by HELEN HARDT
“What do you think we do in the gym?”
“I don’t know. Swat each other with wet towels in the locker room?”
“Hmm. I thought better of you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re stereotyping me. I never did that to you.”
“You called me a nerd.”
“Correction. You called you a nerd. I believe my words were ‘who said you were a nerd?’”
She cocked her head. Damn if he wasn’t right. Did he really not consider her a nerd?
“Look, I never thought you were a nerd, Kath. And I never thought you were ugly all those years ago. I know I said some mean things. Like I said, I was a stupid punk. I’ve learned a lot since then. Learned a lot from you, actually.”
She huffed. “You haven’t given me a glance since then.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I’ve noticed you a lot. Especially this year. You’ve grown up, Kath. You’ve grown into a very beautiful woman.”
An anvil dropped to her gut. He was playing her. She knew it. But why?
“Does Michelle know you go around telling other girls they’re beautiful?”
“Michelle doesn’t care what I do. She has no say in what I do.”
“She’s been your girlfriend forever.”
“Since tenth grade. Not forever.”
“You’re getting married.”
“Who said that?”
“She did. You forget—I’m on the yearbook and newspaper staff. I know what all the seniors wrote for their plans for the future. She wrote, ‘marry Brett and have kids.’”
Kathryn shook her head. Such a lofty goal…what could one expect from the head cheerleader who had cotton candy for brains? Michelle Bates was another one of the beautiful people who never lowered herself to talk to Kathryn. Not that it mattered much. Michelle was hardly what she wanted in a friend.
Neither was Brett Falcone.
“We might get married,” Brett said. “I don’t know.”
“You didn’t hand in a goal sheet for the yearbook,” Kathryn said. Why she remembered that, who knew?
“No.” He cleared his throat. “Not yet.”
“It’s almost March. We go to print in a few weeks. You better get it in.”
“Yeah. I suppose so. Look, about that soda—”
“I can’t. But thanks.”
“Okay. Next time maybe.”
Right. “Maybe. I’ve got to go. I’ll see you here Monday after school.”
“Sure you can’t do it tomorrow?”
“Positive.”
“Okay then.” He shrugged. “Monday it is.” He sauntered out of the room and down the hallway.
Kathryn gathered her books—and her nerves—and walked down the hallway to Mr. Phillips’s office. She peeked her head in, told him the first session had gone well, left the building and walked the three blocks to her home.
Her skin was hot, and then cold. Sweat covered her brow, and her heart thundered.
Damn. Now was not a good time to be coming down with a virus. She inhaled, then threw her backpack on the counter and reached into the refrigerator for a soda. She downed half of it before she realized she was still remembering Brett’s touch on her lower lip.
Chapter Four
Carefully Kathryn unfolded the weathered note.
“I’ve been carrying that around for twenty years,” Brett said.
Kathryn’s skin chilled. Sparks settled low in her gut and rushed between her legs as she began to read.
Dear Kath,
I wish I knew where you were, how you’re doing. I wish I knew why you left. I thought we had something special. I know it was special to me, at least.
I got the grade I needed in Math thanks to you. I’m going to college in the fall. Michelle and I are getting married tomorrow. She wants to live in an apartment off campus. We’re not having a big wedding. Just family at the courthouse. Then we’ll find an apartment and college will start in month.
There’s only one problem. I don’t want to marry Michelle, Kath. I only want to marry one girl.
But she’s gone. I have no way to find her. I’ve tried everything. I went to your house tonight. I begged your mom to tell me where you are. She wouldn’t.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you, of our time together. I don’t regret a second of it and I hope you don’t either. I wish I had told you I love you. I do, you know.
Maybe one day I won’t miss you so much. I hope so, because it’s too hard.
I wish you the best of everything.
Brett
Tears clouded Kathryn’s vision. “You never said you were in love with me.”
“I didn’t realize it until you left me.”
“I didn’t leave you, Brett. We were never officially together.”
“I was in love with you, Kath. Desperately in love with you.”
“You were eighteen. What did you know about love?”
“I knew what I felt for you was different than what I felt for Michelle.”
“Then why did you marry her?”
He shook his head. “Everyone expected it. I wish I had a better explanation. I thought you were lost to me forever. It’s always been you, Kath.”
Wow. What could she say to that? That she still dreamed of his kisses twenty years later? That being held in his arms had been better than being held in any other man’s? That making love for the first time, which should have been the awkward coupling of two virgins, had evoked images and emotion she hadn’t seen or felt since?
God knew, that was all true. But she couldn’t tell him. There was too much baggage. Too much he didn’t know. She folded the note and handed it back to him.
He pushed her hand away. “Keep it. It’s yours.” He sighed. “You can’t tell me you didn’t feel anything. You can’t tell me our time together meant nothing to you. You’re not like that. You were never like that. You wouldn’t have done what we did if you didn’t feel something.”
