She thought of people she knew who didn’t acknowledge God in their lives, and she prayed for them, asking God to reveal His love to them. She could not imagine her life without Him.
After the service Marty wanted to hang around and talk to Pastor Owens about the possibility of becoming one of the missionaries supported by the large church. They set up an appointment to meet the following week.
“When will you be going back?” Pastor Owens wanted to know after making a note in his day planner.
“Sometime in March,” Marty replied.
Lily’s eyes snapped up. March? I thought you were going to be here for nine months? She didn’t hear the rest of the conversation. She suddenly felt lightheaded. Feeling herself beginning to sway, she walked to a nearby chair and sat down.
She could have sworn Marty had said he would be here for nine months on the night they’d had dinner with her parents. If she had known he was leaving in three months, she may have been more hesitant to rekindle their relationship. That was not enough time for her to decide if she wanted to pack her bags and head to Kenya with her new husband. Surely Marty didn’t expect her to marry him before then. March? She decided she must have heard wrong.
But she hadn’t. Once Marty had finished talking with Pastor Owens and they were on their way back to her apartment, she asked him about his conflicting words.
“I never told you I was leaving in March?” he asked.
“No!” she said, feeling close to tears and her sometimes unpredictable temper rising to the surface. “You said you were going to be here for nine months!”
“Oh, Lily. I’m sorry,” he responded seriously. “I thought you knew I’ve already been here since June.”
“June! Then why didn’t you come to see me before last week?”
He didn’t reply. He couldn’t seem to find the words. They were back at her door before either of them spoke again.
“Lily,” he said, grabbing her hand that was trembling so much she couldn’t get the key in the lock. “Look at me.”
She sighed, swallowed the lump in her throat, and slowly lifted her eyes. She could tell he was genuinely sorry, and his pained expression made the tears in her eyes overflow.
“I wanted to come see you sooner, but I was afraid of what I’d find out. And then when I finally got up the nerve to visit the old church and heard that you weren’t married, I knew I had to see you. But I didn’t plan to kiss you the other night. I didn’t expect to still love you. I’m sorry I didn’t make sure you knew I was only here for three more months, but I don’t need three months to know I want you as my wife.”
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, wanting to say she didn’t need three months either, but she knew this was not something she could decide without some serious prayer and soul-searching. She cared for Marty immensely. He would be a wonderful husband. But did all these years of waiting come down to a hasty decision? Somehow she didn’t think God expected that of her without some very clear direction, and she didn’t feel she had that yet.
Taking her hand from Marty’s, she inserted the key, turned the lock, and opened the door. Looking back at him she said, “I need some time to think about this.”
Stepping into her apartment, she closed the door behind her and leaned against it. When she heard Marty step away and descend the metal stairs, she began to sob.
An hour later she picked herself up from the floor where she had sank. She had only cried for about ten minutes and spent the rest of the time thinking and praying. She didn’t feel God giving her a clear answer one way or the other and decided she couldn’t sit and wait for one.
She felt like going for a long bike ride, but even though the sky was clear today, she knew she would get too chilled. Instead she decided to call Josie and share about her week, who Marty was, and the bombshell she had received after church.
“Wow,” Josie stated when she finished. “Talk about a life-changing decision. Are you leaning one way or the other?”
“No,” she said. “I’m trying to listen for God’s direction, but I’ve heard nothing from Him on this subject.”
“Well, I’ll pray for you. If that helps any.”
“Yes, please. I need all the prayer I can get.”
“You know, Lily. One of the things I’ve noticed about you is that you always make good decisions. I know this is probably one of the most difficult ones you’ll ever have to make, but give it some time. I can’t imagine you doing anything besides what you know is right for you.”
“Thanks,” she said. “But right now I think I’d like to have the option of going back to my boring life. Why do men have to complicate things so much?”
Josie laughed. “I think you’ve had quite the week, Lily Sullivan. If I were you, I’d go take a hot bath, light some of those scented candles of yours, and crack open a good book. You’re not going to figure this out in one afternoon.”
Lily knew Josie was right, and she took her advice, soaking in a hot bubble bath and letting the gentle aroma of lavender-scented candles relax her weary emotions. Marty called her later that afternoon to see if she was okay. She shared her honest thoughts and feelings and asked him not to call again until Friday, the day after Christmas. Lily didn’t know if she would have her answer by then but knew she needed at least that much time.
She spent the evening wrapping all of her Christmas presents. They had been in her closet, slowly accumulating since October, and she was surprised at all the little things she had picked up that she had forgotten about. By the time she finished, her shoulders and back ached, but she enjoyed the sight of all the colorful packages in the middle of her living room and looked forward to each person unwrapping what she had bought for them in love.
Oh, God. I am blessed to have so many people in my life that I love and who love me in return. Thank you for my family and friends. Sometimes I think my life would be perfect if I had a husband, but I know it’s already perfect. I have you and I have so much to be thankful for.
