by D. J. Manly
Everyone laughed.
"Later, Mac," Drake winked as a waiter came around with drinks. He bent his head toward Drake and informed him that dinner would be served in a half hour.
There was a chorus of 'Thank Gods'.
Pepi asked Angelo if he wanted to play table tennis.
They both got up and left the room.
Johnny leaned over to Drake and asked him what was wrong with Mama.
Drake shrugged.
Janet asked Sophia if they could talk in private.
She said "No," very loudly.
The conversation turned to Johnny's recovery, his next doctor's appointment, what painkillers he was taking. Mac and Drake discussed pros and cons of certain drugs they had taken for various aches and pains.
Janet was speaking to Sophia in whispers.
Tony noticed that both his aunt and his grandmother seemed agitated. He tried to focus on the conversation Mac, Drake and his dad was having, but his eyes went again to the two women.
Suddenly, Sophia jumped up from her chair. She was in tears. "You bitch! You want to tear my family to pieces, don't you? I won't let you destroy my boys!"
Janet laid her head back against the sofa in frustration.
Drake stood up. "What in hell is going on here?"
"Sit down, Mama," Johnny began, "and..."
"No!" She shook her head at her son and then looked at Janet. "If you tell anyone what I told you in confidence, I will never forgive you and you will have the breakup of this family on your conscience forever. Maybe you don't care anymore, because you're getting out of this family, aren't you? You're going to marry Mac now. I'd thought you'd understand, but I was wrong. I thought you'd do it for young Drake's sake. I should have known better then to..."
"Then why in hell did you tell me at all?" Janet demanded, standing up. "I never asked to know this! Goddamn you!" She pushed away from the sofa and stalked out of the room.
Drake looked at his mother; she was shaking. "What in hell is this all about?"
Mac stood up and left the room to go after Janet.
Drake sat his mother down and looked at his brother.
"Mama?" Johnny said, moving over on the sofa so he could get closer to her chair. He took her hand. "What will destroy the family? What are you talking about?"
"Nothing! For the love of God, leave it alone." She was crying again. She reached out and took Drake's hand. "My love," she said softly. "I just couldn't handle it alone anymore. I had to tell someone, someone close to the family but not in the family."
"Tell them what?" Drake asked.
"Do you love this family, Drake?" Sophia demanded.
"Of course I love my family."
"Do you love your brothers?"
Drake swallowed. "Yes."
"Then leave it alone. Let's just have a nice Christmas, okay?"
Drake and Johnny locked eyes.
Sophia got up from her seat. "I need to lie down for a few minutes. Call me for dinner."
They watched her leave the room.
Johnny reached over and took Drake's hand. He squeezed it, saying nothing. They were both aware that something grave had happened, but they had no idea what it was.
Drake stood up and went to find Janet. She was outside, smoking. Mac was beside her.
"Can I talk to her alone for a second?" Drake asked him.
Mac nodded and went inside.
"Janet?" Drake looked into her blue eyes.
"Don't ask me, I can't." She tore her gaze away from his.
"What is this all about? What did Mama tell you?"
Drake demanded.
"I can't. I...can't...Drake. Don't ask me."
"Is it something terrible?" Drake persisted.
"Yes and no. I don't know. It's something you should have known...we all should have...years ago."
"I see. Will it make any difference now?"
"It will change a lot of things, Drake. I don't think it's my place to...I don't want to...it's too much, Drake, just too much." She walked down the driveway.
Drake leaned against the outside wall of his house and watched her. Why would Mama tell Janet this upsetting news about the family? Shit, how bad could it be? Drake walked back inside and asked the kitchen staff to put off dinner for an hour. He found Pepi and Angelo in the games room and asked Angelo if he could borrow his brother for a while.
"Come for a walk, Pepi, okay?" Drake invited.
Angelo put down the table racket and told his uncle he would keep track of the score.
"Dinner's going to be another hour," Drake told his son, who groaned in reply.
On the way out, Drake and Pepi met Tony in the hall. "Keep your cousin company, will ya? I need to talk with Pepi."
Tony agreed half-heartedly, then walked into the games room and asked Angelo what was going on.
"I don't know. I'm starved, and dinner keeps getting later and later. Where is everyone?"
"Well," Tony said, walking over to the window and looking out, "I see your mom is taking a walk. Grand-mama really lit into her about something."
"Really? Shit. They're always..." Angelo began.
"No. It was something big. Grandmother was really upset because your mom wanted her to say something...I don't know. Something funny is going on."
"This is the Russo family. Something funny is always going on," Angelo scoffed, coming to join Tony at the window.
"Look, I'm sorry about what happened earlier..."
Tony began.
"What are you sorry about? I hit you, remember?"
Angelo raised an eyebrow. "There you go again, apologizing."
"Ya...well...I've been kind of...let's say, I haven't been very nice to you about....eh...."
"Forget it," Angelo cut him off. "And I shouldn't have hit you. I apologize."
"Accepted," Tony replied, not looking at him. "Are you really going on the road with the band?"
"Ya. It's a good opportunity. Richard Killerman, the guy who offered to manage us, well, he has gigs set up all over the U.S. We need exposure."
