by Andy Warhol
Then we left there and Steve didn’t tell Halston but (laughs) he was then going on to Calvin Klein’s. Steve dropped me and I went to John Samuels’s father’s party at 123 East 79th Street. John Samuels, Sr.’s boyfriend, David, played the piano and he said that he practices five hours a day. Mr. Samuels met him when he hired him to be his piano teacher. They had nice flowers there and David told me, “Pluck a gardenia on your way out or I’ll never speak to you again.”
Sunday, March 29, 1981
There was a Greek parade going on and I don’t know why it should be so big, unless—oh that must be it, Governor Carey has that new Greek girlfriend.
And oh, there was an article on Lou Reed in People. With his “British-born” wife. I still don’t understand why I wasn’t invited to the wedding. They had a big reception and everything.
Monday, March 30, 1981
It was warm and rainy. I stayed uptown because Bob and I were interviewing Dominique Sanda at Quo Vadis at 1:00. They thought we’d said a table for twelve so we had a lot of room. Bob and I fell madly in love, she was so wonderful, so magic. Bob and I were wide-eyed. And when Bob’s a pushover, you know it’s love. She giggles. And she speaks perfect English, except with a little British accent. She said that she just decided one day that she hated her last name and named herself Sanda, I think her name has a lot to do with the mystique. Then afterward she wanted to walk in the rain, so we gave her an Interview for a rain hat and she went off walking.
Sharon Hammond was having a birthday party. Went over there and it was really festive. I guess everybody had been so nerved up by Reagan being assassinated but he’s going to make it, they were relieved. Sharon’s lord was there. I heard Lester Persky talking to some other producer about Popism and he said he wanted to “buy it,” but since it was Lester talking I didn’t know if he meant the film rights or just a copy of the book.
Wednesday, April 1, 1981—New York—Paris
We dropped off Chris Makos at the Hotel Lenox at 9 Rue de l’Universite, and then us (cab $50). Rocksavage was having sort of a little dinner party.
Thursday, April 2, 1981—Paris
Helmut Newton came over at 12:00 to do one of his fashion shootings, and they brought in these big bouquets of pretty flowers which they eventually let us keep, and Helmut finally came and let me take pictures of him and his pretty model.
Late that night Christopher encouraged me to call Jon Gould in California so I did, it was 5:00 there, and I was pretending to be sober, so I had this great sober voice, which I don’t know how I did it, and the secretary said that he was in a meeting, and he’d be out in fifteen minutes, and he’d be sure to call me, and then she asked if it was all right to call me “Andy” because I was her god and she was so familiar that I just knew something was wrong, I knew he would never call back. But I sat around waiting for the call and I must have dozed off, but I’m sure the phone never rang. And then Fred arrived and he brought a whole gang with him, and it sounded like they were rowdy Frenchmen, they had these horrible voices and I didn’t know who they were and they just went on and on and on, and Fred played “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend” at top volume and I thought I would freak out. I was feeling so desperate because my phone call never came through that I almost wanted to kill myself. That’s the way life goes, kiddo. Fred’s friends didn’t leave until 4:00 in the morning. I looked out the window when I heard them going and they didn’t look so great to me, but Fred said that they were rich kids.
Friday, April 3, 1981—Paris
Woke up at 12:00 because we were having our lunch with Sao Schlumberger at Maxim’s (cab $12). And Sao was sitting there alone, she was afraid that we’d forgotten about her. She gave us wonderful ties from India. She’d just been there with Patrice Calmette. She talked about how she’d been “too open” with her last friend, Naguib, so everyone said there was—that she should, uh—that the best way is—well, I guess I can’t remember because nobody knew what the best way is.
Then after lunch we decided to go see the Gainsborough show, a lot of beautiful people and their dogs. And then we were so close to Givenchy that we all decided to go to Givenchy and Hubert came down in a white smock and showed us around and we had the best time.
