“Elliott? May I tempt you?” she asked.
“By all means, Mrs. Syliva, I’m weak!” I said and grabbed as many as I could hold in one hand.
Ben appeared with a Coke for me. “Tell me about you and Viva and that coyote,” he said with a wide grin. “I hear it ran underneath you!”
I told him the story, and he laughed in his easy, booming manner. Ashley heard him, too, and walked over to investigate. I was beginning to think that she stalked him. She certainly never let him out of her sight.
“Ben, you’re making such a fuss over here that you’re going to spook the horses,” she partially teased. “What can I deliver up to your big mouth to keep it occupied?”
“A piece of chicken if there’s any left,” he said. “I’ll be indebted to you for life. I need more than lady food after that run.”
Ashley grinned in response and left on her mission.
“Elliott, is Griffen behaving?” he asked. “Give me any excuse to knock him off his horse, and I’ll gladly oblige.”
“Why do you dislike him so much?” I asked, knowing the answer, but wanting to hear what he had to say.
“Besides him being an arrogant…”
“Ben!” I interrupted.
He rolled his eyes and continued. “Besides being pompous, he stalks you like a predator, and I don’t like that, not at all,” he said. “You’re like my little sister, and I don’t think he has noble intentions.”
“That’s dramatic, almost poetic,” I said. “And why would you think that I could not handle this myself?”
“Because he knows how to dazzle his victims,” Ben said. “I’ve watched him.” He was leaning in close to me now, applying all his amazing charm – and not looking at me at all like a little sister. Would that I could respond to that! But, nothing. I leaned away from the intimate circle Ben had created between us just as Ashley arrived with the chicken. She had not missed Ben’s advance.
“Elliott, what have you done with Griffen?” she asked, smiling way too sweetly. “Leaving a fellow like that alone for too long would not be something I would ever allow.”
“He’s not mine to manage,” I said. “That’s William’s job.”
As if on cue, William blew his horn for us to gather the hounds and continue the hunt. Since the Tally-ho wagons were nearby, he decided to cast them in the adjacent swamp in hopes that the spectators could hear some hound work.
Griffen joined me, and we walked together to our position.
“More Gatorade?” he asked.
He seemed to be trying to fill the uncomfortable silence. I had just had plenty to drink and eat, but I accepted his gesture.
“Sure,” I said. “Thanks.”
Before I could return the bottle, hounds struck again. This time, I heard Spice distinctly and hoped she’d found a bobcat.
Griffen knew as well and grinned. “Bobcat!” he said, as we dashed to find a better viewing spot, and I had to laugh. Oh, he was easy to be with…like this.
I passed him the Gatorade while we were accelerating, and he dropped his reins to replace the top – at a gallop. Amazing. Jet never skipped a beat. He slid the bottle in his pocket, picked up the reins, and urged him on – a challenge to us, for sure. Riding with him made me feel like I had wings, and for the first time, someone with whom I wanted to enjoy this incredible feeling.
Since the most likely quarry was a bobcat, we did not need to go far, so Griffen reined in near another likely meadow. We settled the horses and found a spot where we could see anything that crossed the road coming into and out of the opening. I was hoping we could just sit and hunt and forget about what he told me earlier, but he wouldn’t give it a rest.
“You’re still here,” he said. He and Jet were standing near, but not close. He was watching me, and it made me shudder. I’m not sure why. A crazy image of the headless horseman flashed in my mind…evil and glorious…gorgeous and gruesome…so appalling…so appealing…silly hormones. I never thought about the headless horseman having green eyes.
Jet was prancing again, his feet gliding across the ground. When he finally stood still, he let out a long, resigned, sigh. If he were human, he would have been rolling his eyes.
“Where else would I be?” I said with my chin up, sounding braver than I felt.
“I thought you would rather ride…somewhere else,” he said, approaching me, but still not in the space.
