by Ashley Jade
She lifts her head and meets my eyes. "It must be really hard to have to defend someone like me...no wonder you don't waste the time or effort."
The pain blazing in her eyes cuts right through me. Jesus, I've never felt like more of a dick in my life.
"I'm sorry," I grind out for the second time that night. "I'm stressed and I snapped. I'm under a lot of pressure and I took it out on you. You're not dirty or ugly, Lou-Lou. I don't like what you did to Alyssa...but it still doesn't change the way I feel about you."
"What is it about her that makes her so important to you? You don't even know her." She arches an eyebrow and puts a hand on her hip. "Do you?"
Shit. I open my mouth to tell her the truth...but then Emilio's words from before echo in my head.
It's not that I don't trust Lou-Lou...I just don't trust her jealousy over Alyssa right now.
I need to wait a little longer to tell her. Make sure she's not planning on doing something spiteful...like tell DeLuca that Alyssa attacked her.
"No, I don't know her. I just feel bad she got assaulted at the club is all."
She throws up a hand. "And yet you couldn't care less that she headbutted me."
"I do care, Lou-Lou," I say with a frustrated sigh. "It wasn't right that she did that and I'm not happy about it. Now come back to bed, please."
She glares at me, but eventually slides back into bed beside me. "I'm not some damsel in distress looking for her white knight to save her, Ricardo." She closes her eyes. "It's just nice when the person who claims to love you has your back every once in awhile. You can call me many things, but I always protect what I love."
She's right, she does.
Not only did she kick Scarlet's ass the second she thought she was using me, she also agreed to look out for my friends in regards to DeLuca.
Because she knows how important they are to me.
"I know you do." I grab her chin and force her to look at me. "I know you don't believe it, but I'm in your corner. But, I'm in other people's corners as well. I'm spinning a lot of hats, trying to protect those that I care about. But it doesn't mean that I love you any less."
"No, it just means that I love you more," I hear her whisper before she falls asleep.
That's when it occurs to me there's another person I'm failing...the most important person to me.
And that means I need to try harder and show her just how deep my loyalty and love for her runs.
She's fast asleep but I kiss her shoulder, curl an arm around her, and whisper, "You have no idea how much I love you, but I'll have no problem proving it to you."
Chapter 4 (Ricardo)
Alyssa hasn't shown up at the club since that night and according to Jackson he hasn't seen her since he took her to lunch the day after.
Which was a little over two weeks ago.
Even though he won't say it, I can tell Jackson's upset about her blowing him off—but I'm glad.
It's not that I don't want the best for the girl, I just can't be the person to help her out.
Any ties to me will put her in danger and if she ever found out who I was, I'm sure she'd refuse my help anyway...right before she put a bullet through my head.
Lou-Lou's right, the guilt is eating me alive...especially after finding out about how awful her life turned out to be.
I had no idea about her leaked sex tape. Emilio was right, watching internet porn was never my thing.
And even if it was? I most likely wouldn't have recognized her anyway because she's no longer a 10-year-old girl.
Hell, it was only when I saw her eyes up close and in person that I had any inkling it was her.
I didn't watch the video because not only do I not have any desire to, but it would be wrong on so many levels. However, I did read some of the comments that were posted.
Including the one where some shithead said she should kill herself.
To say I was pissed would be an understatement.
I know I can't fix her life, but I can try and make things a little easier for her.
That's why this week, I wired money from an offshore account and hired a few private hackers to keep deleting any and all video's that might resurface.
That video will never see the light of day again, I'll make sure of it.
And if by some fucked up chance it does? I know it will be directly tied to DeLuca.
I've recently been probing Lou-Lou a little, trying to find out if she knows about Alyssa's video without outright telling her about it.
She claimed she doesn't know anything about Alyssa...then she asked why I kept bringing her up when she was long gone.
Yet again, Emilio's words echoed in my head.
I trust Lou-Lou...but I don't want to talk about or deal with the feelings Alyssa's appearance has resurfaced in me.
It's bad enough my nightmares started haunting me every night again.
I have every intention of telling Lou-Lou who she is, I just want to wait a little longer before I do it.
I want to try and get my nightmares in check and process it myself before telling her the truth.
I also don't want her to lose faith in my ability to figure out what to do about DeLuca because she thinks I'm too preoccupied about Alyssa.
She might not say it, but every day that goes by...I feel like I lose her a little bit more.
And if I'm being honest with myself? I'm scared I'm going to lose her for good.
She's so stressed, her stomach problems have gotten even worse.
I don't know how I'm going to find a solution—I don't know how I'm going to protect her and protect everyone else, too.
The only possible solution I've come up with is handing her a bunch of cash and sending her into hiding halfway across the world...but DeLuca would find her.
Then he'd kill her for running away. And if he did that— well shit, he might as well kill me too.
I watch as she walks out of the bathroom clutching her stomach, looking absolutely miserable.
My heart's in my throat because if I don't think of something quick, DeLuca will be the least of our worries, the stress of the situation will end up killing her first.
