Belinda's Rings

  — so she told Nikki to shut her hole, we didn’t want to hear about Doug’s bony white ass.

  Nikki looked shocked at first but then she just shrugged. S’okay, she said, you’re allowed to be a bitch after what happened to you.

  I’m not friends with Nikki anymore, which is kind of a relief. She made me feel like I was turning into one of those typical girls who just wants to be popular, and wants people to think she’s so badass — the kinds of girls that I hate. When she heard Mum was away she insisted we have a drunken sleepover at my house, even though I reminded her that Wiley would still be there.

  So what, your stepdad sounds cool, she said. He won’t care.

  Actually, I said, he’ll probably tell my Mum. She’s got him on a leash, remember? I didn’t feel like telling Nikki that I just didn’t want drunk people in the house with Squid. She wouldn’t have understood anyway.

  Come on, she said, you deserve some fun after your mom left you all this crap to deal with.

  I’d been complaining to Rose and Nikki about all the housework and babysitting I’d had to do since Mum left, and I’d exaggerated some of it just ’cause I liked to hear them say Oh no way and I would die if I was you. Truth was I hadn’t really done anything around the house, and neither had anyone else. On Saturday I went straight to Rose’s house after we got back from lunch with Da, and when I got home that evening I nearly cried ’cause I saw how disgusting everything looked. You’d think for all of Jess’s Mum-ness she’d have taken care of it, but cleaning was one thing Jess didn’t have a clue about. I hadn’t noticed how bad it was until I knew people were coming over. There was hair all over the bathroom floor and in the sink and a huge skid-mark in the toilet. The dining room was still a disaster zone from Jess’s collage project that had been due three days before, Chatelaine magazines splayed open on the table with their gutted pages furling out, little bits of paper scattered like snow all around the feet of the table, scissors and glue and markers spread on the pulled-out chairs. We’d made a stack of pizza and chicken boxes and put them beside the back door ’cause they’d started making the kitchen smell like corn chips. Seemed like a good idea at the time. There were pots of dried-up mac ’n’ cheese stacked on the kitchen counter along with a couple of days’ worth of dirty plates and cutlery left there ’cause no one had wanted to empty the dishwasher. All the unswept crumbs on the floor made the linoleum crunch under my feet. But the worst part was that the kitchen table was literally covered in hundreds of little screws and nails and bolts, and it looked like someone had just dumped them out of an old box. There was grey dirt dusted all around them. Seeing it from the other end of the house it actually looked like the tablecloth was silver.

  Wiley was nowhere and the house was silent.

  I only had time to do a half-assed job of cleaning everything, but I was feeling pretty sorry for myself the whole way through. By the time I had finished washing the pots I’d gotten myself all riled up. I was so mad I was sweating. I remember thinking I could probably call up Child Services, get Mum and Wiley arrested for neglect. When Jess came home from the park with Squid I was on my knees scrubbing a sticky puddle of grape juice off the floor, and when Squid saw my face he raced straight up to his room. I screamed at Jess, told her the dining room looked like a goddamn pigsty.

  Jesus Christ, you sound like Mummy! she yelled back. I knew it was true but I punched her anyway. Smack in the boob. Of course she shrieked like a harpy which made me want to punch her again, except she ran off to her room crying and ranting about how much she hated me and wanted to kill me. I didn’t blame her, ’cause there have been times when I’ve wanted to kill her too. Jess is the only person who has ever made me feel like I truly wanted them to die. And I really did when I told her my friends were coming over so she had to watch Squid and she said, Too bad, I’m going out to see a movie. I wailed on her until my vocal cords felt ready to snap, but she went storming out of the house anyway.

  Nikki and Rose showed up two hours later and my hands still hadn’t stopped trembling. My hair was plastered to my forehead with sweat. I’d just managed to get everything looking somewhat decent, all the junk stuffed into closets and a pan of McCain Superfries cooking in the oven.

