by Rae Kennedy
He shuts the door behind us then runs his hands over his short hair.
“Listen, what you need to know about those guys is that they’ve been on the road for almost the last two years straight, and there are two types of girls that travel with a band. Girlfriends and groupies.”
“But I’m not—”
“I know. I’ve told them that and to leave you alone, but I can’t get it through their heads. Frankly, that’s not the body part they think with most of the time.”
That’s obvious.
Colin continues, “In their minds, if you’re not fucking one of us on the regular, you’re fair game. They’re not going to stop hitting on you.”
“I can handle myself. I don’t need you to be my chaperone. I’ll be more careful around them in the future. Thanks for the lecture, but I’m going to go.” I head for the door.
“Gracie, wait—”
I snap back at the sound of my name on his lips. “What?”
“I’m not trying to lecture you.” He sighs, rubbing his temple. “I don’t like those guys, but I have to play nice with them. The label is signing us, but the results of this tour will determine how good our contract is. This could be our one chance, our big break. They’re watching everything—not just the sales numbers but also our behavior. They want to know we’re a good investment and aren’t going to be the next internet scandal.”
“Okay... What does that have to do with me?”
He drags his fingers over his scalp, grimacing as he speaks. “Because, if I have to watch them try to get on you for the rest of the tour I’m going to end up in jail for beating one or more of them into a bloody pulp.”
My pulse races, the pounding in my ears obliterating any rational thoughts from forming as he continues.
“Gray, will you please let me tell them you’re my girlfriend?”
CHAPTER 11
“What? You can’t be serious.”
“I am.”
“I still don’t understand why—”
“They’re a bunch of morons, but they understand the unspoken rules. You don’t mess with a band-mate or tour-mate’s girlfriend.”
My head is still swimming from his proposition. Pretend to be dating...Colin?
“This whole idea is ridiculous and I don’t even think it will work. I mean, it would make more sense coming from Logan. Maybe he would be interested—”
“Do you know what Logan is doing right now?”
Oh yeah. “Christine.”
“Yup. Logan likes to have fun, especially on tour. We wouldn’t want to spoil his fun, now would we?”
“What about you? Wouldn’t pretending to be tied down ruin your fun too?” I ask.
He rolls his eyes. “No.”
“Really? You wouldn’t feel like you were missing out?”
“If you mean missing out on pussy, no. I don’t fuck groupies. I don’t hook up with random women on the road, and I don’t have one-night stands.”
“Okay.” That checks out. “But I don’t think anyone will buy it—you and me, together.”
He steps closer to me. “Then we will just have to convince them.”
He’s looking down at me, his lips parted. His stare is heavy on my skin.
“We can start right now,” he says. My breath quickens as his eyes flash to my mouth. “Stay the night with me.”
My eyes widen. “Excuse me?” I stutter.
He points behind him, an amused glint in his eyes. “There are two beds.”
And, yep, there are two queen beds in this room.
“I’m only asking you to pretend,” he says.
“You want me to pretend to be in a relationship with you?”
He nods.
Okay. I tilt my head, studying him. “And in this pretend relationship, I’m staying the night with you already?”
“Spending the night together doesn’t have to mean we had sex—”
Ohmygod Colin is talking about us having sex—hypothetically, I realize—but still. I can feel the blush in my cheeks.
“—we could have just been cuddling all night,” he finishes.
I burst out laughing. “Oh yeah, because that’s believable.”
“What? I fucking love cuddling.”
I remember waking up on top of him in the van. He was so comfy and...yup, cuddly. He was holding me while he slept and didn’t want to let me go when I moved.
Holy crap. Colin Wolfe really does love cuddling.
I smile at the thought. “I don’t know. This seems like a pretty extreme solution to a minor problem.” Though, the more I think about it, having Colin pretend to be into me wouldn’t be too bad.
“I don’t think your safety and my sanity are minor things.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “It would really save me a lot of worry.”
There it is. Why he’s doing this. And my blood is boiling again.
“You know what? This whole thing is pretty messed up. They’re not entitled to me just because I have a vagina. And if you don’t want to have to worry about me, here’s a tip. Don’t. I’m a big girl. I’ll deal with it. Contrary to what you may think, I do not need a babysitter.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m sure you can handle it.” He rubs the back of his neck as he looks at the floor then back to my face. “You know the term, sex, drugs, and rock and roll? Well, I was nineteen when I started to understand its meaning. You don’t really know the depravity of it until you’re in too deep to get out. I wish someone had been there to look out for me.”
“Look, I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m going to have to pass. Goodnight, Colin.” I walk toward the door with my head held high.
“Night, Gray.”
* * *
I’m the first one in the lobby the next day to check out. Of course the first person to come downstairs is Jace. He walks over with a smug look on his face.
“I’m still bummed we didn’t get to hang out more last night.” He tilts his head as he leans against the reception desk. “You and I could have a lot of fun together this summer. I could rock your world.”
Gag me. “Does that line actually ever work for you? No, thanks.” I step away, looking down the hall to the elevators, praying one of my guys will appear so I don’t have to talk to Jace alone any more.
