by Ashley Jade
When I hear him grunt right before his release—I can finally breathe again.
Until he says, "You never let me finish telling you the stakes of the deal." He grabs the back of my neck. "Fuck me and get pregnant and I'll let you come back home."
His eyes darken. "The fact that you didn't even waste the opportunity to jump on my dick like the little slut you are....tells me everything I need to know about what you've been up to when I'm gone." He pulls me close, digging his hands into my hips to make sure he's still inside me. "Consider living at the apartment your punishment, Wife."
"I don't understand."
He tugs my chin up. "Not right now you don't...but you will."
Three months later...
Chapter 24 (Ricardo)
I pull the hood to my sweatshirt up and stand with my back against the alley wall.
I watch her cross the street and count the seconds so I can make my next move.
There's always a chance of running into her and I fucking hate it. I wish she'd just go back to DeLuca's house and quit her slow fucking torture by being here.
A moment later, she's finally opening the big wooden doors and walking inside. That tight feeling in my chest caused by her begins to dissipate.
I lift my wrist and glance at my watch. 2:05am.
Her pattern hasn't changed for the last 3 months. Every night, she makes a run for the church that's located a block away from the apartment building.
At first, I thought DeLuca had her doing some kind of drop off for him there.
I mean, obviously, it wasn't my problem if she was...but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious.
After scouting the area and conducting my own little sting operation—which involved doing some things in a church I'm not particularly proud of—I let it go.
Her new habit is slightly strange, but it's not putting anyone I care about in harm’s way.
In other words...it's none of my business. Not anymore.
I push off the wall and begin my walk down the street, thoughts of Lou-Lou plaguing me the entire time.
We haven't said a word to one another in months. Thank fucking God for that.
Because the things I want to say to her? Aren't very nice.
I curse under my breath when that tight feeling in my chest rears its ugly head again.
She's basically helping DeLuca kill me—my brain reminds me. She's a deceitful bitch.
That may be true—my heart taunts. But she's a deceitful bitch you still love.
"She's his wife," I say out loud, effectively ending the battle between my head and heart.
It doesn't matter what I felt or still feel for her.
It doesn't matter what I thought we had...because it never existed.
It doesn't matter that she was mine for a moment ...because she'll be his forever.
With that, I stretch my black gloves over my hands and continue walking.
Chapter 25 (Lou-Lou)
I get up from the couch, throw a sweatshirt on, and pad downstairs to the front lobby.
When I walk outside the cool night air greets me and I close my eyes and soak it in.
After walking for a few minutes, I cross the street and reach my destination.
The heavy wooden door creaks as I open it and I breathe a sigh of relief.
I'm always afraid the church is going to come to its senses and start locking up at night, but luckily they haven't so far.
I've never been a religious person—but I like to come here in the wee hours of the morning since there's no one here to bother me.
Lord knows, I'm certainly not coming here seeking any kind of religious counseling or guidance.
I'm here for one thing and one thing only.
The first thing I do is walk over to the votive candles. I notice that only 5 are lit tonight. Last night there were 11.
I don't use the main candle to light mine like we're supposed to—instead I take out a pack of matches that I always keep with me.
I strike the match against the cardboard and watch the smoke rise.
Then I look for my row and my candle, which fortunately; hasn't been lit by someone else.
I choose the same candle every time—number 13.
The same numbered day my baby would have been born on.
I don't pray to a saint or any of that stuff when I light the candle. There's only one statement I make and it will never change, "I'm so sorry, Thumper."
Next, I walk over to 'the statue' as I've dubbed it. It's over toward the left side of the altar and to the back. After I make my way over to it, I plop down Indian style in front of it.
The first night I came here I couldn't even look at it, I remember being so jealous of that woman—Mary because she had something I would never have.
Her baby. In her arms.
Her presence doesn't bother me so much anymore, but I'm not here for her.
I focus on the infant in her arms and set the alarm on my phone.
I allow myself exactly 1 minute to grieve as a mother—but I forbid myself to cry.
I don't deserve to—because it was all my fault.
And his.
I stare at the infant and it all hits me in one big agonizing surge.
I'll never know what it feels like to hold my baby in my arms.
I'll never know if my baby was a boy or a girl.
I'll never know if my baby would have looked more like me or Ricardo.
I'll never hear my baby call me 'Mommy' and I'll never hear my baby tell me they love me.
I'll never witness my baby's first steps, my baby's first day of school, or the moment my baby takes their first breath.
Because my baby's dead.
Because I chose him.
I stand up and brush off my jeans. I cast one last glance at the statue and this time, my eyes fall on Mary. "I really hope you know how lucky you are."
Chapter 26 (Lou-Lou)
I roll my eyes and curse under my breath when the burner phone Emilio gave me rings and I see his name flash on the screen.
I open the door to the apartment lobby and bring the phone to my ear. "What?"
Despite knowing that I'll never forgive him, he keeps trying to as he calls it—protect and look out for me.
"Do you have a minute? Can we meet up?"
