by Ashley Jade
He fucking lied to me.
Alyssa glances in the direction of the door and I'm beyond elated that she's about to leave, but then Jackson halts her and glares at me. "At least she was actually invited to spend the night in my bed. Not just sniffing around me like some dog wanting to get their paws on some scraps."
His pupils constrict as he stares down at me. "And despite what you may think, staying up all night and having a meaningful conversation with someone you care about is so much better than being used for sex. But we all know you wouldn't know about that, Lou-Lou. Now would you?"
My chest constricts with his words and my face falls when I look at Ricardo.
He won't even look at me.
Jackson defended and stood up for Alyssa and he barely even knows her...yet the man who claims to love me...stayed silent and let his friend say those things about me.
Momma claps her hands. "Okay. Who wants seconds?"
Alyssa looks up at Jackson in wonder. "Me. I want more. I would love more."
He brings her hand to his lips and kisses it. "Me too."
I think I'm going to be sick.
Until he lets go of her hand and says, "But, I shouldn't. Sometimes too much, too fast can leave you in a lot of pain."
Amen to that.
Alyssa holds out her plate to Momma. "Or sometimes you have to say to hell with it and indulge a little. You might miss out on a good thing and by the time you decide you want it, it's all gone."
Momma fills up her plate with more food. "A girl after my own heart." Her eyes land on me and I feel myself shrink down.
I know she's about to make a dig about my barely eaten plate of food.
I have to bite my tongue to stop from screaming that I'm nauseous because I'm pregnant and the thought of eating anything at the moment is enough to make me yak.
"Men like a little something to hold onto," she continues. "Can't be all skin and bones with no derriere." She scans the room. "Ain't that right, boys?"
"Yes, Ma'am," all the guys say in unison...including Ricardo.
I roll my eyes and toss my napkin in my dish.
I hate every last one of them. I can't believe I ever wanted to be part of this stupid family.
Maybe letting DeLuca think he's the father of my baby is the right thing to do after all.
At least he knows how to protect someone.
Somewhere in the back of my mind a voice whispers, 'No, he only knows how to manipulate you, use you and control you.'
God, I can't wait until this breakfast from hell is over and I can play the tape.
When Jackson walks Alyssa out to her car, I decide to make my move.
I look at Tyrone. "Can I use your laptop?"
"Sure, it's in the living room."
I walk into the living room and grab the laptop. I quickly stick the disk in and attach the wire that will enable it to play on the television.
This way everyone can see.
Including Momma herself. Maybe then she'll realize her 'good feeling' about her was oh so very wrong.
That's when I feel Ricardo's presence behind me. "What are you doing?"
I turn around and force myself to remain expressionless. "I saw a cool video. I thought you would enjoy it."
He gives me a strange look and rubs the back of his neck. "Well, before you do that...we really need to talk."
I'm about to protest because I don't have anything to say to him at the moment, but his eyes turn hard and he grips my elbow. "Now."
He leads me to Tyrone's room and slams the door behind him.
That's when I go off on him. "It's funny you want to talk now when you didn't have a damn thing to say at that breakfast table!"
"Cut the shit, Lou-Lou. You insulted her and you lied to me," he bellows. "You told me you didn't know anything about her. So how the fuck do you know she attended NYU?"
I snort. "Wow, you are such a fucking hypocrite. You do realize that you just accused me of the very same thing you did to me, right?"
His jaw tightens and I know I've got him. "Yeah, Ricardo. Your 'we're a team, let's be honest' act is up. You obviously know her, therefore you lied to me."
When he stays silent, I jab a finger in his chest. "How do you know her, Ricardo?"
He looks like he's going to speak but another bout of jealousy washes over me. "You fucked her, didn't you?" I step back, appalled. "God, you're disgusting. Does Jackson know he's her sloppy second yet?"
"I don't know her," he says.
I put my hands on my hips and give him a look. "Not really," he amends. "It's more like I know of her."
He backs me into the wall, his expression unyielding. "And no, I didn't fuck her," he growls.
I raise my chin. "Then why are you so protective when it comes to her?"
He leans his forehead against mine and grabs my face, his eyes burning into me. The air between us crackles and sizzles, a mixture of intensity, anger, and longing.
I fight the urge to crush my mouth against his and lose myself in him— because my intuition is telling me that everything's about to change.
His hand slides up my neck. "You have no reason to be jealous of her...you know how I feel about you. And you're right, I am protective when it comes to Alyssa. But not for the reasons you think. My driving force to protect her is because of guilt, not love—and certainly not lust."
He leans down, his lips a centimeter away from mine. "I'll tell you everything, Lou-Lou. Every single thing you want to know. I just need one thing from you."
Tears prickle my eyes because I should be pushing him away right now—not wanting to give him whatever he's about to ask me for.
That's the thing about love, though...it's never rational. I draw in a shaky breath. "What?"
"I need the truth," he says, his voice strained. "Show me your arms."
I push him away, furious about what he's accusing me of. "You think I'm on drugs?"
