by Peak, Renna
“I don’t need to sit down.” The memory was still too fresh in my mind. The massive amount of blood, like every bit of the fluid had been somehow drained from her body to pool around her. And I still wasn’t sure if it was my imagination that had seen how all that blood had come to be on the ground in the first place. I was sure I had seen her head almost severed from her body, but it had all happened so fast there was no way I could trust my memory. I knew I had blacked out and it wasn’t more than a few seconds later that I had been taken to the other side of the Hennessey compound to be protected in the safest room in the place. The only room that didn’t have floor level windows or a door to the outside.
He took another step toward me, a look of growing concern in his eyes. “Jen—“
“I saw.” I looked up to meet his gaze again. “I saw her—there was no way that was a suicide. I don’t believe it. And that’s why you’re still holding me here, isn’t it?”
He nodded slowly, his shoulders curling slightly over his chest. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why? She hated both of us. And you have nothing to be sorry for.” My stomach hardened and the beating of my heart quickened. “Do you?”
“Jen, can we sit? Please?” He motioned at one of the leather sofas in the middle of the room. “Let’s sit.”
“Did they find Cade?” My voice hitched in my throat. “You don’t think he—“
He crossed the rest of the room in what seemed like a single stride. He seemed to sense that I was about to lose it again before I did. It wasn’t that I was prone to fainting spells, but the combination of witnessing the aftermath of what had happened to my mother and the growing realization that there was even more to this than I had ever realized was making my brain mushier than usual.
He slid his arms around my waist, his gaze boring into mine. “Sit. Please.”
It was too much. The electrical pulses that still flooded my body at his touch combined with the swirling thoughts and fear were making me feel like I was losing touch with reality. I didn’t want to sit—I just wanted this to end. I still loved him—I knew there was no doubt about that. I just couldn’t see a way through this with him. I knew there had to be a way out of this latest mess, I just didn’t see any way my future could include Brandon. Not now—not after everything that had happened.
He guided me to the couch, sitting down next to me.
We sat in silence for a long moment while I tried to sort my thoughts. I couldn’t even remember what I had been meaning to tell him. The thought that Marian had done that to herself sent another shudder down my spine. It hadn’t been that long ago that I had felt at my own breaking point—where I felt like I couldn’t go on living. Marian had been the one who had not just tipped me over the edge, hell, she had practically shoved me. But I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the possibility that she had been in that same situation herself. That something in her life could have been so painful that she thought that killing herself would be the only thing to bring her solace.
“It’s okay to be sad about this. About her.” I saw him rub at the stubble on his jawline from the corner of my eye. “Whatever you’re thinking about it is okay. Sad. Angry. Conflicted. It’s all okay, Jen.”
I knew he was trying to be helpful. It just didn’t seem like there was really anything that could help at this point.
We sat in silence for a few more minutes before I finally found my ability to speak. “She didn’t kill herself, Brandon. There’s no way—“
“I know that, Jen.”
“But you said the medical examiner—“
He interrupted. “Ruled it a suicide.” He let out a long sigh. “Because I paid them to.”
3
Nothing about that statement should have shocked me. It would have been more shocking to find out that Brandon or my father had nothing to do with Marian’s death than to find out they had. But even though it shouldn’t have been a surprise, the blow I felt in my chest still sucked every bit of air from my lungs. My jaw dropped to the floor and I lost my ability to speak again, my thoughts swirling around in my head like a tornado.
“Jen, I can explain.” He reached out to pull my hand into his.
I snatched it away, trying to move my body as far away from his as possible. I was already against the arm of the sofa, so there was really nowhere to go. The thought of screaming flitted through my mind briefly, but the odds were pretty good that the guards—Secret Service, or whoever they were—were in on whatever the hell this was. There was no one to save me. No one who was going to rescue me—not this time. Not that there had really ever been anyone who could. I knew I needed to learn how to save myself. I needed to get out of this life once and for all. And I had proven to myself that I could—that I didn’t need a trust fund to live off of. That I could make it on my own without any of the people who seemed to want to control every bit of my life.
That was my only thought at that moment—to get away. To get as far away as I possibly could.
“It’s all going to be okay, Jen.” I could hear the agony in his voice, even though I knew he was trying to be comforting. The pain. I knew it hadn’t been him—that there was no way he could have slit Marian’s throat.
I could only shake my head, unable to look over at him. I still couldn’t find enough air to breathe, let alone speak.
“I didn’t do it, Jen. I know that’s what you’re thinking. I know that under the circumstances—“
I interrupted with the turn of my head to meet his gaze. I could see the truth in his eyes. I could see that he wasn’t lying. I could tell that this was as painful for him as it was for me.
“I know how it looks. I know that after everything you told me the night before she died—“
“I wouldn’t believe you if you told me you did it.” Tears stung at my eyes again. “Even if you said you did, I wouldn’t believe you were capable of something like that. I don’t know anyone capable of something like that.”
His mouth twisted and he tore his gaze from mine. I could see he knew something, I just didn’t know what.
