His hands cupped my cheeks and as his warm, wet lips consumed every part of my mouth, a whimper escaped my throat. Then, he pulled back and looked into my eyes. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to hear that?”
I shook my head slightly, causing a slight grin to form on his face. It quickly faded and as the intensity in his expression grew, he studied every part of my face and hair. Savoring me. Appreciating me. Loving me.
He slipped his hands under my shirt and slowly brought it up, as his hands brushed over the bare skin underneath it. I lifted my hands in the air, allowing him to remove it and drop it to the floor. Goosebumps prickled my body from the cool air on my skin. His hands moved down my back and in one smooth motion, he lifted me up as if I weighed no more than an ounce. My legs crossed around his waist and my arms around his neck.
He walked to the bed and slowly, effortlessly, laid me down onto it. He began to kiss my neck and chest, then smoothly unbuttoned my pants and removed them as if he had done it a thousand times before. As I fumbled with his belt, I began to worry about how much more experience he had than I did. I pushed his jeans down as far as I could, then we removed them the rest of the way with our feet.
His warm hand on my stomach slowly moved down under the hem of my underwear, and in an instant, I was no longer cold. My skin was on fire. My heart was coming out of my chest. I needed him, but there was something he needed to know first.
My hand grabbed his wrist. “I’ve never done this before,” I blurted out.
“Never done what?” he absently responded as he continued to kiss me. A second later, he stopped as the realization of the meaning behind my words swept through his expression. He looked at me, confused beyond belief. “Are you serious? But I thought…Really?”
I nodded. “Is that a problem?”
He examined me as if he were seeing me for the first time. His gaze moved from my hair, to my eyes, to my lips, then wandered around the room. “Yeah, it is. We can’t. We have to stop.”
He began to move off me, but I held him tight. “Why?”
“Look at this place. Your first time can’t be in some sleazy motel, Liv. You deserve so much better than that.”
“Where it happens doesn’t matter to me, Logan.” I brought my lips to his ear and lightly kissed his earlobe. “Who it’s with matters,” I whispered as I trailed a path of kisses down his neck. “And I want you, Logan. I want it to be with you. Right now. Don’t stop.”
He strongly exhaled, losing all control. “Ahh, fuck.”
His impatient lips pressed against my neck as he unclasped and removed my bra, then flung it somewhere. I tugged his boxer briefs down, and he removed them the rest of the way. Then he pressed against me through the thin fabric of my underwear. I panted heavily, waiting for him to remove them, but to my dismay, he stopped.
“Stay here,” he commanded.
Where exactly did he think I would go? I watched as he left the bed and walked over to his coat. He removed a small, square packet from the inside pocket just before I heard it rip open. Had he been planning this? When he finished, he came back to me, and swiftly removed my panties.
I readily waited as he brought his body above mine. I should’ve been more nervous, more afraid, but with him it was as though all the stars had aligned in the sky, waiting for this moment to happen. All I felt was anticipation. The mixture of love and desire in his piercing eyes, as his face hovered above me, mixed with the feel of his warm body between my thighs made my stomach quiver.
“Are you sure?” he whispered.
I nodded. “Yes.” I never wanted anything more.
He studied my eyes, my hair, my lips, savoring every part of this moment. His gaze stayed focused on mine when he gently, cautiously entered me. I took a deep breath in and squeezed my nails into his back from the pain. His eyes flooded with warmth as he leaned down and began kissing my neck.
“Are you okay?” he breathed in a low, husky voice.
“M-hmm,” I whispered. “Please don’t stop.”
As he slowly continued, the pain started to decrease. Then, after a few more moments, it was joined by intense, erogenous pleasure. The mixture of pleasure and pain felt incredible.
A faint moan freed itself from my throat as I began to let go. The more we moved, the heavier my breaths became. Finally relaxed to a point where I no longer felt restrained, I let go of my tight grasp and moved my hands to his hips, instinctively helping to guide the rhythm of our collective motion
“Oh...God…Liv,” Logan husked as his thrusts quickened. Sensing my lack of restraint, he pushed himself into me harder, and faster, as his own self-control dissipated. The pain was still there slightly, but I didn’t care. The feeling of him finally being this close, outweighed it a million times over.
“I need to see you,” he urged. “Open your eyes.”
I looked into his exquisite eyes and when I saw their intensity, I could no longer contain myself. “Oh Logan,” I breathed as the build-up inside of me finally erupted.
In one last motion, he glided into me and stayed there for a moment, his arms trembling as he let out one last moan. Every muscle in my body relaxed as our movement slowed. Finally, he collapsed on top of me and rested his hot, damp head on my chest. We both breathed quickly and heavily, waiting for our hearts to go back to a normal pace. I wanted him to stay this close forever.
“Holy fuck,” he declared. He pulled away and moved himself beside me, looking up at the ceiling. “Holy fuck,” he said again, causing me to smile.
“Yeah,” I sighed. After several minutes, I continued. “You say fuck a lot.”
He smiled contently at me as he took my hand and brought it to his lips and gently kissed my fingers. “Yeah, well, I’ve never felt anything like that before.”
