by Rae Kennedy
In the middle of nowhere.
CHAPTER 5
A blown tire.
And no spare.
Because, well, they’d needed more room for instruments and equipment.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Logan puts his hand on my shoulder.
“I’m fine.”
Logan and I are sitting in the open doorway of the van as Colin paces several yards away, talking on the phone. Dean is a ways down the road having a smoke and Joey is near him, hands shoved in his pockets and kicking rocks along the side of the road.
The sun is getting lower in the sky, which is still a clear cerulean blue. Other than the occasional passing motorist, it’s quiet, desolate, and I’m grateful at least for the warm weather.
Colin walks over as he ends his call, rubbing the back of his neck. Joey and Dean arrive soon after for the news.
“Tow truck is on its way, but it will be at least an hour. Probably two.”
Joey groans.
Logan rubs his hands together, smiling wildly. “So we’ve got an hour to kill and we just loaded up the cooler? Sounds like it’s game time.”
“Aw shit. Starting early this time,” Dean says, though it seems like he says it more to himself than anyone else.
“Game time?” I’m a little lost.
“Yep. I’m the unofficial official gamemaster of our tours.”
“So what’s the game?” Joey asks.
“I think, in honor of our new tour-mate, and in the spirit of getting to know each other better, let’s play Never Have I Ever.”
Okay. I can do this. I’m cool. Logan even said so. I can play a drinking game with these guys. Whatever. Totally cool. Except now they’re definitely going to find out how lame I am, because I haven’t really done anything. I’ve never even played Never Have I Ever before.
Colin is leaned against the side of the van, one leg bent, foot up on the wheel well, arms crossed in the darkness while Logan and Dean lay down the back seat of the van and Joey rifles through the cooler.
“Perfect.” Logan holds out a hand and hoists me into the back of the van. I sit cross-legged on the hard, carpeted surface.
Joey hands me a fuzzy navel, popping the top with a quiet “here.”
“Thank you.” I take the bottle and rest it on my knee, the scent of over-ripe peaches wafts from the open container. Joey sits across from me, then Logan and Dean climb in and we all sit in a circle—or square, I guess. Logan raps his fist against the window closest to where Colin is standing.
“Man, get your ass in here. We’re waiting on you.”
“Play without me.”
“Dude, no.”
Colin walks around to the back of the van where the door is ajar. “I’m going to wait for the tow truck. Besides, someone’s got to stay sober.”
“Come on. Just one beer.”
He glowers at Logan for a beat, his lips set in a hard line. “Fine. One beer.”
Joey fishes a dark bottle out of the cooler and Colin takes it as he climbs in and sits between me and Logan.
Logan sets his beer down between his legs. It looks like he’s already emptied half of it. He claps. “All right, Gracie. Do you know how it’s played?”
“Uh, yeah.” I’ve never played, but I know the gist.
“Cool. Then ladies first.” With a wink, he raises his bottle to me.
And then they’re all looking at me. Expectantly.
Shit.
Okay...just need to think of something I haven’t done (that won’t be hard) that doesn’t make me look completely lame. I look around the circle, smiling. “Um...”
Logan takes another swig of his beer, his throat bobbing as he swallows. His red guitar is propped up behind him.
“Never have I ever...been to a rock concert.”
“What?” Logan shakes his head.
All of the guys take a drink.
“Well, put that down on your list of things to do, because we’re going to cross that off for you really quick.”
I nod.
“And since she got all of us, we have to take a bonus drink.”
“Are you just making up rules now?” Dean deadpans.
“No. We’ve always played like this,” Logan insists.
“Fine,” Dean says. He’s to my right so his turn is next. “Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.”
Logan takes a drink but no one else makes a move.
“Really? None of you fuckers? Shit, Gracie put that down on your list too. I’m making it happen.”
“Okay.” I’m not sure what this list is he’s talking about, but apparently now I have a list.
Joey clears his throat and says in a not-quite-steady voice, “Never have I ever had a threesome.” A slight blush colors his freckled cheeks.
