by Ashley Jade
"I have to come back!" I scream, startling both her and me. "You can't be serious. Can't you just get rid of it? Like today...within the next 5 minutes preferably."
Every minute that goes by the harder this will get.
"I know this is a difficult time—" she starts to say.
"Lady, you don't know the half of it."
"I'm sorry, but it won't be happening today. I know that may be hard to hear but there's a reason for the protocol. You can go to another facility but any reputable one will have a similar protocol."
"What kinds of tests do you have to do?"
"Today we're going to do an ultrasound so we can see how far along you are. You don't have to look if you don't want to. After that, you're going to speak to a counselor and go over all your options. The doctor will also hand you a script to get blood work done. The sooner you can get to the lab and get that done, the sooner we can make you another appointment for the procedure."
"Okay. Can we start?"
"Absolutely, I'll start setting up now."
I tell myself to breathe as I lie back and she starts setting everything up for the ultrasound.
Then there's a knock on the door. For a second, I start freaking out thinking DeLuca found me here but it's just someone asking for the nurse.
When the nurse comes back in she brings someone else with her...someone who's wearing bright yellow scrubs and looks way too cheery for the situation I'm in.
"Hi, how are you today?" she coos while giving me a megawatt smile. "I hear congratulations are in order?" she sings.
I want to punch this bitch in her goddamned throat. I glare at her and point to my face. "Does this look like the face of someone you should be congratulating, asshole?"
She balks and I look at the first nurse. The first nurse apologizes profusely and says there's been an emergency and the doctor needs her but that yellow scrubs will be taking over for her.
She then whispers something in yellow scrubs ear and her demeanor changes completely.
The first nurse walks out and I turn my head to the side so I don't have to look at that screen. I hear her fiddling around and I decide to close my eyes.
Thump...thump...thump.
I'm alarmed when I hear some kind of loud, crazy, frantic thumping sound followed by a "Shit!" before the thumping sound stops altogether.
I immediately prop myself up on my elbows. I still can't face the monitor, but for reasons beyond my understanding, I need to hear that sound again. "What was that?"
"I'm so sorry," she squeaks out. "Please, don't tell my supervisor. It's my first day and it was an accident. I mixed up some wires—I didn't mean to turn the sound on."
I roll my eyes because her lower lip starts trembling and I really don't have time for this shit.
I have to know what caused that sound.
"I'm not mad. Just tell me what that sound was. I have to—I need to hear it again."
She turns pale and looks even more apologetic. "It was the heartbeat. You're just about 7 weeks."
"That was a heartbeat? Is it supposed to be so fast? Is that healthy? Is it okay? Is something wrong?"
I stop when I realize the questions I'm asking like rapid fire aren't questions a girl who's getting rid of her baby should be asking.
She looks uneasy and blows her bangs out of her face. "Are you sure you want to know?"
"Yes," I say before I can stop myself. "Can you play it again for me? Please?"
She presses a few buttons and that crazy thumping sound fills the room again. "It's so fast," I say. "That's...God. That's so amazing."
It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard in my life.
That's when I turn my head and face the monitor.
My entire world stops....because I fall head over heels in love with something the size of a sweet pea on the screen.
Then I notice something blinking. "What is that?"
"That's also the heartbeat."
"Is it...is that normal? I just can't get over how—" I pause trying to find the right word. When it comes to me I almost break down and cry. "It's strong. Like really strong."
Her smile falls. "Do you want the truth?"
"Yes," I say. "I'd love a truth."
She gives me an odd look, but I gesture for her to keep going. "It's perfectly normal actually. 123bpm." She twists her hands. "Please don't hate me for saying this because it's very unethical of me...but you're right, it is a strong heartbeat. One of the strongest I've ever heard."
"That's because my baby's a fighter," I tell her. Just like their Mommy and Daddy.
And that's when the tears start streaming down my face...because there's no way in hell I can do this.
I don't know what I'm going to do...but I can't give my baby up.
"I can't do this."
She looks nervous. "You don't have to make any decisions yet. You still have time. I didn't mean to make your decision even harder on you and I'm sorry I screwed up."
"You didn't screw up," I say. "It wasn't a mistake."
I look at the screen again and this overwhelming need to protect and love this little thumping sweetpea fills me.
I've never been good at anything in my life. Not a single fucking thing. But somehow I just know I was meant to be a mother.
And I know I will be a good mother to my baby. I've never wanted anything more in my whole entire life.
And I will spend my last dying breath fighting for and protecting my little Thumper who's heart is currently blinking at me on the screen.
I can't help but reach forward and touch the screen as more tears stream down my face.
She goes to turn the machine off but I halt her. "Can I have just a few more minutes? Please?"
She gives me a smile. "I can print you a picture if you want."
I nod so hard I think my head's going to fall off. "Yes." I pause. "Two if you can," I say before overwhelming sadness sweeps over me.
There's no way I can tell Ricardo about this.
Because DeLuca will get his revenge by killing Tyrone and Jackson if he finds out.
