Licentious

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Licentious Page 6

by Jen Cousineau


  With a sound that mostly resembles a growl, Aedan agrees. “Fine. Let me see what I can do. But,” he adds holding up a single finger, “no promises. Deal?”

  “Deal,” I nod.

  *****

  “Where’s Mom?” I ask Dad as I slowly walk across the living room. The damn crutches are annoying as hell to get used to, not to mention the huge ass boot that’s on my foot and the cast on my wrist and hand. I stop in front of the ugly sofa Mom insists on having and nearly drop down into it. My armpits hurt from these damn things. I guess I can’t complain about it really. Aedan did break me out. Not as soon as I had hoped he would, but they wanted me to stay for another few days, but we talked them into letting me out five days after waking up. Helped that I threatened that I as eighteen now so I could leave anytime. Dad wasn’t thrilled, but he came around.

  Dad shrugs. “Not sure. I haven’t seen her since the hospital.”

  Huh.

  Aedan comes down the stairs with a pillow and my comforter. “Here. You should probably get comfy down here until your ankle feels a bit better.”

  “No. I’m just resting for a sec, and then I’m going to my room,” I tell him with a slight shake of my head. No way am I passing up my comfortable bed for this ugly, hard sofa.

  “Honey,” Dad starts as he squats down in front of me, so our eyes are locked to each other’s, “are you sure that’s a good idea? I think—”

  “Dad,” I interrupt him, “I need to be in my room right now.”

  “Why?” His forehead creases. “Why are you so determined to go in there?”

  “It’s the only way I can think of to be close to her again,” I tell him honestly. Sadness washes over me. “I need to be close to her,” I whisper, my eyes closing as I focus on not crying until I can be alone. I just need to be alone with Eve.

  “I don’t think—”Aedan starts.

  “I have to, okay? Just let me do what I need to, please,” I nearly beg.

  “Fine,” Aedan replies gruffly, “but a deal is a deal. We talk first, and then you can go up there if you want.” He steels himself in front of me, an invisible armored mask covers his face, his biceps flexing involuntarily as he crosses his arms.

  Ugh. I have to do this right away? I don’t know if I can. I can’t handle the repercussions of what I am withholding. What if it breaks him?

  “Dad,” Aedan turns his attention to Dad, “can you give us a minute?”

  “I don’t—”

  “Please,” he cuts him off and gives him a stare that I can’t seem to understand. Dad nods once, and his shoulders sag slightly before he turns and disappears out of the room.

  Aedan moves to sit next to me, his hand finding mine giving it a gentle squeeze—in hopes to let me know that it’s time to start talking, I’m sure. I tip my head back, eyes to the ceiling and I take a few deep breaths. I have to do this. Eve deserves justice. Time to put my big girl panties on and get it over with. Ugh.

  “There’s only one thing that I haven’t told Kellan or you. Anyone actually,” I start, refusing to turn my gaze anywhere but on the ugly bumps in the texture of the ceiling paint. Aedan’s hand tightens slightly on mine before relaxing once again. “They knew you,” I whisper as fear encompasses me completely.

  I feel every bit of where Aedan’s body touches against mine, and I feel him stiffen to granite.

  “What do you mean?” he gasps, anger laced in his words.

  “They said… Vinny said… it was a message for you.” Tears streak down my face. I know this is going to kill him. It kills me to know that I have to tell him. Eve deserves this. She deserves to rest knowing that these assholes will be brought down. But at Aedan’s expense? I’m not sure it’s worth it. Aedan’s still alive, and I have no idea how this will truly affect him.

  I shake my head back and forth a few times, swallowing the sobs that rest in the back of my throat, and try to remember the words that Vinny said.

  “What?” Aedan chokes. “What message?”

  “I…”

  “What message?” he growls as he leans forward, fisting his hands together against his mouth, resting his elbows on his knees.

  “That they warned you. That Tony and Vinny warned you. That’s all they said, I swear. It didn’t make any sense. There wasn’t really a message,” I tell him. Confusion fills me once again as I try to make sense of it all, and then I remember something else. “He kept saying that I was going to be okay. Like… he knew… he knew that I was going to survive. Not us… me,” I tell him as my eyes continue to take in the site before me. Seeing him shaking with anger while tears stroll freely down his face, is as if another knife is being pushed into me. My heart is shattering just a little more.