“Should I?” I asked, my heart wanted to jump out of my chest, but good sense was winning – keep a safe distance – easy easy – don’t watch his eyes, just now.
“Definitely,” he said, his voice low and almost a growl.
“Why do you say that?” I asked, ridiculously attracted to the danger he exuded – why was he doing this?
“Because I’m the son of a monster. And hanging around me could get you killed!” he said forcefully through his teeth, and his delivery made me feel like I’d been slapped. But I didn’t flinch.
“If you’re so sure about that, then why are you here?” I snapped, challenging him to go ahead and get angry.
“Child, you are playing with way too much fire, stop that this instant!” Grand hissed.
“And why would you kiss me…like that…if you’re convinced you are going to kill me?” I was shaking now, angry, frustrated, both at him and myself. I wanted to punch him for setting me up like this.
“Because I can’t keep you out of my mind,” he said, green eyes blazing with anger and something else. He and Jet easily covered the distance and were back in the space. “No matter what I do. I already told you that!”
My head was spinning again and a shiver ran up my spine. This time, I couldn’t distinguish which was winning – the longing or leaving instinct – so I moved Viva back and turned, so it would be difficult to see them…to make any more eye contact. I could feel him watching me, but I tried to ignore it. I watched the trails…praying for a distraction.
Spice was still on something and the pack had honored her. They were not moving fast, just circling and circling in the swamp. I moved Viva closer to their sound and felt Griffen following us. I wanted to forget this whole conversation and focus on just riding with him and feeling his soft touch on my skin…having him close…feeling safe…safe? Why did I feel safe with him? That is the very last emotion I should feel around…him. Was I mistaking seductive darkness and uncertainty for safe? But I’m not afraid of…him. Have I already lost my mind? He’s all but telling me to go away. Or is he?
Viva and I had drifted closer to the pack, and they had gone silent.
“Elliott, Griffen, we’ve lost it, let’s gather ’em up,” William’s voice cracked over the radio.
A mission at last. No more talk thank goodness.
William blew his horn to collect the pack. Most had already gathered and were rolling and lolling around in the grass when Griffen and I arrived. We placed ourselves on either side of the area in case any got mischievous notions to continue hunting. We remained there until the rest of the whippers-in could help us road them back to Stanford Hall. They appeared one by one along with the field. Lydia gave me her usual poisoned look, but this time it had a particularly evil glint to it. Whatever.
Ben had held the field back a little further from William than usual from the cat pursuit, for there was much conviviality and chatter with them today, and he did not want them to disturb William. Also, the cats tended to stay in a smaller area, so there was little chance of the pack getting away.
Wise choice. Making sure the group had fun, but didn’t interfere with the hunting. He has a real knack as a field master. And his instincts were right about Griffen. I hate that.
The sunlight gleamed on the leaves as the wind gently tickled them to life. It looked like the trees were dancing. I relaxed listening to the good-natured chatter and conviviality among the staff and other riders.
Griffen was covering the other side of the pack, so we had no reason to talk – or not to talk. It was so nice just being here –
among these people, these hounds, the horses…I wish I could ride like this on and on past Stanford Hall forever.
I started thinking again about the circle, my circle, and Griffen’s. No wonder he was a mystery. A murder – that would wreak havoc in my circle – if anyone knew. But they didn’t, and I did not intend to betray his confidence. But what would I do with this information? And did he really mean that was his first kiss? I wonder why. But I knew I shouldn’t.
Time to think – I ached to ride away from everything and everyone to clear my head. Griffen was too much to take lightly – my extreme reaction to him at this point was not helping. I knew that attraction alone was not enough to make him a good match, yet I wanted nothing more than to be with him. I knew that spending time with someone unsuitable to marry was a double hit – Southernmother and Sunday school since diapers training I could not ignore. Did he tell me to warn me? From whom? Just him? Was I willing to give him a chance? I shouldn’t be.