And when that happens, Ricardo will hate me forever. He'll never forgive me for keeping it.
Oh, god...he might even blame and hate our baby.
I rub my temples and force myself to draw in a deep breath. I don't know much about being pregnant, but I'm certain stress isn't good for the baby.
Plus, I don't have to make any decisions yet. I still have a few weeks to figure out if I'm going to tell Ricardo in the first place and I won't even start showing for a little while.
I still have time to come up with a plan regarding what the fuck I'm going to do about DeLuca.
I glance down at my still flat stomach. I'm not sure how it's possible, but I already love my baby as much as I love their father.
No matter what...I will figure out a way to keep my baby.
I lie back down and let my baby's heartbeat permeate my ears and relax me.
My hand finds my belly and I rub soothing circles over it, just like Ricardo always does to calm me down.
The next day, I'm rushing to the library on a hunt to get my hands on every maternity book there is. There's so much information I don't know yet and so much I need to prepare for.
I'm too afraid to give the librarian my information because I don't want DeLuca to track it, but luckily; this particular library has really good hours and no one bothers me as I sit in the stacks, absorbing every morsel of information that I can.
I glance at my watch when I notice it's dark out and that people are starting to pack up and head home.
Crap. I've been here for over 8 hours. I reach in my bag for my phone which is vibrating like crazy, but a deep voice halts me.
"What the hell is going on, Lou-Lou? I've been calling your cell phone non-stop all day."
I look up and come face to face with Ricardo whose expression is a combination of pissed the fuck off and concerned.
"I—" I start while looking down.
Fuck a duck. There are maternity books surrounding me everywhere. Luckily, I'm not holding any of them, but still.
I breathe a sigh of relief when I notice a romance novel showcasing some guy with Fabio style hair on the cover near me.
I reach for it and give him a shrug. "Sorry, the day must have gotten away from me while I was reading this."
He rubs his lower lip with his thumb and raises a brow while making his way over to me. He gestures for the book and I keep my expression calm and collected as I hand it over to him.
When he bursts out laughing, I feel my heart soar. "Wow...dudes got some killer hair."
I can't help but laugh myself. "Hasn't anyone ever told you not to judge a book by its cover?"
He holds up his hands. "Not judging, babe, I was just worried about you."
He takes another step forward and grabs my chin. "Answer your phone for me next time, send a text....something. I had to call in reinforcements to find you. Luckily Emilio was able to trace you looking up the address to the library on your phone."
His lips brush over my temple. "You have no idea what was going through my head when I couldn't find you. Don't do that to me again. Ever."
I swallow hard and nod. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
He pulls me into a kiss so intense I become lightheaded.
When he pulls away he puts his arm around me. "Come on, let's go back home."
Of course, my stomach chooses that exact moment to make some kind of loud gurgling sound.
His brows draw together. "When was the last time you ate?"
I mutter a curse and rub my face because the last time I ate was late in the morning. No wonder I'm so hungry. Guilt rips through me and I can't help but touch my belly. Sorry, Thumper. Mommy won't do that to you again.
We leave the library and before Ricardo can ask what I'm doing, I hightail it across the street to the nearest deli and grab a sandwich with the works.
He shoots me another strange look and I shrug innocently between large mouthfuls of my turkey club. "What?"
He shakes his head but his eyes linger on me. "Nothing," he says. "I'm just happy your stomach isn't bothering you anymore."
Chapter 7 (Ricardo)
Over another week has passed and still no sign of Alyssa. I was ready to put it out of my mind completely.
Until today.
Today...Jackson lost his damn mind.
After training, he ran into Luke and went off on him. And by went off? I mean he pretty much beat the crap out of him.
Because of Alyssa.
Of course, Luke threatened to tell DeLuca.
Over three weeks have passed since he last saw her, he shouldn't be so strung out over the girl. Obviously, they have more of a connection than I realized.
I had no choice but to pull him in the locker room and rip into him.
I told him to stay the hell away from Alyssa, all while pretending I didn't know her.
I also told him that what he did to Luke was a stupid move and reminded him it wasn't a good idea to be on DeLuca's radar.
I can only hope he heeds my warning.
After training, I cut through the gym and walk into the fight club.
I head for the ring girl dressing room where I know Lou-Lou's reading while waiting for me to be finished so we can go out for my birthday.
For the past week or so, she's been going to the library every single day. I didn't think much of it...until she started spending the entire day there.
I reminded her that libraries allow people to take books home, but she said she didn't want there to be any record of her being there.
Which was just downright strange. I'm positive DeLuca wouldn't give a flying fuck about her going to the library.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her she was becoming a little too paranoid about DeLuca, but then I realized that I'm the one to blame for that.
Because I still haven't come up with a plan yet.
So, I decided to get her an e-reader. This way, she can relax and read whenever she wants and not have to worry about a thing.
She wouldn't take it at first because she was scared of DeLuca tracking it, but I told her it was fine considering he didn't even know about it in the first place. She finally relented and took it.
