Blame It On The Shame Part 2

by Ashley Jade

  I deserve this, I think as he continues thrusting into me, his screams never letting up.

  I deserve this, I think as his gun enters my other entrance and unbearable, burning, pain slices through me.

  This is it, I think. This is when he finally kills me.

  He thrusts the gun into my sphincter again and I feel blood trickle down my legs. My ears ring and the room whirls around me. My breath leaves my lungs and I welcome what's about to happen.

  I want to be free. I wish over and over again.

  But then it occurs to me.

  Death is a freedom I don't deserve.

  Not anymore.

  Because it is all my fault.

  "What have you done!" a woman's voice screams. Followed by Marlene's voice, "I found her."

  I try to open my eyes but it feels like bricks are weighing them down.

  A shiver runs through me and it triggers an enormous painful sensation throughout my entire body.

  "You said it would work," DeLuca's gritty voice answers. I soon hear the sound of someone choking before he sneers, "Mark my words, I will end you. Just like I did to the other members of your family, witch."

  Now it makes sense why she hates him so much.

  "I told you not to hurt her," what I can only now assume to be the witch says. "You can't harm her or it will not work."

  I hear the sound of a fist hitting flesh before DeLuca screams, "It didn't work anyway!" I hear the sound of a glass crashing to the floor. "Because she lied."

  "It hasn't been that long," the witch yells back. "It takes weeks, sometimes even a month or two for a positive result."

  I can physically feel the anger brewing in her now. "And with what you just did to her...you might have ruined everything all on your own."

  "I—" I can hear DeLuca pacing the basement floors. "Well, then fix her. Now."

  I can feel the witch's eyes on me before she walks over and takes my hand. "Her body is very battered and bruised. Her nose is broken, 4 of her ribs are broken, and she has internal injuries."

  I feel tears hit my hand before she says, "There's only so much damage a body can withstand before it's so destroyed that neither magic nor medicine can ever fix it again."

  She places a kiss on my forehead. "Including the heart and soul."

  I feel DeLuca's presence looming over me. "You're saying you can't fix her?"

  I'd be lying if I said the sheer panic in his voice didn't shock me.

  "I don't know," she whispers.

  "You have to fix her," DeLuca booms. "I can't lose her."

  She lets go of my hand. "You should have thought of that before."

  "Make her forget," DeLuca whispers. "Make her forget what happened tonight."

  "What?"

  "You heard me. Just do it. I need her to forget this ever happened."

  "No," the witch argues. "I won't."

  "You know, there are still some members of your precious coven I haven't gotten to yet," DeLuca threatens.

  There's silence for a few moments before I hear her say, "Fine, but you need to go back to Italy. I need to concentrate and she can't be anywhere near you while I attempt to fix her. I'll meet you at the Council's headquarters after I'm finished."

  "You have 48 hours, witch," DeLuca says before he sweeps a finger over my cheek. "I'm sor—" he stalls. "Just fix her," he barks.

  Two sets of footsteps walk up the stairs and I try again to open my eyes to no avail.

  "She's hardly recognizable," a shaky voice whispers after what feels like hours have passed.

  It's a voice that I recognize. Emilio's.

  "You should have gotten me sooner," the witch says curtly.

  "I tried. You weren't that easy to find."

  The witch sighs and reaches for my hand again.

  "I never thought I'd agree with DeLuca on anything," Emilio says softly. "But maybe making her forget is the right thing to do."

  "I'm not making her forget a damn thing," the witch declares. The bite in her tone causes me to shiver again. "She's going to need this anger to do what needs to be done."

  Terror shoots through me. I have no idea what she's talking about, but it terrifies me.

  The witch snaps her fingers. "We need to get her out of here. She's starting to wake up."

  Chapter 33 (Lou-Lou)

  I wake with a start and a large hand clamps over mine. Fear engulfs me...until I realize it's not DeLuca but Emilio next to me.

  "Don't move," he says. His tone is gentle and his eyes are filled with sorrow. "And don't worry. DeLuca's not here. He went back to Italy."