Back at Stanford Hall, I walked Viva to my trailer. Griffen was helping the rest of the staff with the hounds, so I did not expect to have to talk to him – at least for a little while longer. William would forgive me; I’ll make it up to him later. I needed to think, and I could think so much better when Griffen was not around.
I threaded my fingers through Viva’s tail, loosening her braid and brushing through the light and dark gray strands. Listening to her chew hay and make little stomping sounds with her feet was so relaxing. She nuzzled me politely, so I took her face in my hands and rubbed my fingers along her sleek, soft face. I leaned my cheek against hers and inhaled her glorious, warm scent. I wanted to curl up with her and dream of a perfect Griffen holding me and telling me everything would be fine…
“Elliott,” he said. I jumped so high that Viva should have kicked me.
“Griffen!” I snapped – and laughed nervously. “You scared me.” Good heavens I was not ready to be alone with him again, yet. Especially dismounted and disheveled. “I’m going back to the house for leftovers, want to walk with me?” I asked, hoping to avoid being alone with him without him noticing.
“Elliott,” he said. “I have to know if you’re all right.”
I wish he would stop saying my name. And looking at me like… that. I felt his warmth, his presence…smelled the sun in his wool jacket. He leaned down around me to put his hand on Viva’s withers. My back pressed against her side…trapped. With his other hand, he gently tilted my chin up to his face.
My knees weren’t working. My mind went blank. Nothing else mattered but his eyes. I forced myself to blink.
“Griffen,” I said, slowly trying to clear my head. “I don’t know what to do with what you told me.”
“Neither do I,” he said, his fingertips brushing hair from my neck. “That’s why I had to tell you. You have to know what I could be. I won’t hide that from you. It wouldn’t be right.”
My soul screamed to hold him, trust him, but Grand had her foot firmly planted on mine. Trouble was, I couldn’t feel it – only Griffen’s fingers touching my neck, my jaw, and ever so softly outlining my chin all the while holding my gaze.
“You tell me what you want,” Griffen said. “And I promise you, I’ll honor it. I will not force my way into your world just because I can’t keep you out of mine.”
“Do I have to tell you right now?” I asked.
“That’s up to you,” he said.
“I can’t think clearly when you do that.”
“I’m counting on it,” he said, “but it must not be working.”
“Oh, it is,” I said closing my eyes and leaning my head against Viva’s withers.
He stood up, stroked Viva’s neck, and turned to leave. “Will you let me buy you dinner tonight?” he asked. “I’ll take you to the hunt party later, too, if you like.”
“That would be nice,” I said, hardly able to say anything through the emotional haze that had enshrouded me in his presence. Short sentences. Stick with short replies.
“See you at 6:30,” he said. “You’re staying in Greenwood, then?”
“Yes, with the Patterson’s. You know how to get there?” I asked.
“I’ll find you,” he said and walked away.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chapter 13 - Dinner
The sense of freedom, unmatched, when you and your horse know each other so well you can trust her to pick the path as you watch the horizon for the drama to unfold.
My cell phone buzzed – Mother. Oh my, what timing.
“Hi, Mother,” I said.
“Elliott, how was the hunt?” she asked.
Here we go. Mother knew about my attraction to Griffen and that he left without a trace at the last Opening Meet weekend. We’d decided something was really wrong with him and that we were better off not wasting our time worrying – so we didn’t. In our words, no more checking his circle. How right and wrong we were!
“Fun – and Stanford Hall was exquisite! I can’t wait to go back there tonight for the band,” I said. Maybe I could keep this conversation on food and party décor. I wanted to say something more, but didn’t – oh what to do?
“Did you meet anyone interesting this year?” she asked
Direct question. What to say? Can’t lie…won’t lie to her…
“Yes, as usual,” I said. “But this time he didn’t have to make any heroic rescues.”
“Griffen showed up?” she asked. “And he never bothered to call and let you know?”
“Mother, it really doesn’t matter,” I said.
