by Ariel Bonin
_____
Andrew had been avoiding Lindsey's room all day. He wasn't sure why, but something about her unsettled him. He did trust her—within reason—so it wasn't anything like that. He may have been physically avoiding her, but she entered his thoughts at every opportune moment. He'd been working on the crops, but only saw her heart-shaped face, long golden hair, and alluring brown eyes.
When he'd come inside to have dinner, Caren had asked him to check on the woman and see if she needed anything. She'd mentioned that Lindsey was probably bored stiff, so Andrew stopped by his own room for the Clive Cussler book he'd read many a times. Upon arriving at her room, he saw that she was sleeping, and found himself observing her where she lay. Okay, he'd admit it: she was pretty. He had to laugh a little though when she roused from her deep slumber and wiped away the moisture on her cheek. He thought about dropping off the book and leaving her be, but that option felt selfish. She was recovering and probably wanted someone to talk to. The wedding band on her finger told him that she'd had someone close to her, but the absence of a spouse made him feel a connection with her on some kind of deeper level.
His foot scuffed the dirty floor as he shifted his feet. Startled, Lindsey directed her dark gaze to him, and he watched her face turn red.
"How long have you been standing there?" she asked, running a hand through her rumpled mane.
He cleared his throat and pressed his lips together. "Long enough," he said as he tried to subdue a smile.
Lindsey smiled though and dropped her eyes to her lap. Clearly, she was embarrassed.
"How're you feeling?" he asked, changing the subject.
She didn't fully look at him as she said, "Better. I haven't gotten this much rest in a long time. It definitely helps."
"I'm sure it does. Well, you look good…" He cursed the words as they escaped his mouth. He was referring to her leg and overall health, but it sounded like he was complimenting her appearance. Now they were both blushing.
Lindsey made him feel a little better when she said, "Nadie helped me wash up and shampoo my hair. I was getting pretty ripe. I'm sorry you were subjected to that."
"Honestly, I didn't even notice. Hell, I'm probably used to it by now… I'm not sure if that's a good thing, though," he said, chuckling.
Lindsey cracked a grin and it instantly brightened her face, erasing any sign of sadness she'd experienced in the past year or so. His stomach flipped at the sight and his eyes stayed glued to her face. She wasn't just "pretty" to him anymore. She was goddamn beautiful. While alarm bells went off in his head, alerting him as to why it was all a bad idea, he told himself he wouldn't act upon it. No matter how strong his urges got or how many smiles she threw his way, nothing would happen between them. He wasn't ready for anything like that, and probably never would be.
While pushing down and burying his attraction to the lovely stranger, Andrew lifted the book in his hand and showed it to her.
"Brought this for you... I've read it more times than I can count."
Lindsey accepted the book and hissed out a breath as she eased back against the lumpy pillow behind her. "Thank you. I've never read this author." She twitched, almost like she'd just remembered something, and moved to pick up a paperback from her bag. "Here," she said, offering him the book. "Trade?"
Andrew took it and gave her an easy smile. "Thanks. I haven't read this one either."
She smiled again. "Good."
They landed in an awkward silence, both holding their "new" books. Andrew tapped his against his palm and said on a sigh, "Well, glad to see that you're doing well. I'll stop by tomorrow, then?"
Lindsey's eyes softened, the color reminiscent of warm honey. "I'd like that."
With one last friendly nod, Andrew walked back to his room.
Chapter 3
A few days later, the agonizing bed rest continued, but Andrew's visits at the end of each long day gave her something to look forward to. Caren stopped in one morning, after much of the group had gone outside to work, and showed Lindsey a set of crutches.
"Want to get some air?"
"I don't think I'm supposed to move from this spot…" Lindsey said, though she longed to leave the stale classroom.
Caren shook her head. "Nonsense. Consider this part of your recovery efforts—doctor's orders."
Lindsey shrugged. "I won't argue with that. Give me those things."
