Jan nodded in acknowledgment. At least Swoosie the female attractant wasn’t with her. She just wanted to get out of here.
The woman stopped in front of her and told the big red dog to sit. “Who are you?”
“My name is Jan.”
“I’m Joan. Did you walk Swoosie?”
“Yes.” Who was this person? Were women stalking the house now? “I guess you know Michael?”
“Yes. How do you know him?”
“He’s...he’s my step-brother. I’m visiting for a family get together.”
Joan put her hand on her hip. “You don’t look related to him.”
“We’re not. He’s my step-brother.” Did nobody ever listen to that part? “His father married my mother.”
“Oh, I get it,” Joan said, snapping her gum. “Are you staying here? Because if I don’t have to walk Swoosie, it would be nice if someone told me, you know? He’s supposed to call me if Swoosie doesn’t need a walk, so I don’t come all the way over here for nothing.”
“You’re the dog walker?”
Joan looked irritated and pointed at the golden. “Yeah. Duh. Who did you think I was?”
“I don’t know.” Jan looked down the street in the direction of the motel. “Anyway, please do walk Swoosie. I’m just leaving. She could use more exercise.”
“All right. Whatever. I’m here, anyway.” She pulled the panting golden toward the door, “Come on, George. We gotta go get your girlfriend now.”
Jan readjusted her bag on her shoulder and scurried down the sidewalk away from the house. How embarrassing. It was time to get out of here.
After checking into the motel, Jan went for a long walk on the beach and stopped for dinner at a restaurant that faced the water. The ocean view was beautiful, but once she got the food, she realized she wasn’t particularly hungry. She picked at the meal and gazed out at the surf, wishing she didn’t feel the way she did. Missing Michael made her feel almost physically ill. Even worse was that she was going to have to see him tomorrow at her mother’s party.
After dinner, she walked along the beach back to the motel feeling sorry for herself, wishing things were different. All the walking and mental gymnastics had been exhausting, so it was a relief to get back to her generic little beachfront motel room, curl up with a book, and fall asleep.
A pounding noise startled Jan awake and she sat bolt upright in bed. She looked at the clock. It was 2:33 a.m. She pulled the covers up to her neck and waited. Maybe the people next door were having a good time. That would figure, since she was definitely not having that kind of fun all by herself here in her sad, lonely little room. The pounding repeated more loudly. The noise was actually coming from the door to her room. Was there a fire? She jumped up out of bed and peered out the peephole. Michael was standing outside with his fists clenched.
She hurriedly unhooked the security chain and opened the door. “What are you doing here?” she whispered.
“Can I come in?”
Jan opened the door wider and he stalked into the room. She closed the door and leaned back against it. “Why are you here? Do you know what time it is?”
“Yes. My dog-walker told me when I woke her up after I got home from work.”
“What? Why are you calling your...”
He dragged her to him and enveloped her in a hug. “I thought something had happened to you. You weren’t there.”
Jan pushed him away. “I know I wasn’t there. I was here. And I’m fine.”
“Why did you leave?”
“I told you. I can’t do this...whatever we’re doing...anymore. I shouldn’t have stayed with you last night. That was my mistake. And then you disappeared this morning. I assume you were at work, but I don’t know where that is. I don’t even know the name of the company. You never told me. And then it seemed like you actually forgot about me.” She raised her hand. “Wait a minute. How did your dog-walker know I was here?”
“She didn’t. But she said she saw you and that you said you were leaving. This is the closest motel. I bribed the guy at the front desk to tell me your room number. He was kind of drunk and I made up a story about how we were newlyweds and you were a runaway bride on our honeymoon. He bought it.”
Jan crossed her arms. “That was quite enterprising and creative of you. So why did you want to find me so badly in the first place? In the middle of the night.”
Michael shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said in a low voice. “Work was really bad today. I think the company is actually going to completely implode. Or my boss may go to jail. Or both. Anyway, I went in early and was there until one this morning dealing with it all. Then I got home, expecting to see you. When you weren’t there, I guess I kind of lost it.”
“I don’t see why. You obviously didn’t care that I was there this morning. I don’t understand you at all. How could you just leave me without saying anything?”
Michael took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. “I didn’t forget. But I couldn’t sleep last night and I didn’t want to wake you. I thought I could get some work in early, then come back home and see you. But I got wrapped up at work and I couldn’t get out of there.”
“You could have called. You do know your own phone number, don’t you?”
“I know.” He shook his head slowly. “I got dragged into meetings. Then calls with clients in Russia. I kept thinking it would be just one more call, and then before I knew it, it was one o’clock.”
“So you decided to come to my motel like some kind of stalker? This is kind of creepy, you know. Everything is creepy in the middle of the night. You couldn’t wait until morning?”
Leaning forward, he put his elbows on his knees and stared at the floor. “I haven’t told you about when mom died, have I?” He turned and glanced at her face. “Okay, I know I haven’t. I never talk to anybody about it.”
Jan sat down on the bed next to him. “What are you talking about?”
“It was the middle of the night. She had cancer. My dad wasn’t there. She...died. I was holding her hand. Have you ever actually watched someone you love die? And then I had to call the funeral home. And they took her away. Sometimes I still dream about it.”
