“I think it does. Sometimes when you get really lucky, you capture a moment perfectly. Photography has been a hobby of mine for a long time. I just don’t do it anymore much because of work. When I started in advertising I did a lot of the photo and graphic-design work because we didn’t have many people. Then I moved up into creative direction and account management, so I stopped doing the hands-on stuff. Now so much of it is done on the computer, it’s totally different. So I hung up my X-acto knife and Rubylith.”
“Do you have other photographs that you’ve taken?”
“Sure. You’ve seen them.” He waved his hand toward the room. “They’re hanging up all over the place.”
Jan sat up straighter on the couch. “Those are yours? I had no idea. I thought you’d bought them at galleries.”
Michael grinned. “I have my own little art show right here. There are more photographs in the bedroom, you know.”
Jan rolled her eyes. “If you ask me if I want to see your etchings, I may really throw up this time.”
He gathered her in his arms and kissed her. “You can’t fool me. I know you’re feeling better now. You’re using multi-syllabic words again.”
Chapter 13
Home Again
The drive back to Alpine Grove was far more enjoyable than the drive down to San Diego had been. No more serious conversations, picking fights, or even thinking about the future if she could help it. Whatever was going to happen would happen without her analysis. There would be plenty of time to cry later. And she was going to cry a lot. Because she certainly wasn’t falling less in love with Michael. After her unfortunate drunken adventure and subsequent hangover hell, he’d been so kind to her, it was hard not to feel anything but affection for him.
They pulled up in front of Jan’s house and again, she was relieved to be back in her own space. She opened the door and Swoosie ran into the house, rushing around the small space doing her spaz dog routine.
A wave of contentment flowed through Jan as she put down her bag and walked around her home environment again. “It’s so good to be home!”
Michael flopped down on the sofa. “It’s good to be out of the car.” Swoosie leaped up next to him, and settled in, apparently equally happy to be out of the back seat.
“We have to go pick up Rosa, though. I told Kat we’d come by as soon as we got here.”
Michael stretched out on the sofa, pushing Swoosie out of the way. He yawned and Swoosie readjusted her position so she could take a nap alongside him.
Jan gazed at his relaxed form draped all over her sofa. “You drove all the way up here. Maybe I should go get Rosa myself.”
Michael smiled. “Remember how I didn’t get any sleep because of work? Well, I didn’t get any sleep last night, either. But that was your fault. And since you slept approximately 16 hours previously, I’d say you’re well-rested.”
Blushing slightly at the memory, Jan said, “True. I didn’t really think about that. I’ll stop by the library and tell Jill that I’m really here. She’s probably dreading that I’m going to call her and tell her I’m not coming in again.”
Michael closed his eyes. “Uh-huh.”
Jan left Michael and Swoosie to their napping and headed off down the road. She enjoying the familiar trees and fall colors as she wound her way back to Kat’s place deep in the forest.
She drove up to the house and found Kat and Joel outside with many dogs gathered around them. Slowing the car to a crawl, she parked under a tree. Kat walked over, trailed by the gigantic brown dog, the black-and-white dog, and Rosa.
Jan jumped out of the car and crouched down to say hello to Rosa, “Oh, how’s my girl? Look at you, being part of the pack!” She stood up and turned to Kat. “Hi again. I apologize again that I didn’t get here earlier.”
“I’m glad you seem to be feeling better,” Kat said.
“How was your flight?” Joel asked.
“I didn’t fly back after all. Michael drove me.”
“So he’s visiting again?” Kat said. “He seemed really nice. Oh, and you need to tell him that what he said to me about thinking about what clients want really helped. I actually wrote something on the business plan.”
“It’s a miracle,” Joel said with a smile.
Kat turned to him. “Hey, who met her article deadline? And has a check in the mail? Oh yes, that would be me.”
Joel grinned and said to Jan. “Writing is a mercurial thing. When it’s good, it’s very good. And when it’s bad, I leave the room.”
“Sometimes I read a novel and I’m in awe that someone actually sat down and wrote it,” Jan said. “My mind doesn’t work that way. I remember facts and history. It’s hard to imagine being able to just write something out of thin air.”
“Is Michael going to be around for a while?” Kat asked.
Jan looked up at the trees. “I’m, ah, not sure. He’s off from work at the moment.”
“Cool.” Kat clasped her hands in front of her. “I know he’s supposed to be on vacation, but maybe if he has a little extra time, he could give me some more marketing advice. Could you ask him if he’d be willing to help me come up with a name for the kennel? I’d pay for his help. Or you can board Rosa for free. Or his dog, too. You have no idea how bad Joel and I are at brainstorming. I think we’re too analytical.”
Joel shook his head sadly. “We tend to get bogged down in details. It’s not good.”
Jan nodded. “Okay, I’ll tell him. From what he has said, I think he loves doing that kind of thing.”
“Fantastic!” Kat said. “If he could help me figure that out, it would be a huge load off of my mind. Let me go get Rosa’s stuff for you.”
