‘Uh huh!’ Bernie yelled, as she rounded the corner of the post office. Claire snapped the phone shut and felt herself blush a little.
‘Jesus, Bernie. You scared me half to death.’
‘So, who was on the phone? Judging by your rosy cheeks it must be lover-boy, Derek.’
‘Derek is not my “lover-boy”, as you so childishly put it,’ Claire said haughtily, tossing her head and shoving her mobile in her handbag.
‘But he’s ringing you, right? Come on Claire. That blush is a dead giveaway. Don’t waste your innocent pout on me – we both know you’d shag him in a heartbeat.’
Claire opened her mouth to protest.
‘You’re as frustrated as hell. Just admit it.’
Claire threw her hands up and laughed. ‘Maybe just a little.’
‘Come on, then,’ Bernie said, grabbing her friend’s arm and giving it a tug. ‘The only temporary cure for that is chocolate or cheesecake.’
Speaking of frustrated, Claire thought as she was dragged down the street towards the café, she had promised herself she’d ask her friend about David next time she saw her.
‘Anyway, I have some news of my own,’ Bernadette said, puncturing Claire’s thoughts.
After seeing out a pair of stooped old ladies with walking sticks, David held the door open for them to enter, pecking them both on the cheek as they passed. Claire noticed Bernadette whisper something in his ear, probably advising quick service was required for a cheesecake crisis meeting. But instead, he followed them to their table and sat down, then beckoned to the waitress across the room. Claire looked from David to Bernie and back again. David grasped Bernadette’s hand laying on the table and, after silently seeking her nodding approval, spoke.
‘We have something exciting to tell you. Don’t we darling?’
Claire sucked her breath in sharply and felt the blood drain to her feet.
‘We’re getting married, we’re engaged,’ Bernie blurted in a loud whisper.
‘You’re what?’ Claire couldn’t help it – the words and expression were there before she could stop them. ‘But I thought David was…’
‘Well that’s a bit of a funny story actually, isn’t it darling?’ Bernie cooed, stroking her fiancé’s hand.
‘Long story and all that,’ he said, flapping his hand.
Claire stared at them in disbelief.
‘Well aren’t you happy for us?’ Bernadette demanded.
‘Of course I am.’ She got up and put her arms around both of them. ‘I’m just surprised, that’s all. I had no idea you guys were so serious.’ She didn’t think she’d ever felt so hurt.
‘Took us by surprise, too. One minute we’re going along as friends. The next, over a single candle and two bottles of wine, we realised there was more going on.’ David laughed.
Well that’d do it, Claire thought. She’d got it – David – so wrong. But how could her best friend, with whom she shared everything, not confide in her? Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of two slices of cheesecake.
‘Darling, I’ve got to get back to work. I’ll see you later. Enjoy!’ David got up and gave Bernadette’s lips a long firm kiss. He gave Claire a quick peck and was gone.
‘We’re going to look at rings on Saturday,’ Bernadette said, blushing slightly, noticing Claire searching her fingers.
Claire sank her fork into the blueberry jelly topping. ‘Are you sure?’
‘David’s picking me up at ten. We’re going to…’
‘No, silly. Are you sure about marrying him?’
Bernadette let out a laugh. ‘Sure? Of course I’m sure.’ They lapsed into silence.
Bernie was only halfway through her dessert when Claire had finished hers. She got up and put some cash on the table.
‘Sorry, gotta run. Uh, mail to get, banking to do, horses to feed,’ she said, tossing the words over her shoulder, and bolted.
Out in her car, Claire paused before turning the key and realised she was sweating. Her heart was pounding and she was having trouble getting enough air into her lungs.
What is the matter with me?
Instead of feeling excited and happy for her friend, she felt sick. As she drove home, Claire realised that her whole world had changed. And she didn’t like it.
She took a shower, but it did nothing to ease her despondency. In track pants and a t-shirt, she sat in front of the television, stroking the kittens absently as they clambered over her. She was still there a couple of hours later, engrossed in The Bold and the Beautiful when the doorbell rang. She opened the door to find her best friend in the world standing there.