Saturday, April 4, 1981—Paris
I took a Valium and almost took a nap but then there were lots of phone calls and we invited people over for drinks—like a guy named Yorgan, I think, brought two funny people from England—Vivienne Westwood who designs clothes, and Malcolm McLaren who managed the Sex Pistols.
After going to dinner and then Club 78 at 78 Rue something and the Privilege, we got home at 4:00 in the morning and I called Jon Gould at Paramount Pictures in L.A. when I was drunk and I think I said a lot of wrong things.
Monday, April 6, 1981—Paris
Saw the Christian Dior show and the Valentino show. With the male models, all the really straight-looking models are gay, and all the really gay-looking models are straight. And Christopher and I decided that we should start telling people that despite how we look and talk, that we’re not gay. Because then they don’t know what to do with you.
Wednesday, April 8, 1981—Vienna
I got up early. I’d dreamt about Billy Name [see Introduction], that he was living under the stairs at my house and doing somersaults, and everything was very colorful. It was so weird, because his friends sort of invaded my house and were acting crazy in colorful costumes and jumping up and down and having so much fun and they took over, they took over my life. It was so weird. It was like clowns. Everybody was a clown in a funny way, and they were just living there without letting me know, they’d come out in the morning when I wasn’t there and they’d have a lot of fun and then they’d go back and live in the closet. And so I got up and Christopher had left all the lights on, and the windows were open and it was very beautiful.
Went to hunt for the loden coat I was trying to buy for Jon Gould. And Bruno Bischofberger said the best loden coats were in Zurich and Fred said the best were in Paris. But I think the best ones are in Vienna.
Then we had to meet a kid named Andre Heller who has gold records and he owns all these paintings and wants me to do a drawing for his album cover. He was taking us down underground to show us dead people who’re petrified and they’re all in their eighteenth-century clothes. Fred said it might be a good idea to go, that maybe we’d get ideas there.
So we met him and he gave us about twenty boxes of candy. Then we went down into the catacombs and we had to oooh and ahh at all the dead bodies, and it was really cold down there and he’d made us leave our candy behind and we didn’t want to do that but we did, and this place was just hateful. I hated it a lot. Fred loved it.
Then Bruno took us back to the hotel. Fred wanted to go for another walk, but Christopher wanted to go cruising in the park, so we just threw our stuff down and walked the whole park and that was good exercise.
Thursday, April 9, 1981—Vienna
Bruno came by because we had a really punctual meeting at 10:30 at the ministry with the lady Minister of Culture in Vienna. We met the curator of my Reversals show at the Vienna Museum of Twentieth-Century Art, I forget his name, and we saw the beautiful catalogues that they printed for the Reversal show which are really long and slim. Then we went to the hotel and freshened up before the show at 6:00. I talked to Vincent in New York and he said my headsheet had come in from Zoli. Have I told the Diary I’ve decided to become a male model? So then Fred got so overwrought—he thinks I’m crazy to start modeling. But it’s something I want to do so I ignored him. Chris said Fred’s just jealous.
So we got to the museum and it was an unbelievable crush, open to the public, and I’d never been in Vienna before so this was “See Andy now or you’ll never see him again.” And that lasted for two hours, and I had to sign shoes and asses, and I didn’t even look up once.
Then finally Christopher couldn’t stand it anymore and said that we had to leave, so we ran out past all the TV people and
jumped into the car and it took us to a Viennese restaurant where we had hot dogs. Then to a great club called Chaca—all young, good-looking kids. Tangos and old Elvis songs and it was just the greatest.
Chris and I took this adorable boy, Martin, back to the hotel. We got him to take his shirt off and then we got him to take his pants off, too, and he had the craziest sort of Op Art underwear on and we took pictures and he did the best poses and then we gave him the car to go home in. One thing I’ve learned from Chris is that if you tell anybody to do anything, they just do it. Especially models and actors. And then I saw a Telex from Jon Gould, he’s back in New York, and it was a really nice note and then I felt great.
