by Kirk Douglas
You son of a—! Everything has its limits. So you have been to South America but that is still no reason to change your first name into “Ysidro” and on top of it “Saint.”
Chéri, I was so delighted when I talked to you over the phone. You couldn’t have made me a greater pleasure!
Before I left Paris, Tola showed me the picture (the French version). I must admit I like this version even better than the other. You are terrific, magnifique, sensational, formidable in French! I was so proud of you I bowed to the very “select” audience for my “man”!
A friend of mine, Bill Robson, came to Paris to do some T.V. scripts and in a conversation he told me that his kids used to play with yours.
To show you how I trust you—I gave your phone number to a very pretty girlfriend of mine. MICHELINE MUSELIE. She is a lawyer—don’t feel frightened—only 29 and very much oo-la-la. So look, but don’t touch!!
I really have sometimes fantastic instincts. Remember when I wrote to you about a brunette in Jamaica. Of course I didn’t know that she was brunette all over!! Today I have my “stolzig” day. I won’t tell you that I miss you terribly, that I am longing for you, that I am lonely without you and that I love you so very much!
Billy Wilder will be a member of the Jury in Cannes. Maybe you can let him know that I know a wonderful place to eat Sauerkraut in Antibes!
Give Willie a kiss for me on his “denuded” head and tell him that I would love to see him soon.
Anne
Anne at the Cannes Film Festival, 1953
Also at Cannes, with Olivia De Havilland and Shelley Winters
KIRK:
I was going to the Disney studio every day. We usually wrapped midafternoon on Saturday and had Sundays off. That’s when I wrote to Anne. I also phoned her and invited her to visit after the Festival was over.
Darling—
It was nice to get your wire today. I am beginning to like my house more and more. It is really done in good taste and when everything is completely arranged, it’ll be even better.
I saw Pier and she asked me to take her to the Academy Awards which I am doing, but this is definitely over.
I talked with my analyst today and I may go back for more work. The thought depresses me. It’s like getting ready to plunge down into some dark, cold and dirty water. It is very difficult getting readjusted to California again,—but it would be much more difficult without a house.
Michael and Joel are coming out here this Tuesday for ten days. I’m awfully anxious to see them again. It is their spring vacation.
I miss you, Stolz. How is the festival coming along? How long will you be there? And then will you be back in Paris?—
Write me again soon because I love to hear from you.
Much love, Kirk
I got this ecstatic response immediately (which meant a week later):
My Darling,
Have you ever seen anyone so happy in your life? Look at me. It seems to show—everybody tells me that I am en plein sorires [full of smiles]! You cannot imagine at what point of unhappiness and despair I was. I was ready for any stupidity. Then you called me to come for a visit!
After your call I went to a party and got tipsy. Nobody understood why. I was celebrating our meeting. I rehearsed what I would say to you, then you are taking me in your arms—let’s say in a horizontal position? Yes? I cried—I was sooo happy!
Let me talk about you now. Your last letter was written in one of your “Jersey moments.”
Darling, I try to understand your situation. So many new feelings and probably people have come into your life since three weeks. Maybe also a few new problems.
But, My Love, do you really think that this necessitates another treatment at your analyst? I don’t want to say anything against him. He is certainly a very good doctor and has helped you a lot. Also, I believe that he is even a good friend to you, certainly the most discreet one.
Darling, why don’t you talk to him as a friend, go out with him, have lunch and dinner—and don’t torture yourself with your past!!! We all have to learn from the mistakes we make in life. Nobody but ourselves can help us! You can make decisions if you have to and you can cope with every problem! So if you have to jump in certain circumstances do it, don’t wait until somebody pushes you!! If you hurt yourself, don’t worry. It will cure. Let me help you. You know how much you did for me. Let it be my turn sometimes!
The things which are tying us together, most people would not understand. I need you and you might need me a little and, funny enough, this has nothing to do with attraction or sex.—
The Festival is a perfect madhouse with many good pictures. The Academy Award winner will certainly get the Grand Prix. Robert Mitchum (drunk every night and causing a scene with a half-nude French starlet) and Lizabeth Scott (who loves Frenchmen) are replacing Kirk Douglas and Olivia de Havilland from last year. In French we say “grandeur et decadence!” Arlene Dahl and Jack Palance are ignored by the public who don’t know them. Gina Lollobrigida has a fantastic success in a picture called Pane Amore e Fantasia with Vittorio De Sica. Very funny and she is great! You must see it!
Anne at home in Paris on rue Lord Byron
Directors Preston Sturges and Billy Wilder next week.
The weather is fine, but cold. Get your brain working and make me a long list of everything you want me to bring.
The Festival ends on the 10th and I am leaving for Paris on the 11th. I write to you from there when I will leave. What about your car and your trunk? You must have them by now and all the papers have been shipped a long time ago. I checked on everything before I came down here.
Is there anything you can dream of that you want (aside from me)? Darling, how happy I am. I can’t wait anymore. I have no sex life since you left. I am verrrry hungry.
I am sure you are delighted with the kids being there.