‘Can I come in?’ Bernie asked.
‘Huh? Of course,’ Claire said, finally roused from her stupor.
‘Tea? Coffee?’
‘Tea, thanks.’
Claire was thankful to be given leave from the tension-filled lounge room. When she returned, they sat on each end of the couch sipping tea and pretending to watch the kittens. Claire couldn’t remember a moment as awkward between them. She knew she should get all gushy about Bernadette’s engagement but she was too hurt at being the last to know, and felt too stupid at not having twigged they were so serious.
Bernadette was the first to make the effort. ‘Claire, I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately, but work’s been really hectic. Everyone’s frantically putting in dripper systems before the new water restrictions come into force. And…’
‘I can’t believe you didn’t you tell me about you and David,’ Claire said quietly.
‘I wanted to, I really did.’
‘Well why didn’t you? Bloody hell, Bernie…’
‘Claire, please don’t be angry with me.’
‘I’m not angry. I’m hurt. Really hurt.’
‘Well I’m really sorry about that, but I didn’t really know how to tell you.’
‘Why? We’ve been best friends for years.’
Bernie looked at Claire with raised eyebrows. ‘You told me he was gay at every opportunity. And don’t think I didn’t notice your look of pity every time I said how nice he was.’
‘Was I that bad?’
‘Yes, you were. So how was I going to tell you we were an item? You probably would have had me committed for being delusional,’ Bernie said, smiling at her friend.
Claire thawed, and smiled back despite herself. ‘Okay, fair enough. But you still should have told me.’
‘I know. So are we just a little bit even? Are you ever going to forgive me?’
‘Only if you promise never to do it again,’ Claire said, putting on a pout.
‘Promise. Seriously, Claire, this is it: I’m going to spend the rest of my life with David.’
‘That’s great news. I’m very happy for you.’
They hugged tightly for a few moments.
‘So,’ Bernie said after they had separated, ‘I saw in the paper you had a win at Strathalbyn. You must be really pleased, especially with Paycheque after all he’s been through.’
Claire grinned. ‘Yeah, he ran a course record over twenty-two hundred metres.’
‘So, should we be booking a honeymoon in Melbourne around the Cup then?’
‘At the rate he’s going, anything’s possible,’ Claire said, and laughed.
‘No, I’m serious.’
‘So am I. I never thought I’d say this, but he looks as good as any of Al Jacobs’s stayers. Even Howie and Larry would be worth taking if we could afford it. I feel terrible for doubting Dad all these years.’
‘Well maybe he needed your influence. You seem to be making a good team.’
‘Don’t you dare tell anyone I said this – because I’ll deny it – but I couldn’t imagine doing anything else now – least of all the rat race – even if it does mean keeping the purse strings closed.’
Bernadette stared at her friend. ‘Claire Louise McIntyre, do you realise what you just admitted?’
‘Yes, and like I said, if you say anything to anyone, I will deny it.
’ She laughed.
‘Righto, I’ll change the subject. What’s going on with Derek?’
‘Nothing really. Just good friends.’
‘His choice or yours?’
‘I don’t know. I think I want more but I’m not sure if I’m really ready.’
‘You’ll know when you are.’
‘I hope so.’
‘So it’s working out well with Maddie at the farm?’
‘Actually, she’s moving into my old room. Dad adores her, and it will save her travelling back in forth in the dark in the middle of winter. Anyway, enough about me – you’re engaged. Wow! Tell me everything. How did it happen? I really thought David was gay.’
‘You and me both,’ Bernadette laughed. ‘But it’s all been a bit of an act.’
‘Whatever for?’
‘Well it’s pretty complicated, and you probably won’t believe it – I didn’t at first – but…’
Suddenly both Claire’s mobile and home phone began ringing. The girls frowned, and exchanged puzzled looks.
‘Hold that thought,’ Claire said, dragging her mobile from the coffee table. ‘It’s Dad,’ she announced as she answered.
‘Hi Dad… Slow down. What?… When?… I’ll be right there.’
Claire snapped the phone shut and grabbed her keys. Her hands were shaking.