She walks over to the bed and I pull her in my arms. "I love you. Don't give up, Lou-Lou."
"I'm not, Ricky. I love you, too."
She curls up in a ball and pulls the blanket over her. It dawns on me that even though I don't have a solution for getting rid of DeLuca right now...it doesn't mean that I can't do something to make her happy.
Something she deserves.
I brush my lips over her cheek and run my hand across the small of her back. "Have any plans later, beautiful?"
She tilts her head to look at me. "No, why?"
"Will you go on a date with me?"
She scrunches her face. "We can't go on dates, remember? It might get back to DeLuca."
Not if I cover all my tracks it won't.
"I'll take care of everything," I say. "He won't find out about it. So, I'll ask you again—will you go on a date with me?"
She purses her lips. "Going on a date will be too risky."
Not quite the answer I was hoping for. "It won't be if you trust me to handle it."
When she still looks unconvinced, I give her a smile and say. "Look, I know Tyrone set the bar impossibly high for your first date and I'll never be able to live up to that standard—but I'd really like to give it a shot."
Her face lights up and she starts giggling. The sound makes my heart fucking soar. "Okay, you're on, Ricky," she agrees with a sly smile. "I'll go on a date with you."
She folds her arms around my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"Doing this."
"You never have to thank me for wanting to make you happy. I love you and when you're happy I'm happy. We're a team, remember?"
She gives me a small nod. "So, where will this date be taking place? What should I wear? What time should I be ready?"
"We'll be
going to a restaurant," I inform her. "And if it were up to me you'd be wearing nothing...but since we'll be out in public you should wear that sexy red dress you used to make me jealous—but be forewarned that I'll be kicking the shit out of anyone who looks at you the wrong way."
"You're never gonna let me wearing that dress go, huh?"
I rub my nose against hers. "Never, because I'm never letting you go."
She looks like she wants to say something but looks down instead.
"Say it," I prompt her. "Come on, give me a truth."
She takes a breath. "Truth—I hope you never let me go. Because when I'm with you, it's the only time I don't wish for freedom." Her eyes become glassy. "You make me really happy. Happier than I ever thought I could be. And even when we're fighting...it's still the best moment of my life because I'm with you."
I suck in a breath because she has no idea what hearing that does to me. "You make me really happy, too—even when we're fighting."
I kiss her forehead. "Truth? I'd rather go through the trenches with you...than go through paradise with anyone else."
I look down to find her mouth parted slightly and her eyes closed.
I kiss her neck and hold her tight. "I guess I'll make it a late dinner."
Her eyes dart around the restaurant wildly. "How in the world did you manage to close down a restaurant for an entire night?"
I give her a mischievous grin. "I have my ways."
My ways consisted of calling in a favor to Emilio and shelling out a shit-load of cash.
And I'd do it again in a heartbeat just to see those big brown eyes sparkle and her face light up just like it is now.
I laugh out loud when she eagerly takes another bite of her food. "So good," she says before closing her eyes and taking another bite.
"I take it no stomach issues tonight?"
She shakes her head and smiles. "Not at all. Heck, I had to talk myself out of ordering another entrée because I didn't want to seem rude or ungrateful."
The fuck she just say? She barely eats as it is because she's always so stressed—I'll be damned if she's not going to eat now that she finally has an appetite.
I signal the waiter and he comes right over. "I'd like to order everything on the menu," I say deadpan.
He bows and runs off while Lou-Lou's mouth drops open.
"What? Ricardo that's insane. There's no way I'll be able to eat the entire menu in one sitting...no matter how good the food is."
I lean back in my seat. "Then we'll get it to go and you can finish the leftovers at home."
"You're nuts," she says, but I don't miss the ghost of a smile on her lips.
She takes another bite of her food and moans. The sound goes straight to my cock and I have to remind myself that it's not what tonight is about.
She looks at the dance floor longingly before looking back down at her plate.
It's at this very moment I realize that she owns my entire heart...because I'm about to do something I've never done.
"Dance with me?"
She looks genuinely shocked and it only makes me want to do this that much more.
"You don't dance," she says while looking at me skeptically.
I stand up and reach for her hand. "I don't fall in love either, but you changed all that."
Her mouth parts in surprise as she takes my hand and I lead her to the dance floor.
"I'll Stand By You'- by The Pretenders is playing in the background and we both suck in a breath because the irony of how fitting it is isn't lost on either of us.
I twirl her around, pull her into my arms, and that's when she starts laughing hysterically.
"Didn't realize I was that bad of a dancer," I murmur while looking down at her.
"You're not a bad dancer, far from it actually. You're just really tall. Thank god I'm wearing heels or I'd never be able to reach you."
I pick her up and she wraps her legs around my waist. "You'll always be able to reach me, Lou-Lou." I give her a pointed look before uttering, "I think you're the only person in the world who can."
She runs her hand along my jaw before resting her head on my shoulder as we continue to sway to the music.
There's something powerful between us.
It's not always pretty, sometimes it's downright messy—but it's real, raw, and it's true.