I love you. I think of you. I am with you every moment.
Anne (ex-Stolz)
P.S. Let me hear from you again. Your stationery is not very discreet. Result: Your letter arrived open!
ANNE:
I was dealing with all the complications of Cannes—last-minute requests for tickets, unexpected problems with badly behaved stars, etc. I remember the frantic call I got one night from the Carlton Hotel’s concierge: “Robert Mitchum wants us to send up fifteen cases of Champagne!” Of course, the festival would get the bill.
I called Mitchum: “Why do you need fifteen cases of Champagne?”
“I want to take a bath with my naked companion.”
I called the concierge: “Send up a few bottles with my compliments. Tell him Madame Buydens suggests you frolic in the bidet.”
On March 29, Kirk wrote again. Fran Stark had decorated the San Ysidro house in tones of black and white, and Kirk knew it needed art to make it feel like a real home. Kirk admired my taste and the few pieces I owned. He also trusted my ability to finesse bargain prices. He was sure I could find some wonderful paintings and African sculptures when I was back in Paris. He was a little unrealistic about his expectations for the budget he had in mind, as I soon discovered. I did, however, buy a couple of pre-Columbian statues from the former Mexican jockey, Willie Pierce, I met with John Huston.
My darling Anne—
It was nice to talk to you, but I want to see you. Darling, you tell me to write anything I feel, but it’s very difficult. Often, I have such strong feelings for you, but I curb myself. I am so afraid of doing or saying the wrong things in regard to you.
It’s funny but I have felt a little mixed up being back here in California. I saw the analyst and have almost decided to go again for a while, but it was too difficult because of the children being here.
I will be sending you a check for about six or seven thousand dollars. Put it in my Swiss account. When it is convenient for you, please arrange to come here. Use the money from the checks. Buy first class—not second class accommodations. Fuck Shit Face [Sam Norton]! Nothing but the best for
my Stolz.
Also, if you can pick up a few very good paintings reasonably, I wish you would get them—perhaps a Vlaminck, Braque, Utrillo. Also, I understand you can get some wonderful African primitive pieces very reasonably in Paris. You know what I mean—those little black primitive statues of men, etc.—about 10 or 12 inches high. You can spend about $2,000 or so in the paintings if you get something very good at a good price and think you should spend more—go ahead.
I hope all this isn’t too much for you to do. If it is, forget it. The more important thing is that you come out here and lie beside me. I hope you like my little house and my very comfortable bed. There is a half of it that has never been used.
You know me, darling, and often I don’t say many things that I feel, but always I have a deep wonderful feeling for you—frightening though it may be from time to time.
Please don’t work too hard on the festival and let me know when you plan to leave, and more important, arrive. I will put you away in the house for two days to rest up. You are not to see anyone the first day, just sit around the pool and relax until I come home from work.
You’ll like the house, I think. I need some paintings—and those African primitive pieces would be wonderful. I miss you, sweetheart—and I’m not stolzig either. Get over here when you can.
Much, much love,
K.
I answered immediately:
Mon Chéri, l’objet de mon adoration!
Ta lettre que j’ai reçu ce matin était tellement gentille et tellement toi que tu m’as faire la plus heureuse de femmes. [My Darling, the object of my adoration! Your letter that I received this morning was so nice and so you that you have made me the happiest of women.]
My love—me too, I am afraid of doing the wrong thing—but I don’t care. I want to be happy—even if it is only for a short while and you can give me this happiness. I didn’t want to say anything about my feelings, not to tell you what is inside of my heart—but I’ve changed. I don’t care anymore, even if you don’t like me to say it, if it frightens you. Darling, I love you. And by saying it, I have the feeling that these words have a very poor meaning comparative to the reality.
As soon as I get back I will try to find you the paintings and the African pieces and then I shall put my “little a—” on a plane and when I am in your arms the whole world won’t exist anymore for me as long as you want to! You are the boss.
I have changed. I am not at all the Stolz anymore you have known. I have suffered from our separation more than I thought—I miss you so very much. You know that Mr. Lobo might be right. I think I became a virgin for the second time. I can’t think of someone else but you touching me.
Darling, I am worried. You tell me that half your bed has never been used? Where on earth are you sleeping every night? Once I am there I will use all your strength and nothing will be left over for an “extra”!!
If you can’t write to me here on time, please drop me a note to Paris. I am so happy you are not going back to your analyst. You don’t need him anymore. You have everything in yourself which is necessary for your life. Let it come out, speak, decide and act! You can’t always be right, but the few times you are will compensate the others!!
It is after midnight. I am terribly tired. Un poete celebre français écrivant dans une lettre d’amour à sui maîtresse: Partout on vous voyez du blanc, lisez je vous écrire. [A famous French poet writing a love letter to his mistress: Everywhere you see white, read what I write you.]
Anne
KIRK:
My father was getting worse. I flew back to see him in the hospital. I mailed this to Anne on my way to the airport.
Darling—
This evening I am leaving for New York and Albany in order to visit my father. He is still ill and the end is not very far. It was very difficult for me to arrange the visit, but I believe that I must make it. It’s a shame you are not with me now. I need you.
