by Unknown
“Sorry Shug, watchalae,” watch out Lindsey said as she kicked her shoes across the grass and out of the way.
Living in San Antonio Texas, she and her family couldn’t help but allow some Mexican expressions to creep into their everyday language, and they kind of like it that way. Lindsey thinks it makes her sound ethnic and exotic. Of course dating a few wealthy Mexican businessmen has increased Lindsey’s Spanish vocabulary a bit.
For when it comes to finding a man, Lindsey’s motto is “get in where you fit in, Shug.”
Texans love calling each other Shug, hon, and darlin’. To non-Texans, it might seem a little dated, and too familiar to say this to anyone outside of your inner circle of friends and family.
Calling someone sugar (Shug), honey (hon), or darling (darlin’), to a Texan, “hell we don’t mean nothin’ by it, we’s just bein’ friendly is all”—some might say.
Lindsey was a trends analyst; she predicted what’s trending and businesses, celebrities, even government candidates used that information to make decisions on branding, products, investments, or even to appeal to voters. And Lindsey used it to get a man.
But she didn’t need to do all of that. Lindsey was sweet, kind, and loyal; and as much as she may have driven her nephew crazy, he loved her and thought she’d be a great mom.
But Lindsey was crazed by the prospect of finding a man and getting married now that she has turned thirty-eight, thirty-eight and a half to be precise.
It wasn’t all Lindsey’s fault that she was husband and baby obsessed. A woman has a lot of pressure to “make it.” In high school, she needed to make the team, or make it into the popular crowd, make it into the right college, make it out of college with a degree, make it into the right company, make the promotion, make the right impression on the right man so that she can make a baby before tick-tickey-boom!
Her eggs are too old to make a healthy baby. Lindsey was fast approaching forty and she didn’t even have a boyfriend.
“You must be Kevin, hi I’m…”
“I’d recognize you anywhere, you’re Lindsey, you look just like your profile photos.”
“Why thank you. I see you’ve changed a little since posting your profile. Pleasure to meet you just the same.”
“So are you up for some archery today?”
“Yeah, I’m ready to go, let's nock a few arrows, Lindsey laughed, with Kevin joining in on the archery joke. As Lindsey followed behind Kevin while he got them all checked-in at the indoor/outdoor archery range, she couldn’t help but mentally cross Kevin off her prospective husband list. “Former college linebacker? Well it looks like he ate a linebacker, or he’s hiding a keg in his tee-shirt,” Lindsey thought to herself.
He failed the “can I look at this person every day for the rest of my life, and not want to plot his murder” test.
Lindsey had already mentally checked out of this date. She went through the motions of laughing at Kevin’s jokes and making small talk.
She even shot three arrows in a row from five-yards. Afterward, she thought to herself, “Well at least this is another hobby I’ll be able to teach my kids someday.”
After two hours of archery, Kevin asked Lindsey out to lunch. She politely refused, claiming a previous engagement. Kevin gave her a bear hug as if she were his long lost sister, and they departed company.
Disappointed by how Kevin deceived her about his physical fitness, Lindsey began to have that sinking feeling that the love, marriage, and baby boat was sailing away out of her reach.
The sound of her cell phone, vibrating from inside the Kate Spade handbag sitting in her passenger seat, jolted Lindsey out of a dark place. The place where she starts imagining a life without birthing children and becoming very, very, sad.
Lindsey looked at the caller ID before deciding to answer. “Hey Shug,” Lindsey, cheerfully said to Rachel.
“Lindsey, I need a huge favor,” Rachel begged.
“Okay, what is it?”
“Stephen’s fraternity brother is in town for a job interview and Stephen really wants him to accept the offer, so he plans to show him a good time this weekend.”
“Okay?” Lindsey said questioningly.
“Please hang out with us this weekend Lindsey. I don’t know what Stephen’s friend looks like or what kind of person he is, but I know he’ll have more fun if he’s not a third wheel—Please Linds’?
Rachel could hear Lindsey sigh heavily into the phone, and knew she was at least thinking about saying yes.