Knowing all about his past exploits, I gave him a curious expression. “Huh?”
“Nothing like that,” he repeated. “I’m serious.”
After several silent moments, he moved to his side, placing his arm under the pillow that his head was resting on, and he looked at me with serious eyes. “Liv, I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never wanted another human being as much as I want you. And I don’t just mean like this. I want to make you happy.”
He lifted himself up so that he was resting on his elbow. With his other hand, he traced his fingers down my jawline to my chin, holding my gaze on his. “I don’t know what it is, but being with you just feels good. It feels right. It’s better than any-fucking-thing I’ve ever known.”
My body turned to the side to face him. “Why are you so nice to me? I’ve been so mean.”
He hesitated. “Because I love you. And you’re not mean—don’t ever say that. You’re fucking amazing.”
It was the third time he said those three words. Our eyes locked, and he brought his face to mine, gently grazing my lips with his. I smiled as he rested his head on my pillow and kissed my shoulder.
“Thank you for the birthday present,” I said.
“Is that what you call it?”
I laughed. “Presents! I mean all of them. At school. It meant a lot to me.”
He smiled. “Can I ask you something?”
“You just did.”
He chuckled. “Smart ass. Why did you think I was going to leave you back there at the gas station? You have to know I wouldn’t do that.”
My smile faded as I shifted onto my back and stared blankly at the ceiling. “I don’t know. It was just a feeling, I guess.” I wanted to tell him that everyone leaves eventually; it was just a matter of time. I wanted to say that there’s no getting around that inevitable fact, no matter how hard we would try to fight it, but I knew he’d brush it off or deny it for my sake. “I just got the feeling your time with me was done.”
For some reason, my stomach turned when I said it. I peeked at him before turning back to face him. He glared at me, perplexed. “My time with you will never be done. No matter what happens. I’ll never be done with you, Liv,”
he sighed. “You don’t look happy.”
“Being with you makes me happy, Logan.” I moved so that my head rested on his chest and my arm hugged his middle. “I am happy with you.” It was only a half-lie. In truth, being with him made me happier than anything. But it was a bittersweet happiness because from this moment on, it would be overshadowed by the wait and wonder of when and how our relationship would dissolve.
Chapter Twenty-One
The room vibrated. Rattling from the pictures on the walls grabbed me, pulling me out of my dream state. The train felt as though it was directly behind the motel. I didn’t remember seeing any train tracks last night, but then again, it was dark and my mind was on other things. As I laid still with my eyes closed, the rumble and roar dissipated until it was gone completely.
Slowly, as I evolved into a state of consciousness, I became aware of the heat radiating from Logan’s abdomen onto my back, the arm blanketing my shoulder, and the legs tangled up in mine. His bare skin on mine immersed me in serenity. I breathed in the scent of aftershave, sweat, and Logan as I stretched, and when I exhaled, a small hum came out of my throat. I could get used to this.
I weaved his limp fingers in mine and brought them to my lips. From the dim blue light that came through the cracks on the edges of the closed window drapes, it appeared to be just after dawn.
“Mmm.” he moaned as I gently kissed each fingertip.
“Good morning,” I whispered.
“Mornin’,” he mumbled just before he placed a gentle kiss between my shoulder blades. He kissed my shoulder then rested his head back on his pillow.
I brought his hand to my cheek and gently squeezed his arm to my chest. Being this close to him was better than anything I had dreamed of, and I never wanted to let go. My heavy eyes closed, and I drifted back into my dreams. Nothing could ruin this perfect moment.
*
I awoke to Bear Grylls giving survival tips on the TV. Fresh shampoo and steam saturated the air. Fully rested, I opened my eyes and turned over to see Logan sitting on the bed next to me, with wet hair and nothing on but a towel wrapped around his waist. Cracks of bright light came through the drapes, and I looked over at the digital clock on the nightstand which read 9:23AM.
He leaned down and touched his smooth, warm lips on my forehead. “Morning, sleepyhead.”
I smiled, then turned to face the TV. “What’s that crazy guy eating this time?”
Logan chuckled. “You don’t wanna know.”
“You showered.”
“I did. I was going to wake you to join me, but you looked so peaceful, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
“Oh.” Heat emanated from my cheeks. Why was I embarrassed all of a sudden?
“Do you know how beautiful you are when you’re sleeping?”
“You mean silent and docile? Thanks a lot.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” He looked up in thought. “Actually…come to think of it…”
“Oh please, silent and docile would bore the crap out of you!” I defended.
He laughed. “Yeah, you’re right. Your spunk is one of the reasons I love you.”
It was the fourth time he told me he loved me. My smile faded. Why couldn’t I say it to him? Concern joined his entertained expression.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything,” he assured me as if he read my thoughts. His warm hand slipped under mine, and he brought my hand to his lips, kissing every one of my knuckles as his incredible eyes gazed into my soul.
“I want you to kiss me,” I whispered. The corners of his lips turned upward as he brought his face to mine and enclosed his mouth around mine, causing me to breathe in sharply through my nose.