“Why, Elliott, of course it does,” she retorted. “What decent man would leave you for a year without a word and show up unannounced? Did he have an explanation?”
Oh yes, Mother. He said he was crazy about me but didn’t want to tell me that his father killed his mother until after he kissed me and told me that he’d been thinking about me every day since he laid eyes on me and that my soul was burned into his heart…
“Not really,” I said. “But he is taking me to dinner tonight.”
“It’s about time,” she said. “I know you think he’s cute, Elliott, but I have a bad feeling about this one.”
“Yes ma’am,” I said, and I agreed. I had a lot of those bad feelings all mixed up with those wondrous feelings. “Well, I’ve got to go get dressed. Love you, Mother.”
“Love you too, dear. Keep your head about you, Elliott. You’re a smart girl. I’m proud of you,” she said.
I wanted to talk to her, but now she was all riled up about him, and I did not want that. My protective side was showing itself. I actually washed, dried, and rolled my hair, cleaned and polished what was left of my horse beaten nails, and made sure what I wore would work with whichever direction the evening turned.
As I was putting the last touches on my makeup and convincing my long unruly brown hair do its thing, I realized this day had initially gone exactly as planned, unfortunately. I got what I wanted…a kiss, and the truth about his parents. But all that did was leave me with still more questions, the maddening complication that now I wanted more of his kisses, and the realization that those completely clouded my judgment. I had to think about what I really need to know about this guy.
What are the questions that I should be asking? This made no sense. I felt like I was trying to come up with questions about something before I jumped off a cliff. Would it even matter if I knew the truth? Would I listen to common sense when it was slapping me in the face?
The clock chimed 6:00 – only 30 more minutes. What to do now? I was dressed, but certainly not ready. I closed my eyes for a moment and imagined myself in the sixth grade inside the magnificent National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. With that memory, I felt calm…God’s presence, wisdom, and peace. If something more than Griffen’s physical attraction was at work, then should I fight this? If there ever was a bolt sent from heaven, was he that for me? But what if that bolt was not from God at all? If not, then please, Lord, give me the discernment to know what to do.
He rang the doorbell at 6:30 – and arrived looking almost as glorious as he looks on Jet.
“I hope you’re hungry,” he said, smiling in a way that made my knees weak. “You look lovely.”
“Thanks,” I said, and I felt myself blush.
He walked me to my side of the truck and let me in, his hand on my elbow as an added touch. Already, my skin was burning in response. Stop that!
“How does Giardinia’s sound?” he asked. “The restaurant at the Alluvian.”
“I’ve never been. Are we dressed for that?” I asked.
“Yes, you look fine,” he said. “We have reservations at 6:45. I’m glad you were ready on time.”
After settling me in his truck, he reached over and took my left hand in his right while he drove, gently rubbing his thumb over my bite. Of course, it started throbbing, and that live pulse on its own shot up my arm. His touch felt like being submerged in a warm bath, and my mouth went dry – I was glad it was dark in his truck.
“Griffen, I have so many questions,” I said. “And I don’t even know how to begin. Or if I even should ask them.”
“Elliott, I will tell you anything,” he said. “Anything you want to know. And yes, you should ask. I just can’t promise to have answers.”
“Was today really your first kiss?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said – distinctly relieved with that one. “I did go to an all boys school. And I’m not counting anything before…I mean… anything that happened on youth trips on church busses,” he laughed. “Those were fly-by’s done on dares. Or, unsolicited….”
My surprised face must have been easy to read, for his laughter filled the truck and eased some of the tension. But not all of it. In the Bible belt, church attendance was not uncommon, but the fact that he brought it up was. He was still rubbing my hand – and, well, he had a lot of past.
“So you went on those, too?” I asked, delighted to find a line of questioning that was not so dark.
“All the time. My mother made sure I was at church whenever the doors opened. And I actually liked going…then,” he said.
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