On the Sundays Peter wasn’t working, she had been going to the large church in Sacramento with him. She had met Mike and his wife and their son J.J. there, and she let J.J. warm her heart in place of Max. They were similar boys with similar behavior patterns. But she felt anxious for September to come when she would be seeing Max on a daily basis again and helping him to be successful in second grade.
After dinner and some casual conversation around the table with his family, Peter invited her to go for a walk. Heading up the quiet street overlooking the hills and valleys below, they enjoyed some minutes of silence. A warm breeze made for a pleasant evening. Lily had been amazed by many things in her and Peter’s relationship, and one of them was happening right now. Being with Peter and enjoying his companionship could bring more joy to her soul than the most well-planned, romantic date.
She thought about asking Peter if he wanted to share what he had to tell her, but she didn’t want to break the peaceful silence. Waiting until tomorrow would be fine. She liked the idea of knowing Peter had something special to tell her but wanted to wait for the perfect moment.
When they were almost back to the house, Peter stopped and turned to face her, taking her into his arms in a peaceful way. He didn’t say anything for a few moments but then spoke some words he appeared to have been thinking about.
“I’ve never been happier than I am now, Lily. I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you.”
She knew how he felt because she felt the same way about him, but she also knew this wasn’t going away. “You can believe it. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know, and I find that amazing. I’m afraid of disappointing you. I’m afraid our life together won’t be everything you want it to be.”
“I can’t imagine that, Peter. I want us to be together and to go where life takes us. That’s my only expectation. Love me and let me love you. That’s all I want. I’m glad we’re moving to Oregon and that I can live close to my family and keep my job as Max’s aide for however long he needs me; but if I couldn’t have those things and only had you, wherever we were living and whatever we were doing, that would be enough for me.”
“You’re enough for me too, Lily. And I never imagined that. I never imagined one person making me feel complete. I don’t feel like you’re a part of my life, but that you are my life.”
Again she knew what he meant because she felt the same way about him. “Surprise!” she laughed.
He kissed her then, playfully at first and then more seriously. She simply enjoyed the moments they could have together for now, but she knew there was more to come in how they would express their love to one another when they were living together as husband and wife, and she was looking forward to that time. The thought of sharing her bed with Peter was even more of a passionate and deep desire than she had ever imagined it would be.
After a nice evening with Peter’s family, Lily slept well, feeling at peace and in love with Peter. Waking the next morning to another blue sky day, she felt fairly certain what Peter had shared with her last night had not been his big news, and she felt anxious about what it might be. Yesterday she had been content to wait. Today she wanted to know.
They ate a light breakfast and headed for Tahoe, arriving in the small town on the south end of the lake before noon. They spent the day similar to the other times they had come here: Finding a grassy spot to have their lunch and talk; going on a boat tour; poking in and out of little shops; finding quiet, semiprivate spots to kiss.
By dinnertime she felt more than ready to hear Peter’s news. He’d had several opportunities throughout the afternoon, and she decided if he didn’t bring it up during dinner, she would. After their dessert plates had been cleared away, she finally mentioned it.
He smiled. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Rolling her eyes and laying her forehead in her hand, she shook her head. Looking back up, she expressed her thoughts.
“You are going to pay for that one, Peter Fields.”
He paid for their meal with a smile, and they stepped into the rapidly cooling evening air a few minutes later. A slight breeze tickled her exposed legs and arms, and she nestled in close to his side, despite the fact she had been giving him the you’re in big trouble face for the last two minutes.
Walking back to his truck parked along the street, he walked with her to the passenger side and waited for her to give him her full attention. He took her hands and smiled.
“Actually, I have two things to say.”
“They better be good if you expect to redeem yourself.”
He appeared confident she would enjoy hearing this and didn’t waste any more time.
“I got a job in Portland.”
She smiled broadly. “You did? With the fire department?”
“Yes. I start September fifth.”
“Wow! That’s great timing.” They were due back from their honeymoon on the fourth.
“They actually wanted me on the first, but I told them I’d be on my honeymoon so they bumped back the starting date for me.”
“That is so great!” she said, giving him a tight hug around the neck. “I’ve been praying you wouldn’t have to do some other job.”
“I thought God worked that out quite well.”
She couldn’t agree more and laughed. “What’s your other news?”
“Hold on. I’m not done with the first one yet.”
“You mean there’s more?”
He rubbed her bare arms and made her wait a few seconds, appearing to think she would like this news even better.
“Since I have a job waiting for me, I decided to give notice down here and my last day will be August 12th.”
Her face lit up. “Are you coming to Portland with me for the last two weeks before the wedding?”
“I am. I promised you no more good-byes, Lily, and I wanted to keep that promise if at all possible.”
She squealed and hugged him even tighter than before. He lifted her off the ground and laughed.
“Am I forgiven?”
“Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes!”
He slowly set her down and kissed her. “Are you ready for the other news?”
“Okay,” she said, drying her joyful tears and wondering what else he could possibly have to say. The first piece of news was still sinking in.
“Mark is moving to California,” he said, taking her by surprise. She had no idea Mark was even thinking about it since deciding not to take that job he had applied for at the children’s hospital.
“He is? How come?”
“Dad can’t keep up with his practice all by himself. Mark talked to him about moving down and taking over the pediatric patients, and Dad agreed.”
“That’s great,” she said, knowing how concerned they all had been about their dad working too hard. “How soon?”
“As soon as possible. He has one minor detail to work out first,” he said, squeezing her hands and giving her a knowing smile.
Josie. Lily knew what Peter was going to say before he spoke the words.
“He’s going to ask Josie to marry him when he gets back.”
Since she hadn’t talked to Josie for several weeks, she didn’t know if Josie would consider this a good thing or not. She hoped Josie’s feelings for Mark had grown over the summer, but she had no way of knowing for certain. From the look on Peter’s face, and the words he spoke, she knew he had gotten the impression from Mark that his proposal would be accepted.
“It looks like you two are going to be sisters.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Not wanting to give Peter any indication she had reason to believe Josie might say no and have her doubts get back to Mark, Lily replied with what she hoped was true.
“That’s great. Except for the fact that she’ll be living down here, and I’ll be in Oregon.”
“We’ll see them on holidays and stuff,” he said. “I can’t figure out what’s taken him this long to ask her.”
>
Lily didn’t reply. Two weeks later when they arrived in Portland, Lily called Josie as soon as she had a chance. She had heard from Peter that when Mark asked Josie, she said she wanted time to think about it.
Both Mark and Peter thought she needed some time to decide if she wanted to get married right away and move down with Mark at the beginning of September, or have Mark go on without her and get married sometime later. But Lily suspected Josie had meant she needed time to decide if she wanted to marry him at all. She hoped she was wrong.
“Is Josie working this weekend?” Lily asked Mark on Sunday, trying to sound casual. She had only been able to leave messages the times she had tried to call her since arriving on Friday.
“She’s at the beach with her brother’s family,” Mark said.
“Oh. When will she be back?”
“On Friday, but she has to work next weekend. She said to tell you she could help with whatever you need next Monday and Tuesday and the day of the wedding. I think she felt bad she wouldn’t be around more now that you’re back.”
“Oh, it’s fine,” she said. Josie was going to be her maid of honor, but with Mom, Cami, and Rose having all of the wedding details under control, she didn’t especially need Josie’s help. “I haven’t seen her for so long, and I’d like to get a lunch in with her or something before the big day.”
She almost said, ‘before you two move down to California,’ but she didn’t.
Over the next week she prayed for Josie often, supposing Josie would be doing a lot of thinking during her time away with her family at the beach. Lily’s mom and older sister kept her busy with approving this and that and making decisions about what kinds of mints to serve and the color of candles she wanted.
Having Peter around to escape to whenever she felt herself becoming stressed kept her from going too crazy. One thing she did on her own without anyone interfering: look for Peter’s ring. She had asked if he wanted to pick it out himself, but he didn’t. He said not to get him anything too fancy, that a simple gold band would be fine, but he didn’t give her any other ideas.
She ended up doing what she had done with her own: designing it herself. Discussing ideas with Cameron one afternoon, it didn’t take her long to decide. The following Monday she went to pick it up and felt pleased with the result.
“It’s perfect,” she told Cameron, holding the band between her fingers and making the three small stones that had been embedded in the surface sparkle in the light. She had chosen a center diamond with a sapphire and emerald on either side.
When she returned from the mall with Peter’s ring and a few items she had picked up at the lingerie store for her honeymoon, she called Josie and caught her at home. Lily didn’t know if Josie would want to discuss Mark’s proposal with her or not, but after letting Josie know a few things she could use her help with, she felt she had to ask.
“I heard about Mark planning to move to California and asking you to go with him,” she said. “Have you made a decision yet?”
Josie remained silent for a moment. When she spoke she didn’t hide the truth. “I don’t think I can do it, Lil. I don’t think I love him like that.”
Lily’s heart sank. She had been hoping Josie’s feelings for Mark had grown over the summer and that her own doubts about Josie accepting his proposal would be false. But obviously nothing had changed.
“Have you told him that?”
“No,” she sighed. “He was so sweet when he asked that I couldn’t do it. I’m such a coward.”
“When are you planning to tell him?”
“I prayed about it all week at the beach. Part of me wants to tell him it’s over, and part of me is seriously thinking about the possibility of saying yes.”
“I’m coming over,” she said. “Peter had some secret mission to accomplish today, so I’ve got the afternoon free.”
“Okay. Thanks, Lily. I could use someone to talk to.”
