The Forever Crush

by Debra Moffitt

  I stayed seated. I told Kate and Piper to go on ahead and asked Forrest to stay.

  “We’ll catch up,” I said.

  “Okay,” Kate said, shooting me a smile.

  Forrest sat back down on the bench.

  “Don’t you want to get your feet inside?” he asked. “Warm tent just over there.”

  “I do, but I wanted to talk to you first.”

  For a moment, I lost all will to do what I meant to do. I didn’t want it to be over, but it already was. In truth, it never started.

  “If it’s okay with you, I think it would be good, you know, if we went back to normal,” I said. I was shocked at the words—my own words.

  “What do you mean?” Forrest said, turning to face me.

  “I mean stop pretending to be going out, if that’s okay with you.”

  He raised his eyebrows and looked straight ahead at the bench in front of us.

  “Um, sure. If it’s not cool with you, you know, fine.”

  “Good,” I said. “Thanks.”

  “I guess this means you’ll be going out with someone else now,” Forrest said. He sounded a little angry.

  “No. There’s no one else.”

  This was painfully true. Still.

  “Seriously?” Forrest asked. “I heard Jake liked you.”

  “He’s a nice guy, but no, I’m not dating him.”

  “So you’re just dumping me for no reason?” Forrest asked.

  “Can I really break up with you if we were never really going out?” I asked.

  I hoped this would make him smile, at least, but he continued to stare at the bench ahead.

  “Everyone will say you dumped me,” Forrest said.

  Once again, Forrest surprised me. I thought he’d be happy to be rid of me, to clear the way for the Bouchard twins.

  “Maybe we can tell everyone that it was mutual—that we both agreed to stop seeing each other?”

  “I guess,” Forrest said. “No one ever believes that.”

  “I won’t say anything bad about you,” I said. Forrest turned from the bench and looked at me. My nose was cold and running a little bit, so I rubbed it on the back of my hand.

  The crowds had thinned enough by now and the tent on the hill had become a hive of activity. We were nearly alone in the wintry garden.

  “You know I bought you a real Christmas gift,” he said.

  This came out of nowhere.

  “What was it?”

  “Nothing. It was stupid.”

  “I don’t think it’s stupid,” I said softly. Suddenly, I was willing to sit here in the cold all night, if we could work this out.

  “We should go, right?” he said.

  I just looked at him, wordless.

  He got up to go and I didn’t want to let him get too far ahead.

  I stood, grabbed my silver purse, and—clatter-crash-boom—I was down. In my hurry, I had forgotten about the scarf. I stood up and tried to take a step but it hog-tied my feet. I went down, like a falling tree. First my right hip, followed by my right elbow, thudded on the seat of the wooden bench.

  Forrest heard the commotion and turned around to find me flopped like a silvery mermaid. I quickly unbound my feet and straightened up. I handed Forrest his scarf. He looked at me blankly and said, “Keep it.” He offered his hand and pulled me up. Then he let it go. We walked in silence toward the light and the sound of happy voices.

  Thirty-four

  7:59 p.m.

  4 hours and 1 minute until midnight

  Kate and Piper were waiting at table 21 for us. When they saw us walk in, they ran over.

  “It’s four hours until the new year,” Kate said.

  “Right, I have four hours to find a new boyfriend,” Piper said.

  Forrest peeled off and walked in the direction of a table of boys who were already eating bread from the baskets. Kate and Piper recorded his presence and his quick passage. They gave me questioning looks

  “I have some news—actually, I have bad news and good news. I’m going to start with the bad news.”

  “That’s the best way to do it,” Piper said. “What’s the bad news?”

  “Forrest and I broke up,” I said.

  Kate clutched her chest and looked alarmed. Piper, too, grimaced as if something tragic had happened.

  “I’m okay, I really am. We decided. It was mutual. I didn’t dump him and he didn’t dump me.”

  “I don’t think you can do that,” Piper said.

  “Yes, you can, and we did.”