I smile as I picture my little bookworm crinkling her nose while reading a book.
Then I enter the dressing room and my smile quickly fades and I feel myself turn into a cold-blooded killer.
Luke's violently shoving her up against a wall, trying to take off her pants.
I don't even think, I just start launching my fists, relishing when blood starts pouring down his face.
When he's balled up on the floor I start kicking the ever living shit out of him.
Lou-Lou's screams and pleads are barely even registering—it isn't until Tyrone pulls a move that I do when Jackson blacks out during a fight and drags Luke's body away that I come to.
Tyrone holds his hands up and protectively stands in front of Lou-Lou who's a trembling, shaking, mess right now.
A strangled sound rips from Luke's throat but to everyone's surprise the fucker hobbles back up and gives Lou-Lou a menacing look.
I lunge for him again, but Tyrone gets in between us and the shit-head uses the opportunity to escape. "What the hell, man?" Tyrone shouts. "You just ripped into Jackson for beating him up earlier and now you're doing the same thing." I open my mouth but close it when he puts a hand on my shoulder and sighs.
"I'm only looking out for you, Ricardo. The same way you were looking out for Jackson. You know Luke is high up in DeLuca's ranks, much higher than you are. Don't be stupid," he says before he leaves.
Guilt snags me, but I can't focus on that because I'm worried about Lou-Lou.
I turn to face her. "Are you okay?"
She nods and takes a step forward. "I've never seen you fight anyone before." She gulps. "It was like you were a different person completely. That was some really scary shit."
I snort. "Yeah well, It's scary when assholes touch what I love and what's mine. Did he hurt you?"
"No." Her brows furrow and her expression turns horrified. "There are no cameras in here, Ricardo. It's your word against his. You know he's going to tell DeLuca you beat him up over me. And you know how close he is to DeLuca."
I open my mouth to respond but when I look down my blood runs cold. I reach for her wrist because I notice that bruises are starting to form.
That's when my blood begins boiling.
He's a dead man. I don't give a fuck about the consequences.
She starts dry heaving and it only makes me firmer in my resolve.
I pull her into my arms. "Let him."
Chapter 8 (Lou-Lou)
I'm sitting in the dressing room reading a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting on my e-reader when Luke waltzes in.
I quickly swipe out of my book and turn off my device.
I don't even know why he's here right now given there isn't a fight scheduled for today or tonight.
His eyes leer over my chest and I fight the urge to toss my cookies.
"Your tits have gotten bigger," he comments.
Considering I'm wearing a simple sweater and jeans at the moment, it's disturbing he even notices my boobs.
But then again, he's done nothing but ogle my body every chance he's had since I was a teenager.
I shudder and I'm about to leave because he's giving me the creeps when out of nowhere he grabs my wrist and shoves me against the wall.
"I'll tell DeLuca," I warn him.
I bring up my knee and aim it for his balls but I'm too daunted by his next statement. "And I'll tell him you're pregnant."
How the hell does he know?
"I'm not pregnant," I say quickly, hoping he didn't notice my brief moment of hesitation.
He rubs his chin and glares at me. "Then why did I spot you coming out of that clinic a week ago?"
"You're spying on me?"
Dammit, what I should have said was he was mistaken and it wasn't me.
"Of course, it's my job. Why else do you think DeLuca sent me here?"
Tears prickle my eyes and I start panicking. I'm debating the best way to threaten the bastard but then he says, "Don't worry, I still haven't told him."
Relief flows through me. "Thank you, Luke. Not gonna lie, I always thought you were a creepy asshole but my opinion's officially changed."
His dirt brown eyes skim over my body. "I hope so...considering I'm expecting something in exchange for my silence."
Oh, fuck no. I decide to play him at his own game. "Why would I do that? I have no guarantee you didn't tell DeLuca."
He presses against me and I swallow down bile. "Don't you think if I did he would have killed you already?" He moves my shirt up with one hand and reaches for the button on my jeans with the other.
I try to get away from him but he slams my body against the wall. The force is so hard my head begins throbbing.
I immediately stop fighting. It occurs to me that for the first time in my life, my self-preservation isn't going to help.
I have something much more important than myself to think about.
Hang in there, Thumper. Mommy's not going to let you get hurt. I'll do whatever I have to in order to ensure your safety.
I try to calm myself down so I can figure out how to get away, but then he brings up one of his hands and starts groping me.
"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do this to you?"
Yeah, ever since I was a child, you sick perv.
"Luke. I'm begging you and you know I don't beg. Please, don't do this."
He ignores me and continues fondling me. "You know, I've been thinking about who the father is." He grabs my neck and forces me to look at him. "I mean...who in the world could your baby daddy be?"
He sniggers and his grip tightens. "You came here to seduce Jackson and Tyrone but I know they haven't fucked you."
He chuckles."Probably because they can tell you're nothing but a used up damaged slut with serious daddy issues." He strokes my cheek. "Fortunately for me, I like them dirty and trashy. And I'm awfully curious how sexually depraved a girl who used to be her father's plaything is."