Jan leashed up Rosa and loaded her into the car and thought about what Kat had said. When she got back home, she told Michael about the conversation. “It seems like you’re good at your job, even when you’re not at work.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist. “I suppose I can’t help it. I’ve been doing this type of stuff for a long time. I look at a magazine ad and think of twelve ways it could be improved. A lot of it is just human nature. People hate to feel like they are being sold something, but they love to spend money.”
“I never thought about it that way. I guess that’s true. So will you help Kat? She said she’d even pay you.”
“Sure. Although first I’d like to spend some time enjoying Alpine Grove again.” He bent his head down to kiss her. “Starting with you. I feel much better after my nap.” He kissed her lips and her neck, walking her back toward the wall.
Jan’s back touched the vertical surface and he pressed his body to hers, running his hands under her shirt, up the sides of her body. Gasping for breath, she said, “Maybe we should move to the bedroom?”
He paused and looked into her eyes. “Good idea.”
She smiled. “And maybe you could put your dog in her crate, too.”
“That’s an even better idea.”
Over the next few days, Jan and Michael settled into a routine. Michael got up early and went running with Swoosie. After they returned and the dogs were fed, Jan made breakfast. They ate together and she went off to work at the library with Rosa. At some point during the day, Michael did the dishes. She didn’t know exactly when, but the kitchen was always clean when she got home. He often went out with Swoosie and his camera for a hike somewhere. Sometimes he’d appear at the library in the afternoon and they’d eat lunch together. The dark circles under his eyes had faded and even Swoosie seemed more relaxed. She hadn’t eaten or destroyed anything in days. Jan was even starting to like the fuzzy dog and looked forward to seeing Swoosie’s happy, smiling polar-bear face when she got home at night.
After Michael had been there for a week, Jan started to get anxious about when he was going to leave. She’d promised herself not to think about the future, but he’d been there far longer than just the “last weekend” they’d discussed. And now she didn’t want him to go anywhere. But she really didn’t wan
t to talk to him about it, particularly because they had been getting along so well. The fact was, she never wanted him to leave. But the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach reminded her that it was only a matter of time.
They were curled up on the sofa watching a movie when the phone rang. Jan jumped up and ran to answer it. “Hi Bruce. Yes, he’s here.” She held the phone out to Michael. “It’s your dad.”
Looking startled, Michael got up off the couch and took the phone from Jan. “Hey Dad. Is everything okay?” He raised his eyebrows questioningly at Jan. “Yes, Angie told me that, but I’m fine. I’m just taking a little vacation, that’s all....Really? I guess I should call them back, then. Okay. Yes, you can do that if you want. Thanks for letting me know. Talk to you soon.”
Jan raised her hands, palms up. “What was that all about?”
“He wanted to find out if I’m okay, since according to your mom, my aura is cloudy. And I guess some of the agency clients have been trying to reach me. I have an unlisted number, so they called my dad to try to track me down.”
“Really? I’m reminded again why I would never want your job.”
“He called to let me know they were looking for me and to find out if it was okay to give out my home number to people.”
“Why is it unlisted?”
He shook his head. “Sometimes clients can be demanding. Particularly if they’re in other time zones. There was one guy a few years ago who started calling me at home in the middle of the night every time he had a new brilliant idea. I was already working insane hours. So I changed my number and made it unlisted.”
“I think I’m liking your job even less than I did before. And that’s saying something.”
Michael shrugged. “It’s what I do. I’m good at it.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “I really must be good if people are calling my dad to find me. I should probably call them back. Can I use your phone?”
“You’re going to call people now? It’s eight at night. Way past business hours.”
“It’s eight in the morning in Moscow. They’re just getting up.”
“You want to call the other side of the world?”
“Yes. They make vodka.” He grinned. “You know, the stuff that almost killed you? Not everyone has that reaction to it.”
“Fine. Could you crate your dog? Rosa and I are going to the bedroom. I’ll be reading. She’ll be sleeping.”
“Okay. See you later.”
The next morning, Jan woke up and discovered Michael wasn’t in the bed next to her. She heard movement in the living room, got up, and found Michael packing his things. Swoosie was circling around, excited about the prospect of another road trip.
Jan had read somewhere that the term heartache was based on a feeling of intense sadness that could cause a literal ache in the chest. It turned out to be true. She clenched her hands in front of her, digging her nails into her palms. “So you’re leaving?”
“Yes. I need to go home and deal with some stuff. And the vodka people want me to fly to Russia.”
“What?”
Standing up, he smiled. “I’ve always wanted to go to Russia.”
“How can you work with clients if the agency is closed?”
“I’m going to work that out. That’s why I have to go. These guys still need to sell their vodka. I need to help them figure out how they can get out of their contract with Derek.”
“I see.”
Michael reached out to take her in his arms. “This trip and this time with you have been incredible. I needed to clear my head. I feel so much better.”
Jan hugged him and put her head on his shoulder. “It was a great weekend. Even though it was much longer than just a weekend. I’m going to miss you.”
He gently pushed her away from him and looked into her eyes. “I’m going to miss you, too.”
A tear slid down her cheek. She looked up at the ceiling. “I knew this would be awful. I should never have let you talk me into letting you stay here. I knew I’d never want you to leave and that’s exactly what’s happened.”