“Okay, it’s golf today at three, dinner and dancing tonight, and brunch tomorrow, that’s it; I promise. What do you say?”
“Three o’clock, that’s two hours from now! Oh, okay, I’ll do my best, but beauty takes time honey, that’s not a fifteen-minute job. But for you? I’ll be there and I’ll look amazing,” sang Lindsey.
“Thanks, girl—love you!” and they each hung up.
*****
Lindsey believed every time there is the most remote chance that she might bump into a man, she should look her best. Fearing she will meet “the man of her dreams” and not make a good impression.
As Lindsey stepped out of her car, ten minutes, fashionably late, Rachel smiled and silently said, “That’s my girl.”
Lindsey wore her chestnut hair in a side, loose, flat-ironed ponytail. She looked amazing in her dark gray, Nike, spandex, collared jersey, with a matching gray on pink, golf skort. Sizing her up, Rachel’s husband Stephen, objectively thought that she was elegant, in a hot way, and silently approved of Lindsey’s appearance as well. Rachel and Stephen looked pleased.
After greeting her friends, Lindsey asked, “So where’s your friend Stephen?”
“Uh, he’s in the pro shop, he’ll be right back,” Stephen replied.
“Oh, okay. So, I shot three arrows in a nice little quarter-sized shot group today,” bragged Lindsey when Stephen’s friend walked out of the pro shop and began walking towards them.
Lindsey didn’t hear any of the questions Rachel and Stephen asked. Her eyes were transfixed on the six-foot, six-inch, NBA All-Star looking, blue eyed, blond headed man coming her way.
Noticing his friend approaching, Stephen said, “Lindsey this is Jessie James. Jessie, this is Lindsey Grantham.”
“Pleasure to meet you, Lindsey,” Jessie said as he extended a strong but decidedly gentle hand toward Lindsey.
Lindsey daintily shook his hand and smiled widely.
Jessie, who was looking down on Lindsey with his own broad smile, seemed just as pleased with her.
“Pleasure to me you too Jessie,” beamed Lindsey.
Not knowing that at forty-three, single, and childless, Jessie’s biological clock was ticking too. He was starting to wonder if he would develop prostate cancer or suffer from erectile dysfunction before he found his soul-mate and procreated.
The afternoon passed all too quickly for Lindsey and Jessie. They laughed at how ugly, yet effective Lindsey’s golf swing was. They laughed at how Stephen and Rachel argued about which one of them was causing their team to lose at nine holes, of best ball, golf. They laughed at Jessie’s name—Jessie Jackson James!
They had a great afternoon and an even better evening. The presence of Stephen and Rachel was barely even noticed because Lindsey and Jessie spent most of the night staring at each other.
In between love-sick gazes, Stephen talked about how good it would be to have his buddy, Jessie, back in town and working for the same company. And about what great opportunities the organization offered.
But by the end of the evening, as Jessie road in the back seat of Stephen’s car, he couldn’t help feeling that Lindsey had already sealed the deal for him. Seeing that far off look in Jessie’s face made Stephen sure that his friend would accept the job, to be close to Lindsey.
When Lindsey got home she considered shutting down her online dating account but thought better of it. “I should at least keep it active until Jessie accepts the jobs and moves to San Antone,” Lindsey a
dvised herself. Instead, she spent the night cyberstalking Jessie all over social media to learn more about him.
The more she discovered, the more she liked him, and she couldn’t wait to see him at brunch the next morning.
Brunch was great. Jessie said all of the right things and made all of the right moves. He paid attention to Lindsey and engaged in conversation with her. He complimented her red, A-line sundress, and even noticed her candy-cane red nails.
By the time coffee was served, Jessie had delicately lifted Lindsey’s hand off the table and kissed it, like a 16th century, French man.
Lindsey had a hard time playing it cool, but she pulled it off. Even Rachel drooled from across the table, glancing at her own husband, Stephen as if he were a cretin
Jessie walked Lindsey to her car and kissed her sweetly on the lips, caressing her face in his hand. “If I don’t get this job, I’ll be looking for another position in San Antonio. There’s no way that I can keep living in Boston now.”