Dean and Logan each take sips and Joey gets redder.
“Col, I’m surprised.” Logan looks at Colin, whose beer is sitting to his side. He hasn’t even been sipping between turns like the other guys.
Colin shrugs. “I’m singularly focused—I wouldn’t want to split my attention.” His blue eyes land on mine for a second before I look away, heat rising up my neck.
Logan pauses, his bottle at his lips. “Well, if there’s only one girl—”
“You had a threesome with another dude?” Joey’s eyes go wide.
“Shit. I almost forgot about that night,” Dean muses.
Joey’s head swings back and forth between the brothers. “Really? How have I not heard about this yet?”
“We shared a girl once, a long time ago. Before I figured my shit out,” Dean says coolly.
“Okay,” Logan cuts Dean off. “Let’s move on.” He tips his head back, finishing the rest of his beer, and motions for Joey to grab him another. “It’s my turn anyway.” Then he turns to me, a half smile on his lips and a glint in his dark brown eyes. “I’ve noticed Gracie here has yet to take a drink. Let’s fix that.”
I swallow a lump in my throat but manage to keep a smile on my face.
He taps his chin a few times.
“Take it easy on her,” Colin says quietly.
“Ha! But that wouldn’t be any fun.” Logan looks at me again with a huge grin. “Got it. Never have I ever given a blow job.”
Colin smacks Logan on the back of his head at the same time Dean says, “Fuck, Logan, we just met her.”
“Hence, why we’re playing the game!” Logan pops the top to his new beer.
Colin looks right at me. “You don’t have to answer that.”
I don’t know why I’m surprised at the serious tone in his voice. Colin is always so serious.
“No, it’s fine. I can handle it.” Yeah, I can totally hang. I can’t decide if them knowing I’ve given a blow job is more or less embarrassing than them thinking I haven’t. I feel the heat blooming in my cheeks as I bring my drink to my lips. I probably can’t hang.
“There we go!” Logan pumps a fist in the air.
“All right, girl.” Dean cocks his head and raises his bottle to clink mine. Then with a conspiratorial nod, he takes a big drink of his beer as I take a sip of my fuzzy navel. It’s sweet and peachy, almost too sweet. And there’s a pungent aftertaste, but it doesn’t burn going down or make me gag like the straight whiskey from the paper bag.
I try not to think about my one sexual experience—a blow job behind the bleachers after a game with my high school boyfriend, the small-town football star. It’s so cliché. The cheerleader and the football player. He dumped me the next day when I told him I didn’t want to go all the way. So there’s that.
“You’re up, Wolfe.” Logan tips his bottle toward Colin.
“Okay.” Colin looks at the drink in my hand, then up to my face. Not smiling. “Never have I ever run away from home.”
Did he just call me out? He just called me out. I want to come back at him with something clever, but the only thing I can focus on is my heartbeat pulsing in my ears. And then his lips start to curl at the edges as we continue this
staring match. So I do all I can—I take a drink.
“Does the time I ran away when I was eight count?” Joey asks, his cheeks still flushed.
“Yeah, sure.”
Joey makes a big, toothy grin and takes a drink. “Man, I hid in the neighbor’s yard for, like, three hours and no one even noticed,” he continues, mostly to himself, shaking his head and taking another swig.
It’s my turn again. Shit. I should have been thinking of things to say during everyone else’s turns. The guys are all drinking and laughing at Joey’s story—except Colin. He’s holding his mostly full beer in his tattoo-covered hand and looking out the window. With his head turned, I steal a glance at the tattoos on his neck and exposed throat. There’s a small block of text—a verse, maybe—surrounded by black flames, roses, and a skull. He turns back to the group circle and I look away before I’m caught.
I clear my throat.
“Never have I ever”—their eyes are all glued on me now—“gotten a tattoo.”
Again, all of the guys drink.
“That’ll be two drinks again,” Logan says.