  He suddenly jumps up from the seat next to me. He turns his body and kneels down in front of me. His hand is still connected to mine as he brings his other hand up to frame my face. Tears are running their course down both of our faces. Pain radiates from his eyes while anger increases the rapidness of his breathing.

  “You did good,” he assures me with a small nod and a smile. “I have to go look through old case files. Kellan wrote in his report that their names were Vinny and Tony. Are you positive of that?” he asks. I nod in confirmation. “I just don’t recognize the names. I have to go to the office, let them know, and try to figure out who they are,” he tells me as he leans in and kisses my forehead before standing and walking quickly to the front door. Stopping before he crosses the threshold to the outside world, he turns his gaze back to me. “I’m proud of you, Jo,” he whispers before turning and walking out, closing the door behind him.

  If I did good, why do I feel like I just made things worse? I rub my eyes free of any evidence of my tears before yelling to Dad. “I’m going to go take a nap.” I stand from the atrocity of a couch and reach for the damn crutches before heading to the stairs. This will be fun.

  “Do you need help, Joey?” my dad asks as he suddenly appears behind me. I didn’t even know he came into the room.

  “No, I’m good.” I force him a smile. “I can manage, but I’m tired. I need to lay down for a bit.”

  “Okay,” he says as he nods as he slips his hands into his pants pockets. His eyes have a stare-off with the carpeting.

  I turn and start to work on mastering the art of going upstairs with crutches. “Hey, Jo?” Dad stops me, his hand resting on my forearm. I turn my head back toward him. The standing is actually more painful and exhausting than I thought it would be. “I’m glad you’re home, honey. And… uh,” he pauses, scratching his face with his fingers, “I’m here,” he whispers. I force him a smile. I know this is just as hard for him as it is for me. And I love my dad even more knowing that he’d do anything to make this all go away, to make it better.

  I lean over and kiss his cheek. “I know, Dad. And I love you for it.” I smile before turning back to slowly work my way up to my room.

  Chapter Eight

  After getting up the damn stairs, I stayed leaning up against the doorframe for what seemed like forever. Each time I thought I could do it, my emotions got the best of me, and I would freeze with my hand on the door knob.

  I hold my breath with my eyes closed as I turn the knob. The door swings open, and I take a breath. I can smell the perfume she had spritzed on right before we left for the contest. I can hear her light laughter when we were getting ready together for our night out as official adults. God, that laugh. I’ll never hear that laugh again.

  I slowly open my eyes and instantly inhale a sharp breath. It’s all the same. Just as we left it. Except, I no longer smell her perfume. Her laugh isn’t hanging in the air. I hesitantly move past the threshold and slowly make my way over to Eve’s bed. I’m surprised Mom hasn’t packed her shit up already. My eyes take in every aspect, memorizing as many details as possible.

  The walls are a medium hued grey. Posters of hot men cloud her walls, where mine are of musicians and my favorite bands. Her multi-colored striped comforter is tangled into a
ball on top of her bright blue sheets on her bed. Her school bag was still resting where she threw it after school. Clothes littered her side of the room, where my side, not a thing was out of place. My light yellow and white down comforter forms to the mattress perfectly.

  A framed picture on Eve’s black nightstand next to her bed catches my eye. It’s from our sixteenth birthday. We were in front of our new beater car that Dad and Aedan gave us to share—a dark blue Saturn that we, uh... I still drive today. Smiles and surprise filling our faces as we embrace each other in shock, our foreheads are pressed together. The picture was captured at the perfect moment. Both of us were oblivious as we were captured in mid-jump from us hopping up and down in excitement.