  He rubs his thumb over my knuckles. "You still have a few more hours until you're completely healed." He hangs his head. "You were in real bad shape, Lou-Lou." He pauses, appearing to try and gather himself. "I'm so sorry I didn't get you out of there sooner."

  There are many things Emilio should be sorry for, but this isn't one of them. "You didn't know he would do this to me," I scrape out, my throat feeling like it's made out of sandpaper.

  I take a deep breath and look around, not recognizing my surroundings at all.

  I open my mouth to ask where I am but he cuts me off. "You're at Isabella's apartment."

  "What?" I scream as he pinches the bridge of his nose. "Why the hell would you bring me here?" I blurt out, attempting to sit up in the bed. I grimace due to the discomfort I'm still in and I have no choice but to lie back down.

  "Because this apartment is the last place Ricardo would ever go looking for you," he states. "You've already been gone for two days and there's a fight scheduled in three days."

  "Ricardo wouldn't go looking for me," I scoff. Especially after our last encounter.

  "He will, Lou-Lou," he argues. "He's already starting to wonder where you are. In another few hours, he'll go out of his damn mind."

  I ignore him because he's wrong. Besides, I have more pressing matters to discuss. "The witch? She fixed me?"

  "Yeah, she did."

  I try to get up again but Emilio stops me. "You need to get more rest."

  "No." I disregard the pain in my ribs and hobble to my feet. Dizziness and nausea barrel into me and I begin shaking.

  "I need a moment with her, Emilio."

  I look up as the witch enters the bedroom then.

  Emilio looks at me. "Is that okay with you?" When I give him a nod he walks out.

  "I'm pretty sure I bought us another few weeks," she says.

  My stomach knots because although I'm grateful for her help, a few weeks isn't going to matter in the long run.

  He's going to kill her when he finds out the spell didn't work. And he's going to kill me when he discovers that I'm not pregnant and I'm infertile.

  The witch and I stare at one another for a few moments, an uncomfortable silence between us.

  That's when I recall DeLuca's words from earlier. "He killed your family?"

  "My coven." She looks down and wrings her hands. "Not everyone, but a lot of them."

  "That's why you're working for him? To protect the rest of them? Even though it might kill you?"

  "Yes."

  "I'm sorry," I whisper, remorse flowing through me because I'm the reason her family died and she's being forced to do all of this.

  "Don't be," she says. "It's his doing, not yours."

  She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "Besides, something tells me you know a thing or two about protecting what you love."

  I sit back down on the bed. "No. I don't."

  She frowns and starts to say something but I cut her off. "I don't want to talk about that. I can't—" My voice cracks on the last word and she holds up a hand. "Okay, I understand."

  I bite my nail nervously, wondering how to ask the question that's burning my lips. I decide to just get it over with. "Look, I don't know much about mythical beings or anything, but from what I can tell you're pretty powerful."

  Her eyebrows furrow and I continue. "And you obviously know I can't get pregnant, so the fact that you'
re still trying to help me is—" I pause, trying to compose myself. "What you did for me in that bedroom that night was...thank you."

  She smiles...until I say, "I just don't understand why you won't use your powers to kill him."

  She cups my cheeks in her hands. "Because he's not my demon to kill."

  She squeezes my hand. "Sometimes anger and hate can be a good thing, Lucianna. But only if you aim it at the right target."

  She walks to the door but stops abruptly. "And for the record, my power is nothing compared to yours. You're a lot stronger than you think, Lou-Lou. I just hope for your sake you realize it before it's too late."

  With that, she leaves.

  Her words echo in my head and with shaky hands I pick up my cell phone.

  He answers on the first ring. "I'm not agreeing to anything right now...but can we talk about that deal?"

  Chapter 34 (Ricardo)

  I burst through the door of the dressing room on a fucking rampage.

  I knew tonight was a big fight.

  What I don't know was why there was a last-minute change regarding Jackson's opponent.

  A change that almost got him killed in the cage.