“I’m sorry about that. But what does it have to do with me?”
He looked into her eyes. “It was the middle of the night and I thought you were gone. It’s not the same. I know that. But I wasn’t really thinking straight.”
Jan wanted more than anything to reach out and hug him again. But it was not going to happen. No. She stood up and stepped back, away from him. “I think I understand what happened tonight, and I am sorry. But I had a lot of time to think today after you left. I don’t think I should see you. We don’t want the same things. It’s not good for me and you seem to have some stuff you need to deal with at work. And it seems like you should talk to your father, as well. You should probably go home and get some rest, since we have to go to that party tomorrow. If we don’t show up, both of our parents will not be pleased.”
He looked up at her. “Are you sure?”
Jan waved toward the door and made an effort to adopt her business-like librarian tone. “Very. I’d appreciate it if you could pick me up and drive me to the party. I don’t have a car and I’d rather not pay for a cab all the way up to your dad’s place. This trip is already costing me a fortune.”
Michael stood up and walked toward the door slowly. He turned and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
The door closed behind him and Jan took two steps toward the bed and flopped down on it, pressing her face into the pillow. As a tear slid down her cheek, she tried to will herself not to cry. Not anymore. Crying about this whole thing was senseless. Why did she have to fall in love with him? They’d never had a real relationship anyway. What was wrong with her? She should just get over it. Only one more day and then she’d never have to see Michael again.
Chapter 12
Rainbows
Jan spent most of the morning mopi
ng around her motel room, missing and thinking about Michael way too much. Frustrated with her roiling emotions, she went for another long beach walk to try to tire herself out. Michael was supposed to pick her up at five, so she stopped by the restaurant for lunch again.
After the walk, she had resolved again that she would stop seeing him for good. It was the only logical choice. Everything always seemed so tragic at two thirty in the morning. Her habit of running away from drama like her mother’s wedding had never been an issue before. How was she supposed to know it would trigger some horrible memory about Michael’s mother’s death? And yet it was still awful to see him so distraught.
Today in the bright light of day, returning to Alpine Grove and going back to her simple, peaceful life didn’t seem quite as depressing. All she had to do was get through the party. Then she was getting on a plane and leaving for good. She was sitting on a bench outside the motel lobby clutching her purse when Michael’s car drove up. She opened the passenger door and got inside.
Michael smiled at her and she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He looked terrible again. Had he gotten any sleep at all? Putting the car into gear, he turned and said, “Are you ready to deal with our parents?”
“Yes. I guess so. My mother wasn’t terribly clear what all this was about. Just that we have to be there. She does like any excuse for a party.”
They drove up the freeway in silence. Michael seemed to be lost in thought. Jan looked out the window at the many condominiums that lined the hills like little armies of pink houses staging attacks along the canyons.
As the car pulled up to Bruce’s house, Jan flashed back to the sand-infused green carpet sitting on the front lawn. The great cleaning adventure seemed like a long time ago.
They walked up to the front door and stood on the doorstep. She smiled at Michael, “This could be interesting.”
He took her hand in his. “I have no doubt about that.”
The door opened and Jan’s mother Angie opened her arms wide to welcome them into the house. She was wearing a rainbow-colored diaphanous caftan with huge sleeves that swirled around her. “Come in, come in!” She whirled back into the room and then stopped and appraised Michael’s appearance. “Your aura seems cloudy and congested. Something is wrong.” She turned to Jan. “Is this related to what we discussed? Is there a problem? I have some crystals that might help, you know.”
Jan’s eyes widened. “No, Mom. No! Michael has just been working a lot.”
“I’m fine,” Michael said. “Just tired, that’s all.”
Angie looked unconvinced and put her arm around Jan’s shoulder. “I have to go do some things in the kitchen. Have a lovely time, dear. I’ll talk to you later.”
Michael bent down and whispered to Jan, “Your mom is dressing like Stevie Nicks.”
Jan tried to ignore the shiver of excitement that ran through her as his warm breath hit her ear. “My mother went through a big Fleetwood Mac phase. Maybe she found that outfit again when she moved.”
They walked into the room, which was strewn with crystals and shimmering rainbow ribbon everywhere. Many people were milling around. Once again, Jan knew hardly anyone; it was like the wedding all over again. Except with fewer flowers and more of a floaty, colorful motif.
Michael looked around. “Wow, this is different. The floors look really good. Somebody waxed them or something. I think your mom must have convinced my dad to get rid of some of the most disgusting furniture, too. I’m going to miss that ugly orange couch. So will Swoosie.”
“Your dog is a sofa connoisseur. Speaking of which, I had a nice walk with her the other day. She was really good and so sweet with a little girl we met who wanted to pet her.”
“I told you little girls love her. She isn’t always a bad dog, you know. Do you want something to drink?”
“That might help. And you’re driving. How about something with a lot of vodka, if they have it. Mom tends to embrace the idea of an open bar.”
“Okay. I’ll investigate.” He put his hand on her arm and looked into her eyes. “I’ll be right back.”