"I don't know," he begins. "You sleep all the time—and when you're not, you're hauled up in the bathroom. And lately, you disappear for hours and hours, claiming to be at the library...yet you never bring any books home. You also refused to tell me where you ran off to this morning. In addition to that, your attitude today isn't like you at all. So yeah...I think you might be on drugs."
He looks me in the eyes and swallows hard. "And I'm begging you to prove me wrong right now."
My stomach drops because I can't tell him the real reason behind my behavior. Even though I'm angry with him...I still love him. Therefore, I still need to protect him.
However, that doesn't mean I'm going to let him think I broke my promise. I would never do that to him.
I blow out a breath and hold out my arms. He lifts both sleeves to my sweater up and I scoff, "There, happy?"
He curses under his breath and grips my arms so tight I wince. "Get out," he spits.
I shake my head, beyond confused.
Until I look down and see what's upset him so much.
I had lab work done this week. Twice.
"No," I say, frantically. "This isn't what it looks like. These aren't track marks."
His eyes turn black and he gives me a look so threatening and dangerous, it cuts right through me.
Yeah, he's definitely a DeLuca.
That look alone can kill a person 50 different ways, I'm sure of it.
"I'm not on drugs, Ricardo. You have to believe me."
I lick my suddenly dry lips and try to control the tremors.
"Fine, then give me your purse," he says gruffly.
I eagerly hand it over to him. Maybe now he'll finally believe me.
I'm just as horrified as he is when he proceeds to pull out a needle and three bags of heroin.
How the hell did those ever get in my bag?
I don't have time to think about that because his nostrils flair and he sneers, "I guess you were saving these for an after breakfast snack?"
"N-no," I stammer. "I have no clue how those got there. It's a mistake
, Ricardo."
He leans in, his face is so close to mine I honestly don't know if he's going to kiss me or bite me. "Get the fuck out," he snarls. "The only mistake I made...was giving my heart to someone like you."
I stare at him wide-eyed. My heart squeezes because he's never been this cruel to me.
"Ricardo, I swear to you—I'm not on drugs." I don't even realize there are tears running down my cheeks until his gaze softens slightly.
"Fine. Then I have one other question."
"What?"
"Who were you with this morning?" He bangs the wall beside my head. "And don't you fucking lie to me again."
I can't look him in the eyes as I utter, 'DeLuca."
His adam's apple bobs and he looks so dejected it causes my heart to break.
I see the question burning in those dark orbs of his. The question he's too afraid to ask because it will crush him.
And that's when I realize that this right here...is my opening. If I have any chance of getting DeLuca to believe this baby is his...Ricardo has to believe it too.
I just don't know how in the world I'm going to say the words. The thought of even attempting to hurt him like this...causes me physical pain.
It's the only way. I remind myself.
I open my mouth—but Tyrone walks into his room and looks at me. "Are you done with my computer?"
My stomach rumbles and I'm reminded of exactly why I have to do what I'm about to do and play that video.
I have no choice, I have to go through with this.
And I have to push Ricardo away.
I meet Ricardo's gaze, my heart yearning for him the entire time. "Yeah, I'm done."
I walk out of the room with Ricardo on my heels. "I told you to get out," he barks as I hear the sound of the front door opening.
That's when I press the 'play' button on the remote and Alyssa pops up on the screen.
I hold the remote control and smirk at Jackson. "Jackson, so glad you came back. We were just getting to the good part."
I can see the rage cross over his face right before he lunges at me.
One of my hands instinctively flies over my stomach and I jump back.
I knew he would be mad...but not this mad.
I'm grateful that Tyrone and Ricardo are holding him back.
"I swear, man, we had no idea she was gonna play that shit. We didn't see much. I didn't even realize what the hell it was at first," Tyrone yells.
"Yeah. What the fuck is your deal, Lou-Lou?" Ricardo barks, before Alyssa's voice fills the room. "What do you want?"
Followed by some guy's voice. "Strip for me. Show me those nice titties of yours."
That's when Tyrone and Ricardo lose their grip on Jackson and he lunges forward again.
I'm about to scream that I'm pregnant and warn him that if he lays a finger on me I will butcher him in his sleep.
He gets in my face. "Shut it the fuck off now, or so help me God—I will tear your head right off your skank infested body," he shouts so loud the windows shake.
I can't stop myself from trembling and with jerky hands, I press a button on the remote.
That's when Momma comes charging at me. She reaches for my arm and begins dragging me toward the front door.
Oh, the damn irony—this is the most contact we've ever had.
"Don't mind me, boys. I'm just taking out the trash," she says before she throws me out the door. "Next time I won't be so kind—" She pauses. "What's that word you like to use again? Oh yeah...Puttana," she snarls before slamming the door in my face.
It's safe to say the ties between Ricardo and I are officially severed.
I rub my belly and close my eyes...except for the most important one.
I walk to my apartment and fight back tears all while telling myself that I did the right thing.
I'm protecting what I love the most. And even if it kills me, it will save them.