‘Bernie, something’s happened to Paycheque. I’ve gotta get over there.’
‘I’ll drive,’ Bernie said, leaping up and causing the kittens to dart under the couch.
Chapter Thirty–two
On the drive, Claire constantly fidgeted, wrung her hands and pushed her left foot hard into the floor, trying to make Bernie drive faster. She was doing ninety on the dirt, sliding slightly around corners, but still the ten minutes seemed to take forever. In her mind flashed images of the horse lying flat on the ground in a pool of blood, or standing, head hung, a leg dangling limply. ‘Something’s happened,’ was all he’d said. Had she missed something? Shit, is Maddie okay? Was it that kind of accident?
They arrived at the stables to find Derek’s BMW next to the local vet’s white four-wheel drive. Claire felt the blood drain from her. She took in the scene: Jack, Derek and the vet stood in a tight group by the day yard gate. The vet was gesturing in what looked like defeat. Jack McIntyre was shaking his lowered head. Bernadette was still coming to a halt when Claire ripped her seatbelt off and leapt out.
‘What’s happened?’ she yelled. It was like a silent movie. They all turned to her, each offering a different gesture of apology, regret. But no one was speaking. Claire wanted to slap them to attention. There were tear tracks down her father’s face. She looked at the vet, and only then did she notice the gun hanging by his side.
‘Oh my God. What have you done?’
Derek grabbed her by both arms and held her firmly until she looked into his eyes. ‘Claire, listen to me. No decisions have been made.’
‘Maddie? Where is she? What happened?’
‘Maddie’s okay, a bit bruised. She’s with Paycheque in the wash-bay. It’s bad, Claire. It’s his near fore – he can barely put weight on it. Looks like a broken sesamoid bone, torn tendon or ligament.’
She turned to the vet.
‘My advice is to put the animal down. He’ll never race again.’
‘And you know that for sure? Do you even know what’s wrong?’ Claire barked.
‘We won’t know for sure without x-rays, ultrasounds…’
‘So what exactly do you know? Other than that he can barely stand on his near fore? Is it a bone fracture or a soft tissue injury?’
‘Either way, he won’t race again – you may as well…’
‘Thank you for your diagnosis, Doctor – you can piss off.’
‘Claire! I’m sure he’s doing his best,’ Bernie said, touching her arm. Claire shrugged her friend off.
‘He’s doing fuck all other than standing there like a trigger-happy cowboy.’
Claire stormed around the side of the stables to the wash-bay and found Paycheque standing, near foreleg bent, head hung low. Maddie stroked his neck with one hand and held a gently streaming hose with the other. Claire’s heavy heart lurched. She made her way over, trying to hold back the tears.
Paycheque’s ears flickered and he lifted glassy eyes towards her. How much pain was he in? Should they just put him out of his misery?
She put her hand on Maddie’s shoulder and drew her away. The girl’s tear-stained face was almost too much to bear.
‘Claire, I’m so sorry. I…’
‘Shh, accidents happen. It’s not your fault.’
‘But they want to put him down. They can’t… It’s not right. I couldn’t let them, not without…’
‘I know. Shh.’ Claire forced herself to look at the horse. He was standing still, didn’t seem to be in any major pain – maybe it was the shock. But whatever it was, it was better than a thrashing, panicked animal.
‘So what happened?’
‘It’s too wet, I probably shouldn’t have… I don’t know. He just…’ Maddie sobbed, on the verge of hyperventilation.
‘Maddie, slow deep breaths. I need you to calm down and tell me exactly what happened.’
Maddie spent a few moments catching her breath.
‘I was cantering through the raceway. He missed his stride on the second – only just made the third. He landed awkwardly. I came off. He tried so hard not to land on me. Oh, Claire.’ She began sobbing again.
‘Maddie, you’re doing really well. I know this is hard, but I need you to concentrate. What do you think he’s done? Did you hear anything like a snap?’
‘I only heard the rails falling. I’m really sorry, I…’
‘There can’t be anything broken, he can put some weight on it. He managed to get from the paddock to here.’