“Why not?” Jace asks, and I think he’s genuinely mystified as to why I would decline his invitation to rock my world.
“I’m not interested.” I back up a step.
“Oh, that’s just because you don’t know me very well. Luckily, we have time to get to know each other better. I think you’ll find I’m very charming.” He’s closer again.
Fuck.
Boner Three emerges from the hallway headed for us. It’s going to be just like last night again. Am I going to be stuck in some type of endless time loop of this? Cornered by Jace and Boners. So many Boners.
“You’ll see,” Jace says, completely cocksure.
No. No no no no no.
I think about Colin’s proposal last night. Maybe he was right. Maybe he is the solution. Maybe just one tiny lie would do it.
I lower my voice. “Fine, I wasn’t going to say anything because we’ve been keeping it quiet, but the real reason is Colin and I are seeing each other. Don’t tell anyone, please.”
Boner Three comes to stand next to us just as Logan and Christine walk out, holding hands.
Jace regards me with squinted eyes. “You and Wolfe? Are together but you’re keeping it a secret?” He looks to Boner Three. “What do you think?”
“Sounds weird to me.”
“That’s what I thought. Are you lying to me, honey?”
The rest of the Boners enter the lobby.
“No.” My voice squeaks. I’m a terrible liar. “We just haven’t told people yet, so if you’d keep it down—”
Logan and Christine join us with tired smiles and messy hair. I don’t think they’ve gone to sleep at all yet.
“Yo, Logan”—Jace gestures toward
me—“your girl Gracie here, her and Colin hooking up?”
“What? Of course not.” Logan laughs off the idea.
Jace and Boner Three look at me for an explanation. All of the Boners are here now and Logan is looking at me in confusion.
Is it hot in here? I’m sweating.
Colin, Joey, and Dean are now walking toward us.
“Great, now we can clear this up. Hey Wolfe!” Jace shouts across the lobby.
My heart is pounding in my throat. Colin doesn’t know to go along with this and I’m going to be found out as a liar and probably look pathetic too.
Colin already looks annoyed as he joins the group, his arms flexing under his black tattoos as he folds them across his chest and avoids eye contact with me.
“So what’s the deal with you and Gracie?” Jace asks.
“The deal? What are you talking about?”
“Yeah, what are you talking about?” Logan joins in.
Jace looks at Colin. “She says you two are together.” He says together with air quotes.
Now they’re all looking at me with expressions that all very clearly express what the fuck? Except Christine, she looks pretty lost and chimes in that she’s hungry.
Colin is staring at me unblinkingly. I try to plead to him with my eyes help me but he just looks at me stoically, contemplating. Maybe he’s not going to save me. Maybe he’s upset I turned down his idea last night. Maybe it was a one-time offer or he decided it really was a bad idea and doesn’t want to do it anymore.
But then his hard mouth and blue eyes soften ever so slightly and he stalks toward me, never breaking eye contact.
“Yeah. We’re together,” he says matter-of-factly.
He reaches his hand out as he comes to me. He touches my cheek and then his fingers slide down and around to the back of my neck, pulling my hair away from my face. And I gape at him as he leans down, the whole thing in slow motion. I can feel the heat of his lips and breath as he whispers in my ear.
“This is a surprise.” Then he presses his lips ever so softly to the side of my cheekbone.
He lingers there for a second. My cheek is warm where he kissed me. I’ve forgotten how to push breath out of my lungs or form words.
“For me too,” I finally manage to say in a throaty whisper.
He gives me the tiniest of smirks as he straightens and slips his hand into mine, interlacing our fingers. He holds it the whole time we check out and as we exit the hotel. Logan keeps looking at us with a furrowed brow. Dean gives me a wink and a quick thumbs up as we walk, and Joey seems to have accepted it indifferently and joins Christine in championing the idea of going for food.
We’d normally go straight to the bus, but since checkout was at noon and the buses don’t leave until three today, we walk across the street to a little Greek restaurant for lunch.
Of course I’m sitting next to Colin in the booth. Like, he scooted right up next to me, his arm slung on the back of the seat behind me, and his entire side is rubbing against mine. I repeat, the entire length of Colin’s body is touching mine from shoulder to hip to thigh. The hot afternoon sun shines bright through the tall storefront windows and everyone else is busy in conversation, but I can’t concentrate on anything else.
Colin is looking at the menu and saying something about falafel and splitting a hummus plate but I’m having a hard time listening. I’m just sitting here with my hands balled between my knees hoping I’m not being too obvious about how weird this feels.
After we order, he drops his arm down around my back, lightly stroking my bare arm with his fingertips. He does it so casually I wonder if he even realizes he’s doing it. Because I do. Every touch, every circle and line he draws on my skin has my body on high alert.
He keeps his arm around me the whole time we eat. The guys talk about the small break we have after the next show and how excited they are that they’re going to do some recording.
Colin leans in so his mouth is at my ear. “You’re not eating. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I reach for a pita chip but don’t turn to look at him so I don’t turn into a hot pink mess.
