And I’m willing to bet she still does.
I decide to clean Katelyn’s truck. I don’t want her messing with the broken beer bottles and I certainly don’t want the twins climbing in the back and cutting themselves. This is the least I can do for her after she’s opened her heart and home to me.
Last night, holding her, for the first time I felt like I could belong somewhere. I could be me without having to put on a show. Like Liam Westbury could exist again, but maybe this time I could combine him with Liam Page.
Just as I finish sweeping up the glass and disposing of it, the alarm on my phone goes off. I know it’s telling me that Noah’s game is about to start and I need to make a decision. Do I go and risk Josie getting pissed? Or do I go and show my boy that while I may not be around, I do intend to keep my word?
I make the only decision possible.
My bike rumbles as I hit the starter wishing I had kept the rental or at least had my truck. I wonder if my parents kept my truck. I could go ask, but that means visiting and I’m not so sure I’m ready to face them yet. I wasn’t in Los Angeles three days before my dad had my truck taken away. I’m sure Sterling and Bianca Westbury won’t be so glad to see their straight-laced son show up on a motorcycle with his tattoos showing. But then again maybe a trip to the country club is in order.
The drive through town is becoming familiar. I used to dream of these streets at night until my dreams just became hazy and convoluted. After a while you just forget. You forget that old lady Williams never takes down her Christmas decorations even though the town begs her to do it. You forget that the whole town shuts down for Friday night football. People don’t forget you though and what you’ve done, both on the field and off.
When I pull up to the school, the bleachers are packed. The sound of my bike gets their attention, something I wanted to avoid. I take off my helmet and slide on my ball cap and fake eyeglasses. I’m sure the disguise isn’t needed, but if I don’t look like Liam Page maybe they’ll leave me alone.
Katelyn waves to me from the stands, her face looks sad. Josie is sitting next to her, but she doesn’t look and I’m okay with that. I haven’t earned a wave or a smile from her… yet.
I avoid the bleachers, opting to stand against the old oak tree that has been on this field long before I was old enough to play here. I hear Nick on the side, calling out plays and can see Noah when he takes center. I stand a bit taller when I see his number. He’s wearing the same number I wore: eight. I swallow hard and clear my throat. I don’t want to show any emotion and I’m sure it’s just coincidence. But what if it’s not?
Peyton comes over halfway through the game and hangs with me. She holds a football under her arm and is wearing cleats. I remind myself to ask Katelyn if she plays football. I can totally see Mason allowing his daughter to play. I’d ask her, but I don’t want to give her any ideas. I laugh when she calls out plays or yells at the refs to ‘flow a flag’. As I watch her, I see so much of Mason in her and wonder how Katelyn is going to manage. I start to wonder about their financial situation and if there is any way I can help. I know Katelyn won’t take a hand-out, but I’ll figure something out. I don’t want to see them struggle and I have the means to help them.
The final whistle blows and Noah is jumping up and down. I can’t help but smile and feel a little bit proud even though I didn’t do any of it. Watching him out there lead his team at this young age, he’s showing so much promise. I can only hope he’ll be better than I was and actually follow through with college and his promises.
I feel an ache in my heart when he comes running over to me, his helmet in his hand and his hair matted down with sweat. He looks like I did after a game.
“You came?” he says it as if he didn’t expect me to.
“I said I would. Sorry I was late I had some things to do first.”
“No, that’s okay. I’m just glad you got to see me play before you left town.”
I was supposed to leave this morning, but promised Peyton football. Sunday is still a few days away and I haven’t checked in with Sam. She’s expecting me tomorrow.
“I’ll be here until the end of the week. Miss Peyton and I have a date on Sunday in front of her TV.”
“To watch football?”
I nod.
“Cool, maybe I can come too?”
I look at Peyton who eyes Noah. “That would be up to Peyton. Maybe you guys should talk about it.”
Noah looks at Peyton and smiles. She rolls her eyes. I start laughing. I see romance in their future. Noah watches as Peyton runs over to Katelyn. “So how did I do?” he asks when he turns back to me.
“You did well. You released too early on a few plays, but that is just a matter of you and your receiver getting your timing down. You guys just need to practice your routes and you’ll be fine.”
“Wow. This is so cool getting tips from you.”
“Noah what did I say?” Noah freezes when Josie speaks. I look at her; her face is stern and determined. She’s not walking toward us, she’s stomping.
“Liam was just giving me advice.”
Josie barely makes eye contact with me and I realize this is going to get ugly. Her expression tells me everything I need to know; she’s not going to let me see Noah.
“Go to the car, Noah. Now!” Josie points much like those mothers we used to make fun of when we were younger.
I don’t move a muscle. I wait until Noah is far enough away before I move toward her.
“Don’t come any closer, Liam. I mean it. I don’t know what game you’re playing, but it stops now and I want you gone. You need to leave and just forget about Noah.”
“What the hell are you talking about? He asked me to come and I said I would. I would’ve been here the whole time if I knew, but I didn’t. So don’t come at me with this bullshit game, Josie. You kept him from me and, yeah I get that you couldn’t get a hold of me on my cell, but there were other ways.