I rub my forehead and look at the ceiling. "I'm not really feeling well."
It's not a lie. DeLuca will be flying back in a mere few hours and I have to get ready to spend the next two nights with him.
He lets out a long sigh. "Okay, I understand. I—"
I don't hear Emilio's next statement because some tall redhead with legs for days walks into the lobby. My stomach knots when she presses a long, manicured nail to the button for Ricardo's apartment.
No matter how many times I see the same thing occur...it never gets any easier.
When I hear him buzz her in, my already broken heart somehow manages to crack all over again.
There's no way in hell I'm going back upstairs now. There's no way I can be that close to him when he's doing God only knows what to someone who's not me.
"I—um." I swallow and try again. "I can meet you now," I tell Emilio while trying to control the shaking in my voice.
I hear a sharp intake of breath before he says, "What the hell just happened? Are you okay?"
I blink away tears and clear my throat. "I'm fine. Just watching Ricardo's latest conquest walk up the stairs is all."
"Shit," he mutters before the line goes dead.
I push through the lobby doors and start making my way down the street. Despite my wavering and fucked up feelings for Ricardo, jealousy tears through me and I hate it.
However, I hate the hurt it's causing me even more. I wish the love I have for him would just go away...but it won't.
It's embedded in me like a scar, reminding me of everything we once had...and all the things we'll never have.
I feel a tug on my arm and I instantly look up into a pair of green e
yes belonging to Emilio. "Hey," he says while steering me off the sidewalk and toward the back of a building.
He shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Lou-Lou."
It's the first time he's ever called me Lou-Lou. I want to tell him he hasn't earned the privilege but he looks so solemn and sad, I can't bring myself to say the words.
Instead, I pull my jacket tighter around myself and look down. "What did you want to talk about?"
He jams his hands into his pockets. "I'm not so sure you'd want to hear it anymore. Considering—" he stalls, appearing uncomfortable.
"Considering Ricardo's suddenly made it his mission to screw half the women in New York City?" I finish for him.
He nods and shuffles his feet.
"You can tell me," I say. "I want to know."
"Do you want the good news or the not so good news first?" he asks nervously.
I lift a shoulder in a shrug. "Doesn't matter."
"Well, the good news is that the council is starting to talk about Ricardo again."
I arch an eyebrow. "Shouldn't he be off their radar? How is this a good thing?"
"Because," he says. "The reason they're starting to talk about him again is because they're all starting to doubt DeLuca's capabilities— given it's been over 3 months and you still aren't pregnant. They're starting to wonder if he really broke the curse after all. There's been talk of them possibly stepping in to protect Ricardo now since he is the next in line and DeLuca obviously wants him dead."
Despite half of me hating Ricardo, relief flows through me. "That's great." I give him a curious look. "So, what's the bad news?"
His eyebrows pinch together and he reaches for my hand. "I'm afraid of what it might mean for you. I didn't...all I thought about was saving Ricardo's life back then. I didn't think about—"
"What it would mean for me once DeLuca finds out I can't get pregnant."
He gives me a sheepish look and nods.
I should be ready to fall apart right now. I should be scared out of my mind but the only thing I feel is...grateful.
"It's okay," I tell him. He looks at me like I've sprouted another head but I continue, "Honestly, Emilio. I'm okay with this. I'm ready—"
I don't get a chance to finish that sentence because he shoves me against the brick wall. "No," he says gruffly. "Don't you dare say shit like that."
He's never acted like this with me before and I'm not sure what to think.
"I'm so sorry," he says. My chest caves in because it's the same phrase I myself utter every night. "God, I'm so fucking sorry for what I did to you." He squeezes my shoulder blade. "I'll figure out a way to get you out of this," he vows.
I turn my head to the side so he can't see just how much his statement is affecting me. "You sound just like him," I whisper. "Ricardo used to say the same thing all the time." This time, I do look at him. "Don't bother, Emilio. Just let it be."
His lips hover over my ear. "If something happens to you, Lou- Lou. He won't survive it."
I want to point out that Ricardo would survive just fine with his current revolving door of women but the thought nearly causes me to lose my composure, so instead I say, "You survived."
He sighs. "No. I didn't. I'm just existing. And only so I can watch over him like I promised I would."
He looks down at his watch and curses. "DeLuca will be landing within the hour." He scrubs a hand down his face. "I should warn you, he's going to be very determined this weekend. My source said the council came down hard on him."
"It's nothing I can't handle," I mutter.
His thumbs graze over my cheeks. "You shouldn't have to handle it, Lou-Lou." He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. "I hate myself for this. For all of it."
I stay silent because I have absolutely nothing to say to that.
"I used to think you were like her," he whispers. When I open my mouth to argue that I'm nothing like her he says, "But you're not. You're so much stronger."
His thumb brushes my lower lip and I stare at him wide-eyed because I'm not sure what's happening between us right now. There's something so oddly familiar about this moment...something so tender. When his eyes drop down to my mouth—a bout of nervousness shoots through me because despite the familiarity and tenderness, I don't want what's about to happen.