  Tears slowly make their way down my face as I reach for the frame. Holding it in my hands, I stare at Eve’s face. My fingertips roam over her smile. I close my eyes and try to remember that day. Images of Eve helpless and in pain taint my memories of her. My eyes open wide in shock. I slowly crumple into a ball in Eve’s bed, pain radiating through me as I cry for my other half. Cry for my guilt of not being able to save her, to help her. I remember the fear and pain she endured while taking her last breaths. “It’s so unfair, Eve,” I cry softly into the room, hugging the picture to my chest. “Eve,” I whimper as my eyes start to droop, darkness takes over.

  *****

  “Eve,” I cry. “Eve!” Her eyelids flutter before one eye barely sneaks a peek of that beautiful cerulean blue my way. I hear her groan in agony as tears spill down her tan, dirty cheeks.

  “They’re gone,” I sigh in relief. “But we have to get out of here.” Her eye flutters closed as she begins to take more shallow breaths. “Eve,” I cry as I shake her with my hands balled into a giant fist. Pain radiating through my right hand and arm. “Eve!”

  Her eye barely opens, “Joey,” she mumbles. “I love you,” she forces a pained smile.

  “Don’t. Don’t talk like that,” I say. Each breath is becoming harder to take than the last. “We need to get help. We need to get out of here.” I choke on a sob threatening to break free.

  “Shh. Joey,” she swallows loudly, “you’re going… to do… great… things,” she says between broken breaths.

  “No. We! Eve, we!” I yell at her as my cries begin to takeover. “Eve… you’re my other half,” I end on a whisper.

  A small smile tips her lips. “You’re my… better… half. Love… you,” she breathes, tears spill over the edge of her good eye before I don’t see that beautiful blue anymore.

  “Eve!” I scream out as my body shoots up in bed. Sharp pains are taking over on both sides of my ribcage, stealing my breath away. “Fuck!” I wince as I try to catch my breath.

  “Joey?” Aedan calls out as he walks into the now darkened room.

  How long have I been sleeping? “Hey,” I whisper back.

  “You okay?” he asks as he makes his way to Eve’s bed and sits down next to me.

  How can I be okay? I’m far from being fucking okay. I just nod my head and force a smile.

  “No work tonight?” I ask puzzled. Normally, Aedan works the road on third shift. Looking at the clock across the room on Eve’s dresser, it’s clearly after eleven at night. I embrace the genuine smile I feel creeping on my face.

  “What?” Aedan asks as he softly bumps his shoulder against mine.

  “I remember when Dad made us move the alarm clock across the room because we always kept hitting the snooze or turning it off. God, we were always late for school.” I laugh sadly at the memory.

  “Yeah. He made me do the same thing. Until I walked over half asleep and ripped it right out of the wall.” He laughs. “I woke up to a bucket of cold water that day.”

  Our laughter dies down, and I rest my head on his shoulder.

  “You wanna jam?” he asks with the sound of hope filling his voice.

  “Nah,” I whisper. “I think I’m going to take a break from it for a while,” I tell him as my eyes stare into space.

  “You’re too good to give up, Jo. Don’t—”

  “Aedan, please… don’t.”

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Sore.” I shrug.

  “Yeah. That’ll take some time,” he responds quietly.

  “Thanks, captain obvious.” I smile. “So… no work tonight?” I ask again.

  “Yeah, guess not,” he shrugs. Irritation laces his words.

  “What?” I ask as my hand clasps his arm.

  “It’s nothing,” he says angrily.

  “I call bullshit.” I deadpan. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “I’m not allowed to help on the case. They, uh… caught me earlier looking through old reports,” he pauses, swallowing audibly.

  “Okay…?”

  “I’m on paid administrative leave. Captain doesn’t think I can follow orders and steer clear or some shit,” he snarls.

  “Wait,” I grip his arm a bit tighter, “I’m confused. They said they knew you, so somehow, this was to send you a message. Why wouldn’t they let you help?”

  “It’s all about the fucking tape,” he growls as he rubs his left hand down over his face.

  “Tape? They recorded it?” I shriek.

  I can feel Aedan’s shoulder begin to shake with what I can only assume is silent laughter.

  “Ugh! I’m serious Aedan! It’s not funny!” I swat his arm as I scold him.