  Honey, you need a drink, Nikki said to me when I opened the door. She had her backpack slung over one shoulder and pulled around her front. She unzipped it and the long glass neck of a bottle with a red cap peeked out. I had this feeling that Squid was behind me so I stood in the doorway trying to block Nikki.

  Jeez, are you gonna let us in? Nikki pushed her way past me.

  Squid was standing at the bottom of the stairs when I turned around. He watched Nikki and Rose heel off their sneakers and toss their coats on the couch. I could tell by the little smile on his face that he wasn’t going to leave us alone.

  Can I have some French fries? he said quietly.

  Yeah, I said, acting annoyed. I made extra so you could have some.

  Whoa man, this is your little brother? Nikki said. He’s cute.

  Uh huh, I said. You guys hungry? I really wanted to change the subject, but Squid was totally sucking up the attention. His dark eyelashes were practically fluttering and his blue eyes were round as Bambi’s. No one can pour on the syrup better than Squid.

  He’s got such blue eyes, Rose said. You guys don’t look like brother and sister at all.

  Yeah, well we are, I said.

  That’s ’cause I have a different dad, Squid said.

  They know that already, I told him.

  Oh my God, he is so cute, Nikki said. He’s going to be totally hot when he grows up.

  ’Kay, can we just get the food and go down to the basement? I said.

  Nikki sniffed the air like she just caught a whiff of something toxic. Oh, you’re making fries? she said. Doug says McCain fries aren’t even real potatoes.

  So what are they then? Rose asked.

  Like filler and stuff. Cardboard. Nikki has this habit of playing with her hair when she’s bullshitting or lying: she lifts it up at the back and twirls it around her hand, then lets it fall.

  I only made them for my brother, I said. I wanted to kick myself after I said it.

  What’s your brother’s name again? Nikki said.

  Squid! Squid cried out, taking Nikki’s hand and shaking it up and down like Wiley had taught him to do when he introduced himself. I laughed the way Mum does when people give her compliments, all high and forced, and I took Squid by the shoulders to pull him away.

  No no, I said. His real name’s Sebastian. I patted him on the head, ruffled his hair a bit. We’re trying to get him to stop calling himself that, I said. Squid pushed my hand away and started petting his head, gave me an exaggerated glare like Hey, you’re wrecking my hair. I knew he was only faking it for attention. I could just see the hyperactive juices starting to filter into his veins.

  Aw, come on Gray, leave him alone, Nikki said. He’s cool.

  Squid grinned when he heard that, shot up onto his tippytoes. And now, he said, pointing a finger to the sky, we resume the investigation! He learned to say that after he heard it on an episode of Inspector Gadget. The first time he’d repeated it Jess and Wiley and I had laughed our heads off ’cause it sounded so funny coming out of a six-year-old. Naturally Rose and Nikki thought it was hilarious, and Squid skittered off into the living room with that big grin still on his face like he knew they’d be thinking what a funny grown-up thing for a little boy to say and wondering what he was doing now.

  I huffed out a sigh, and rolled my eyes to signal that this was really not as cute as it seemed. I knew that Squid was hiding behind the curtains, thinking we’d go chasing after him. It was his favourite hiding spot ever since I used it to scare the bejeezus out of him during a blackout, but the curtains were sheer so it was probably the worst place to hide during the day.

  Okay, I whispered to Rose and Nikki, now’s our chance to escape to the basement. I scooped the fries onto a plate and left them on the c
ounter for Squid while Rose and Nikki snuck into the basement. I locked the basement door behind us and felt a rock settle in my gut.

  Nikki whipped out the bottle of vodka right away, shook her head when I asked her if she wanted some cups.

  Doug says vodka’s the best straight out of the bottle, she said. His dad’s Russian. She held the bottle out to me and I took a swig, pretended it was totally normal for me to be drinking vodka, like I’d done it a million times before. I was afraid I might choke or spit it out but it actually wasn’t that bad. It reminded me of the stuff Mum used to paint on the ends of my hair to make me stop biting it. It came out of this little brown bottle and it was supposed to be painted on fingernails to stop people from chewing them ’cause the stuff tasted so bad. Didn’t work for me and my hair though. I just sucked off all the paint and went on biting.