“Is this too much for you?” He gently squeezes my arm so I know what he’s referring to. “I can back off if you want.”
No! “No, it’s okay.” I turn to him as I whisper the words and then we’re face-to-face, so close I’d only have to lean in an inch to taste his lips.
His eyes flicker down to my mouth for a split second and I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing.
“Good,” he says. Then he puts his lips back to my ear, our cheeks touching. “It would be okay if you pretended to like it. Or even return some affection, if you want.”
“Oh. Yeah.” Right. He’s been acting super we’re a couple this whole time and I’ve been sitting here like a cold fish.
Colin sits back up and I realize there’s a lull in conversation and all eyes are on us.
“So.” Logan looks between us. “When did this start?” He doesn’t look mad or sound accusatory but his eyes give him away. Normally half-hooded and relaxed, now they are focused, unblinking. He’s suspicious.
Colin looks at me, not at all rattled by the question. Guess I’m up.
“Not long.” I try to keep the shakiness out of my voice. “Just since Seattle.”
“Yeah, Seattle,” Colin agrees, nodding as he turns back to Logan. “It’s been a bit longer for me, though.”
I’m not even sure what that means but it’s making my heart thump wildly. He’s so much better at this than me. I look up at him as he takes a sip of water, admiring the black tattoos that go right up to his square jaw. The other side of his neck is a rose and skull, but this side is a guitar and roses. I kind of want to touch them. I mean, I could. That would totally be a girlfriend thing to do, right? But reaching up and touching his neck or his jaw or his lips... I can’t.
I’m going to just rest my hand lightly on his thigh. That’s an affectionate thing that I can do. It takes me a second to work up the nerve to move my hand. I smile sweetly at him then awkwardly pat his leg before resting my hand there. I think I landed a little higher than I meant, but it’s okay, I’m cool.
Colin looks at me from the side, his eyebrows raised in surprise. I glance down at my hand and it’s much higher than I thought and the tips of my fingers are touching not leg.
Not leg.
Not.
Leg.
I snatch my hand away with a half-yelp-half-scream and cover my face with my hands. Heat rushes to my skin from my ears to my chest. I can’t believe I touched his—I am mortified.
I peek between my fingers. I'm getting curious looks from around the table and when I turn to Colin, he’s biting his lip to hold back his smile.
“What’s going on over there?” Dean asks.
Colin lets go and lets out a laugh, low and melodic, his face is alight and beautiful. I lower my hands and smile because I don’t know what else to do. All too soon, he’s done laughing, but he’s looking at me, his eyes still bright and happy. I made Colin Wolfe laugh.
“Private joke,” Colin answers Dean, his eyes still on me.
I try to mouth I’m sorry to him but he wraps his arms around me and I’m in a tight embrace, my nose pressed against his firm chest. I breathe in the scent of him, his heartbeat steady against my temple.
“It’s okay,” he whispers against my hair.
And I feel warm and safe and like he doesn’t think I’m a completely awkward and embarrassing virgin. But as soon as I’m no longer in the comforting cocoon of Colin’s arms, I can’t stop reliving the moment and I can’t look him in the eyes.
We hold hands as we walk back to the bus but once we’re on, I go straight to my bunk.
* * *
It’s dark when I wake up. I didn’t close the curtain covering the tiny window all the way, and inky blue-green pine trees flash past as we speed by. I open the curtain wider to see the misty mountains glow gray and blue against the black night
sky in the distance. The occasional passing car temporarily splashes the whole scene with blinding white light.
Then I hear the voices. So low I almost didn’t notice. I’m awake so I pull back my privacy curtain to get up and join them when I hear the words and they make me freeze.
“You are such a hypocrite.”
I don’t have a good view of the seating area at the front of the bus, but I strain my neck just enough to make out two partial figures at the table. No lights are on and they sit shrouded in shadows. But I know who they are.
“I just don’t get it,” Logan says. “How many times did you remind me that she’s still a teenager and the whole thing was a bad idea? Were you just pissed I brought her along because you wanted to fuck her yourself?”
“It wasn’t like that.” Colin’s voice comes out like a growl. “And don’t talk about her like that.”
“Or were you just mad that I saw her first?”
There’s a short pause and I imagine they’re staring each other down, arms crossed, angry but restrained.
“You didn’t see her first.” I can barely hear Colin’s words.
“What does that mean?”
“I saw her. At the wedding, during the first song. She was standing across the dance floor in her little peach bridesmaid dress and I sang to her. There was something between us. It was weird. But I think she felt it too.”
More silence.
“Why didn’t you just tell me you were into her? You know I would have stepped aside.”
“Maybe I should have, but I wasn’t going to act on it.”
“But then you did.” It’s not a question.
“Yeah, I guess I couldn’t help it.”
One of them moves as if he’s about to stand up. I pull my head back into my bunk and cover my face with my pillow to quiet my breathing.
I can’t stop replaying the conversation in my head.
How much of what he said was a lie and how much was true?
CHAPTER 12
When I wake up a few hours later, it’s quiet. Safe to get up. I grab one of the crossword puzzle books Dean got for me and head to the dining table.