  But if I had to guess? Something tells me Lou-Lou's the one to blame. I wouldn't put anything past her at this point.

  As soon as I spot her, I spin her around. "Start talking," I bite out, ready to tear her to pieces.

  Her eyes open wide and I don't miss the way her lower lip trembles. "About what?"

  I back her into the wall and cage her in with my arms. "Was that payback for what happened last week?"

  Her face falls. "What? You think I would purposely hurt Jackson? You think I set him up to—"

  "Shut up. I fell for it once, but I'm over your little 'Miss Innocent ' act. I know now what you're capable of and the levels you would sink to."

  I pull my knife out of my back pocket and flip it to the dull side.

  Then I slide it across her collarbone and ignore the way my heart aches when her breath stutters. "If anything else happens to either of them—I'll take you out, Lou-Lou."

  When her eyes connect with mine, it's not fear I see in them like I was expecting.

  It's despair.

  And it cuts me deeper than the knife I'm currently holding up to her throat ever would.

  She pushes me off of her. "I had nothing to do with what happened tonight," she says before shooting me a look full of contempt. "And the next time you threaten my life...do me a favor and go through with it." Before I can blink, she runs out of the dressing room, taking my mangled and fucked up heart right along with her.

  Chapter 35 (Lou-Lou)

  I lean against the church door and look up at him. "I don't know, Ford. I have no guarantee that I can trust you." I worry my bottom lip between my teeth. "I need more time."

  "Your time is running out," he snaps. "I'm telling you, I won't fuck you over. I already told you, the other person has more motive to kill DeLuca than you do. Nothing will get pinned on you."

  "I don't even know who they are. How do I know they're not a good person—"

  "They're a murderer," he screams. "That make it easier for you?"

  "I guess." I play with the end of my ponytail and draw in a breath. "I just don't know. Maybe it's best I wait—"

  He waves his hands frantically. "The council isn't going to protect him, Lucianna. And the longer you wait to make a decision the more danger you're putting him in."

  He walks over to me and rubs my shoulders. "I don't envy your position, sweetheart. Despite what you say, I know you're scared of what will happen to Ricardo." He tips my chin up. "But I also know it's nothing compared to the real fear that's holding you back."

  I look away because he's right. If I kill DeLuca...I lose the biggest part of myself...and I'm petrified of what will be left of me when it's all over.

  That said, there's no denying that the anger I have for DeLuca bubbling inside my soul is like the world's most dangerous volcano ready to erupt.

  It's just waiting for the final crack that causes the pressure to release.

  I walk into the lobby and immediately drop down next to a distraught Jackson.

  The last time I saw him was during his fight tonight while Alyssa was basically freaking out and declaring her eternal love for him because she thought he was hurt.

  I have no idea what the heck happened after that, but I've never seen him like this.

  He's sobbing, having trouble breathing, and he won't say a word to

  me. He just keeps screaming Lilly's name over and over again while

  rubbing the tattoo of her name that's over his heart.

  I remember Ricardo once telling me that Lilly was Jackson's sister. He wouldn't go into much detail about it, but he did tell me that she passed away a few years ago.

  My heart sinks, because whatever Jackson's going through right now must be devastating.

  I give his shoulder a squeeze as I pick up my phone and dial Tyrone's number.

  I briefly debate calling Ricardo too, but I know Tyrone's the best bet right now, given Ricardo's fucked up threat the last time I saw him.

  He answers on the second ring. "What's up?"

  "Something's wrong with Jackson."

  "What? What do you mean?"

  Jackson's screams for Lilly get louder. "I don't know, Tyrone. He just keeps screaming for Lilly. Get your ass down here!" I yell into the phone before hanging up.

  Less than a minute later, Tyrone's helping Jackson up the steps and I breathe a sigh of relief.

  That is until I think about what Ricardo accused me of earlier and sadness sweeps over me.

  I sink down to where Jackson just was and put my head in my hands.

  My hand finds my stomach and I close my eyes.