Caren smiled and walked across the room as Lindsey eased her feet onto the floor. The younger woman assisted her with her boots and then helped her up. Her injured thigh ached but that was her only complaint. Slowly, they made their way outside and Lindsey paused to enjoy the hot sun on her face. She tilted her head back as goosebumps of delight broke out across her arms.
"Do you want to sit over there?" Caren asked, pointing to a bench situated by a tipped over bicycle rack.
"I'd prefer not to spend this time on my ass, if that's okay."
"Girl, you can do whatever you want," she said with a smirk.
Lindsey used the crutches to move to an area that overlooked the surrounding neighborhood. The nineteenth-century private school was a fortress with its high fences and tall vantage points. She hadn't understood the sheer size of it from the confines that were her room. It was absolutely perfect—far safer than anyplace she'd been since the beginning.
"It's something, isn't it?" Caren said as they both took in the comforting sight.
"It sure is. How did you find this place? I never would have thought to come here, but it makes so much sense."
"Andrew and Charlie found it. There weren't very many of us at the time, but Andrew believed that we could take it and make it our own." Caren's expression radiated pride in what they had accomplished, but something darker lingered beneath it.
"Did you lose people?"
Caren met her gaze with sad eyes. "Nothing's foolproof."
Lindsey swallowed hard and glanced at the ground. "Did…Andrew's wife die here?"
"No, we were on the road when that happened…looking for a place like this, actually. She had the baby and everything seemed fine, but then she started bleeding and we couldn't stop it. Andrew couldn't watch her die, so he just walked out…left his daughter, Zoey, to hold her hand in her last moments."
Lindsey understood the pain of losing someone close and the inexplicable things we do when it happens. Her heart went out to Andrew and the girl. "That's terrible… Truly, I'm sorry."
They both were quiet and Lindsey began to think about her own spouse—something she didn't allow herself to do often. She stared across the overgrown landscape and chewed on the inside of her lip as she grasped the chain-link fence with her left hand.
"I've seen that look before," Caren said, wrenching Lindsey from her thoughts. "Andrew has the same one."
"We all have our own stories."
"That we do," Caren said, and glanced at Lindsey's wedding ring.
The blonde saw what she was looking at and dropped her hand.
"It's not always easy being the survivor."
I'm not ready to talk about that.
Instead of voicing this, she simply said, "I think I'm ready to go back inside. I'd like to lie down."
_____
Another week passed by and Caren had gotten Lindsey outside a few more times, but hadn't pressured her to talk about the past. She was grateful for that. On one particular morning, Lindsey was feeling especially good, so she decided to venture to the cafeteria for breakfast. She only needed one crutch, which gave her a free hand to carry her food—powdered eggs and venison—the latter courtesy of Andrew and Charlie's latest hunting excursion. She found an empty seat in the semi-crowded room and started to pick at her food. The situation was similar to the first day at a new school, and the first person to sit with her would become an immediate ally. That person wound up being a woman with chin-length black hair, an athletic physique, and the most amazing skin Lindsey had ever seen. She also knew her to be Nadie's younger sister.
"
Ana," she said, leisurely extending her hand over the table for a brief handshake.
"Lindsey. It's nice to meet you."
Ana began to eat her own food without any reservations, and Lindsey felt herself settle in a little more. She, too, dug into the protein-rich meal and enjoyed the companionable silence between her and the other woman. A shadow crossed over their table and she looked up to meet Andrew's stunning blue eyes. Her breath caught, and she forced down the food she'd been chewing with a loud gulp.
"I'm glad to see you up and about," he said, smiling, while simultaneously making her heart melt. "I hope everyone's treating you well."
She glanced at Ana and nodded. "Everyone's been great. Robert and Caren, especially—they're amazing. This whole place is amazing."
Andrew's smile widened. His hand fidgeted with his gun belt as he continued to lock eyes with Lindsey. Ana looked between them and then went back to eating her food, her perceiving gaze unseen by the other two. Finally, Andrew ran his opposite hand over his hair and scratched the back of his neck. Lindsey's shining eyes returned to her plate and she fought off a heat wave that threatened to consume her cheeks.