  “Are you sooooo sad?” Kate asked.

  Her kind concern was just too much and tears sprang to my eyes. Kate immediately hugged me. I pulled back and finally explained.

  “Forrest was never my real boyfriend,” I said. “It was a favor I did for him.”

  “What kind of favor?” Piper asked.

  “I pretended to be his girlfriend so he could get a break from dating,” I said.

  “OMG, Jemma. You wrote in to the PLS,” Kate said.

  “Yes,” I said. “I’m finally taking your advice. I’m really sorry for lying.”

  “I can’t believe he asked you to do that,” Piper said. “Why did you break up with him if you’re so in love with him?”

  “I didn’t break up with him, remember? We both agreed,” I said, feeling guilty about this white lie.

  Piper stared at me so intently that I broke.

  “Piper, the only thing worse than not knowing if your crush likes you is knowing that he doesn’t,” I said.

  “Forrest likes you,” Piper said. “He put his arm around you at the movies. He was always laughing and making jokes with you. I saw him kiss you!”

  “One time. He never sang a song for me,” I said. It was kind of a dig because I knew Forrest sang for Piper once. But that wasn’t the point.

  “Okay, he liked me but he didn’t like me–like me,” I said. We all knew the difference between a single like and a double like.

  “Gawd, girls, we are all single. Can you believe it?” Piper said.

  “What a way to start the new year,” Kate said.

  Thirty-five

  9:38 p.m.

  2 hours and 22 minutes until midnight

  The wedding tent was as elegant as any place I’d ever been. A chandelier hung over the dance floor of black and white tiles. A big buffet table offered silver tray after silver tray of fancy food. Little blue canisters of flame kept everything warm from underneath. We were seated in a sea of round tables covered in white tablecloths. We had assigned seats, which apparently is how they do it at weddings. We all had been given little cards with our names and table numbers on them.

  But what we hadn’t expected was that Forrest, Brett, and Dylan were also assigned to table 21. It was sweet of Ms. Russo to create this little group of couples. How was she to know all three couples were now kaput? She and Mr. Ford popped by the table during a tour of the room. They were as cheerful as daisies.

  “Thank you all for coming. It means the world to us that our students wanted to come,” Ms. Russo said.

  “We’ll always remember you being here,” Mr. Ford said.

  But when they moved on to the next table of guests, the mood dipped. Piper sulked a little, still miffed at Dylan for breaking it off with her. Dylan, for his part, stared into his plate. Brett and Kate made conversation, not with each other, but with others at the table. Forrest was quiet. He didn’t look at me, and—like Dylan—mostly focused on eating.

  “Hey, I wonder if they’re serving pad thai,” I said, trying to revive an old joke, a shared story.

  Forrest didn’t react and the others didn’t either. They had no idea what I meant. The near silence at our table gave me plenty of time to think about the ungiven Christmas gift. What was it and did it mean he might like me–like me after all?

  Dinner was not pad thai, it was roast chicken. We were hungry, so the table chatter all but disappeared as we ate. None of us reached for the disposable camera in the cent
er, meant for candid photos of the tablemates.

  Just seeing Ms. Russo and Mr. Ford together was a lift though. I watched them float around the room, greeting guests. They were introduced to wild applause before dinner. Then they danced to “What a Wonderful World,” the same old song the DJ played the night of the Backward Dance, when Mr. Ford proposed from the stage. We all toasted them with some bubbly. Not champagne for us, but at least it was sparkling grape juice.

  It was a relief when dinner was over. Forrest quickly exited to hang out with his friends. Mrs. Percy took the mic after dinner and said the wedding cake would be cut a little later. Kate, Piper, and I spent the next couple of hours dancing to nearly every song, except the slow ones, of course. Bet put down her video camera and danced with us for awhile, too. We all took breaks only to get water or more sparkling juice. Finished with her sulking, Piper had no trouble being single. She was asked to dance nearly every time the music slowed for couples. Kate and I clung together during those times. It was then that she told me her secret.