Monday, April 13, 1981— Paris—New York
I’d packed till 2:30 in the morning and then took a Valium and had a really good sound sleep. Then Fred was knocking at my door and Chris Makos called and he was rarin’ to go. Chris is just the perfect companion for me. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted. He’s pushy but then he’s not pushy. And he’s a child. And he goes off to sex parties and comes back satisfied with his pipes cleaned, and he’s so in love with his lover, Peter, he’s really considerate, and when he goes places he can’t wait to leave—just like me—and he gets me to go running all over and even though he’s now got me carrying his knapsack, I don’t mind because it’s all exciting and he makes me feel young. I’ve offered Chris a reward—this wristwatch he wants—if he can get Jon Gould to fall for me. It’s confusing because Jon tries to keep a straight image, he tells me he’s not gay, that he can’t … but I mean …
Took the Concorde, got home at 9 A.M. on the dot. I called Jon Gould and he said he couldn’t talk, his tub was overflowing.
Cabbed ($4) downtown. Talked to Marc Balet, he was at the office, he designed the Zoli agency book that I’m in—the catalogue of their models. I already got some job offers, I’m officially a male model now.
Doria Reagan came to work. And then I looked out the window and I saw Ron walking along the street alone and he was wearing bright red, and I mean, if I could pick him out from the window … And Doria knew where everything was, she said, “There’s three Secret Service in the front and four in the back.” They walked up the stairs because the elevator was broken.
And then I wanted to see Barbara Stanwyck that night at Lincoln Center, she was getting the Film Society annual award, and so I called Sue Salter the publicist and she was just rotten. She said, “Oh my dear, they’re all sold out,” and I told her, you know, “We’ve really done so much for you,” and she said she would try to find one ticket, but that I would have to pay, and that she could get me two tickets but that they would cost $250, so I said, “That’ll be just fine.” At least now they can’t ask me for any more favors. Maybe the best thing to do is always pay, and then they can’t ask you for a thing. But last year they gave me free tickets.
Jon Gould asked me to pick him up so Chris Makos and I did. We walked over to Alice Tully Hall and there were a lot of empty seats so I was really hating Sue Salter down to my toes. But at least the seats were good, row J. And the Barbara Stanwyck clips were great, although at the end it got boring because they used the same ones too much. At 11:30 Chris dropped me off.
Tuesday, April 14, 1981
Worked till 5:30. Jon Gould invited me to a screening of Atlantic City that he was giving for his crowd. Cabbed to Paramount ($7). Lady McCrady and Jonathan Roberts were there, and Katy Dobbs who was also in that Radcliffe publishing course that all those kids took.
And I ran into a guy who’d seen my picture in the Zoli book and offered me a job. Fred is still furious, he said I should be getting thousands for endorsing products, not working for modeling fees. But I think it’s funny to be just another pretty face in the Zoli book. I told him to lighten up.
Wednesday, April 15, 1981
Had a sleepless night. Watched the astronauts coming back on the shuttle on the Today Show. They’re really cute. Did you ever notice how old they look after the space flights? They send up these good-looking guys and get back these tired-looking people.
Went up to Carl Fischer’s for my first Sony commercial. They were already waiting, setting up. And they were talking about the other artists they’d like to get for the series, they mentioned Duchamp and Picasso. Seriously. I honestly don’t think they knew they were dead. Maurice Sendak was the only other live one they mentioned besides me. And Peter Max.
And they had some food in another room but they didn’t offer me any, the execs were coming in eating cheese and saying things like, “This is a good spread,” things that sound just like the commercials. And people really do talk that way, they really are like ad people.
Everyone was telling me how wonnnnnnderful I looked thin, but I feel so weak.
Went to Xenon and that was fun. I met the Moynihan girl, Maura, and her roommate Aysie, Senator Warner’s daughter—her mother’s a Mellon. And then my hair started to look too fake in the blue light so (laughs) I knew it was time to leave.
