by Kara Hart
“Wait,” I interrupt. “You followed me? Seriously? You’re joking…”
She looks guilty, worried, and depressed. I can’t say for sure, but I think she’s thinking, “I should have kept this inside my head.” I stop eating the cinnamon roll and set down my fork.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I knew I shouldn’t have gone, but Sandra was really insistent. She didn’t tell me where we were going. All of a sudden, I’m in a cab next to some Prius. That’s when I realized that she was trying to follow Eric.”
“I’m not an asshole,” I say, heart pumping fast and steady. “And I guess I’m not your boyfriend, either.”
I open my wallet and throw down two twenty-dollar bills. I walk away, toward the busy intersection, while Olivia scrambles to keep up with me.
“Wait! Cole! Come on,” she calls out.
I stop and turn around. To be honest, I’m pretty pissed off.
“What? You don’t trust me. You’ve never trusted me. Hell, when we first met again, you were convinced I cheated on you,” I say. “Let me break this down for you, just so you know. I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life. I may have been a dirt bag at times. I may have broken up with women right out of the gate, taken them home, and said stupid things. But I’ve never broken a promise. That’s not me. I thought you knew me better.”
She grabs my shoulder as I turn back around, ready to walk the whole way home.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I thought I was helping Sandra,” she repeats.
“Not by following me around,” I interrupt. “I don’t want a girlfriend who has to spy on me to get some peace of mind.”
“Cole! Don’t you walk away from this, dammit!” She pleads as I move toward the curb. “You’re too important. We’re too important. Don’t you think?”
“I thought so, yeah,” I mutter. “But now, everything feels tainted.”
The problem is that I’m angry. Yet, I know that deep in my heart, this woman is still the person of my dreams. It’s the weird balance you have to ride sometimes.
I don’t know what the right reaction is right now. Right now, I’m just following that line and hoping I get to something positive at the end of it.
“I was wrong,” she says.
“Very wrong,” I correct her. “I wouldn’t go into a place like that. All I was thinking about was you. That’s it.”
“I know, Cole. I’m sorry,” she says.
“Look, I may have mistrusted you in the beginning, but I quickly got over it. It seems like your distrust comes from something deeper. It’s almost as if you hold onto it for your life, like you can’t shake it. As for me, I don’t need that right now. I need someone who can get past all of the bullshit. I need someone who is going to believe in me,” I say. “I thought that was what love was about. Trust.”
“And honesty. Sometimes you make mistakes. Sometimes you have to come clean and hope the other person forgives you,” she says.
“And sometimes you just have to walk away,” I say.
“Cole!” she yells. But I’m already walking and she knows not to follow me.
“Cole! Please!”
I leave, feeling completely off. I fight the urge to look back, though I ultimately take a short glance. She’s on the curb, tears are streaming down her eyes, and she’s staring right at me. But I keep walking and I hold my head steady, out of fear it might collapse.
Truth is, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m letting my body take me where it wants. It feels like my legs are working through mechanics, like I’m a robot, hell bent on destroying everything around me.
I feel sick, not because she doesn’t trust me now, but because I don’t think she’ll ever trust me. I’ve been with people like that. It’s invasive. It’s non-stop surveillance.
That’s not the life for me. At home, I collapse onto the floor. I clutch at the carpet, pulling out thread after thread. I feel hollow and confused, like I don’t deserve to have anything good.
Afterwards, the guilt and regret starts flooding in. I shouldn’t have left her there alone, but I needed to get my point across. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t truly love and trust me. I just can’t.
But when I see a pair of her panties, strewn across my floor, my heart aches. I grab it and feel the lacy edges of the fabric. I throw it in my hamper and jump into bed.
While my face is against my pillow, I breathe in her scent. I close my eyes and can picture her long, beautiful hair in front of me. I reach out to touch it, but it disappears right before my very eyes.
I open my eyes and feel the choke coming. I’ll never fucking admit this, but that’s when I shed two tears for her.
I’m not the kind of guy who needs a steady relationship. It’s time to reevaluate my life.
Chapter 24: Olivia
He left me on that curb to figure out things for myself. I heard the message loud and clear: this is over and done with. Move on, Olivia.
You’ll never get back those happy, sunny days with him again. This has been tainted now. Every bad memory that happens in a relationship stays there forever.
Maybe that’s what people meant by karma sticking to you. All I know is that he hates my guts for telling him the truth.
Did he want me to keep what I did inside my head? Would he rather there be a vault of secrets, ready to be exhumed twenty years down the road? That’s a recipe for disaster.
I feel so stupid and so alone. I didn’t mean to betray his trust, but ending the whole relationship isn’t the way to go about things.
We could have moved on. We could have had a nice day together. Now, because of my big mouth, everything is a disaster.
I walked home, the rest of the way, and it took hours. I’ve been crying on my bed ever since, waiting to hear the sound of my phone ringing. Of course, he never calls or texts. I was right in the beginning. He’s a bastard.
Later in the day, Sandra gets off work and heads over to my house.
“Now you know his true colors,” she says.
“And what are those colors? That he’s completely trustworthy and doesn’t even think about other women? How is that a bad thing?” I ask her.