“Mmm, you smell good,” I breathed. I didn’t think I could ever get enough of his intoxicating scent. Suddenly, I stopped kissing him. “And I probably stink. I should get in the shower.”
“You smell amazing,” he said as he kissed my neck.
Ignoring his comment, I sat up and started to wrap the sheet around me, but he was sitting on it. I gave it a tug as I gave him a smile. “’Scuse me.”
“You don’t need this, do you?” he teased, pointing to the sheet.
“Yes, I need it.”
He grudgingly removed himself from the bed allowing me to wrap the sheet around myself. I felt his eyes on me as I wandered around the room in search of each article of my clothing. Once I found them all, I headed to the bathroom.
“I can help you in there, you know,” he announced.
I grinned as I turned to face him. “I think I can manage.” My smile faded and my heart skipped a beat when I saw the way he looked at me as he stood with his thumb tucked inside the fold of his towel.
Those eyes.
Any thought I had of being anywhere but in his arms immediately disappeared.
He noticed my hesitation. One corner of his mouth turned up as he slowly walked toward me. I remained frozen until his fingers on my chin ignited the familiar spark that only he could light.
How does he do that?
With his soft lips moving in perfect harmony with mine, his hands grazed my neck and moved down my shoulders, finally settling on my delicate fingers which were holding my clothes in one hand and the sheet to my body in the other. My clothes dropped to the floor as he took control of the hand which was holding them and moved it to his lower back. My breath intensified in anticipation of what I knew he would do next.
“But you already took a shower,” I managed to say.
I felt him smile against my lips, but he didn’t say anything in response to my comment. Instead, he took my other hand, causing the sheet to float smoothly to the floor, and he led me to the shower.
*
Saddened by the fact that we had to leave so soon, I slipped my shoes on, then watched Logan as he dressed.
“Can we stay here forever?” I asked.
He smiled. “We can do whatever you want.” He put his shirt on then looked around the room. “Can we pick a different place to stay forever, though?” He put his hand up to his mouth as if he were about to tell me a secret. “This place is kinda sleazy.”
I laughed. “I don’t care where we go. I’ll go anywhere with you.”
My phone chimed from the end table, indicating a text.
“Will you hand that to me?” I asked. “It’s probably my mom.”
He picked it up and looked at it before handing it to me. “Who’s Tyler?”
Oh shit.
I took my phone from him and looked at the text.
Change of plans, won’t be there til 9pm 2nite.
“Liv, who’s Tyler?”
My heart sped up. I wasn’t going to lie to him. “Promise you won’t be mad?”
“Just tell me who it is.”
I reminded myself that he loved me and the only way this would work was for us both to be honest with each other. “It’s the guy from Rain.” He looked at me, confused. “The one you got in a fight with.”
His jaw clenched tightly. “How did he get your number?”
Oh shit.
“I gave it to him. I ran into him yesterday morning at the coffee shop by school.”
“What does he want?” His fists gripped tightly by his sides.
“You look mad, Logan.” I nervously stepped toward him and wrapped my arms around his body. My cheek found a place on his chest. “Please don’t be mad at me.”
The tension in his muscles relaxed. “I’m not mad, just tell me why he’s texting you.”
“We have plans tonight. He’s just letting me know that the time has changed.”
He stepped back and gently pushed me away from him. “Why would you want to make plans with someone who tried to beat the shit out of me?”
I took a deep breath. “Logan, you were the one who jumped him, remember?”
He stared at me as if I were a lunatic. “It’s okay. It’s fine. Just tell him you can’t make it. Actually, tell him you won’t be able to see him. E
ver.”
The controlling tone in his voice caught me off guard and immediately put me on the defense. “What? Why?”
“Because you’re with me now.”
“So that means I’m not allowed to have friends?”
“Not boyfriends.”
“What about friends that are boys?”
“No way,” he said, irritated.
“You can’t be serious. What about Matt? Or Isaac?”
“No, Liv! Nobody!”
Now I was getting mad. “You can’t tell me what to do, Logan. You’re acting crazy!”
“Liv, you are not hanging around guys. Guys do not want to be your friend,” he said condescendingly. “Guys want to fuck you.”
My jaw hit the floor. Completely shocked, I had nothing to give in response to his brutal, insensitive comment, except for the tears that stung my eyes.
Oh my God, it’s starting already. Please tell me it’s not happening so soon!
Reality set in that this very moment may be the beginning of the end. When he saw my expression, remorse swept through his. “Shit, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yes, you did.” I whispered. “Is that what you think of me?” Anger built up inside me as a coping mechanism, sweeping away the sadness, and my voice strengthened. “Is that what I am to you, Logan? A conquest?”
“No, of course not. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”
“Save your apologies. I don’t believe you!” I had enough apologies from my father to last a lifetime. When I was younger, they came frequently, but now it only came once a year in the form of a birthday card. Apologies were nothing more than empty words.
I took my coat and wrapped myself in it just before bolting outside. I ran to my room to get my purse. Then, I remembered. I had nowhere to run to. Having no reason to chase me since we both knew I needed him to get home, Logan stayed in his room.
The Fine Line Page 16