Thursday, April 16, 1981
Got up early and it looked beautiful out, but I’m in this period where I think, What is it all about? You do this and what does it mean, and you do that and what does it mean?
Really I’m in a strange period, I put off telling the Diary about my emotional problems because last Christmas when I was having all the fights with Jed and he moved out, I couldn’t face talking about it, and now I’m living alone and in a way I’m relieved, but then I don’t want to be by myself in this big house with just Nena and Aurora and Archie and Amos. I’ve got these desperate feelings that nothing means anything. And then I decide that I should try to fall in love, and that’s what I’m doing now with Jon Gould, but then it’s just too hard. I mean, you think about a person constantly and it’s just a fantasy, it’s not real, and then it gets so involved, you have to see them all the time and then it winds up that it’s just a job like everything else, so I don’t know. But Jon is a good person to be in love with because he has his own career, and I can develop movie ideas with him, you know? And maybe he can even convince Paramount to advertise in Interview, too. Right? So my crush on him will be good for business.
Oh, and the most interesting thing was seeing Lou Reed on the street in the Village with his wife. She’s nothing special, just a little sexy girl. I told him that I’d just been reading about him in People and I asked him why he doesn’t come over and see us, and he said it’s because he doesn’t know any of the people anymore, and then he asked if Ronnie was still around, and I said yes, and then if Vincent was still around, and I said yes, and if PH was still around, and I said yes, so it was funny. Went home.
I cooked an early Easter dinner and it smelled like the old days when PH used to come up and cook me cabbage with caraway seeds and onions. Jon was a little late because he had to go to Macy’s to return some sheets. He brought me an Easter basket, it was kind of plain. I gave him a tour of the whole house to impress him, and I was hinting like crazy that it could all be his, that there was a room with his name on it.
Then we went to see Excalibur. The sex scenes were a little corny but beautifully done. He had his armor on when they were having sex. And then the focus was so soft. And I was so confused, I always thought Camelot was a real place. So after the movie we walked back home. I’d given Jon a rabbit puppet and he was waving at people with it. He’s going to his family’s house in Massachusetts for Easter.
Friday, April 17, 1981
I was depressed, I decided to pass out Interviews. After I did that I went to the office and I ran into the Moynihan girl, Maura, who was arriving two days late for lunch (cab $5). And now that the Soho News had Dominique Sanda on its cover this week, it’d be too tacky to have her as our cover girl, so maybe we’ll use this Moynihan girl as our cover because she’s cute and smart—she went to Harvard—and she has a rock band.
Chris Makos called me from Palm Beach where it was so sunny and he was with his boyfriend Peter and that depressed me, they’d just g
otten there.
Worked till 6:30. Rupert invited me to an all-boy party on Bleecker Street, but I was too depressed. Ate at the Brasserie ($40). Went home lonely and despondent because nobody loves me and it’s Easter, and I cried.
Saturday, April 18, 1981
Chris Makos had called me at 9:00 from Florida and he was so happy, so he depressed me again. I’m up to ten pushups but my situps are really bad. I moped around, my mind was somewhere else. Started work at 12:30 and worked till 7:00. Rupert got thirty calls and I didn’t get one.
Picked up John Reinhold and we went to meet Tom Baker at the Playhouse on West 48th Street to see Sylvia Miles’s one-woman show (cab $5, tickets $45). The sets were done well, it was a reproduction of her apartment, it had my Marilyn and the play mentioned me a few times. Then afterwards we went backstage and Sylvia had telegrams up and flowers and posters and that’s just the kind of thing she loves, and I was so embarrassed I hadn’t done anything like that for her, I’ll have to send her champagne. Then we dropped John Reinhold at home because he felt guilty because it was Passover. Tom and I talked about Jim Morrison and Tom said they’d pick up three girls and then Jim would pass out and he’d have to fuck them all. Stayed till 4:00. Cab dropped Tom ($5).