“Yeah, but he wasn’t understanding about it at all,” she says.
“True,” I sigh. “But would I have been if the roles were reversed?”
“That doesn’t matter. What matters is what happened. Anyway, I don’t think this is such a big deal. He’ll call you back,” she says.
“Maybe. I mean, he hasn’t yet,” I tell her.
“Give him a day. He’ll be dreaming of your ass all night and he’ll have to call you,” she says.
“Great. A booty call for closure,” I groan. “That’s exactly what I’m waiting for.”
“He’ll come around. Just give him time. I broke it off with Eric,” she says.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” I curl back against the bedpost. “I never asked you what happened with him.”
“It’s not a big deal. I never thought I was going to marry the guy. He was fun. Well, he wasn’t even that fun, actually. Now that I think about it, he was always a little aloof,” she says.
“So you broke it off for good?” I ask her.
“I called him and told him that it had to end. I just told him the truth. I’m not in a place to be dating anyone right now,” she says.
“Yeah, I’m not sure why you’re so hellbent on finding someone. It’ll just happen when it happens,” I say.
She scrunches her face. “Olive, you have to realize. Life is about novelty.”
“Wait, back up. What did you call me just now?” I ask.
“Olivia,” she mutters. “Why’s your face getting all weird right now?”
“You called me Olive,” I tell her.
“I did?” She laughs, but looks confused.
“Yes!” I exclaim. “You definitely just called me Olive.”
“Okay, so I called you Olive,” she says. “What’s the big deal?”
I groan and turn
red with emotion. “It’s going to sound stupid if I tell you,” I say.
“Come on,” she laughs. “You know it won’t.”
“It’s just that…” I sigh and let it all out. “That’s the name he calls me. I’m his little Olive.”
“Oh my God,” she rolls her eyes. “Did he pick you off the highest branch or what?”
“I don’t know what branch I was on.” I give her the side eye.
“I’m sorry. I’m not laughing,” she says, holding back her laughter. “It’s really cute.”
“Don’t even start,” I say. “I saw the way you swooned when Jack called you Sandy.”
“It was cute,” she defends herself. “And I was in love.”
“Yeah, well. I’m in love too. I love him so damn much,” I admit.
“You love him?”
Her eyes widen. She sits as still as a manikin.
“Yes,” I say. “And he said he loved me too. It was going so well. Like, really fucking well. Every day was an adventure. It was our own honeymoon and we were so invested in it. Now, I feel like it’s tainted.”
“Wow, you just put it all on the table just now. Didn’t you? I didn’t know you loved the guy. It was just the other day you didn’t want to speak to him ever again,” she says.
“Well, things change. I quickly realized that he was the only one I ever wanted to lay eyes on. It’s heavy. This feeling is so heavy,” I say.
“Maybe it’ll go away after a week and it’ll all make more sense to you then,” she says.
“It won’t. I’ll always love him,” I say. I sit up tall and allow my eyes to dry. “Always. I’m not going to stop thinking about the past few days we’ve had.”
“Then you need to go over there right now and demand for him to listen. You didn’t mean to fuck up. It’s my fault, anyway. I pushed the idea onto you,” she says.
“I don’t know,” I whisper.
“Go over there,” she says. “If you want, I’ll even talk to him.”
“Sandy.” I laugh. “For once, I’ll take your advice.”
“Damn straight,” she says. “But don’t call me Sandy. It sounds stupid.”
Chapter 25: Cole
What am I doing? After a day of being angry, it becomes obvious that it’s not worth the effort.
I love this woman. When you love someone so much, you have to give up yourself fully for that person. You have to sacrifice so much and sometimes these things happen. One person gets worried and the whole things collapses.
Well, if you don’t stop to pick up the pieces, nothing can be rebuilt again. If you wait too long to act, it can all go away. I don’t want this to go away. I don’t want it to end. There’s so much good in my life right now, but the only thing I can really focus on is my Olive. My cute, sweet, beautiful, and resilient Olive.
I behaved too harshly. I saw myself reflected in her eyes. It’s obvious why she might not trust a guy like me.
After all, I tried asking her out while I was out on a date with another woman. Maybe that wasn’t the best first impression.
It’s time for me to stop fucking around and messing things up. It’s time for me to act like a man. I want this woman and I need to make her feel that. That means I’m going to apologize.
Ultimately, being a man isn’t punching holes in walls or fucking like a boss. It’s about laying your life down for love and learning to grow from the experience. It’s about taking a giant leap of faith.
Close your eyes and let go.
When I open my eyes, I do so because there’s a loud knock against my door, followed by the ring of my bell. It’s her. I know it’s her because her knock has the marks of her sound. I run to the door before I can even get dressed. With a towel draped around my waist, I fling the door open and she’s standing right in front of me, bouncing on the edge of her feet.
She tries to say, “I’m sorry,” but I interrupt her with the biggest hug in the world.
“No,” I tell her. “Don’t. It’s all my fault. I’m really fucking sorry, Olivia. I never meant to hurt you.”
She tears up right in front of me again. “I was so scared you were going to be gone forever,” she says. “Are you leaving me for good? Is this really over that fast?”