Tony nodded. He was just about to tell him that he would miss him when he heard someone cry out like a wounded dog.
"What in hell was that?" Angelo asked.
"Don't know," Tony replied.
Both young men left the games room to try and find the source of the cry.
* * * * * *
Drake sat on the floor outside the bedroom door.
Johnny had been in there for hours. Drake would have broken down the door if Johnny hadn't told him that he was all right, saying, "Please, Drake, I just want to be alone."
As soon as he had gone outside, all hell had broken loose. The first thing that happened was that Mama had come staggering out of the house like a drunk, screaming, "Drake...go to Johnny...go to Johnny!"
He immediately assumed that Johnny had collapsed.
He went racing into the house to find Tony and his son standing at the door to one of the bedrooms upstairs.
"What's happened?" Drake asked. "Where's Johnny?"
"Dad's in there," Tony replied, visibly upset. "He's locked the door. He won't come out."
"Is he all right?" Drake demanded, banging on the door.
"He said he just wanted to be alone. We heard him cry out. We thought he was in pain," Angelo said, shaking his head.
It was a quarter after eight now and Johnny still refused to open the door. Drake had told the rest of the family to go ahead and eat. No one did.
Sophia had left the house, and had not yet returned.
Pepi went looking for her in the car. Angelo and Tony went on foot. Mac and Janet stayed with Drake for emotional support until Drake told them to go on home.
Janet gave Drake a sympathetic look before she left.
"You may need me," she had said before leaving.
He knew she could tell him what was happening, but she wouldn't. "Johnny will tell you when he's ready. Sophia must have told him."
"Told him what, for Christ's
sakes, that the world is coming to a fucking end? I wish someone would tell me what in Jesus is going on!"
Janet had gathered him into her arms and held him.
"Baby...it will be okay. Here, have a cigarette."
He had taken a cigarette from her and smoked it there in the hallway. She had left with Mac, telling Drake to call her when they had any news of Sophia.
He said he would, and told them goodnight.
There was nothing but silence on the other side of the door. Only after he had threatened to break down the door or call the police did Johnny respond that he was all right and to leave him alone.
Drake rested his head on the locked door and closed his eyes.
* * * * * *
Inside the room, Johnny lay on the bed, his head pounding. He had cried all the tears he could. They were all gone now. It was a terrible thing to hate your own mother, but he did. He hated her to the core.
Funny, his son hated his mother, too.
After that scene in the living room, Johnny had followed his mother to her room. He knocked on the door. She told him to come in. She looked up at him as he did.
"Mama," he said, "I know there is something that you're not telling us. Something we deserve to know. All these years there has been something seriously wrong with this family. What is it? I can take it."
She closed her eyes. "I can't, Johnny...I...can't..."
"You can, and you will! All these years you have loved Drake more than either me or Pepi, and you have that same feeling for Drake's son. Although you love Pepi and I, it's not the same. Are Pepi and I adopted? Is that it?"
Sophia started to laugh, and then she cried. Johnny let her cry. After a few minutes, she calmed down.
Slowly, she rose from the bed and took her suitcase from the closet. She opened it. She ran her hand inside the lining and took out a photograph.
She showed it to him. She was shaking.
"It's...it looks like Drake," he said. "Who is it?"
"His name was Drake too. He was Drake's father."
His eyes had widened. So he and Drake had different fathers. "Drake is only my half brother then?" he asked softly, studying the photograph.
Sophia sighed. "I loved him. He was the love of my life."
"I'm not judging you, Mama," Johnny shook his head. "Daddy never knew that Drake was not his?"
She shook her head. "Darling, Drake is not your brother at all. His mother's name was Julia. I looked after her, then Drake after he was born. I..."
It was at that moment that Johnny felt his legs buckle. He glared at his mother. "All these years and you never told us that Drake is not our brother. All this...you knew what it was doing to us. You knew that Drake and I were in love, and yet you let us believe we were brothers when we're not brothers at all? You heartless old woman!" He went to strike her and then took a step backwards as she cowered before him.
"Why?" he cried out to her, his hands open in a pleading way. "Why, Mama? Why didn't you tell us?"
Tears streamed down his face.
"Because it wasn't right...it was unnatural...since you were little boys...I saw you come together. I knew I should have separated you. Being brothers kept you apart...kept you from..."
"No, Mama, it didn't. It didn't keep us from being lovers, if that's what you mean. It just made us ruin people's lives and hurt our lovers and sniff coke and drink too much and...it was killing us. What did you think the shooting was about? Drake tried to kill himself and if it hadn't been for me, he'd be dead!"
"No!" She let out a howl. Placing her hands over her ears, she went running out of the house.
He had screamed too, a cry that didn't sound quite human. He went down on his knees and sobbed as he had never sobbed before. Somehow he got up and locked the door, not wanting to see anyone. He had to try and figure out what all this meant. Drake was not his brother. They didn't have the same mother or father.
God.
He could sense that Drake was still on the other side of the door, his Drake, who had never shared his blood.
They weren't brothers, although God, it sure felt as if they were. Their love was not tainted or cursed. They were simply two men in love, two men who loved each other so much that being brothers never felt right and could never stand in the way of that love.