He inches forward and awareness hits me like a bolt of lightning. I immediately push him off me. "You're his father...aren't you?" I bend over and rest my palms on my knees because my breath is coming out hard and fast. "That's why Ricardo's more like you and not him, isn't it? That's the real reason you protect him. Because if DeLuca ever found out he—"
"Jesus, Lou-Lou. No. I'm not his father," he shouts. "Trust me, DeLuca made damn sure Ricardo was his kid before claiming him." He rolls his shoulders back. "Doesn't stop me from wishing I was his father, though." Sorrow sweeps across his face. "Things would have been so much different if that was the case."
I want to ask what things specifically, but he holds up a hand. "Look, I'm sorry for almost...I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. I had no right." He squeezes his eyes shut. "I just...being around you makes me miss her even more sometimes."
I want to ask how he can miss someone so much when her love for him was unrequited, but I realize that I know exactly what he means.
Ricardo hates me...hell, part of me hates him right back—and yet I still love and miss him.
So much it hurts.
"I have to go get ready," I say before quickly turning on my heels and walking away.
"Lou-Lou," he calls out.
When I spin around he says, "Please, do whatever it takes in order to protect yourself." He looks up to the sky. "If not for you...then for him."
Chapter 27 (Ricardo)
She takes a step forward and I inwardly cringe.
Get it together, I tell myself. She's hot, almost naked, and best of all?You can pretend she's her.
She takes another step forward, this time taking off her bra. When I take a deep breath she gives me a smug smile.
Sorry, sweetie. I'm not turned on right now. I'm just fucking annoyed and fed up.
I've officially lost count of how many beautiful women I've invited up to my apartment with intentions of being balls deep inside them.
Problem is? It's never happened.
Not once. Thanks to Satan's wife still living across the hall from me. No wonder her name is 'Lucianna', it's damn close to Lucifer.
My head falls back and I groan. Fuck, it's the second week of the month, which means she'll be gone this weekend.
With him...trying to conceive his child.
A child which will kill me. In more ways than one.
The redhead I'm with goes for my belt-buckle and I halt her. "You know the rules."
She bites down on her lip."Sorry, I couldn't resist." She flutters her eyelashes and gives me a coy smile. "I'm getting impatient."
I close my eyes as an image of her with him flashes through my head. White hot anger pulses through me and I feel my entire body tense.
When I open my eyes, I have the busty redhead's hands pinned against the wall and her pants halfway down her ass. "Holy fuck," she gasps. "That was hot as hell."
I give her a smirk and her cheeks flush. "Stop talking and it will get even hotter."
I close my eyes and tug her pants the rest of the way down. I slowly slide my palm up her inner thigh and she begins whimpering.
Only her little whimpers aren't Lou-Lou's.
But I force myself to continue, desperate to push Lou-Lou out of my fucking head.
I lean in close and breathe her in. My stomach recoils when some overwhelming flowery perfume invades my nostrils instead of the subtle hint of Lou-Lou's cherry-vanilla scent that I love so much.
Fuck it...Lou-Lou won't matter once you stick your dick inside the redhead right in front of you, I remind myself as I start peeling her panties down her legs.
I run my tongue along her collarbone, my anger brewing again because this woman doesn't taste
like my Lou-Lou does.
My Lou-Lou—my hands turn into fists. More like his Lou-Lou.
"What's the matter, baby?" Redhead pants while jutting her hips against mine. "Keep going, baby." She grinds her pussy against me and moans.
I roll my eyes because I am most certainly not her baby. And I most certainly am not going to keep going.
She reaches for my face and springs forward. I grab her wrists just in time. "You need to leave," I tell her.
"What?" she screeches. "Are you kidding me?"
I take a step back. I don't want to insult this woman, I just want her to understand that this isn't going to happen.
It never fucking happens.
"I'm sorry but I can't do this."
She shoves me away. "I don't understand. Why?"
Because you're not her.
"I forgot about a thing I have to do tonight."
She snatches her purse off the floor. "Asshole," she spews.
I suppose I deserve that.
She opens the front door and glares at me. "You know, you're a real piece of shit, Ricardo." She steps out into the hallway and I notice Tyrone walking up the stairs out of the corner of my eye. "You know what you are?" She continues without waiting for a response. "A good-for-nothing pussy tease!" she shouts before flipping her fire-red hair and marching down the hallway.
Tyrone shoots me a look but I point a finger at him. "Not a fucking word."
Maybe next time I'll try a brunette.
Chapter 28 (Lou-Lou)
My hand twitches as I turn the doorknob to his bedroom and walk inside.
When I see the back of his over-sized leather chair and the smoke from his cigar floating in the air, I fight back a shiver.
I'm immediately transported back to that night so long ago. The night I first told him that I loved him...the night he took my virginity.
God, that girl was so naïve. She had no idea that the man she deemed her protector...was the very same monster lurking under her bed the entire time.