“Hell no. I’m an idiot. A moron. I reacted so poorly. All I want is you, Olivia. I’ll always want you,” I tell her.
She steps inside, brushing against my chest. I look into her eyes and pull her even closer. I keep my hands tied around her waist. I don’t let go.
“I love you too,” she whispers back. “Forever and ever.”
Our lips crush together. Roses, chocolate, tongue against tongue, the taste of sugary sweet, yet dark at the edges. Words mean nothing. They’re so fucking trivial when all I care about is one word: Love.
I’ve turned into a fucking softie. So be it.
I slam the door behind us as we kiss. I feel her soft skin, under her shirt, as my hand slides up against her breasts. Her nipples brush against my skin as I take off her shirt.
“Fuck me,” she whispers. “Fuck me nice and hard.”
In the equivalent of a few seconds, her clothes are off, except for her panties. She falls to the carpet on all fours and crawls away from me. I grab her waist and bring her back to me. I roll back the middle of her panties.
“You’re so fucking wet, baby,” I moan.
I feel my cock grow to an unimaginable size. It swells underneath my briefs.
Before she can even whisper “fuck me” again, I mount her. I slide every inch of my cock inside her and I pound her from behind. Her smooth, slippery warmth hugs my shaft and begs for me to lose control.
I breathe in hard and deep. I run my hand up her back and hold onto her beautiful, long hair. I grab a fist full and pull back. She’s my toy tonight.
She’s already slamming her ass back, against me. Each cheek lands solidly against my pelvis. My balls smack the top of her pussy and the moaning grows so loud that I have to wonder if the whole neighborhood is listening to us right now.
She’s so fucking angelic. She’s everything I want to fight for. And right now, she’s all mine.
When I flip her onto her back, there’s no stopping me. I fuck her hard until she is drenched. One kiss against the middle of her neck and she starts trembling.
“Cole,” she moans. “I’m… cumming.”
Within seconds, she turns seismic, practically falling off of the cushion. She grabs onto my solid chest. I hold her tight.
“I’ll always love you,” she whispers.
Hearing those words makes me cum. One thrust is never enough for a guy like me, but she makes it too fucking hard to last.
By the second pump, my legs are shaking and my balls are tightening up. She completely drains me. I cum, gripping her arms tightly.
I fall back against the couch, panting for air. I kiss her one more time.
“We’re turbulent,” I say.
“We’re crazy,” she says.
She looks stunning against the pale light. Her skin shines a golden white and her eyes dazzle me.
“I think we’re most definitely certifiable,” I tell her. “If anything happened to you, they’d have to lock me up.”
“What would you do?” she asks, smiling.
“If someone hurt you or if something happened to you?” I ask. She nods, still smiling. “You really like this idea, don’t you?”
“Come on!” She begs. “Just tell me.”
“Most guys wouldn’t do anything. Some guys would grab a gun and start shooting,” I say.
“And you? What would you do?” she asks.
“As for me, I’d roll up my sleeves and start swinging. I’d really make sure they felt each knuckle as it hit against their skulls. If anyone ever hurts you, they’re going to know their mistake. They’ll never be able to walk straight again,” I say.
The words come with conviction because it’s something I absolutely believe. A man must be strong for his woman in every single w
ay.
“You’d really let them have it, huh? To be honest, I don’t think I will even be able to walk straight again. You fuck me too good,” she says.
Her hand runs down to my cock, which immediately gets hard again.
I kiss her and press against her lips. I pin her against the cushion.
“Do I fuck you too hard?” I ask, knowing full well that she does.
“It could be harder,” she says.
She grins innocently. I jump up onto my feet and walk over to the coffee machine.
“I’ll work on my intensity,” I tell her. “Hey, so I’ve been thinking a little. You want to go somewhere with me? It’s a bit of a drive, but I figure we could make a day out of it.”
“You know I’ll go anywhere on my off days,” she says. “What did you have in mind?”
“Well, we’ve almost messed this thing up,” I say. “And I just have been realizing that I don’t ever want to lose you. I mean, I know I’ve said it before, but you don’t really know until you’ve lost the person of your dreams.”
“You never lost me, Cole,” she whispers. “I’m not going anywhere. No matter how much bad shit happens. I always want to be there by your side. You make me feel safe. You make me feel stronger.”
I flip on the coffee maker and listen as the water boils inside. Black liquid comes funneling out into the pitcher below.
“I know. But we’ve gotten close to calling this thing off and I just don’t want to ever get close to that again,” I say. “So will you come with me to my parents house for Christmas? I’m sure they’d love to see you.”
“Oh my God,” she says. “Yes, of course! This is going to be so great and so weird, and… Oh, where do I even start?”
“It’ll be fun,” I say. “We can eat ham and sing cheesy songs.”
“I’d love that, Cole,” she says.
Staring at the coffee pot, I start to imagine my life without her in it. My day would involve going to the station, eating lunch and working out non-stop. Sometimes, we’d get a call here and there.
I’d fall asleep with the television rumbling in the background and I’d repeat everything the next day. Every single day would run the same. Without her, I’d be lost to the monotony of how it used to be.