"I guess, uh, I'll see you later," Andrew said, his lips pulling up at the corner for an instant.
Lindsey nodded, probably with too much enthusiasm. "Sure! Uh…have a good day!" 'Have a good day?' Seriously?
"You, too," he said, and then seemed to remember that Ana was there. "Both of you."
Ana gave him a little wave and Lindsey exhaled an unsteady breath as he walked away. She flicked her gaze to the dark-haired woman, who gave her a crooked grin.
"Smooth."
Lindsey rolled her eyes and squeezed them shut on a grimace.
_____
About a week later, Andrew saw Lindsey walk across the roof and approach the bell tower, a slight limp in her step. He was sitting on the rough ledge with his back against one of the arched brick openings. He watched her until she was out of view and took a sip from his half-empty water bottle. Today had been another scorcher. The liquid was warm and did little to quench his thirst. He could hear her soft footsteps ascending the short staircase. She poked her head through the opening and gave him a fleeting look.
"Hey, I brought you a little something. You mind?" She gestured to a pair of energy bars in her hand and pointed at the empty space next to him.
"Not at all. I was getting a little lonely anyway," he murmured as she passed him one of the bars and sat down in the archway. He wasn't sure why he was being so open with her—he barely knew her—but as time passed, Lindsey made him feel at ease, like he didn't have to put up the same strong front as he did around everyone else.
"Lonely, huh? That's the understatement of the year, don't you think?" She smiled sadly at him. He watched as she tore open the package to her energy bar, and decided he should do the same instead of staring at her. Lindsey took a small bite and let out a groan of disappointment. "What I would give for a bowl of Cheerios with whole milk and fresh banana slices…"
Andrew chuckled and took a bite of his own. "Not a cheeseburger?"
She shook her head and continued to chew. "I've seen enough raw meat to last me ten lifetimes, if you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, I would choose the rewards of your hunting over a can of beans any day, but I loved cereal with fresh fruit. Jared and I used to go through two gallons of milk a week, just for cereal."
Lindsey laughed softly, but Andrew could see her expression fall. He knew what was going through her head. It was the same thing that went through his head every damn day: happy memories of times long gone.
Andrew cleared his throat and picked a small piece of dead grass off his pants. "Jared…was he your husband?" He dared a glance in her direction.
Lindsey was staring at the ground, her energy bar forgotten. She looked up at him, her eyes shimmering with tears. Quickly, she turned her head away from him and wiped at her eyes with her shirt sleeve.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…" Andrew began.
"No. No, it's okay. It's my fault. I brought him up," Lindsey interrupted, her voice a little raspier than before. She cleared her throat and blinked away the mist in her gaze. "Yes, he was my husband. How did you guess that I was married?"
Andrew pointed at her hand. "I saw your ring."
Lindsey nodded. "Ah, yes. I saw that you are wearing one as well. Don't worry, you don't need to say anything. I got curious about Jacob and Caren told me what happened. I'm so sorry, Andrew," she whispered.
He was grateful he didn't have to say anything about Kelly. It bothered him though that he didn't know anything about Lindsey and what she had been through. He didn't want to push her into talking about something that would make her upset, but the curiosity was egging him on.
"I feel like you know so much about me, but I know nothing about you."
He waited for her response, watching her become restless as she scratched her ear and avoided his eyes. Just when he was going to give it up and change the subject, she asked in a quiet voice, "Do you want the long or the short version?"
"We don't have anywhere we need to be right now." Andrew gestured at their surroundings, the world in general.
Lindsey sighed and pulled her knees closer to her chest. He could tell it was a coping mechanism to help her get through what she was about to tell him. "Well, I guess I'll start with the beginning of this mess. Jared and I had gone to St. Louis for our anniversary. We lived in Warrensburg, but thought it would be good to get out and see a baseball game in the big city."