  I pray for the day that I'll be able to wake up from this fucked up nightmare.

  I pray for the strength to kill DeLuca.

  And despite knowing better, I find myself wishing for freedom again.

  Chapter 36 (Ricardo)

  Momma's eyes scan the breakfast table until they land on me. "I reckon I'm gonna be one plate short?"

  I can feel everyone's eyes on me with that statement and I inwardly cringe. Especially now that Alyssa and Jackson have officially made up. I guess they're expecting me to follow suit with Lou-Lou. Fat fucking chance.

  There are just some things you can't forgive...or forget. Like when the love of your life marries your father who wants to kill you.

  I give Momma a small nod, hoping she'll drop it.

  She wipes her hands on her apron and studies my face. "Hmm."

  Here we go.

  "Hmm?...what's hmm?"

  I don't understand what Momma's issue is anyway. She never even liked Lou-Lou. Hell, the last time she saw her she was literally throwing her out the door and comparing her to trash.

  "Well," she starts. "I never thought I'd say this because that Lou-Lou girl really dills my pickle, especially after she pulled that stunt. But maybe you ought to suck it up and talk to her. That sparkle in your eyes is dimmer, Ricardo. That girl had some kinda effect on you whether you're willing to admit it or not."

  Yeah, I'll say.

  Beside me, Tyrone grins. "That's what I've been telling him, Momma."

  I roll my eyes. This is the last thing I want to deal with right now.

  "You know," Jackson chimes in. "I have to say. I'm on their side of the fence now. Running into Alyssa again was the best thing that could have happened. Even if I did screw it up by getting drunk at her workplace and saying some really messed up stuff. It led me back to her. Lou-Lou's right across the hall, you guys have been ignoring one another for months now."

  Not exactly.

  Christ, if they only knew that just last night I held a knife up to Lou-Lou's throat and threatened her.

  I highly doubt they'd still be encouraging me to talk to her.

  Hell, Momma would probably kill me herself.

  Although, she'd probably ki
ll Lou-Lou too once she heard she was trying to kill me.

  Goddamn, my life is a fucking mess. I'm pretty sure it can't get any worse.

  I look up to the ceiling. Don't take that as a challenge, God.

  To everyone's surprise, Alyssa nods. "It's true. Don't get me wrong, I was pissed at what Jackson did that night. But, I wanted nothing more than to talk to him and work out our issues. I'm sure she feels the same about you. I don't like Lou-Lou...for obvious reasons. But it's obvious that you both have something—" She pauses and makes a face. "Well, you have something together. And if she makes you happy that's all that really matters."

  She used to make me happy. Until she showed me what a deceitful, lying, manipulative bitch she really was.

  Dammit, I need to deflect the attention off of Lou-Lou and me.

  I look at Jackson and give him a wink. "Hey, Jackson. Did you tell Momma how you basically said that Alyssa was nothing but a good time at the bar that night?"

  Momma gasps and reaches for a newspaper. She's about two seconds away from swatting him on the head with it again.

  "He was drunk, Momma. He didn't mean it," Alyssa says, rushing to Jackson's defense.

  Momma puts the newspaper down and picks up the spatula instead. Then she turns her gaze on Alyssa. "You work at a bar, young lady?"

  I can't help but smile. Momma might be the sweetest woman in the world...but she's also old-fashioned as hell when it comes to certain things.

  Women working at bars being one of those things. Jackson gives me a dirty look and my smile grows wider.

  Alyssa crinkles her nose. "Well, yeah. I mean, it's nothing crazy or anything. It's low-key and—"

  Momma cuts her off. "Do you really think that's safe? You're a pretty young thing...who knows what could happen to you." She points the spatula at Jackson. "I can't believe you're okay with this, Jackson."

  Looks like my work here is done. Tyrone looks at me and shakes his head, a ghost of a smile on his face.

  I hum to myself and finish the rest of my breakfast as I listen to Momma and Alyssa go back and forth and she rips into Jackson about needing to be a better boyfriend.