For the first twenty minutes after arriving at Josie’s apartment, Lily listened to things she’d heard her friend say before. Lily didn’t feel like there was anything she could say to persuade her to marry Mark, and she didn’t want to.
Josie wasn’t having the same kinds of doubts that she herself had about Peter. Her own concerns had been things like, ‘Were they moving too fast? Could she honestly have such strong feelings for someone she had known for such a short time? Did Peter really love her?’
But for Josie, the feelings weren’t even there. They never had been. She enjoyed Mark’s company, and he was a good man, but Lily heard nothing that resembled her own deep need and desire to be with Peter.
“For months I’ve thought, ‘Okay, maybe there haven’t been fireworks and wedding bells ringing in my ears, but I’m older now than when I fell in love with Tommy’s father. Maybe this is what a relationship that will last is like. Mark makes me feel happy and secure and special. What more do I need?’”
“But?”
“But then when I saw you with Peter, the way your face glowed, the way you looked at each other, the basket-case you turned into when he wasn’t around, I thought, ‘That’s what I want. I want to feel that way about someone, like I can’t imagine my life without him.’”
“Do you think it’s possible that if you were away from Mark for a few months, you would miss him enough to realize you’re in love with him, but it’s been a more gradual kind of love than what Peter and I have experienced?”
“Yes, I’ve thought of that, and I’ve considered telling Mark to go to California without me instead of flat-out saying no. But I don’t know if I should tell him I may want to marry him six months from now but I’m not sure, or if I should agree to marry him, set the wedding date for next spring, and then take that time to decide if I want to go through with it.”
Thinking of how devastated she would feel if Peter asked her to marry him and then backed out later, Lily told Josie what she thought. “I think you have to be honest with him. For him and for yourself. You’ll feel even worse if you lie to him, Josie.”
She nodded. “I know. I have to tell him. But as soon as I do, it will be over. And there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to let go.” She the tears fall from her large brown eyes. “What if nobody else is out there for me, Lil? What if my Peter never comes? This may sound awful, but I feel like I’d rather marry a good man that I’m not head-over-heels in love with than be alone for the rest of my life. Tommy needs a daddy. I need a husband. I don’t know how much longer I can wait for that.”
Lily scooted closer to Josie and held her for a long time. She was sobbing, and Lily could relate. She had felt the same way about letting go of Marty. What if no one else is out there for me? The similarity made Lily wonder if that was another reason God had brought Marty back into her life, to show her that doing what she knew was right would lead her down the right path, and then she could encourage others with the same message.
Josie went to get some tissue from the bathroom, and Lily carefully thought out her words before Josie returned. She didn’t want to give Josie any false hope about the future, and she didn’t know what God might have for her. But she did feel that God was laying some words on her heart to speak to Josie, and she prayed she would say them the right way.
“Do you feel like God is asking you to wait on Him, Josie? To trust Him to bring the right man along in His timing, rather than making it happen yourself?”
Josie stared at her and wiped her nose with a second tissue. “How did you know that?”
“He is?”
“Ever since Mark asked me, I keep coming back to that very thing. I keep hearing Him say, ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ That was the verse I kept clinging to back when I was trying to decide if I should keep Tommy. I kept thinking, ‘I can’t do this. I can’t raise a child by myself. There’s no way.’ But God kept telling me to be still and wait on Him.”
“And back then you did what you felt He was asking you to do?”
Josie nodded. “
I knew I had to. And I still believe He wanted me to keep my baby.”
“And now you feel that way about letting Mark go and trusting Him to provide for your needs in the future?”
“Yes. That’s it exactly.”
Lily took her hand and gently squeezed her fingers. “I felt that way too, about Marty. God didn’t let me down, Josie. And He won’t let you down either. Trust Him. No mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him and obey His voice.”
Josie sighed and a peace seemed to settle over her face.
“Maybe Mark is the one God has for you, but you have to let him go first so He can show you that. Or maybe someone else is just around the corner.”
She and Peter were having dinner with her family that evening, and she left her friend alone with her thoughts to go take a shower and be ready by the time Peter returned from wherever he had gone. The following day she and Josie ran some errands together and had a late lunch, grabbing some deli sandwiches and eating them at Pioneer Courthouse Square.
“I’m going to tell Mark no,” Josie said.
Lily had known Josie had him on her mind for the last couple of hours, but this was the first time she’d mentioned it.
“No to getting married right now, or no: not now, not ever?”
“I don’t think anything is going to change, even after he’s gone. It might, but I don’t want to give him any false hope. I think it’s better if I end it now.”
“When?”
“I don’t want to do it before your wedding. With me being your maid of honor and Mark as Peter’s best man, I don’t want to bring a cloud of gloom over your happy day and make the ceremony awkward for everyone.’
Lily Fields (Garden of Love 1) Page 28