“You know who did.” I shook my head. “It wasn’t Cade, Brandon. He isn’t capable of something like that, either. Someone needs to find him, though. He’s probably—“
He stood, interrupting me. He let out a long breath. “That wasn’t his style. That—“He brought his hands to his throat. “Not his style. Or mine.”
I could only nod, even though I knew he couldn’t see me. Not his style. The words rang in my ears. I hated even having the thought of wondering what his “style” would have been. It wasn’t as though I didn’t remember Amanda’s death like it was yesterday. Faking suicides seemed to be the running theme with the guys who worked for my father.
Something about the thought was almost sobering. It wasn’t as though I didn’t still fear for my own life—I had crossed my father, and I knew I would end up paying for it at some point. But there was something about the way he was talking to me that told me he was hurting, too. That he wasn’t a fully willing party in this. That there was more to this story than I knew, not that I knew much.
He shoved his hands in his pockets, unable to face me. He stood there in silence for a long moment.
I was finally able to find my voice. “Why? Why pay off the medical examiner? Why are you even here, Brandon?”
He turned to me slowly, finally looking me in the eyes. “The answer to the second part is easy. I love you. It’s the only reason I’m doing any of this.”
I could see the tears behind his eyes—tears I knew he was struggling to hide. I stood, taking his hands into mine. “You don’t need this. This isn’t your story, Brandon. You don’t have to stay for me.” The weight from my chest lifted at the words—the words I had wanted to tell him for months. He didn’t deserve to be in the middle of this. He didn’t need to be an accomplice in my father’s crimes to somehow win his approval for us to be together. We both knew that no matter what we did, my father would never give his consent fo
r us to be together. And in a different world, it wouldn’t have mattered. If there was somewhere we could have run, we wouldn’t have needed his approval.
“You don’t understand, Jen. This is my story. It is now. I’m too invested for it not to be.”
I shook my head. “I left that cabin. I left willingly after Cade and Krystal told me what Marian wanted.” I forced a smile. “I deserve the consequences. You don’t.”
“You don’t even know what you’re saying, Jen. And none of it matters now, anyway. You’re here. I’m here.” He pulled a hand away, motioning at the door. “I’m supposed to take you back to Virginia. For the funeral.”
I shook my head again, the forced smile still in place. “I’m not going, Brandon. No one knows I’m alive. No one cares. You can be free of me and we can go our separate ways. You don’t need to play his games anymore. You don’t have to work for him—you don’t have to try to win me.” I let out a long breath. “We failed. Both of us. All of us. He won. He proved it when he had Marian killed. It’s over, Brandon. All of it—it’s all over. We just need to concede.”
He pulled his other hand from mine, rubbing at his forehead as though he had a terrible headache. “They do know you’re alive, Jen. It’s all over the papers. It’s why we cut the cable TV and wouldn’t let you have a newspaper. They know. Everyone knows.”
“How…?” I sank back down onto the couch, my knees almost buckling under me. Everything was fine if no one knew I was alive. I could slip into a new life somewhere if no one was paying attention. I had proven that to myself over the past several months. I could take care of myself now. I didn’t need any of this life—I didn’t want it anymore. Little snippets of my past began flashing before my eyes—the nasty stories about my love life. The hurtful articles that had been written about every facet of my life. The constant spotlight, even though I had never looked for it and had learned to ignore that it was always there. The past nine months had been almost like a rebirth—almost like I was a new person, unfazed by the spectacle of the Davis family.
It had been so nice while it lasted.
Brandon let out another sigh, turning to me. “The kid from Waterville. The one who had his tongue down your throat when I found you.”
“That’s ridiculous, Brandon. He didn’t know.” I narrowed my gaze. “And he did not have his tongue down my throat.”
“He wanted to.” His fists and jaw clenched. “He definitely wanted to.”
I suppressed the impulse to roll my eyes at him. The jealous act was … sweet in a way. It was also obnoxious and unnecessary. “Are we really back to that?”
“No.” His eyes softened a bit. “I guess I’m not over the fact that you were able to get over me. But we don’t need to talk about it now. We have the rest of our lives to talk. Right now, I’m supposed to get you back to Virginia.” He let out a flustered breath. “And Jen, after that, we’re getting out of here. Right after the funeral—we’re leaving. And I’m not asking you. I’m telling you.”
“I think I just told you that you didn’t need to do this, Brandon. I think you should leave. I think I should leave. I just don’t think we’re supposed to do it together.”
“Bullshit.” He shook his head. “I told you, I’m too invested.”
“Brandon…” I let out a sigh. “I’m telling you that it’s over. You can’t say ‘no’ to that. You can’t—“
“No.” His eyes crinkled with his smile. “I just did it.” He shrugged. “You’re not getting rid of me that easy, Jen. Not happening.”
“Everything is different, though. Everything has changed.” I didn’t know how to get it across to him—our feelings didn’t matter. All that mattered now was not ending up with our throats slit from ear to ear. I didn’t think I could live with myself if anything like that happened to him. I couldn’t let him die for me. Or for my father. Getting out now was the best chance either of us had to stay alive.