Of course Colin and Joey have a ton of tattoos, and I’ve noticed a few small ones on the insides of Dean’s wrists, forearms, and the back of his neck, but I haven’t seen any on Logan. I wonder how many he has and where they are. Maybe by the end of this summer I’ll get to find out.
“Hey, isn’t our third show in Vegas? We’re gonna stop by Tyler’s shop, right?” Joey asks.
“We definitely are. That’s an awesome idea.” Logan turns wild eyes to me. “Do you want a tattoo, G? Because if you do, Tyler is the absolute best, and he’ll totally hook you up.”
A tattoo? Like a real, permanent one?
“I don’t know. Maybe. I mean, it’d have to be something I could live with on my body for the rest of my life.”
Did I really just say maybe I would get a tattoo?
Of course I’m not going to get a tattoo. What would everyone think? Why do I care so much about what everyone thinks? Kyla would tell me to do it. I ran away to do something a little wild, a little crazy, and forget expectations. Maybe Crazy Gracie is the type of girl to get a tattoo?
I completely miss Dean’s turn, but no one says anything about me not drinking, so I’m probably safe.
I swear a tiny smirk crosses Colin’s lips for a split second.
We go around the circle a few more times. Joey seems to be trying to up the kinky sex factor with each of his statements. He’s as red as a beet at this point, I don’t know if it’s just the alcohol or all of the sex talk—maybe both. Dean drinks for every one of them, though. Either Dean is exceptionally experienced or Joey just isn’t creative enough.
Logan keeps trying to come up with things that will make me drink, but he’s been unsuccessful. Spoiler: I haven’t done anything worth bringing up in a game like this. But I’ve been drinking my fuzzy navel throughout the game anyway and by the time we’re back around to Logan, I’m warm and happy. I’ve been giggling a lot and am a bit wiggly.
Am I buzzed? I think I'm buzzed. I’ve never been buzzed before.
Dean offers me another drink and I happily accept, even though I can feel Colin’s eyes on me as I open it. He’s still nursing his original beer.
“Hey! I’ve got it. I’ve got it. I’ve got it this time!” Logan hunches down, a mischievous grin directed toward me. “Never have I ever been to a frat party.”
No one drinks. I kind of shrug and shake my head at him.
“Really? You went your whole first year at college without going to a frat party?”
“Yep. I was too busy studying.” And secluding myself, not making any friends. A lot of good that did me. I practically flunked out anyway. “I decided to spend my freshman year being lame, and I didn’t partake in any college pastimes, really.” I realize I’m rambling but I don’t really care and I keep on going, counting on my fingers. “I never went to a frat party, or any party, actually. I never got drunk, I never tried weed, I never had sex—”
“You’re a virgin?” Joey blurts out.
Dean practically chokes on his beer as he tries not to spit it across the back of the van.
Logan smacks Joey across the shoulder. “Dude!”
“Sorry, I just...” Joey’s shaved head is as bright as a fire hydrant.
My face is so hot, I’m afraid it’s the same color as his. I don’t know why I admitted that just now. Stupid tasty fuzzy navel. I take another drink and close my eyes, willing time to rewind over the last two minutes.
“You were a virgin when you were nineteen, too, so shut the fuck up,” Colin says to Joey. Everyone is quiet. Colin turns his hard stare to me. I don’t know if it’s with pity or disdain. He turns away, dismissing me like a child, and downs the rest of his beer.
Maybe he was right—I am a child. A toddler he doesn’t want here.
Colin’s phone buzzes. He pulls it out of his pocket and looks at the screen.
“Game’s over. The truck is almost here.”
CHAPTER 6
It’s almost three in the morning by the time the tow truck gets us to the next town with a service station.
“They open at seven. Switching out the tires shouldn’t take long—I reckon you’ll be back on the road by eight,” the friendly tow truck operator tells us as he climbs back in his cab.
We are left standing in the empty parking lot of the repair shop. The entire town seems to be asleep and dark except for a few buildings on this strip of road.
“Fuck,” Colin says.