  Rose took a tiny little sip and her whole face scrunched up. Nikki and I laughed at her and then we heard the doorknob jiggling at the top of the stairs.

  Oh shit! Nikki whispered. She and Rose started snickering into their hands.

  The doorknob jiggled again, a little harder this time. Rose and Nikki let out a few giggles and I pressed my finger to my lips, gave them a stern look. Then came a few taps and a couple of knocks.

  Hello? Squid’s muffled voice said. Hello? Where are you? Grace, where are you?

  I took another mouthful of vodka, smiled at Rose even though I felt like puking. The liquid felt kind of good burning down my throat, like super-strength cough syrup. A scene flashed in my head of me diving off the Centre Street bridge with my arms behind my back, the fish in the river watching my face smack the water.

  We sat there quietly passing the bottle around for what seemed like an hour, listening to Squid rattle the doorknob, his little voice getting louder and louder, Grace, Grace, I’m here Grace, not getting the point that I was doing it on purpose because why would I ever do something like that? I was on the verge of running up the stairs and bursting through the door with a million sorrys and a great big bear hug, but then the rattling stopped. The three of us looked at each other and Nikki raised the bottle in the air.

  Cheers, she said, and took a big gulp.

  I sat on the floor with my back against the wall and let my shoulders go loose. I felt a flood of tingles rise into my brain like 7 Up.

  Aw crap, Rose said in a whiny voice, I have to pee again. When she got up her denim skirt was shifted to the side and hiked up around her waist, but she didn’t seem to notice. She headed to the bathroom with her arms swinging too much, the way I’d imagine a sloth would walk if it could stand up on its hind legs.

  Okay, Nikki said, hands on hips. Enough of the bore-fest already. That TV work?

  I nodded and pointed to the remote, watched Nikki fiddle with it until the screen buzzed and flashed. The sound of TV channels flipping was relaxing, like a lullaby.

  You know how in cartoons, they always show a conscience as two different characters, like an angel and devil? Well I think my conscience has three sides: the good side, the bad side, and the side that tells the other two to Shut up, I’m trying to do something here. And that side really likes the taste of vodka. With Squid gone, I started to think this felt pretty okay. This was fun, I thought. Me sitting slumped against a wall with the bottle pressed between my knees and Nikki dancing to Mariah Carey on MuchMusic, her hips swirling just like Mariah’s. My head started swaying to the music and I didn’t care that I hated how Mariah Carey always sang so high to impress people, but it ended up just sounding like screaming. Rose got back and the music seemed to give her a second wind. She took Nikki’s hands and they twirled each other around like it was the most fun they’d ever had. I just sat there and watched them ’cause that’s what I felt like doing. I kept tipping vodka into my mouth like a robot stuck on repeat. Then ‘Baby Got Back’ came on and Nikki started showing Rose how to do this sexy move where you drop down and slink back up with your butt sticking out, like a stripper, and I felt really cool ’cause my face stayed serious even though somewhere deep down I was telling myself to be grossed-out. Sitting around my house getting drunk started to seem like something I deserved — everyone else got to do it, so why couldn’t I? Anyway, I was holding my liquor way better than Rose. Her face was the colour of a tomato and her head was lolling like a rag doll’s.

  Nikki asked me to pass the bottle again when I was about to sip, and I accidentally knocked it against my teeth and some of the liquid dribbled on my chin. That was funny, oh boy was it funny. I started cackling like Beavis, and that made Rose and Nikki go right off. So we were giggling away like fruitcakes and pretty soon we forgot what we were giggling about. That was when we heard the bang.

  It sounded like a boulder had hit the floor above us. The ceiling made a cracking noise, the same noise you hear in the first split-second of a thunderclap. At first I couldn’t figure out what was happening. Then I noticed that Nikki and Rose had stopped laughing and were looking straight at me.

  That’s the garage, I said, pointing to the ceiling.

