“Whatever, man. You always think you can solve the problem. All this time you wanted a baby, I knew from the get-go that I didn’t want a baby. I didn’t want to be like my mom. I didn’t want to repeat the cycle. So I knew God saved me by making me go through that miscarriage,” I spat. Jonathan’s eyes got wide. But I continued. I was on a roll, and no one was going to stop me from getting all my truth out.
“Jonathan, I never, ever wanted to get pregnant. Every night when you were trying so hard to put a baby in me, I already knew it wasn’t happening. I refused to be like my mother. So right after I lost the baby, I went to my doctor and had him put me on birth control.” There. I said it. It was out. I looked at my husband’s face, and his face flushed with anger. He gasped for breath. It looked as if he was going to pass out.
He stood to his feet and towered over me as I sat. “You little lying, conniving skank. All this time you have been on birth control. I should strangle the life out of you. But you know what? You are not even worth it. I was beginning to feel sorry for you for what your mother did to you. But you deserved all the torture she put you through. Y’all both need help. I can’t believe I married someone like you.” His voice was as cold as death. “I’m out of here before you make me do something crazy. You dirty. You real dirty.” He had his fist balled up to his side. I looked at his dark expression on his face and sat frozen because I was scared that if I flinched just a little, he would knock all the teeth out of my mouth. He walked over to the door and let himself out. I didn’t turn to see if he was gone. I sat there long after he left staring at a spot on the wall. I had finally got that off my chest, but it seemed as if my heart had just broken into a million tiny pieces and fallen to the floor. I had no energy to pick them up and mend my heart. I knew that I had lost my husband now, and he wasn’t coming back.
21
Melody
Two months later . . .
“Rayn, you can cut up the sweet potatoes while I clean and season the cabbage.” I always took time out every week so that my daughter and I could talk and prepare dinner together. We needed that one-on-one time together. She was growing up so fast, and I didn’t want that time to slip away without us cherishing it.
“Okay,” she said as she got out the potato peeler and the cutting board. We were preparing fried chicken, cabbage, corn on the cob, sweet potatoes, and corn bread.
As I was placing the battered chicken into the sizzling oil, Rayn said, “Mom, I really like Rodney, because he always take us to nice restaurants.” She grinned.
“Yes, Rodney is a cool dude.” I gave her a half smile. I always schooled my daughter on how men could be. I wished I could protect her from men that would try to break her heart, but I knew I couldn’t. And one day, I knew she was going to come to me with a broken heart, and I would always be there to talk her through it.
“Baby, just because a man takes you to nice restaurants, that don’t mean they have your best interest at heart. Sometimes, they just like to spend money on you and treat you real good so they can get what they want.” I had talked to her about sex and waiting until she was married plenty of times, and I was going to keep talking to her about it.
“So, are you saying that Rodney is not a nice guy?” She looked so innocent. If she only knew what he was putting me through. I would kill a dude if I knew he was treating her like Rodney treated me. Why couldn’t I defend myself in my own situation like I would if it was my daughter’s problem?
“Rayn, Rodney and I have been knowing each other for a long time, and we are working through our issues. Every couple has their ups and downs. But I don’t want you to settle. When the time is right for you and God sends you your mate, don’t you let him get away with any nonsense. You stand firm and tell him you ain’t the one, and you are only going to expect the best. You hear me?”
“Yes, Mama.”
Now if I only could stand firm in my relationship. It was easy to talk the talk but hard to walk the walk.
“Girl, you did your thang with making the corn bread and the sweet potatoes. But your Kool-Aid was a little sour,” I said, and we both laughed. We finished up our delicious dinner and then headed to bed because Rayn had a game early in the morning.
* * *
“You played a great game today,” I said as we headed to the car.
“Thanks, Mom. I’m glad we won ’cause I was tired of losing,” she belted out with joy. Rayn had been playing basketball for her school for the past four years. She was pretty good at it. I tried to keep her busy and athletic. She was also a cheerleader for her school’s football team.
“Mom, can I go over Jasmine’s house? Her mom wanted to make us tacos, our favorite, for winning the game.”
“Yes, but you should go home and change your clothes first.”
“Mom, I’ll be all right. No one else is changing their clothes. I don’t stink,” she said, pulling her jersey to her nose and sniffing it.
I smiled. “Okay, I’ll drop you off and can run some errands, and then come back to get you.”
“Cool,” she cheered.
After I dropped Rayn off, I decided to go over to Rodney’s house unannounced. We had just made love the night before. He seemed to really be in to me, and I knew that he would be ready to give me that title of being his woman, especially after I tell him the good news that I had been holding on to.
I drove up to Rodney’s house—and my heart dropped when I saw that white Dodge Charger parked in his driveway. It was time to meet his “roommate,” since he said I had nothing to worry about. I parked my car in front of his house and walked to the porch and rang the doorbell. A high yellow chick with pimples that covered her entire face answered the door. I wanted to give her the number to Proactive. She rocked a mini-Afro that was screaming for a wash and deep condition treatment. She looked ratchet and tore down.
“Can I help you?” she said, smacking on a wad of bubble gum as she looked out of the screen window in the door that had security bars attached to it. She looked familiar, but I couldn’t remember from where.