“We’ll make it to LA in time,” Dean assures him.
Logan is looking intently at his phone.
“Let’s get some food.” Joey motions toward the yellow Denny’s sign glowing in the distance.
“I have a better idea.” Logan holds up his phone. “There’s a public pool less than a mile from here. Who’s up to cross skinny dipping off their list?”
Again with this list.
“Are you trying to cross breaking and entering off your list, too?” Colin asks flatly.
“You need to lighten up. We’re not hurting anyone.”
“And you need to grow up. You’re not a twenty-year-old kid anymore.”
Logan and Colin stand silently until Dean interrupts.
“I’m in.”
“Yes!” Logan turns to Joey. “How ’bout you?”
Joey looks between Logan and Colin. “Uh...I don’t know. Pancakes sound pretty good.”
“You do you, bro.” He turns to me with a raised eyebrow. “And what about you, Gracie? Pool or pancakes?”
I hesitate, looking between Logan’s smiling face and Colin’s cold one.
He wants to sneak into a public pool and jump in without swimming suits? I would never do that. Correction, Old Gracie would never have done that. The same Gracie who had no fun at college, has no stories, and barely gets buzzed during a game of Never Have I Ever. I don’t want to be her anymore. Not this summer, not on this trip, anyway. I want to be New Gracie. Fun Gracie. Carefree Gracie. Exciting Gracie. Fuck-the-Consequences Gracie.
“Let’s do it.”
* * *
“It’s right over there,” Logan says as we round the block.
The pool is across from a large community park. It has a small outbuilding and is surrounded by a tall metal fence and a few sapling trees. The water looks deep and dark, only the bright moon reflecting off its glassy surface. The elevated lifeguard chair sits empty under a red and white striped umbrella. It’s eerily still.
Logan and Dean start scaling the fence like freaking twin monkeys. They turn at the top, holding out their hands to help me up, and I have a sudden moment of panic. The image of Colin’s face when I started walking away with Logan and Dean flashes in my mind. It was clear he didn’t approve. He’d almost looked disappointed as he rubbed the dark stubble along his jaw. For some reason, it had made my stomach sink.
Fuck him. He argued Logan wasn’t a twenty-year-old kid anymore. Well, I am (alm
ost) and this is my time to do stupid stuff like this, right?
I grab the guys’ hands and easily scale the fence, leaping over the top and landing nimbly on the other side.
“Wow,” they say in unison.
“I was a flyer in cheer.”
“Mmm, I always had a thing for cheerleaders,” Logan says with a devious smirk.
I put my hand on my hip and roll my eyes. I’m so over the cheerleader label. “You like cheerleaders? How predictable.”
“Predictable?” Logan’s eyebrows shoot up.
“Yep. Just like every other hormone-fueled American male. What part do you like most? The uniform, the short skirt, the bouncing up and down? Or is it the enthusiastic cheering for sweaty, aggressive guys who are most definitely overcompensating for their tiny dicks?”
Logan’s mouth falls open.
Dean coughs from behind Logan. “Shit, she bites and I like it.”
New, exciting Gracie is sassy, and I like it too.
“I’m predictable, huh?” Logan smiles as he tears his shirt off over his head.
“Uh huh.”
“Okay.” He unbuttons his jeans, never breaking eye contact. “What am I about to do now?” His jeans hit the concrete. “I'll give you a hint. You’d better undress fast unless you want to get your clothes wet.”
“Logan...” I shake my head as he prowls toward me in just his black boxers. “Okay, okay!” I toe off my shoes. He comes closer. “Wait!” I pull off my shirt and toss it to the ground. It’s probably a good thing I’m going too fast to overthink it. I shimmy my jean shorts down just in time before Logan picks me up by the waist and hauls me into the pool with him.
We hit the water with a deafening splash and I go under in a tangle of limbs. It takes a second to find my bearings and we both pop out at the same time. My hair drips into my face and my teeth are chattering but I’m smiling and Logan is laughing as we tread water, just looking at each other.