  “I’m sorry.” He chuckles. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly, shaking his head slightly back and forth. “You’re right, it’s not funny. The idea that they could’ve royally pisses me off,” he spits. “The PD has their own regulations in events like this. Being I’m a family member, I’m obligated to share whatever I can that will help them build a case and discover leads, but I’m not allowed to be actively involved. Basically, they interview me, and contact me with questions anytime they have them, but I can’t help,” he says as if he’s reading it right from a rule book. “I can’t help,” he whispers, his voice cracking. He leans forward, causing me to lose my headrest, and then I hear him trying to muffle his cries. The bed slightly shakes from his sobs. “I can’t help,” he mumbles again.

  My heart breaks seeing how torn he is about this. Those monsters stole my sister from us. They killed me. I may be here, but inside, I feel like I’m dead. But now… now they’re hurting my brother. Tears fill my eyes as another piece of me quietly dies inside of me. My big, strong, outgoing brother is breaking down in front of me for the first time since I can ever remember.

  “Aedan,” I whisper as I slightly lean forward trying to wrap my arms around him. The pain causes me to wince and hold my breath. I sit back and softly rub my hand over his back in a back and forth motion. “It’s okay, Aedan. You tried.”

  “I-I went through… everything I could think of. I searched their names, nothing,” he whispers defeated. “Nothing came up with those names, not even Vincent or Anthony. That’s when the captain came in, and I couldn’t go any further.” He shakes his head before dropping it to his chest and allows the cries to consume him. “Joey,” he whimpers, “I’m… I’m so so-sorry.”

  “Aedan, it’s not your fault!” I nearly shout at him. I’m pissed that anyone has made him feel this way. Including me. I am partially to blame in this.

  “I can’t fix this, Joey. I can’t,” he shakes his head, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

  “Can you work from the sidelines? Can you think of anyone that might have a vendetta against you?” I fire off questions at him.

  “Jesus, Joey.” He signs. “I’m a cop,” he says firmly as he stands up and holds his arms out to his sides. “I piss everyone off who I have to write a ticket or haul to jail. Even if I don’t want to, the law says I have to. My job pisses a lot of people off. It can be anybody, Jo,” he says defeated.”

  “So, Kellan’s on the case?” I try to change the subject but still try to find some answers.

  “No. He’s lead detective for the department. But being, the so-called messa
ge you were given pertains to me, DCI has taken over the investigation.”

  “I don’t understand. DCI?”

  “Department of Criminal Investigation,” he says almost annoyed as he takes a seat on the bed, resting his head in his hands. “This is now considered an internal case because somehow, I’m involved. So they took over the case, but Kellan will be kept in the loop.”

  “Well, that’s shit! Kellan may be your best friend, but he’s a by the book kinda cop,” I say in aggravation. “Fuck,” I mutter as I slowly lay back down, sinking my body into Eve’s bed.

  “Shit, Joey,” he mutters, “I know that. My hands are fucking tied.”

  “I’m sorry, Aedan. But you tried. That’s what matters, you know that, right?” Silence. “Right?”

  “Yeah. Right. I’m going to head to bed, do you need anything?” he asks as he stands up and turns toward me.

  “Nah, I’m good. You sure you’re okay?” I ask him, worry fills me to my core. His forehead is creased, anger filling his face, his body stiff with tension, unshed tears clouding his eyes.

  “Yep,” he nods once. “Jo?” he nearly asks as he kneels down to the floor at the side of the bed. “No matter what, I love you. And I’m so… fucking proud of you,” he says between clenched teeth, almost as if he’s in pain.

  “Aedan…”I shake my head confused.

  “I-I just wanted you to know that I’m proud of you. You fought like hell, and that took balls. I’m, I’m just proud of you. And I love you,” one corner of his mouth tips up just slightly as he says it, softening the edges of his face. He leans over and kisses my forehead before standing and walking toward the door.

  “Aedan?” I whisper.

  “Hmm?” I hear him say as I see his silhouette turn in the dark.

  “I love you, too.”

  Chapter Nine

  I wake up to the sun shining brightly through the bright green sheer curtains Eve had picked out when we decorated the room. I slowly stretch out my arms and legs as carefully as I can to try to prevent any unnecessary pain to my body.

 

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