“Yeah, is Rodney here?” I asked with an attitude.
“Yeah, he here, but who are you? I’ve seen you before. Do I know you?” She twisted up her face like something stank.
“I’m his woman, and, no, you don’t know me, but you about to know who I am,” I said with dignity.
“Rodney, there’s some chick out here claiming she’s yo’ woman.” She shifted her body and called out to Rodney.
I heard him yell out, “What?”
When she turned, I saw a small baby in her arms. I then knew who they were. That was the chick named Kim that was at my house. I did a photo shoot for her. She told me that she found my card at “her man’s” house. Damn! Makeup made her look like a totally different person. No, he didn’t have her and her baby living in his house. This couldn’t be happening. That better not be his baby. Before Rodney made it to the front of the house, the chick opened the door and told me to come in.
“I’m Kim, and this is Stink Stink, Rodney’s and my three-month-old daughter.” She made sure she told me all the details. I wanted to cry, but I wasn’t going to let her see me go out like that. When Rodney saw my face in his home, the home where we had share many sleepless nights in, his eyes were as wide as saucers. He looked like he had just seen a ghost, with shock written all over his face. I just waited to see what he was going to say to get himself out of this one.
When I came in, the girl finally realized who I was. “Oh, snaps, you took me and my baby’s picture. You that photographer. Rodney had your cards all on his dresser. What, Rodney, you promotin’ this trick’s business?” She patted her weave with her hand to stop the itch. She then looked at Rodney sideways once he made it up to the door.
“Mel, what are you doing here?” He stammered over his words, ignoring everything that Kim had said.
But Kim continued her rant. “Oh, don’t start stuttering now. Boy, you are so full of it, you didn’t tell this woman that
you had a newborn baby? You didn’t tell her that we lived together?” She snapped at him with one hand on her hip and the baby on the other hip.
“Kim, go in the other room so I can talk to her,” Rodney boomed. Kim looked at him as if she was going to say hell, no, I ain’t going nowhere. But then she turned and stomped out of the room like a pouty toddler. I was speechless. The words that wanted to come out were stuck in my throat.
“This is not what it looks like.” He leaned in and talked low. “She is staying here because she got put out, and I didn’t want her to be living on the street with the baby. I ain’t even sure if that’s my baby. We’re getting the blood test soon. But you and I wasn’t ever kickin’ it when she got pregnant.” He talked fast, as if he was in a race to finish what he had to say first.
My stomach was in knots as I gave him a frigid stare. I wanted to shank him right where he stood.
“You are a liar. You should have told me that from the get-go. But, no, you lied and told me your pipes was broke and you got a chick and a baby staying here.” I grinded out the words between clenched teeth. My blood was boiling.
“I’m sorry,” he said, then turned to see if his supposedly baby mama could hear him.
“You are a good-for-nothing dirty dog, and you are going to pay for what you have put me through,” I cried out. My hands shook as I reached into my purse and grabbed the stun gun that he bought me to use to protect myself. His eyes widened at the object that was in my hand, and before he could say a word, I zapped his behind right in the stomach. I tried to aim for his chest, but my hands weren’t stable enough. He moaned and did a little jig. I turned and speed-walked to my car before I saw him hit the floor. I heard his chick call out his name in a panic. I hoped he was dead after how he treated me. I wanted his heart to feel the pain that I had been feeling from his disloyalty. I hopped in my car and put the pedal to the metal and sped off without looking back.
22
Asia
I got myself into this situation, and I had no clue of how I was going to get out of it. Lance had really tried to kill me. He left me on the road to die. The police told me that there were no witnesses that saw the accident. I’m glad he didn’t know where I lived because he’d probably try to stalk me. Was he going to continue to harass me by calling my phone? I had to tell Steve about everything.
I lay in my bed in deep thought. My ankle still ached after the car accident I was in almost two months ago. I spent four days in the hospital, one of my lungs had collapsed, and my ribs were cracked. I broke my ankle in two different spots. I remember screaming and yelling at the doctor. They had to cut me open on the side of my breast and put a tube in me to keep fluid from going into my lungs. I kept telling them to put me to sleep, but they wouldn’t. When they were done, I was so exhausted from trying to fight the doctors off of me. Steve told me that the doctors said that I passed out after I saw all my blood and guts all over the floor.
My ankle was still swollen, and I had to be pushed around in a wheelchair when I first got out of the hospital because my lungs still had to heal, and I couldn’t put any weight on my ankle. I would have a rod and screw in my ankle for the rest of my life. I had to go to therapy every week for my ankle. Melody came to visit me every day. She told me that Sasha came to visit me the first night; I didn’t see her. They told me I was asleep. Melody told me a few days before I had the accident that Sasha was mad at me for not telling her I slept with David. She would get over it just like I had to get over her marrying my first crush. She was just salty because from what I heard from my aunts, Jonathan is about to divorce her. God don’t like ugly.
“Hey, babe, how are you feeling?” Steve asked, taking me from my thoughts. He handed me a glass of orange juice and my pain pill that I was supposed to take when needed. He could tell that I was in pain because I hated lying in bed during the day.