Johnny got off the bed and placed his hand on the door. It was almost ten o'clock. "Drake?" He knew that he would answer.
"Johnny, Johnny, are you all right?"
"Baby," he said softly, "do you know how much I love you...how much I want you?"
Drake sighed. "Johnny, we need to talk about that. We need to find a way to...."
"I have to talk to you. I have something to tell you, Drake, that you might not believe and you know...even though it's the answer to everything for us, this will hurt you."
The door opened.
Drake stood up and looked at Johnny. His eyes were red and swollen. "Thank God you're all right. Will you tell me what this is all about? Do you know that Mama is gone and no one...?"
"Good. I hope she stays gone!" Johnny replied coldly.
"How can you say that? She's got a bad heart, Johnny. She could have collapsed out there, and..."
"Drake," Johnny pulled him into the room and then went to close the door, "sit down." He touched Drake's hair. It was the first time he could touch him like that without feeling any guilt. He felt liberated, free. He only hoped Drake would not take this too hard. He looked at him, thinking about what it had been like making love to him. The sweet memories of that night came to him, gripping him like a vise. They would make love like that again, and it would be even sweeter because there would be nothing to stop them now, no barrier between them.
Drake sat down. "Okay, what is it?"
Johnny paced and then sat down beside him. He was tired. He took Drake's hand in his. "I don't know how to say this...so I guess I'll just come out and say it. Drake, we're not really brothers."
Drake blinked at him. "Johnny--" he began.
"Drake, Mama just told me. She showed me a picture." He stood up and went to his mother's suitcase, still sitting open on the bed. The picture lay inside.
Johnny gave Drake the picture.
Drake looked at it. "Who is this man?"
"Your father."
"My what?" Drake asked, standing up. "Joseph Russo was my father!"
"No. He was mine and Pepi's. The man in the picture was yours."
"God. He was Mama's lover?" Drake asked, glancing again at the picture. "Did Papa know he wasn't my father?"
"I don't know if Mama told him or not," Johnny replied.
"So, we have different fathers. I'm still your brother..."
"We're not brothers, Drake," Johnny heaved a sigh.
"Your mother's name was Julia, this man's wife. She died after giving birth to you."
"Then..." he sat back down. "Sophia is not my mother either?"
Johnny shook his head, then he smiled, taking Drake by the shoulders. "Don't you see what this means for us? Our feelings for each other have been pure and untainted. It's natural...the way we feel, Drake. There is no need to feel..."
Drake shook himself away. "My whole existence is a lie. I'm not a Russo at all. My birth certificate is a lie. You're not my brother...Pepi's not my brother either. Christ...this is too much...too much! Why would Mama...Sophia take me in if I wasn't hers?"
"She said she loved this man. He was the love of her life. Oh, Drake," Johnny touched his face, "I understand her, because you're the love of mine."
Drake looked up at him and then shook his head. He stood up. "There are too many unanswered questions. You'd better tell Pepi and our sons. I just can't right now."
Johnny watched him leave the room. A few minutes later, he heard him get into his car and drive away.
It was better to leave him alone right now. He didn't know what he should say. Should he tell him that it was all right now to be his lover because they weren't brothers, or did he want to hear how he
would always be his brother anyway?
His head ached.
* * * * * *
Angelo paced the floor, waiting for news about his grandmother, while Pepi sat down in a chair in the corner of the waiting room. Tony had gone to ask the nurse when they could expect to hear something from the doctor.
They had been all over the place, then Pepi had started calling the hospitals in the area on his car phone.
He finally found someone meeting his mother's description at one of the hospitals. She had collapsed after ordering a cup of coffee in a small diner not far from his brother's house.
Pepi found Tony and Angelo on the corner of Drake's street. He swung up to the curb and told them to get in, and they sped off to the hospital.
After about an hour, the doctor came to tell them that Sophia Russo was in critical condition. "She's had a massive coronary," he said. "She's very weak. Are you her sons?"
"Son," Pepi replied. "And these are her two grandsons."
"Well, if she has any more immediate family around-- husband, sons, daughters--I'd call them in. I'm sorry, but I don't expect her to hold on through the night. And eh...is there someone here called Drake?"
Pepi sighed. "Drake is my eldest brother."
"Well, she's asking for him," the doctor said. "Might be good if you could find him."
Pepi nodded, tears in his eyes. When the doctor left, Pepi turned to his nephews. "Can one of you try Drake and Johnny again?"
Tony placed his hand on Angelo's arm. "I'll do it."
He walked over to the pay phone and put in a quarter.
The phone rang several times before someone picked up. It was his dad. He sounded as if he'd been sleeping.
"Dad?"
"Ya? Drake?"
"No, it's Tony. Dad, it's Grandmother. We found her at the L.A. General Hospital. She's had a major heart attack. The doctor doesn't think she's going to make it through the night."
There was a silence, then, "I'll be right there."
"Tell Uncle Drake, okay? She's asking for him."
"Okay, I'll try and find him."
"Find him? Where in the hell is he? Dad, what's happened? Something terrible has happened, I can feel it."