Lindsey blushed and looked away until Jessie began to speak again.
“I like you Lindsey and I want to get to know you better. I’m in corporate law, somebody’s got to have an opening for me. I’ll be back in San Antonio Linds!”
“I hope so,” is all that Lindsey could manage to say. Her body was coursing with so many hormones, that her eggs felt a tectonic shift inside her body. Lindsey was thinking about making babies with Jessie!
*****
Things are no picnic on the other side of the gender coin either. Prospective husbands have their own pressures.
In the 21st century, women can run for president, join the Special Forces, and lead multimillion dollar, multinational companies.
But men are still on the societal hook to learn a trade or get a degree, stay out of jail and off drugs, settle down, find a wife, make babies, and be able to support his family.
All while being strong and invincible, capable of fixing anything, and sensitive enough to talk about his feelings—and braid a little girl’s hair.
“Want a beer?”
“Sure thanks, man. When did you start drinking Fat Tire? I can’t believe you drink craft beer now? Where’s your Budweiser, Jake?
“Dude don’t even act like you don’t know. It’s Katrina, she’s changing everything about me, man. Look at me, I look so amazing in these clothes even I would date me.”
“I do like your skinny jeans and vest man. And the way you’ve got your sleeves rolled up to show off your tatts, that’s on fleek right there man!” Randy sarcastically said, but with a hint of envy.
“I know, and check it out. You see this beard? Professionally manscaped bro!”
“What?”
“Yeah, I know. And the weird thing is, I love to hate it! I mean I love how I look; I would never have thought of this combination of clothes. But at the same time, I hate that Katrina’s influencing and changing me so much.”
“But it is kinda cool that you don’t drink the same beer as your dad anymore, Jake.”
“See that’s what I mean. I love the changes, but I hate that Katrina made me change, I didn’t change me, she did!”
“Well, it could be worse. She could be changing you into a drugged out loser. Instead, she’s making you cool and hip. Your business is even taking off since she did that marketing campaign for you.”
“I know, I know, she’s awesome, but Dude, my parents are pressuring me to marry her. Do you know how hard it would be to be married to a smart, rich woman Dude?”
“No, tell me about how rough your life will be Jake.”
“Dude, even when your wife makes a lot of money—like six figures, it’s still not cool for a man to stay home with the kids.”
“Or, to do a job that doesn’t make a lot of money, but makes him happy,” Randy interjects.
“Right, Dude, you understand how I feel.”
“Yeah, I do, take my own situation, Jake. If I decided to be a professional skateboarder my mom would lose it and my dad would never speak to me again.
“But if you were really good at it I’d still be your friend, even if you are making money disguised as a 14-year old boy.”
“Thanks, Jake. But seriously, my dad’s always telling me that he can get me a good job at his company where I could “actually put that $60,000 bachelor’s degree to good use.”
“Dude, you do have a big student loan debt.”
“My uncle says, you’re a smart boy, you and I could make a killing in the construction business with your head and my experience.”
“I wouldn’t go into business with your Uncle either Dude.” Jake whispers, “I think he’s connected. I’m serious man, your Uncle is mobbed up.”
“Come on Jake this is a serious conversation man.”
“Okay Dude I’m listening go ahead,” Jake said as he straightened up his face to take on a serious appearance.
“My mom just wants me to make her some grandbabies before she dies. They don’t get that I want to be true to who I am and find a woman who doesn’t want to change me. Unless she makes me into an amazingly handsome, successful entrepreneur like Katrina did for you, Jake.”
“I know you’re kidding and complimenting me so, thanks, bro.”
“Dating is hard, Jake. Meeting the right woman is hard. And honestly, I’m cracking under the pressure.
I remember when they were happy when I just wanted to be a cowboy, now they want me to be a businessman and I don’t—I don’t want any of it. I want to be happy, whatever that means.”