“I would be okay if my ankle would stop throbbing.” I let out a long sigh.
“I know, babe, I can’t wait till you feel better. I know you’re miserable.” Steve had been by my side from day one. He wanted to cancel all of his lawn appointments to be home with me. But I told him that he didn’t have to put his business on hold. My son Joey could keep an eye on me.
“Do you need anything else? I’m about to go downstairs and cook dinner,” he said as he fluffed my pillows for me.
“Okay, I’m good.” I gave him a welcoming smile. He was amazing.
As I sat back and flipped through the channels on the TV, I thought back when my kids first came to see me at the hospital. Joey came up to me, and his face was red. Tears streamed from his eyes.
“Aw, honey, I’ll be okay. Stop crying,” I told him, and even though I was in excruciating pain, I motioned for him to come closer to give me a hug.
He sobbed on my chest. “Mom, was you trying to kill yourself? I’m sorry. I’ll be a better son. I’ll try not to break your dishes when I wash them. I promise I’ll be more careful.”
“Honey, why would you say that? Why do you think I would try to kill myself?” I asked as I lifted his chin so I could look him in his eyes. Steve listened as he held my two youngest kids back so that Joey and I could talk.
“You always say that we stress you out and that you can’t stand us. You always scream at us and call us names. I thought . . .” He paused and swallowed the lump in his throat. “I thought you would rather be in heaven than to be here with us.”
My heart dropped, I was so sad that my son thought that. Oh my God, what was I doing to my kids? “Joey, no, I didn’t try to kill myself. I am so sorry that I have been so mean to you and your sisters. I love you, you hear me?”
He nodded his head and wiped the tears from his cheeks.
“You are a good boy. I need to work on me so I can be a better mother, okay?” I held back the tears that were fighting to come out. I looked at Steve, and he gave me a look that said, “I told you that you needed to stop being mean to these kids.”
After my talk with Joey, Angel and Alexa came over, and with help from Steve, I was able to give them a kiss. I couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital. I had work to do. I had to work on showing my kids that I loved them.
My phone rang and broke me from my thoughts. I fumbled around the bedspread trying to find my cell phone. I looked at the caller ID. It was Melody.
“Hey, girl.” My voice was tired.
“Hello, Asia, I was just checking on you. How are you feeling?” She sounded as if she had run a race. She was out of breath.
“I’m feeling okay, but what’s goin’ on with you? You sound all out of breath.”
“Girl, I’ll be all right. My life is complicated, but I don’t want to talk about it,” she said in a rush. I knew it was because of Rodney, but I wasn’t going to pry her for information. When she was ready to talk, she would.
“I’ll talk to you later. I have to go. Call me if you need anything.”
“Okay, thanks for checking on me,” I said before I hung up the phone.
As soon as I put the phone down, it rang again. I figure it was Melody and she was ready to talk about her situation now. I didn’t bother to look at the caller ID this time. “Hey, girl, are you ready to talk?” I pushed my words out like I was ready to be her listening ear.
“Damn, you still alive?” the person on the other end said coldly.
I cringed at the voice. It was Lance. The call was unexpected. The harshness from his words were unexpected. I started to tremble. I gaped in stunned silence.
“If you dare tell anyone that it was me . . . I will come after you, your kids, and your little jailbird husband-to-be. You tried to keep your home a secret from me, telling me you didn’t bring men around your family. Well, I got news for you, you nasty slut. I know where you lay your head at night.” He then read off my address. My heart dropped in my lap.
“Say one word and I will blow up yo’ house with all y’all in it. I’m not through with you yet.” He left out a devious laugh. Then I heard the d
ial tone buzzing in my ear.
It took me awhile to catch my breath from the blow that went straight to my chest. I sat there with the phone still up to my ear and sobbed uncontrollably.
23
Melody
I didn’t want to tell Sasha what happened, and I knew that Asia was still recovering from her accident, so after I made it home, I called to check on her. After that, I called my mother. I knew she was tired of hearing me go through it with Rodney, and I knew she was going to tell me to leave his behind alone. But I needed someone to talk to, so I dialed her number.
“Hello,” my mom cheerfully greeted me like she had no care in the world. She stayed in Michigan, which was about an hour away from Rayn and me. I would visit her at least once a month.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Oh, Lord, Mel, I know something is wrong. I can hear it in your voice. Please tell me Rayn is okay.” She was concerned.
“Yes, Mom, Rayn is just fine,” I reassured her.
“Then what is it, baby?” she questioned.
“I’m just so tired of dealing with no-good men, Mama. Why can’t I find a good man to save my life?” As I cried out to my mom, thoughts of Rodney flashed in my mind of him working my body so sexually. He had that loving that kept me so unbalanced.
“Who done hurt you now?” She asked as if I had a hit list full of men.
I was silent as I shook my head, trying to erase him from my mind.
“Well, it really don’t matter who it was. All that matters is that you hurt. Melody, you really need to just take some time out for yourself.”
“Mom, I was celibate for two years. Don’t you think that’s enough time to be spending alone?” I was furious.
No Perfect Affair Page 9