutes before he had arrived. “You learned to paint. This is beautiful. It’s Montana, isn’t it?”
I drew in a sharp breath. “You can’t be here.”
He turned back to me, grinning. “Would you like me to pinch you, Jen? Because I would be more than happy…”
I shook my head, my heart still racing. I pressed my palms against the door, almost trying to back away from him, even though he was on the other side of the small room and there was nowhere else for me to go.
“No, I don’t mean I don’t believe you’re here. I mean, you can’t be here. This is a worst case scenario … this … this…” My mind went blank, trying to decide what to tell him. I didn’t know how much he knew, or how he had found me. For all I knew, he was here officially. It was certainly possible that things had changed. I wasn’t easily reached these days—it wasn’t like I had a cell phone permanently attached to my hand like I had in my old life. It wasn’t like they would just phone me and tell me it was okay to see him now.
His smile fell a little and I saw his eyes narrow. I couldn’t be sure if he was being playful or if there was something more sinister in his gaze. “You know, I wasn’t prepared for this. I thought I was—I mean, I’ve been searching for you for so long. I’ve imagined this day for so long.”
“Me, too.” Even though I knew what the consequences could be, I couldn’t deny that I had imagined this moment. Imagined what it would be like for him to find me here, to claim me. But there was no way he could take me back to that life. There was no way he was going to take me anywhere. The very fact that he had found me meant something had gone terribly wrong. Or that nothing had gone wrong and that there was no reason for me to hide any longer. I had a call I needed to make. I just needed to make sure he wasn’t in danger.
“I don’t think that boy will be bothering you again.” He put his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor. “I have to say, I’m a little disappointed that you’re dating a boy.”
“I’m not dating him.” I crossed my arms in front of me, taking a step away from the door. “Brandon, how did you find me?”
He looked up from the floor, meeting my gaze again. His eyes blazed like blue flames.
“I thought I would be elated. Finally finding you. And don’t get me wrong, Jen, I am.” His eyes narrowed again. “But you don’t seem surprised to find out that I’m alive. Which means you knew I was alive, right?”
I nodded. He didn’t know. Just by his demeanor—just by the way he was acting, I could tell. He didn’t know what had happened. Not that I knew everything, but I knew enough. I knew we were both safer if he didn’t know where I was. I knew there was a much greater likelihood that he would die if he and I were together.
“All it would have taken was a call. One call to tell me you didn’t want to see me again, and I would have backed off.”
I interrupted. “You wouldn’t have backed off. We both know that.” Calling Tommy persistent was almost a joke compared to Brandon. He was the definition of the word. I knew that he would never give up on me—he would never stop looking for me. No matter what happened, I knew he wouldn’t give up. This place was just supposed to be so fool-proof.
“So you moved to Shit-hole, Maine, to hide from me? And you thought … what? What did you think, Jen? That I wouldn’t find you here? That I wouldn’t come here looking for you?”
He was angry with me. I should have expected this—I should have known that if he did ever find me, that this would be the response. I’d had so many fantasies about him coming to my door—almost exactly as he had done. About him sweeping me off my feet and making love to me in my bed. About him carrying me off to wherever it was that he wanted to go this time.
He couldn’t have known that, though. All he knew was what it looked like to him—that I was hiding. From him. Which wasn’t a complete falsehood—I was hiding from him. It was more
complicated than that, but if we had to boil it down to the bare bones, that was the truth. I was hiding from him. And he was clearly pissed about it.
“You left because you thought it was happening again, right? You thought you needed to go back to that loony bin—that freak show your mother made you go to—”
I finally interrupted his ranting. “First of all, Waterville is not a shit hole, Brandon. The people here have been very kind to me. Show a little respect.”
“Fuck respect. They have phones here … all it would have taken—”
I raised my voice a little. “Second, I think the term you are looking for is ‘private residential mental health facility.’ And I haven’t been back to Shady Shores since I first attempted suicide. Which I haven’t even contemplated since I’ve been here.” I glared over at him. “Just so you know.”
He let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, just so you know, I’ve been searching for you for the past eight months. I’ve looked for you all over the world, Jen. I went to fucking Bangkok looking for you.” He made a waving motion with his arms. “And you’ve been here. Here. In Maine. This whole fucking time, within spitting distance of your mother’s family’s compound. Are you fucking kidding me with this?”
My shoulders curled over my chest. It hadn’t been my intention to hurt him—I had only wanted to protect him. And because of how he was—his over-protectiveness of me—I knew that he couldn’t know where I was. He would have blown everything trying to keep me safe. I didn’t know how to make him understand that this time … this time, I had been the one trying to keep him safe.
My voice cracked when I spoke. “You were supposed to believe I was dead.”
“Right. Those fake pictures. You think I couldn’t tell those were faked? Did you think even if I didn’t think they were fake, I wouldn’t have kept looking? Fuck, Jen, there were just too many damned sightings of you. People saw you everywhere.”