  Next thing I knew I was at the top of the stairs, rattling the doorknob like crazy ’cause I’d forgotten I’d locked it. All I could think about was Squid pinned to the concrete floor under a toppled shelf, buried in paint cans and power tools. His body limp and mottled like a leaf of rotting lettuce. It was so clear in my mind that I was sure I was already seeing it. And when I finally got the door unlocked I had never hated myself more in my entire life.

  When I burst through the door to the garage I must have looked like I just came out of Night of the Living Dead. My mouth was a gaping half-moon and my eyes were bulging and I stumbled a bit over my feet. I had to grab the railing to stop myself from spilling down the stairs. I stood there on the landing and it took a few seconds to focus my eyes. First thing I saw was Wiley kneeling in the middle of the floor in front of his big green travel trunk. He had a pair of pliers in his hand. A can of Coors was sitting on the floor by his feet.

  Oh, hi, he said.

  Squid’s head popped up. He’d been kneeling next to Wiley. Hi Grace, he said. We’re getting the treasure.

  This is my old friend Bill, you remember Bill, right? Wiley said.

  No, I said. I hadn’t even noticed the man who was standing in the frame of the open garage door. He had a thin mustache and he was wearing a Bart Simpson t-shirt that was ratty around the neck. He waved, took a long drink of Coors. I was nearly positive I’d never seen Bill before in my life, but my head also felt like it was it was packed with Jell-O so I couldn’t be sure.

  He’s the bass, Wiley said. Was the bass, I should say. Of Handbrake, remember?

  Handbrake was the name of Wiley’s band that broke up ten years ago, before Mum knew him. Wiley had a picture of the five of them posing with their instruments, and they all had the same long feathery hair that had been teased and poofed like Farrah Fawcett’s.

  I rock with Bossa Nova now, Bill said.

  Things had started to sink in by this point — Squid wasn’t dead and nothing bad had happened. And for some reason that made me flippin’ angry.

  What the HELL are you doing? I yelled. My eyes were burning a hole into the trunk, the stupid green trunk that had sat at the foot of Mum and Wiley’s bed draped in blankets and dirty clothes ever since I could remember. Wiley had said the locks were busted and he couldn’t get it open, but he refused to give the thing away ’cause he said he couldn’t remember what was in it. It could be important. He’d thrown out his back trying to lug it up the stairs when he moved in. He’d obviously recruited Bill as reinforcement this time, although Bill’s flabby arms looked pretty useless.

  Whoa-ho-ho! Wiley said. Chill! He’d never used the word ‘chill’ before. It sounded all stiff, like he was putting on an accent. He kind of laughed and I could tell he was embarrassed. Bill perked his eyebrows, chuckled as if to say, Dude, I’m glad I’m not you. He was way too old to be acting like that.

  We’re just trying to crack it open, Squid s
aid. He slid his little fingers along the trunk’s seam, pulled at one of the locked clasps. They tried to throw it but it’s still locked up, he said.

  Wiley picked at the other clasp with the pliers but they just jogged and snapped. Hm, Wiley said. Bill says he remembers there being some old LPs inside. Could be worth something.

  So you tossed the trunk off the stairs? I shouted. I was practically frothing.

  We tried everything, Wiley said. Anyway, whaddyou care? Don’t you have friends over?

  I’d forgotten about Nikki and Rose. I’d forgotten about being drunk. Wiley was giving me a queer look and I suddenly knew what he was thinking. I was out of there in a shot, and on my way back down to the basement I could hear Wiley and Bill laughing like two kids who’d just egged somebody’s house.

  I went down the stairs slowly, partly ’cause I felt like my top half was going to tip right over like one of those drinking bird toys, and partly ’cause I was trying to think of a way to get Nikki and Rose to go home.

  They heard me coming and Rose yelled, What happened? I could tell by the worried sound of her voice that they’d heard the shouting through the ceiling. Rose came to the foot of the stairs and she had the bottle of vodka in her hand. It was already half empty.

  I got in trouble, I said. My stepdad’s home.