“Get off your high horse, Josephine, because if you fall it won’t be pretty.” I stuff my hands into my pocket and walk away. I didn’t want to blow up at her, but she egged me on.
“I tried!” I stop and turn around.
“Is that so?”
“Yeah it is.” She stands with hands on her hips and I know she’s full of shit.
“I’m sure you did.”
Watching his backside as he retreats should be second nature for me. This isn’t the first time he’s walked away from me and likely won’t be the last. If I’m lucky he’ll be gone for another ten years and I won’t have to deal with him anymore.
He frustrates me to no end with his cocky ass I don’t give a shit attitude. Doesn’t he know he’s messing with my kid? He knows he has no intentions on staying and playing make-up daddy, so why is he even trying now? Why can’t he just go back to wherever it is that he came from and leave us the hell alone?
“You’re going to break your fingernails if you clutch your hands any tighter.” Katelyn smirks at me as she walks by. Peyton turns and gives me a dirty look. Lovely, so she heard me tell Liam to get out of town. I know she asked him to watch football with her, but seriously Katelyn should want her as far away from Liam as possible.
“Stop taking his side,” I say as I stalk behind Katelyn. I’m a coward and say it to her back because I don’t want to see her disappointed look. Noah is already in the backseat when I climb into my car. He stares at the window, avoiding eye contact. His arms are crossed over his chest as he sighs repeatedly. I’m not changing my mind. I don’t care how long he ignores me for.
We have to sit and wait for Nick to get done talking with parents. I seethe when I see Candy Appleton touch Nick’s arm. She’s always wanted what’s mine; first Liam and now Nick. I press the horn, alerting him that I’m waiting. I’m in no mood to sit in this parking lot while they make goo-goo eyes at each other.
“What’s your problem?” Nick asks when he finally gets into the car. I should’ve walked home. I thought about it.
I could’ve used the time to cool off and get my thoughts together.
“She’s mad because I was talking to Liam,” Noah blurts out causing Nick to look at me.
“Noah, be quiet,” I say through clenched teeth. I’m trying not to cry over this bullshit with Liam and Noah, I am. I’m trying to be strong and hold my ground. He’s been gone for ten years and he can’t just show up here and act like nothing is wrong.
“What’s going on?” Nick asks in his quiet and calming doctor tone. It’s driving me nuts. I want him to tell Noah that he can’t talk to Liam. I need him to back me up on this, but he doesn’t. He just starts the car and backs out of the parking lot.
“You going to talk to me?” he asks. I shake my head, staring out the window at the passing store fronts. Merchants are out decorating for the fall and I realize I haven’t. I need to. I can’t be lacking when my store is prominent on Main Street.
“Drop me off at the shop please,” I ask without looking at Nick. He reaches for my hand. I let him hold it, but don’t hold his. I’m too pissed and the last thing I want is to be coddled.
“Josie –”
“Don’t Josie me. I need to go to work. I should’ve never taken the day off.” Nick doesn’t respond, he just nods and drives toward my shop. When he pulls up to the curb I jump out without saying goodbye. I know I’ll regret my attitude later, but right now I’m pissed that no one is on my side.
The fragrant smell of flowers over-powers me when I open the door. I forgot to leave the fan on when I left the other night and wonder how many flowers are ruined as a result. Ruined by everything that is Liam because he showed up here, in my shop, my one place that has nothing to do with him and now it’s tainted.
I turn on only the back light, hoping to avoid people coming in. Regardless of the sign saying Closed, locals will still come in and visit. They like to talk, drink coffee and tell me their life stories while I trim and prepare bouquets.
The crunching of glass reminds me of Liam again. It seems that no matter where I turn, he’s there interrupting my life, creating havoc in his path. Who knew his return would cause me so much turmoil.
Even Katelyn has opened her arms to him like the last ten years haven’t mattered. Nick only wants him to sign away his rights and Noah… Noah wants Liam to be his best friend. And I want… I don’t know what I want except for everything to go back to the way it was two weeks ago when Mason was walking in here on Monday morning ordering flowers for his wife.
Once the glass is cleaned, I turn on my iPod and get to work starting on my window displays, to create the perfect fall image, lining my window with mums and corn stalk. I’ll have to remember to ask Noah, if he’s talking to me, if he can make me a scarecrow. I add bushels of dried lavender to give the window just a bit more color. Not everything has to be red and gold.
Propping the door open for fresh air, I decide the steps need mums and cornstalks too. I need to keep busy or I’m going to start thinking about Liam and Noah and Nick. I stop dead in my tracks. How can Liam come to my mind over Nick when he’s been there since Noah was three? How does he become third in my thought process?
It’s simple, he shouldn’t. He’s so much more of a man than Liam. He’s smart and educated, accelerating through college to open his small practice to give back to the community. He’s the type of man someone thinks about first, not last.
“Need some help?” I don’t turn around because I know that voice. I’ll never forget that voice whether he’s yelling or whispering into my ear. It’s the same one that haunts my dreams, turning them into nightmares lately.