True enough. She’d loved him. Loved him like she’d never loved anyone before or since, not even Danny. Hell, especially not Danny. She’d settled. She’d given up trying to recapture what she’d felt with Brett. She’d wanted a child. Desperately wanted a child. Marriage was necessary, and Danny had been a great candidate—intelligent, a doctor, nice-looking. Who could have asked for more?
She had cared for him. It had hurt to break up.
But she hadn’t felt the soul-wrenching connection, the oneness, that she’d felt with only one person.
The man sitting across from her now.
“Aren’t you going to talk to me?”
She nibbled on her lower lip.
He spoke again. “This is a dream come true, seeing you again. You dropped off the planet and I thought I’d finally resigned myself to it being over. But you’ve always been in my mind, Kath. Never far from my heart.”
“I don’t know what to say to you, Brett.”
He reached across the table and took her right hand in his left, rubbed her palm with his thumb.
“Just say you’re happy to see me.” He smiled.
“Of course I’m happy to see you.” She fidgeted, hoping her hand wasn’t too sweaty in his. “I just never expected to hear you say those words.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that. It’s the God’s honest truth, but I should have gone slower. I’m sorry.”
She smiled through trembling lips. “You have nothing to apologize for. You’re very sweet, and I loved hearing all of it.”
“Good. Glad I didn’t scare you away.”
“You didn’t.” He couldn’t. “I just never thought I’d see you again.”
“You came back.”
“Yeah, but I came back to a different suburb from where we grew up. I had no idea you’d be here.”
“Fate, I guess.” He squeezed the hand he still held. “Luck.”
“Maybe. What brought you up here, anyway?”
“Work. I start
ed my own construction company a few years ago and last year I partnered up with a guy I’d worked under a while back. He had some ideas, and coming up here seemed to work well. Once Michelle and I separated I didn’t need to stay in Edgewood, so here I am.”
“Does Zoe live with you full time?”
“Yeah, she does. It worked out better that way. Since I own my own business, my schedule is more flexible than Michelle’s. She goes with Michelle on the weekends.”
“And your older girls?”
“Candy’s nineteen and in her first year of college. Evie lives with Michelle. She wanted to stay at school with her friends.”
“Makes sense. Has it been hard on Zoe, being separated from her big sisters?”
“She’s acclimated. Kids are great like that.”
“Yeah, they are. But Maya really misses Danny. He lives in Cleveland and drives down to pick her up every weekend, but it’s hard.”
“Divorce is always hard.”
“He gave me a hard time about moving back here, but I needed to. Geez, it’s been so long since I’ve been here. I never came back after I left.”
“I know. I looked for you for a while. I eventually gave up.”
She shook her head, still fingering the note in her hands. “I can’t believe you looked for me.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I was married to Michelle and I was always faithful. Even if I’d found you, I still would have been faithful. I just needed to know you were okay. I always wondered.”
Kathryn swallowed a lump in her throat. All this time, she had been running, trying to make peace with her past. She hadn’t given a thought to what her leaving might have done to Brett. “God, Brett, I’m so sorry.”
“For what?”
“For leaving you hanging.” Her eyes misted.
“Hey.” He squeezed her hand. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t. I’m more upset with myself for being so self-centered.”
“You were never self-centered, Kath. You always thought of others first.”
“Not when I left, I didn’t. I…there were reasons I had to leave. Reasons I couldn’t tell anyone. I—I should have thought what it might do to you. I mean…I knew you cared for me. I just had no idea—”
“That I loved you?”
“Yeah. I really didn’t. I’m sorry.”
“I should have told you.”
“Maybe. Maybe I should have told you, too.”
“You loved me?”
“In my way, yes I did.” She still did.
“Well, we were from two different worlds. You had a scholarship to Stanford, I was the son of a laborer. I guess it was never meant to be.”
She nodded, and her lips trembled. “Maybe not. But maybe, if things had been different…”
“Things couldn’t have been different, Kath, or we wouldn’t have been who we were.”
Damn. He was right. How did he get to be so intuitive? Then, he always had been. She had learned so much about him in the short time they’d shared. So much she hadn’t expected, so much she hadn’t imagined. Brett Falcone was more than a jock, more than the punk kid who liked to make fun of people in middle school. He was intelligent, driven in his own way, highly passionate.
Oh, to be eighteen again.
But she wasn’t eighteen. She was thirty-eight. And a mother. A single mother. A single mother who should get her daughter home to bed.
She checked her watch. “It’s almost eight. I need to get Maya home.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “Zoe needs to get to bed, too. Kath, it was great seeing you. Talking to you. I wish…”
“Yeah, me too,” she said.
“Can we get together? Talk some more?”
“Maybe over the weekend. Danny picks Maya up at three on Friday.”
“Great. I’ll drop Zoe at Michelle’s around five, then pick you up for dinner. Sound good?”
She nodded. “Dinner would be wonderful. You need my address?”
“I’ve got it.” He winked. “It’s on the soccer paperwork for Maya.”
She nodded. “Of course.” She called to Maya. “It’s time to go, sweetie.”
Maya started to complain, but let out an ear-splitting yawn.