I would love to marry someone like Marty. I have dreamed of finding someone like him since we went our separate ways back in college. But I also know that only in You and in your will is where true satisfaction is found. It’s hard to keep believing that right now, but I choose to anyway. I will accept whatever you have for me, but I ask that you would make your will clear to me. Very clear.
Lily went to bed with a peace in her heart she knew could only come from God. But even in the midst of her peace came a longing for someone to occupy the empty space beside her.
The remainder of her week held many bittersweet moments. She thought about Marty every day. Feeling like she needed to talk to someone, she tried to call Josie on Tuesday, but then remembered she had gone to San Diego to visit her mom this week. She preferred to not talk to anyone in her family about the matter, but on Christmas Eve when Rose cornered her at their parents’ house and asked why Marty wasn’t there like she had said he might be, she confided in her younger sister.
Rose ran her fingers through her blonde hair and sighed. “Oh, Lily,” she said, putting her arms around her and giving her a loving squeeze. “I’ll pray for you. I don’t think I’d be able to make a decision like that.”
“Thanks, Rosie. Don’t say anything to anyone else, okay? I don’t need advice coming at me from all directions right now, especially from Mom or Cami. This is something I’m going to have to decide for myself.”
“Okay,” she promised her. “We better get back out there before they come looking for us.”
They returned to the front room where the chaotic gift exchange was getting underway. Determined to enjoy this wonderful holiday with her family, Lily put on her best smile and soaked up every bit of the happiness her family’s presence provided.
“Here’s a gift for Marty,” her mother said. “I thought he was going to be here tonight.”
It was the first time anyone besides Rose had mentioned him. She already had an excuse prepared. “Oh, he couldn’t make
it tonight after all,” she said. “Here, I’ll take it and give it to him when I see him.”
The thought of seeing Marty again was a pleasant one, and she knew she was looking forward to it even if she didn’t feel any closer to a decision at this point.
“Are you going down to Salem tomorrow?”
Lily hadn’t expected her mom to ask that and hesitated, not wanting to lie.
“We’re all going to the beach, Mom,” Rose interjected. “I told you that.”
“Oh,” her mother replied, diverting her attention to Rose behind her. “I thought you meant you and Geoffrey.”
“No. We invited Lily too.”
“Well that should be fun. Oh, to be young again,” her mom said wistfully and handed Lily the gift for Marty before wandering away to deliver another one of her immaculately wrapped packages.
“Thank you,” Lily silently mouthed to her sister.
Rose winked and handed her a gift, one with her own name on it. It wasn’t until later that Lily discovered her sister was serious about having her tag along with her and Geoffrey tomorrow. At first she declined, not wanting to intrude on their romantic day together, but Rose insisted.
“You are not spending Christmas by yourself, Lily Renae, and that’s final. Either you come with us, or I’ll squeal on you.”
Lily knew she would. She agreed and gave Rose a hug before getting into her car filled with gifts and heading for home.
CHAPTER EIGHT
By the following afternoon Lily was glad Rose had insisted on her going to the beach with them. Spending the day alone would not have been a good thing. Lily had never been one to throw pity-parties. Certainly she had moments where it felt as if the world were against her, but she never stayed there for long. Feeling sorry for herself seemed to take more energy than letting herself be happy no matter what went on around her.
But when she woke up on Christmas morning, she was, as Anne of Green Gables had said, ‘in the depths of despair.’ Wandering down to the kitchen in her bathrobe, she put on some water for tea and then went to the living room to turn on the Christmas tree lights. Two presents were under it: both for Marty. One from her and the one her mother had given her last night.
She imagined the scenes taking place all over the city. Homes filled with the gleeful sounds of children getting up to see what Santa had brought. Parents who had been up half the night wrapping gifts and assembling toys looking bleary-eyed from a lack of sleep and yet taking joy in their children’s spirit of the morning.
But here she sat alone. No husband. No children. Oh, how she wanted to call Marty. Let’s get married, she’d say. I can’t spend another Christmas without you. But then came that still, small voice, like a wind blowing over a December snow. You must wait. Wait for Me to show you My plan. Don’t try to run ahead. The path is steep and you don’t know the way.
She obeyed but she certainly didn’t feel like it.
Pleasant weather allowed Lily, Rose, and Geoffrey to walk on the beach for a little while that afternoon, and she recalled her lonely morning with the knowledge she had done the right thing by coming here today, but Marty wasn’t far from her thoughts. The wind barely lifted the ends of her hair as she walked ahead of Rose and Geoffrey, giving them a romantic moment without her having to watch them walking hand-in-hand and whispering sweet-nothings to each other as Rose clung to Geoffrey for warmth.
She hadn’t had much of a chance to see them together before this and felt happy Rose had found such a mild-mannered, thoughtful man. Geoffrey wasn’t as charming or drop-dead gorgeous as some of the guys Rose had brought home over the years, but Lily knew Geoffrey would treat her little sister well and make her happy.
At dinner Lily smiled when Geoffrey presented Rose with an engagement ring. They were already officially engaged, but being a med student, Geoffrey hadn’t been able to afford a ring yet. Rose was surprised and thrilled he had managed to come up with the money from somewhere.