Chapter 13 (Ricardo)
After calming Jackson down due to the stunt Lou-Lou pulled, I walk across the hall to my apartment.
I slam the door and fight the urge to put my fist through it.
She fucking lied to me and broke her promise to me.
Hours after I made love to her.
Christ...I don't understand how we ended up here.
When did she stop trusting me?
When did we break?
When did all of our 'truths' turn into a pile of lies?
There's a small part of my mind...or maybe it's my heart that keeps telling me I've got this all wrong.
That maybe...just maybe—there's a good reason she's purposely hurting me so much out of nowhere.
But I have to shove it down...because I'm so fucking angry and I can't see shit through all the red.
I can't even feel pain...I'm too busy feeling wrath. There's no way I can think logically when I'm in the thick of it.
I have to focus on something else...anything else.
I send a quick email to those two hackers, telling them to make sure no new video's of Alyssa resurface.
That fucking video. The video she got from DeLuca.
She was used as a pawn. DeLuca obviously wanted her to play the video as a warning to me...and she went along with it.
The question is...why? Even if Lou-Lou doesn't like her...the Lou-Lou I know, wouldn't do that shit.
I drag a hand down my face and flip over my coffee table in a fit of rage because another thought occurs to me.
Motherfucker. That's also how she got the drugs...she asked DeLuca for them this morning and he handed them over in exchange for her playing the video.
I fight the tiny voice in my head telling me that I'm wrong again and I'm still not thinking rationally right now.
No, that has to be it. For fuck's sake, she had track marks on her arms. I saw them with my own goddamn eyes.
The fact that she did all this because of drugs, doesn't make me feel better. In fact, it's the opposite. It only fuels my anger.
I grab a box and start tossing all her shit in it. I don't need or want any reminders of her.
And if she thinks she can crawl into my bed tonight just like she used to after we fought...she's got another thing coming.
She crossed the line today...multiple lines.
God only knows what else she's been lying to me about.
And last night?
I can't believe I wanted...I can't believe I....
I can't even bring myself to think it because it hurts too damn much.
My insides twist because there's a part of me that still wants that.
Wants her.
Even after what she did.
Jesus...when Jackson lunged at her...I swear my heart stopped. I would have killed him if he touched her...I know it.
I would have killed someone I consider a brother over her...even though she was 100% in the wrong.
I slam my fist on the counter and curse her name.
No...I can't cave.
She made her bed, she needs to lie in it.
Without me this time.
We're better off this way.
Chapter 14 (Lou-Lou)
I pop my knuckles nervously as I continue pacing back and forth in front of Jackson's dressing room.
I don't dish out apologies often and I never thought I'd be giving one to Jackson of all people.
I rub a hand over my belly and exhale sharply as I remember the real reason I'm doing this.
I want to be a good mother. But first, I have to be a good person.
I want my baby to know the difference between right and wrong.
Unfortunately, I'm still learning those things myself and failing miserably...but I know I owe Jackson this apology.
I muster up another ounce of tenacity and finally knock on the dressing room door.
"Yeah," he answers. "Get the fuck out," he immediately barks when he sees me.
"I'm sorry, Jackson," I blurt out, pushing past him.
"Doesn't matter," he says. "You c
rossed a line that never should have been crossed."
"I was hurting," I say, because it's the truth. I'm not about to divulge my past to Jackson or anything, but it was the sole reason behind me playing the tape. Well, that and my jealousy.
He spins around to face me. "Hurting? Really? That's the best you got?" he screams. "Hurting," he bites out. "Hurting is having someone set you up with a sex tape. Hurting is finding out that the night you lost your virginity was posted online without your consent for all the world to see!"
I feel the color drain from my face as I take in what he's said. Oh, god. That's horrible. "I didn't..."
"Yeah, that's just it, Lou-Lou...you didn't. You didn't stop and think about how fucked up it was to play that tape in front of everyone. You didn't stop and think about how it would make me feel. Hell, you didn't even stop and think about how Ricardo would react to you pulling some shit like that."
I can practically see the anger rolling off of him in waves. He's so upset you would think it was him that I did this to.
He looks ready to tear me to pieces all over again and my eyes sting with tears because there's no doubt in my mind that whether Jackson's realized it or not...he's fallen for her.
You don't go to the level of defending and protecting someone the way he is if you're not in love with them.
My mind flashes back to breakfast yesterday morning and that day in the hallway with Alyssa.
Ricardo didn't protect me or defend me either of those times...he didn't even make an attempt at it.
I don't know when everything between us fell apart...or the moment Ricardo fell out of love with me...but he obviously did.
Hell, for all I know maybe he never loved me, and screwing me was just the ultimate way of sticking it to DeLuca.
Maybe he was just using me...just like everyone else in my life.
I shake the thought from my head—even though we're done and over—I know what we had was real.
Before all the hurt and lies at least.
I take a step back and look at Jackson. "Wow, you're really falling for her."
"This isn't about me," he argues. "What you did was wrong."
He's right. "I know and that's why I'm apologizing to you. I was jealous."