He swung his head slowly from side to side, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them to meet my gaze. “Nothing is different.” He stepped in front of my, pulling me up to stand in front of him. He slid his arms around my waist again. “Nothing has changed.”
My voice dropped to almost a whisper, my heart hammering in my chest. “You’re wrong.”
“I’m not wrong. Not about this. Not about us.” He dipped his head, pressing his lips against mine before pulling away to look into my eyes. “I’m not wrong.”
I dropped my gaze as he leaned forward again, pressing his forehead against mine.
His voice dropped to match the whisper in mine. “Nothing about us has changed, Jen. Not a damned thing.” He kissed my cheek softly, almost like a feather against my skin, before his lips found the spot on my neck that made me melt. My legs went weak and I felt his hold around my waist tighten as he kissed at that spot harder, my neck bowing despite my futile attempts to not let him—this—affect me.
He pulled away for a moment. “Anything about that changed?”
My head barely shook in response. I knew if I let myself answer out loud, my clothes would be off in a split second and I’d be on my back, begging him for more.
“I didn’t think so.” His lips returned to that spot on my neck for only a moment before he trailed kisses along my collarbone. He lifted his head to meet my gaze for a second before dipping his head to the other side of my neck, repeating the exact laving kiss on the opposite side.
I felt my legs begin to wobble, and his arms tightened around my middle again until he was almost holding my entire body weight. “Brandon…” Part of me knew this was a terrible idea, but another part of me—a much stronger part of me—wanted to beg him to take me on the couch right then, guards outside or anyone else be damned.
“Tell me that’s changed, Jen. Tell me that you don’t feel exactly the same thing you’ve felt since the first night I made love to you and I’ll leave. Tell me.”
I somehow made another barely perceptible shake of my head. Words didn’t seem possible. I couldn’t think of any words other than his name at that moment.
He pulled away, letting out a long breath. He set me down on my feet—I hadn’t realized he actually had been holding me up. His brow lifted for a moment. “That’s what I thought.”
I didn’t know how to respond. It would have been stupid to deny that I still loved him—that every part of me still ached for him.
“You aren’t trying to get me to leave for my benefit. I’m not sure whose benefit you think you are trying to get me to agree to that for, but it isn’t for mine.”
“Maybe for mine.” I hadn’t really thought of it that way, but he wasn’t completely wrong. There was a part of me that thought it was in his best interest to forget I had ever even existed in his life, but there was another part that just didn’t want to be hurt. Some part of me that knew that if we rekindled whatever it was we’d had in the past, I was the one who was going to be left wounded.
“We’ll have to explore that masochistic streak another time, Jen.” A wry grin flashed on his face before falling away again, his expression growing serious. “I’m not leaving you. Not now and not ever. We see this through to the end, no matter what happens.”
Tears stung at my eyes again. He loved me. I had known it all along, but it was the first time in so long that I had felt it in every bone in my body. He wasn’t going to leave me—and he wasn’t going to let me leave him again. But I knew he couldn’t protect me from everything. I looked up at him, trying to let him see the fear that was eating at me. I loved him, but I knew it wasn’t enough. Love wasn’t going to protect us from the other forces that were set on destroying everything in my life. The forces that were determined to get my father whatever he wanted at any price.
I let out a long breath, fighting to keep the waterworks from flowing. “Even if we end up like Marian?”
He nodded. “Especially if we end up like Marian.”
4
If I had felt like a prisoner while I was being �
��protected” in the library at the Hennessey compound, it was nothing compared to how I felt once I returned to my family’s home in Virginia. I wasn’t sure what I had expected, but it wasn’t this. Nothing about what was going on could have been considered normal, even in the screwed up world I had thought of as mine before all of this began.
There was security. A lot of security. Not that there usually wasn’t some sort of bodyguard around—Cade had been around for a long time, after all—but this was something different. It was almost as though they were expecting me to run or to do something that was going to endanger my father, not that I really knew who they were. I had always assumed it was the Secret Service, but this wasn’t like it had been before. I knew it had to be because of Brandon’s payoff to the medical examiner’s office. Even if the official cause of Marian’s death had been ruled a suicide, it was only the press and the public who would have believed it. Anyone who had seen that scene knew that no one could inflict those kinds of injuries on themselves.
I guess I didn’t really want to believe it—that there was a killer on the loose. It wasn’t like I was going to try to entangle myself in that particular mess. I just wanted to stay alive. I wanted to find my way to the other side of the rabbit hole I found myself in and find something closer to normal than this. And if I could find normal, I knew this would all be worth it in the end.
The door swung open before Brandon and I were even at the top of the steps. I only heard her voice; I couldn’t see any part of her body from behind the door. “Did anyone see her?”
My head was covered in something that could only be described as a black shroud. It wasn’t attractive, but I knew what it was for—to keep anyone from photographing me.
I heard Brandon make a noise that sounded something like a low growl as he ushered me through the door. “No. Who could see through that?” He pushed the door closed with his foot and pulled the scarf-like thing from my head. “We didn’t even see any press until we got here.”