“I know a little girl who needs to get to bed.”
“I know another one,” Brett said.
“It was great seeing you,” Kathryn said.
“You too.” He bent closer and whispered in her ear. “I’ll be counting the minutes until Friday.”
“Really?” she couldn’t help asking.
“Oh yes,” he said. “I’m positive.”
Positive. God, he remembered. Lightning flashed between her legs.
Twenty years earlier
Kathryn had just put little Terry to bed. She checked her watch. Seven-thirty on a Friday evening and she was babysitting. The story of her life. She hadn’t dated, had never been kissed, had never even danced with a guy.
But all that would change in a few months when she went to Stanford. Stanford, where everyone was as smart as she was. Stanford, where no one knew her. No one remembered the awkwardness of her middle school years. To the incoming Stanford class, she’d simply be Kathryn Zurakowsky, the girl with pretty brown hair and eyes, a great figure, and legs that wouldn’t quit. Yes, she’d grown into a pretty woman.
Heck, even the Italian Stallion had said she was a fox. She still couldn’t quite wrap her mind around that one.
Her tummy growled. She wandered into the kitchen to see what the Rogans had left for her. Debbie Rogan was usually good for some decent eats. Kathryn peeked into the fridge and found some Black Forest ham and cheddar cheese. A ham sandwich sounded good. Then she spied the left over pizza box. Mmm, even better.
She pulled out the box and found three pieces of cheesy pepperoni pizza. Perfect. She placed two of them in the microwave and pushed start. She poured herself a glass of iced tea while she waited.
Ding! The doorbell. Who would be coming around on a Friday night? Could be the paper boy.
She walked to the door and opened it.
There stood the Italian Stallion himself, complete with Math book in hand.
“What are you doing here?”
“You said you were babysitting.”
“Uh, yeah. And I am.”
“The kid still up?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no, she’s in bed.”
“Good. We can study.”
“I am studying. Government. Not Math. I’ll see you on Monday after school, Brett.”
“Come on. Please? I came all the way over here.”
“I’m not allowed to have people over while I babysit.” Okay, that was a lie. She often had friends visit while Terry was sleeping. Debbie didn’t mind.
“Nice try, Kath. I talked to your mom. She told me where you were and said it would be okay if I stopped by.”
Mental note—have a chat with Mom.
“Nobody calls me Kath, by the way.”
“Then I’ll be the first. I like it.”
She kind of liked it too, and that irked her.
“I have my own studying to do.”
“It’s Friday night. You can study tomorrow.”
“Yeah, it’s Friday night, so why are you here? Why aren’t you out partying with your heavy metal zombie friends?”
He laughed. “Heavy metal zombies? That’s rich.”
“Whatever. Why aren’t you out with your girlfriend?”
“Michelle’s out of town for the weekend. Some wedding or something.”
“And there’s absolutely nothing else for you to do than bother me?”
He smiled, flashing his dimple. “I wanted to see you. I have some questions about math.”
“Call me tomorrow, then.”
“I’m here now. Come on, please?”
The microwave dinged.
“My pizza.”
“You have pizza? Sounds great.” He walked through the door.
; “Uh, leftover pizza, and it’s only two pieces.”
“We’ll order one then. My treat.”
“Brett—”
“Fresh pizza’s way better than microwaved leftovers.”
She couldn’t argue there. “Your treat?”
“Sure.” He pulled out his wallet and leafed through it. “I’ve got a twenty.”
“And you want to spend it on pizza?”
“Sure, why not? A man’s gotta eat.”
What the heck? She’d eat his pizza, help him with his math, and then politely tell him to leave. Deb and Bruce wouldn’t be home until well after midnight. Shouldn’t be a problem.
“There.” She pointed to the phone on the end table. “Call for the pizza. I’ll get us something to drink.”
She headed to the kitchen and poured another glass of iced tea. “You want sugar in your iced tea?”
“No. Plain’s fine.”
“Okay.” She hastily returned the leftover pizza slices to the fridge.
She walked back into the living room. Brett was sprawled on the couch looking right at home. Such a beautiful masculine specimen. If only he weren’t an asshole.
“All right,” she said, sitting next to him. “What seems to be the trouble with your math?”
“Okay, I don’t get the whole negative number thing.”
“What don’t you get about it?”
“How come when you times two negatives together, you get a positive?”
Kathryn sighed. She didn’t get that either. And for her, someone who needed logic in her life, that didn’t sit well. But she’d learned to just accept the rules, apply them, and get the right answer.
“Who cares why that’s the case? Just memorize the rule, Brett, and then use it. You’ll get the right answer.”
“But it doesn’t make sense. And then when you times a negative and a positive, you get a negative.”
She rolled her eyes. “You know the rules. Just use them. That’s all you need to know.”
“But I want to understand why.”
Kathryn wanted to understand, too. But she didn’t and it frustrated her. Which was a huge reason why she was not majoring in math in college.
“Maybe there is no reason, Brett. Maybe someone just made that up to confuse math students.”
“There’s got to be a reason.”