“Maybe you could come down and visit for a weekend again.”
Jan sighed and rested her head on his shoulder again. “No. That’s not what I mean. I told you I don’t want to be just a fling or the weekend girlfriend. I love you. I want to be with you all the time.”
Michael didn’t say anything and Jan raised her head again to look at his face. She couldn’t read the look in his eyes, but if she were to guess, she’d say it was alarm. “I knew I shouldn’t have said that. But it’s the way I feel. You can’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“I’m sorry. I really should go.” He moved to pick up his suitcase.
Released from his embrace, Jan was suddenly cold. She crossed her arms across her chest. She watched as he loaded Swoosie’s crate and then Swoosie into the car. He stood in front of her in the doorway. “Do you want me to call you?”
“It’s a long drive. I’d like to know you made it home okay.”
Michael turned to walk to the car and Jan moved to swing the door closed. She stopped and leaned on the edge, not wanting to close off her last glimpse of him. Suddenly, he turned around and walked back to face her. Cupping her face in both of his hands, he kissed her and then looked into her eyes. “You told me you were worried about a long-distance relationship. What if you moved to San Diego? Then we could see if things would work out.”
Jan shook her head. “Don’t you think I’ve thought of that? I’m not leaving here. Do you know how hard it is to get a job as a librarian? For years, the number of applicants has vastly outnumbered the available jobs. When I got my MLS degree, the only place I could find any job as a librarian was here in Alpine Grove. Then add in the fact that you’re talking about finding a job in San Diego. The weather is good and the job market has historically been extremely tight. Apart from all that, I love my job and I love living in a small town. San Diego is a nice place to visit, but I’m not sure I’d ever want to live there again. I enjoy my life here. Maybe you find it boring, but it’s my home.”
Michael held her hands in his. “No, I never said it was boring here. But my job is in San Diego. And my home is there. You’re not being very flexible. Maybe your mom was right. I mean, couldn’t you do something else other than be a librarian?”
“Maybe. But I don’t want to. I have a degree and I like what I do. What are you suggesting? Maybe I should take up surfing and sell bikinis on the Pacific Beach boardwalk or something? Have you considered giving up your job? You’d probably get more sleep, if nothing else. If you keep working long hours like you have, it will destroy your health. There’s more to life than advertising.”
He dropped her hands. “You know I can’t do that. Advertising is what I do. I love it. And I’m perfectly fine. I run all the time.”
Jan reached up to caress his cheek, “You spend two days away from work and it’s like you’re a different person. Relaxed. Happier. I really wish you could see the difference. Just please stay healthy. Even if I don’t see you again, I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
Michael took her hand and kissed her palm. “I really have to go. I’ll call you when I get back to San Diego.”
As Jan watched him walk back to the car and drive away, tears streamed down her face. He was gone.
As Jan had predicted, after Michael left she cried. A lot. At this point, she was totally cried out and she had eaten more ice cream than was probably good for any human being to ingest. Michael had left a message saying he’d made it home, but hadn’t called again. The unending lure of work probably made him forget she existed. Again. Jan heard from her mother that he was in fact still in San Diego, but Angie hadn’t seen him since he’d been back and neither had Bruce.
After a week, missing Michael had become more of a constant dull ache, rather than searing pain, and Jan was getting back into the normal routine of her life. Kat invited her and Rosa to attend another Wine and Whine with Maria, and Jan vented about
the confusing nature of men. She definitely did not consume any wine, however. Getting out and seeing other people did make her feel slightly better for a little while.
That Friday evening after a long day at the library filled with seriously annoying, ill-behaved children, Jan was settling in on the couch to watch a movie with Rosa. The sound of the dog’s snoring was soothing and Jan was starting to doze off when a knock on her door startled her awake. She jumped up and pulled the curtain aside on the window next to the door. Michael and Swoosie were standing on her doorstep. The pang of surprise in Jan’s chest quickly shifted to general annoyance. Didn’t he ever call?
She opened the door and turned to watch as Swoosie zoomed into the house, obviously glad to be out of the car. Rosa jumped off the couch and Swoosie ran over to sniff. She play-bowed and Rosa wagged her tail, looking happy to see the fuzzy white dog again.
Michael walked in and closed the door behind him. Jan turned back to look at him. “What are you...?”
He wrapped her in his arms before she could finish her sentence and covered her mouth with his, kissing her in a way that obliterated all further thought. He released her and leaned his head against hers with a sigh. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”
Jan placed the palms of her hands on his chest and pushed him away from her. “What I was going to say was what are you doing here? And FYI, in 1876 Alexander Graham Bell invented this little thing called the telephone. I know you know how to use one. You could have called me first.”
“I knew you’d say no if I asked to see you.”
Jan backed away and leaned against the door frame. She watched as Swoosie jumped up on the couch next to Rosa, who had already settled in for another nap. “You’re right. That’s very astute of you. I would have said no.”
Michael reached out and took one of her hands, lacing her fingers with his. “When I drove back to San Diego from here, I had a lot of time to think. I convinced myself you were overreacting and being inflexible.”
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