I am going to return Sunday because I have to begin work on Monday morning. Enough of sad things—Soon you will be in Paris and you will arrange to leave.
Sam just called me. Monday he is mailing you a check for $7,000—supposedly a loan you gave me during my stay in Paris. Cash it. Use part of it for the paintings if you can find them, the African figures, your expenses—first class—and deposit the remainder in my Swiss account.
Also, Sam asks do you have the papers for the bill of sale for my new car, and the registration papers. I thought I had them, but can’t seem to find them.
Now more than ever do I need the love you might hold in your heart for me. To say I miss you seems so inadequate.
Last night I had a little dinner party—Ray and Fran Stark and Merle Oberon. We ran some of the movies I took in Europe and looked at some of the 3D pictures. You are right—I am so sorry I didn’t take more. The pictures at Klosters are wonderful, but not enough pictures of you.
I have been dating very little—and by the way, did I tell you… I talk too much. I hope you like my little house. It’s simple, but very nice.
Come to me, Darling. My heart is empty and I need you near. Often I play the French records and I think of us. Come quickly because my letters are starting to be too long! I embrace you—
Je t’embrasse [I embrace you]—Kirk
ANNE:
Once again, our letters crossed and this lighthearted one of mine was just simply another report from Cannes:
My darling Ysidor,
I am sitting in the bar waiting for Tola and Arthur Krim [head of United Artists] to finish their business before we all go over to the “Office” (Casino). I spent a wonderful dinner with them and both Tola and Arthur have been speaking of you in such nice terms that it made me suddenly very proud! Arthur missed you by one day in Jamaica but is looking forward to seeing you in your new house around May 10th. Tola came down here alone—I am his escort. I really like him and if it weren’t because of you—well—maybe—even though I know he has the same low character as a man I know who used to have a beard!
Darling, you can’t realize how happy I am that I received your letters and cable. I don’t want to stay on here to rest. As I told you, I am leaving here on the 11th at night and will be in Paris on the 12th. I hope to find a letter from you!!! (Please) and then I try to get your paintings and statuettes and then—I jump in the first and quickest plane, boat or bicycle—if necessary, I swim!!
If they make The Racer in Europe—would you like the idea? Anything can happen these days!!
Did you try to call me? I had a personal call from New York two days ago and I am still waiting.
Darling, how you miss me! And how I miss you. You can’t imagine it.
Anne
I wrote Kirk one final letter (in French) from Cannes at 4:30 in the morning after the Saturday night awarding of the prizes. I was exhausted, but anxious to return to Paris and make my plans for America.
My Darling,
The Gold is over and so is the Festival. Thank God!
Olivia de Havilland made a magnificent speech in French this evening; she received an Oscar from Professor Chrétien [the inventor of CinemaScope]. No one speaks better French in Hollywood than my Ysi! I then decided I am only going to speak French with you. It’s not necessary to lose the habit.
I’m leaving for Paris tonight without regret. It’s raining terribly here and the weather is frightful. Tola leaves tomorrow. Despite what you think, I have advised him to marry Soph. Tola advised me not to buy paintings without having seen your house. I think he is right.
Kirk—nothing. I just wanted to say your name.
Stolz
KIRK:
Anne and I had spoken by phone and I could hear the weariness in her voice. She said she would stay in New York for a couple of days before coming to me. I knew my Stolz wanted me to see her at her best, so I didn’t try to dissuade her. I mailed this letter (written in French, English, and German) to her rue Lord Byron address on April 9, 1954:
Darling,
> I received your letter from Cannes. I am going to send this letter to Paris. I am waiting for you patiently—I feel that you are right. It will be much better for you to stay in New York for two days on the way here despite that I miss you and am waiting. If you continue directly here, the trip will be a bit too much for you, I’m sure.
I have missed you very much, Stolz. Everything here has been rather hectic since my arrival—working almost every day, interviews, new house—my kids here for ten days, for which I was very grateful. I don’t feel quite here and a little dizzy inside—but always thoughts of you are there.
I try so hard to do the right thing—especially where you are concerned because I love you. I keep thinking I shouldn’t have asked you to come here so soon. How ridiculous I can be sometimes. Now I’m so glad you’ll be coming out here and I’ll take good care of you.
Often I have daydreams about us—while I’m driving home from the studio. I pretend you’re waiting for me. We have a drink together, we talk—it’s warm, gemütlich. I’m relaxed.
By the way, my butler is Swiss. He speaks French and German as well as English. He’s excellent (when he’s sober).
My new secretary gives me a pain in the ass—I may not keep her long.
Everyone is so happy that you’re coming—Willie, Sam, Ray. Aber mein liebchen kommt. Auch habe ich Peter Lorre gesagst. Er ist sehr interessant deiner Bekanntschaft zu machen—or something like that. [My sweetheart is coming, I also told Peter Lorre. He is very interested in meeting you.]
Darling, when you’re not with me, I don’t seem to have any desire to show off. I’m learning the banjo to show off some songs for you.