Maddie’s lips quivered. ‘It took him ages. I wanted to put the hose on it to try and keep the swelling down – it’s had two lots of fifteen minutes. I don’t know if I did the right thing making him walk…’
‘You’ve done really well, Maddie. What about the vet, what has he done?’
A frown crossed Maddie’s tear-stained, grim face. ‘Felt around a bit. He’s a locum. I don’t think he’s worked with horses much. Reckons best case a torn tendon. Worst – and more likely – a broken bone. You can’t tell with soft tissue. What if he’s just pulled a muscle in his back or shoulder or something? I wasn’t going to let him, you know, not without you being here. What are we going to do?’
Claire wished she knew. She looked around, searching for inspiration. Jack, Bernadette and the vet had followed her and now stood in a group a few metres away.
‘Dad, I’m going to try and get him back to his stall. Can you bring Howie in to keep him company?’
‘You’re wasting your time. He’ll never race again, probably always be lame. You really should put him down now, spare him the pain,’ the vet said.
‘And you can just fuck off.’
‘Sorry if it’s not what you want to hear, lady, but you need to be told. Someone needs to be a bit objective here.’
‘You heard her! Piss off!’ Bernie said. ‘And take your fucking gun with you – we won’t be needing it.’
The vet shrugged and ambled off to his vehicle.
‘What can I do, Claire?’ Bernie said, appearing at her friend’s side.
‘Keep an eye on Maddie,’ she whispered. ‘Maddie, you need to sit down. You’re looking very pale.’
‘Here.’ Derek appeared, clutching a navy woollen horse rug. ‘Thought he might need this.’
Claire let herself get close enough to touch the horse, then gently pulled the blanket over him and secured the strap at his chest. She stroked his face. Her heart was in her mouth, her voice a croak. ‘I need you to walk with me, one step at a time. Come on, boy.’
The horse slowly stumbled and shuffled beside her. Claire coaxed him with words of praise, pleaded with him and the universe. Claire thought he wasn�
�t doing too badly for a horse the vet had on death row. Was he really so bad? Only Maddie had seen him walk and she, poor girl, was undoubtedly in shock – hardly a reliable witness. When they arrived in front of the stable, seemingly an hour later but in reality only minutes, Howie offered a low, encouraging nicker. Paycheque lifted his head slightly and returned a deep sigh.
‘Derek, can you fill his water bucket? And Dad, can you get him some lucerne hay? Grain will heat him up too much, upset his system.’
Paycheque greeted the hay net with a nod of his head, which brought a slight smile to Claire’s tight, worried face.
They stood around the stable watching Paycheque pick at his food, all silently asking the same question: ‘What now?’
It was Derek who finally spoke. ‘I’m going to take Maddie and get her checked out at the hospital.’
‘Dad, I’m fine. I’d rather stay here.’
‘No arguments. Come on. I promise I’ll bring you straight back.’ Claire returned Derek’s sympathetic smile and watched them walk to the car.
‘Claire, if there’s nothing I can do, I may as well go,’ Bernadette said, looking a little guilty. ‘Do you want a ride back to get your car?’
‘No, we’ll have to try and find another vet. You go. I’ll be fine. Thanks for everything.’ She gave her friend a hug. ‘Say hi to David for me.’
‘Will do.’
‘I’ll go and check the phone book,’ Jack said.
Claire was left alone with Paycheque. She went into the stable, stroked his neck and buried her nose in his soft mane, breathing in his sweet woody scent.
‘You’ve gotta be okay,’ she pleaded. ‘But I don’t know what to do.’ Paycheque’s long dark eyelashes flickered. ‘What if the vet’s right?’ Hot tears trickled down Claire’s face. Paycheque turned his head and gave her a nudge square in the chest. ‘You reckon the guy was a fool?’ She draped her arm over his neck. ‘If only you could talk. It’s going to be a tough road, but we can do this. You’re going to get better. You have to.’ Paycheque returned his attention to his food and gave a loud snort, sending bits of hay flying all over Claire. She smiled sadly and gave his neck a gentle pat. ‘I’ll be back to check on you in a bit.’
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