  “Jemma, I feel so terrible, but I have something to admit,” she said.

  “Kate, compared to the Forrest thing, how bad could it be?”

  “Well, remember when the PLS got that question about the Fat or Not list?” Kate said.

  “From Emma Shrewsberry?”

  “It wasn’t from Emma,” Kate said. “It was from me.”

  I was immediately pleased for Emma, but sad for Kate.

  “I can’t believe that. You were really that worried about your weight?” I asked.

  “Yes, Jemma. I wish you understood.”

  I let some silence pass between the two of us. As well as you know your best friend, you don’t know everything.

  “I feel better about things now because I’m eating better and stuff,” Kate said. “I just wanted you to know.”

  I could tell she was embarrassed. I immediately knew what would make her feel better.

  “Well, now we’re even. We both wrote in to the PLS for answers,” I said.

  She smiled at me. Then we both noticed that the music sped up again and the couples were breaking apart.

  Before we could get up, Piper dropped herself into the folding chair between Kate and me.

  “I wonder if Piper has something to confess, too,” Kate asked me.

  “What are we confessing?” Piper said.

  “Nothing,” I said, enjoying this little secret between two best friends.

  Thirty-six

  10:12 p.m.

  1 hour and 48 minutes until midnight

  For a while, we had only our cell phones to help us count the hours and minutes until midnight. Then our school basketball coach took the mic and explained that he was setting up a portable scoreboard clock for the countdown. He also announced that wedding cake was available. A throng of guests, mostly eighth-graders, moved across the wooden floor to grab the first slices from the dessert table.

  I had been occasionally tracking Forrest’s movements during the reception. We hadn’t had any direct contact since dinner, but now I wondered if he’d return to our table to eat cake. I saw him in line ahead of us with Brett and Dylan.

  I purposefully didn’t look in his direction. I wasn’t trying to be mean, it’s just that I thought I would never get over him if I didn’t change my old patterns. Though I had brought it on myself, I was still getting used to the idea that we were no longer a fake couple. I enjoyed my “in a relationship” status and wondered how long it would be before I felt normal as my single self.

  “Girls, girls, there’s someone I’d like you to meet,” Mrs. Percy said.

  “But we were just getting some cake,” I said as she pulled us out of line.

  “Oh, we have the inside track on the cake. We’ll get you some right after,” Mrs. Percy said.

  Mrs. Percy put her arms around us and guided us to her table. She was almost unrecognizable tonight in a periwinkle blue dress that sparkled—nothing like the all-business clothes she wore behind the front counter of the principal’s office. Seated at table 7 was the same woman who’d been sitting next to Mrs. Percy at the wedding ceremony. She wore a lavender pantsuit with a scarf wrapped around her neck in a glamorous way. Large pearl earrings accessorized her look.

  The lavender lady smiled at us and started right in.

  “Oh—I am so pleased to meet you. Just tickled! Please sit down.”

  “Girls,” Mrs. Percy said, “This is my sister, Edith. My older sister.”

  “Oh, thanks a lot, Addie,” she said.

  I looked at Kate and Kate looked at me and we both looked at Piper. This was Edith! Edith—who had first told us we were now members of the Pink Locker Society. Though we only knew her as a voice on the phone, she helped us set everything up and provided that beautiful, newly refurbished office behind our pink locker doors.

  “I don’t even know what to say,” Piper said (and it was rare for Piper to be speechless).

  “It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Kate said.

  “Yeah,” was all I could contribute.

  “I just wanted you to know how proud I am of the way you pulled yourselves up by your bootstraps,” Edith said.

  “You’re not mad at us?” Piper said.

  “Mad? Oh heavens, no. I’m sorry you’ve had to face such … such difficulties,” Edith said with a wary look around the room.

  “Tell them what you want to do, Edith,” Mrs. Percy said.

  “Oh, yes. Well, I think it’s just dreadful that you’re meeting in that awful basement. And it’s dreadful, too, that you have had to skulk around like criminals,” Edith said. “I say let’s get you back in your beautiful office and let’s get the whole PLS out in the open.”