And if I ever lost my way in this world—I know she's the only one who could bring me back.
"You're my missing puzzle piece," she whispers as we continue dancing.
"Your puzzle piece?" I question.
"I'm not broken...but before you; I was never whole, either," she clarifies. "You're the missing piece that made me whole. And now, you're the piece that keeps me from breaking."
I breathe her in and hold her flush against me.
I understand exactly what she means.
Chapter 5 (Lou-Lou)
I can't help but laugh as I watch Ricardo walk up the stairs holding what looks to be around 15 bags full of leftovers.
I offered to carry a few but he told me this was a date and I didn't have to lift a finger.
Little does he know, it was more than a date. It was, as always seems to be the case with him; one of the best nights of my life.
"That smells good," Tyrone exclaims as he passes us on the staircase. He stops abruptly when he notices all the bags. "Damn, Ricardo. You bring a whole new meaning to the word excess, brother. When you wine someone they end up so drunk you have to carry them home, and when you dine someone—you order everything on the menu."
"That's exactly what he did." I take a few bags from Ricardo and hand them to Tyrone. "And consider this your consolation prize."
They both look confused until I say, "No offense, Tyrone but as far as first dates go—Ricardo definitely has you beat for the best date I've ever been on. Hands down, no contest."
He grins. "You know, I'd demand a rematch, but I have a feeling our boy would kick my ass in the ring if I did."
"Damn right," Ricardo says with a smile.
Tyrone wiggles his eyebrows. "Have a good night, y'all. Thanks for the food."
When we reach Ricardo's apartment he bites his lip and looks at me.
"I take it this means I've earned my end of the date kiss?"
I'm about to answer, but then he pulls out a dandelion and my heart skips a beat. "Want to make a wish?" he asks while feathering my cheek with it.
I can't help but smile as I utter my next words. "No, because when I'm with you I have everything I could ever want." My eyes blatantly rake up and down his body before I lean in and whisper, "And you've earned yourself a hell of a lot more than a kiss."
Lust flashes across his eyes before he visibly swallows. "That's not what tonight was about, Lou-Lou."
I use my key and open the door. "I know." That's what makes me want to do this even more.
After we put the leftovers away I lead him to the bedroom, feeling empowered and bold. "Get on the bed," I tell him.
Ricardo is always pleasuring me and for once I'd like to return the favor. But every time I bring it up, he always turns the tables and distracts me with his incredible mouth...or cock.
Part of me thinks it's because he's afraid of causing me flashbacks...the other part of me can't help but wonder if he's refusing as a way of punishing himself.
I know he doesn't really like it when people touch him.
I also know it's probably because his mother never showed him any kind of affection. She was too busy verbally abusing him due to her mental sickness.
My heart pulls at the thought but I force it out of my head. Ricardo doesn't need my pity. He needs my love and affection and that's exactly what I want to give him.
He reaches into the nightstand drawer for a condom but I halt him. "We can use that later, right now I just want to please you."
He leans against the headboard with a pained expression on his face. "Don't take this the wrong way but I don't want that. I'd much rather take care of you." He gives me
that sexy smirk of his and I feel my knees go weak. "I love getting you off."
"That's because you don't ever let me get you off."
His jaw ticks and I know I hit a nerve. I reach for the zipper of my dress and slip out of it until I'm standing in front of him in my bra and panties. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"
His heated stare scrapes over my body before his gaze moves up to my face. "I know you love me, but I don't need you to do this."
I crawl across the bed until I reach him. "I know you don't. I want to do this."
He closes his eyes so I lean over his ear and whisper, "I'll go slow, I promise."
His eyes pop open and he glares at me. "That's not the problem."
"Are you afraid that I won't stop if you tell me to?"
"No," he answers curtly.
"Then what are you so afraid of? What's the problem?"
His hands clench at his sides before he mutters, "My problem is that you won't be getting any pleasure out of doing this. You'll just be performing, serving me like I'm some kind of selfish bastard. I just—I don't ever want you to feel like I'm forcing you to do something sexual. I don't want you to ever put me in the same category as men who do those things." His voice becomes gritty and his adam's apple bobs before he says, "And I really don't want to be the cause of drudging up any of that horrific shit from your past."
I almost want to laugh because never in a million years would I put Ricardo in that category, but the look on his face tells me he's dead serious about this.
"Believe me, I'll get plenty of pleasure out of doing this," I say. I look him right in the eyes. "And you're the only person I think about now. I'm safe with you."
He still looks hesitant and that's when it occurs to me. "You've never let any women take care of you, have you?" He appears embarrassed and looks down but I stroke his cheek and force him to look at me. "I'm not judging, Ricky. I just want you to talk to me."
"No...not really," he says after what feels like hours have passed. His head falls against the headboard. "My first experience was with a prostitute. When we got in the room the first thing she did was drop to her knees all while telling me I reminded her of my father—I think she thought I'd take it as a compliment and enjoy hearing that I was strong and powerful like him...but it was the opposite. It made me sick to my stomach."