She watched him stride toward the bar, his long legs covering the distance quickly. Staying away from him tonight was going to be challenging. One more evening. That’s it. Retain common sense. Stay the course. She needed to rein in her hormones for a change, so she could get out of here with her heart still (mostly) intact.
Angie stood up on a dining room table chair and tapped a spoon on her glass. “May I have your attention, everyone?”
A server put his tray down on the table next to Jan and stood back against the wall, so he could attend to a wayward contact lens. The poor guy probably got sand in his eye. The tray was covered with colorful shot glasses. Surveying the rainbow-hued beverages, Jan took a pink one and peered down into it. Jell-O shots? Really? She slurped it down in one big gulp. Yum.
The chatter in the room settled down a little and Jan noticed Michael was standing near the kitchen at the other side of the living room, holding two large hurricane glasses full of fuchsia-colored liquid. He put them down on the sideboard and looked up at Angie.
“Thank you all for coming to our celebration.” She pointed at Bruce, who was standing near a window looking like he might want to jump out of it. “Many of you were at our wedding, so I wanted you to be here to celebrate a new phase of our relationship. After exploring our friendship and love for each other, we have found that Bruce has been holding back in an important area of his life because of fear. It is important to face our fear and free ourselves from the chains that bind us. So we want to celebrate turning over a new leaf.” She waved toward Bruce. “Come here, darling.”
Bruce walked over to the chair and held Angie’s hand. He cleared his throat. “Okay, well, here’s the thing. I’ve been avoiding something and Angie here has helped me see that it’s time to be honest. With myself and all of you. We’re going to get a divorce.”
Several people in the room gasped and urgent, hushed whispers flitted around in the space like butterflies. Jan looked over again at Michael, who was standing with his hands clasped behind him, almost in a military stand-at-ease posture, watching his father.
Bruce waved at the crowd. “It’s not because I don’t love Angie. Because I do. She’s a wonderful lady. But I need to be true to myself. I’m, well, here’s the thing. I’m gay. And I’ll probably be spending more time with Dave.” He pointed at his friend, who raised his hand and waved slightly from his position in the corner of the room.
Michael smiled at Jan and their gazes locked. He silently mouthed the words, “Told you so.”
Jan looked away quickly, embarrassed that she’d been staring at him, instead of paying attention to the announcement. She grabbed another shot glass from the tray and cradled it in her hands.
Bruce looked uncomfortable for a second and then Angie spoke again. “Thank you all again for being here and helping Bruce release some of the past pain he has been dealing with for many years. Please don’t worry. We have discussed the importance of safe sex and HIV testing. This is not the stigma it once was. It is love and we all must embrace love in all its forms.”
Jan glanced quickly at Michael. An extremely well-endowed server with large curls of auburn hair was whispering something in his ear. Jan looked down and shook the chartreuse contents in her glass. No lime in nature was truly that color. She tipped the glass back and sucked it down. Tasty. After replacing the glass on the tray, she focused again on Angie, who had raised her glass for a toast. Oops. Now, she needed another glass. The server was moving to pick up the tray. Maybe a red one this time.
“I hope you all consider what you want from life and rid yourself of negative energy as Bruce has. Be true to yourselves. We love you all.” Angie stepped down from the chair and the room erupted in conversation. Many people went up to the couple to talk to them. Jan slurped her cherry Jell-O thoughtfully, then put the glass aside.
Michael maneuvered his way through the crowd toward Jan
with the drinks. She took the frothy-looking fruity beverage from him. “I hope this has a lot of vodka in it.”
“I had a feeling this was coming, so I asked the bartender to pour it a little heavy.”
Jan took a long drink, “Whoa. I hope you gave him a big tip.” She looked up into Michael’s dark brown eyes. “I know you told me about your dad, so this whole announcement thing is not completely unexpected, but it’s still a little weird for me. Are you okay with all this?”
“It’s great. I just want my dad to be happy. I mean, look at him. He looks like a giant weight has been lifted from his shoulders. And he’s hanging out with Dave without having to pretend to do guy things like play poker. I’ve known Dave was gay for years.”
Jan gulped her drink. “That guy from the Olympics just came out, too. Maybe it’s the thing to do. I can’t imagine keeping a secret like that for so many years. I guess I can’t blame my mom for this divorce, anyway. And it sounds like she was helpful, for a change. Some of the past breakups have been pretty bad. But this was actually...nice. Really nice.”
She clutched her drink in both hands and poured some more fruity beverage down her throat. Looking into Michael’s eyes, she said, “It was all so sweet. The part about love in all its forms. And being true to yourself. That was really extraordinary. Particularly for my mom. I mean, if you knew her years ago, you’d be surprised. Or maybe not. I don’t know.” Jan held the empty glass up in front of her face and tipped it back, trying to extract the last drops from the bottom. “That was really good.”
Michael sat in the chair next to her and leaned toward her, taking the glass and putting it on the side table. “You drank that pretty quickly.”
“It was kind of like a Slurpee, ‘cept at the end. That part tasted like vodka. Does vodka sink? I haven’t had a Slurpee in a long time. There aren’t any 7-11s in Alpine Grove.”
Fuzzy Logic Page 20