“I hope that didn’t upset you,” Rose said to her in the restroom before they left for home. “I didn’t know he was going to do that.”
“It didn’t upset me, Rosie,” she said, giving her a hug and taking another look at the shimmering diamond on her sister’s hand. “I’m happy for you. Geoffrey is a good and sweet guy, and I can see that my prayers for you have paid off.”
Rose got misty-eyed. “You’ve been praying for a good husband for me?”
“Of course I have. What kind of a big sister would I be if I hadn’t?”
On the ride home, Lily dozed off in the back seat. She woke as they were driving into downtown, about two minutes away from her apartment. She supposed it must be around nine-thirty.
Stepping from the car, she thanked Rose and Geoffrey for a nice day and wished them a merry Christmas. Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she held her wool coat close to her body and hurried up the stairs. It felt colder here with the east wind blowing than it had at the beach.
Stopping dead in her tracks when she reached the landing, she saw a man leaning against the door with his eyes closed and a scarf wrapped over his mouth and nose. It took her a second to realize it was Marty. His exposed cheeks looked as red as Santa’s.
“Marty!” she said, going to him and stirring him from sleep. “What are you doing out here? It’s freezing!”
He opened his eyes and seemed confused for a moment until he remembered where he was. “Lily,” he said, pulling her close. “I tried to wait until tomorrow, but I couldn’t. Don’t be mad.”
She laughed and rose from her knees to open the door. “Get in here, you stupid, stupid man! So help me if you get pneumonia. How long have you been out here?”
He rose with a groan and stumbled inside behind her. “What time is it?”
She checked the clock and hurried across the room to crank up the thermostat, not bothering to remove her shoes. “Nine twenty-five,” she replied.
“I’ve been here since four,” he said.
“Four!”
“But I sat in the coffee shop until about eight,” he said, keeping her from calling her mom to ask about symptoms of hypothermia. “I came up to check every twenty minutes and see if you were home. I finally decided to sit and wait.”
She helped him remove his coat that felt ice-cold and grabbed a warm throw blanket from the couch to wrap around him. He only had on a thin Henley underneath. “Why didn’t you wait in your car?”
“I don’t have my car. Paula needed it today. I hitched a ride with Lizzy on her way back to Seattle.”
Marty had let his youngest sister use his car for college while he’d been away. Now that he was back they were sharing it.
“How were you planning to get home?” she asked, directing him to sit in the chair that was closest to the heater.
“Take a bus, I guess,” he shrugged. “To be honest all I had on my mind was getting here to see you.”
She went to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee, then returned to take care of Jack Frost.
“After four years in Kenya, it must have felt like the North Pole to you out there,” she said, kneeling in front of him and warming his cold hands in her own.
“I’ll be okay, Lily,” he said, obviously more concerned with getting to the reason he had come than his chilled condition. “By two o’clock this afternoon I knew I wanted to spend part of this day with you, no matter what the future holds for us.”
“If I had known you were coming, I would have been here,” she replied sincerely. “But my parents were going to Eugene today to see my grandparents, and my sister wouldn’t let me be alone. She dragged me to the beach with her and Geoffrey.”
He motioned to her, and she hesitated for only a moment before accepting his invitation to sit on his lap. Leaning into his chest as he wrapped the blanket around both of them, she didn’t get the impression he wanted to do anything but enjoy her company. His words confirmed that.
“I’m not here to get an answer or even hear what you’ve been thinking, Lily
. I want some time with you, that’s all. We don’t have to talk about it right now.”
She remained silent and knew she needed this. She didn’t think about March or even about tomorrow. It simply felt good to not be alone tonight.
“Let me get you some coffee,” she insisted when she knew it was ready. He let her go. When she returned she saw he had moved to the couch. She removed her shoes and set them beside the door before joining him to watch some television. He invited her to sit close to his side. Finding a classic Christmas movie, they watched the second half of it together, mostly in silence.
He held her close, but he didn’t try to kiss her. She wasn’t sure if she would have let him or not, but she was thankful she didn’t have to make that choice.
When the movie ended, she hoped he would stay. They finally talked some. She told him about her time with her family and with Rose and Geoffrey today. His week sounded similar. Some time alone, some time with family, lots of time with God. She was glad to hear he was praying about this as well.
By midnight she was feeling tired, and he caught her yawning, but she didn’t want him to go.
“I’m not thrilled about leaving right now,” he admitted, taking her hand. “I’ll probably have to wait until morning to catch a bus, but at least I’ll have a warm place to sleep while I wait at the station.”
“What about your friend that lives three blocks away?”
“He’s out of town,” he said. “I tried to go there when you weren’t home and then remembered him saying he planned to spend today and tomorrow up at Mount Hood.”
Lily rose from the couch and went to get an extra pillow and another blanket. “You can sleep on the couch,” she said, returning to the living room where he had already put on one shoe. “We’re not in college anymore, and I think we can be responsible enough to handle sleeping under the same roof for one night without doing anything stupid.”
Lily Fields (Garden of Love 1) Page 7