“I don’t need anything from you, Liam.” I tie the last of the stalks into the metal hooks on the façade. They’ll hold as long as we don’t have some freak wind storm.
But then again, Liam did blow into town without any warning.
“I just want to talk, Josie. We can be adults about this.”
The moment I turn around I wish I hadn’t. For the first time, I’m really looking at him, all of him. His arms are bare and I can finally see his tattoos – not that I was trying to earlier but I’ve been curious. I focus on them before granting my eyes permission to take in the rest of him. His arms are still defined, just like in high school, but probably more now. His jeans, distressed and likely expensive, not the Levi’s he wore when we dated, hang loose on his waist. Even with a belt they look as if they might fall down if he isn’t careful.
He looks at me when my eyes reach his and smirks, but not with the smug intent from before. He knows I’m checking him out and he’s allowing me to do so without calling me out on my bullshit.
I’ve never thought tattoos were sexy, but staring at Liam now I wonder if he has any that I can’t see and I want to ask him what they all mean.
“Do you have…?” I trail off. That question is crossing a line that I’m not willing to step over.
“Do I what?”
“Nothing, never mind,” I say shaking my head. I walk up the stairs and leave him standing on the sidewalk. I kick the door shut, effectively shutting him out.
“Josie,” he says so softly I almost allow my heart to break. I miss that voice and now its here, banging in my head. I just want to scream and tell it to move out.
“I’m sorry for earlier and I wanted to ask you about something you said.”
I push my hands into my hair while he speaks to my back. When he touches me, I want to melt and crawl into his arms, but that is the old me. This me turns and looks at him with nothing but anger and hatred in my eyes and he knows it because he steps back and shakes his head.
I raise my eyebrow indicating he can continue.
He takes a deep breath and looks at me before staring at the ground. He plays with his lip and I fight every urge I have to take his hand away from this mouth and lock his fingers with mine, just like I used to.
“You said you tried to tell me about Noah. I know I changed my number and that was a shit thing to do, but you said you tried and I’d like to know how.”
“Why should I tell you?” I cross my arms over my chest defiantly.
“I’m asking you to give me a chance here, Jojo. I know I screwed up, but you weren’t fucking there so you don’t have a clue what I was going through.” Liam starts pacing and pulling at what little hair he has. “The stress and being alone, I just—”
“Cheated?” I interrupt.
His head snaps up in my direction and I know the answer before he even has to say the words. “Never,” he whispers. “I would’ve never disrespected you like that. When we were together I never even looked at another girl the way I looked at you.”
“You left me. I obviously wasn’t enough for you.”
“My God, are even you listening to yourself? It wasn’t about you. It was about me and this change I went through.”
“I would have thought you could have come up with something better than that, given that you are such a genius with words. Why didn’t you just tell me you weren’t happy?”
“Because it wasn’t like that, I felt like… like I was suffocating.”
I didn’t want to tell her like this because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle the picture in front of me. Her eyes drop, she steps back and her chest starts moving in and out as she tries to catch her breath. My heart breaks at this sight, worse than the night when I broke up with her. That night I took the coward route.
“I’m glad you’re here, you must be tired.” Her hand finds mine, she tries to pull me into her dorm room but I’m not budging.
“You don’t want to come in?”
I do, but I can’t. If I go in I’ll never leave and nothing will change. My life will be the same pattern over and over again and if I don’t change it I’m going to go nuts.
I shake my head just slightly but it’s enough to peak her attention. “Something wrong, Liam?”
My throat starts to close, my heart… it feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest. I know I’m doing the right thing, but why does it
feel so horrible.
“I dropped out of school.”
The first look of what is about to be a hissy fit spreads across her face. I deviated from the plan. The all-American plan where I become an NFL football player and we live in a quiet neighborhood raising our two children, a boy and a girl, and she travels to my games and never misses one because she’s my personal cheerleader.
“Okay, why?”
“I… um… I can’t—”
“Can’t what? You’re scaring me, baby. Come in and we’ll talk about it. We’ll call your coach and fix this.”
I feel a sense of relief wash over me when she says we’ll call my coach. That is exactly what I don’t want and I know I’ve made the right decision. I don’t want to play football anymore.
“I can’t be with you anymore, Josephine.” I don’t look at her when I say these words. I turn and walk away, ignoring her voice as she calls my name. I run down the hall, zigzagging through the people that just witnessed my girl and I break up.
I want to step forward and wrap her in my arms and tell her that night I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left her there. I should’ve busted in and packed her bags and taken her with me. The two day drive to Los Angeles would’ve been so much better with her curled up in my arms at night while we slept in the bed of the truck. My breakfast of Doritos and Coke would’ve been the best one I ever had because she would’ve shared it with me.
But instead I spent two days driving with tears streaking down my face because I did the most horrible thing I had ever done. I broke my own heart when I told her I was done.
“Jojo—”
She puts her hand up and I stop talking. When she looks up, it’s that night all over again. Her make-up is running down her face, black and heavy, leaving a path of pain ruining her beauty.
Liam's Journey Page 32