Lindsey threw Andrew a knowing look. He had scavenged in the city after the outbreak and it was a nightmare. He couldn't imagine being there during the outbreak.
"Things went south pretty fast. We were downstairs having breakfast in our hotel when the news started to break. We packed up and headed out of the city. The media was telling everyone to stay and hunker down at the FEMA stations, but we knew better. Apparently, a lot of other people felt the same way and we got stuck in a massive traffic jam. We met a couple from Joplin while we waited. At that point, everyone was getting out of their cars to see what was going on." Lindsey paused. "Suddenly, everyone was running and screaming. I saw Jared standing on the other side of the car and then in a second…"
Andrew watched as Lindsey started to shake, her tears rising up again. Some strange part of him wanted to wipe the first drop of moisture off her cheek, but he restrained himself. "You don't have to tell me this, Lindsey…"
"No, I have to! If I don't get this out, it's going to keep eating me alive." She paused, swallowing hard. "That's exactly what happened to my husband. A man ripped right into him. There was nothing I could do. Everyone was pushing me away from him. The couple we met, they grabbed me and pulled me out of there. They saved my life, but it was too late for my husband... That was the last time I saw him," she whispered.
Andrew was stunned. He couldn't believe she had just poured herself out to him. The grief on her face was agonizing, and his heart went out to her. He had lost Kelly, but was spared watching her get torn apart by turners, like many of his friends. It didn't make her death any easier though, especially since he'd left Zoey to be with her in those precious last moments. Guilty was too small of a word to cover how he felt about his cowardly decision.
With a sigh, he scooted closer to Lindsey and put his arm around her shoulders, hugging her close to his chest. Wearily, she rested her head on his shoulder and let the tears fall silently onto his shirt.
A couple of minutes later, she sat up, wiping the remaining tears from her face. She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and smoothed back the rest. Andrew watched her closely, trying to gauge her emotions. Her brown eyes met his and softened slightly as she gave him a weak smile.
"I'm sorry. He always told me that I say too much when I'm upset. You're a good man, Andrew. Most guys would have run for the hills when they heard the first sniffle."
Andrew gave her a playful smirk. "I was married once, remember? We get use
d to the crying."
Lindsey laughed softly and shook her head. Andrew felt relieved he could put a smile back on her face.
After a moment of silence, she spoke again. "So, basically, after that I stayed with a small group of people. We started with three. The most we had at one time was nine. Some people would break off from the group once they got close to their hometown or final destination. I wasn't traveling anywhere specific…just surviving."
"What about your family? Did you try to get back to them?"
"Both of my parents died before, thank God. No siblings. My uncle lives in Washington state, and my aunt lives in Vermont. There's no way I could make it that far. I haven't seen them in years anyway."
Andrew nodded. At that moment, Zoey and Charlie came into view in the front schoolyard. It looked like they were walking the fence to check for breaks. Charlie held a hand up to wave and Andrew returned it.
"I don't know how you do it, Andrew. I can't imagine having a child to care for, let alone two," Lindsey stated, watching Zoey follow Charlie.
"It's not easy, that's for sure. Zoey means well, but she's made some questionable choices lately. As we all have." Andrew glanced at her and blurted out the words before he could stop himself. "So you didn't have any children?"
Lindsey continued to watch Zoey as she spoke. "Almost. I miscarried five months before our trip to St. Louis."
Andrew closed his eyes and immediately hated himself for asking her that question.
"I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Our anniversary trip had actually coincided with the original due date, so if things had gone as planned, myself, my husband, and our newborn baby would all be dead right now." She exhaled an unsteady breath. "I don't know. Deep down I almost feel like that would have been better. At least we would all be together."
Grimacing, Andrew opened his eyes and studied the side of her face; he could see she was deep in thought. All of a sudden, footsteps from behind made them both jump. Ana and Darius—the woman's six-foot-three, African-American boyfriend—were there to take over Andrew's watch and he didn't even hear them coming up the stairs. Showed how well he was doing at it.