Randy and Jake have been best friends for over a decade and they are at the stage in life where they want to grow up, but just aren’t sure how to get there. Like women, men too obsess over social and biological pressures in their thirties, making them a little crazy in the process also.
“Okay Nancy, that’s enough of that. I felt my testosterone level dropping while listening to you pour your heart out, Randy. I don’t have any answers for you. So why don’t we just go shot some people?”
“Hand me that controller and turn on your Xbox man, I could seriously use some Call of Duty right now.”
“But you still have that date tomorrow with that girl you met online, right?”
“Yes Jake, now stop talking and play.”
“Tango down,” the Xbox character says as the guys mindlessly lose themselves in a Call of Duty campaign.
*****
“Lindsey, I can’t believe you’re still going on a date with that sailboat guy. What ever happened to Jessie James?” Lindsey’s older sister Rebecca asked.
“Until I see Jessie standing next to a moving truck, in San Antonio, Texas, I’m not taking myself off the market.”
“You’ve talked to him every day, sometimes several times a day, for the past month and he accepted the job. What more do you want?”
“I’m too old to count unhatched chickens, Rebecca. I’m not putting my life on hold for Jessie. Besides, I only met him that one time. What if he moves here and turns out to be a jerk, or psycho, or something?”
“Now that’s the first rational thing I’ve ever heard you say when it comes to dating Lindsey.” The sisters shared a big laugh over that truth.
“Listen, Sis, I already paid for my sailing lesson so I’m gonna go ahead and go to this four-day sailing workshop in Austin. I may or may not go out with sailboat guy, but if nothing else…”
“I know, I know, at least you’ve learned another hobby you can teach your kids someday.”
“Right! So, I’m leaving Friday and I’ll be home Tuesday afternoon. I’ll text you the address for my hotel and the sailing center. Love you Sis.”
“Love you more Lindsey.”
Lindsey became a serial hobbyist out of necessity, but in actuality, she may have grown to love the constant adventure of learning to master some new skill to impress a man. Deep down, she was looking forward to learning to sail.
“Hi, I’m Lindsey Grantham, I’m checking in.”
“Welcome to Texas Sailing m
a’am. I’m Diana, I have your reservation right here. I see you’re here for the non-certification, private sailing lesson.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Well here’s your welcome packet and room key. You’ll be staying in room 215. It has a view of Canyon Lake, I’m sure you’ll enjoy that.” Diana said with a big smile and all the enthusiasm of a High School cheerleader.
“Randal Moore will be your instructor. He’ll meet you here in the lobby at 7:00 am sharp tomorrow. All of the information that you need about meals and the facility is in your packet. If you have any questions call, or come back down to the desk and we’ll be glad to help you.”
Lindsey was so overwhelmed by all of the information, the facility, the boats, and being alone on such a big adventure, that she only said, “Okay thank you,” on the verge of tears. Then she walked away in search of an elevator to take her to her room.
When Lindsey opened the door to her beautifully appointed, nautically themed room, the view of the sailboats on the lake was spectacular. But Lindsey felt the sting of tears in her eyes as she sat on the bed, sitting in the realization that she was alone, doing something awesome, again!
Lindsey never told anyone, but she was as tired of experiencing life alone, as she was afraid of running out of time to have a baby. Lindsey had never really learned how to be alone, without being lonely.
But, suddenly Lindsey became determined to spend the day alone without feeling sorry for herself. Usually, in a new environment, Lindsey would become fast friends with a perfect stranger, or a group of strangers, and avoid being on her own. This time, she was determined to sightsee, explore, dine, and shop alone.
Lindsey walked in and out of Canyon Lake shops, rented an SUP, and enjoyed her meals—alone.
Realizing how late it was getting Lindsey decided to call it a night She had an early day of sailing the next day. Back in her hotel room, while setting her cell phone alarm for the next day, she realized that she missed several calls from her sister Rebecca, Jessie, and even her nephew Robbie, who called to wish her “happy sailing tomorrow.”