  “I agree with Edith. That whole bookmark affair was just a waste of everyone’s time,” Mrs. Percy said.

  I said I didn’t want everyone to know I was in the PLS and that we met behind the pink locker doors.

  “Oh, of course, dear,” Edith said. “Your identities can remain a secret, and your office must remain a secret. But the PLS exists. Why shouldn’t everyone know that?”

  We all sat there a moment, happy and questioning and a little stunned.

  “No need for immediate action tonight—it’s a party,” Mrs. Percy said. “Let’s reconvene when school gets back into session.”

  “Agreed!” Edith said.

  Then Mrs. Percy told us to “sit tight.” She and Edith disappeared and returned with slabs of white chocolate raspberry mousse cake for each of us. Then they left again and returned with small, steaming cups of tea. It seemed like the fanciest, most grown-up dessert I had ever eaten.

  Earlier, Bet had captured Ms. Russo and Mr. Ford on video. They sliced into the cake with a fancy ribboned knife and then sweetly fed each other bites. When Edith and Mrs. Percy returned to the table, they handed us each an extra slice wrapped in a paper wedding napkin.

  “For under your pillow,” Mrs. Percy said.

  This made absolutely no sense to any of us.

  “You don’t know about that?” Edith asked. “You put the cake under your pillow and you’ll dream about the person you’re going to marry.”

  “A silly old tradition, but you never know,” Mrs. Percy said.

  I wondered if that meant I would dream of Forrest that night. The band struck up another slow tune—no words—but I could pick up on the melody enough to know it was about leaving your heart in San Francisco. I felt a little like I’d left my heart on that bench outside in the winter garden. But I also felt like I had ripped off a bandage. Better to have done it quickly so I could move on.

  Thirty-seven

  11:58 p.m.

  2 minutes until midnight

  Hardly anyone, except a few dullsville teachers, left the wedding early. Why not stick around for the big moment? Balloons, confetti, noisy party horns, and silly hats had been provided. I felt increasing tension as the moment approached. I didn’t want to be anywhere near Forrest at midnight for fear of the awkw
ardness. And I didn’t want to see him get any Happy New Year hugs or kisses from anyone else.

  Piper felt the same way about Dylan, so she and Kate and I agreed we’d hug each other at midnight and then scoot directly outside together.

  “Jemma still hasn’t told us her good news,” Kate said.

  “I completely forgot about that,” Piper said.

  “At midnight, I’ll tell,” I said.

  Inside the tent, it was hard to navigate because so many people positioned themselves on the dance floor to have a clear view of the countdown clock. At one minute, I really started to feel nervous inside. The seconds ticked off so quickly and before I knew it, my two best friends and I were arm in arm counting, “Three, two, one…”

  “Happy New Year!”

  The crowd erupted. It wasn’t quite Times Square, but it sure felt like it to us. Confetti was flying, balloons were dropping, and horns were blowing. The band immediately started playing “Auld Lang Syne,” heavy on the saxophone. The three of us weaved our way through the crowd, picking up a hug here or there, until we finally had a clear path and were again outside in the quiet winter night.

  “Let’s find a falling star and wish on it,” Kate said.

  We looked up at the sky together. What I would wish for, I had no idea. Then suddenly, I knew. It was the perfect wish for a night of new beginnings.

  “I know you’re not supposed to tell people what you wish for, but I’m going to tell you,” I said.

  “Please let it not involve a boy,” Piper said, “I’m just about done with boys.”

  “Yeah, right. We’ll remind you about that at your wedding,” Kate said.

  “What I’m wishing for is that, in five months, I will be the big sister to a healthy, wonderful baby,” I said.

  Kate and Piper reacted as if I’d just won an Olympic gold medal. There was hugging and screaming and more hugging and I started to cry. They were not sad tears or purely happy tears, because I was still unsure about everything. But they were, for sure, hopeful tears.