15
Christina sighed as she walked, glad that the London streets were still fairly quiet. She had always been accustomed to walking out alone, enjoying the fresh air and the time to herself, but there was something about being married and alone that felt very different. She could not explain it, not even to herself, yet it lingered there in her heart.
It had been another two weeks since she and Daniel had shared any lovely moments together, following their day at the picnic. She could hardly believe she had brought up the subject of consummating their marriage, but something had to be done. Even though she still found her cheeks burning at the thought of what she’d said, Christina did not regret being so honest with her husband. The difficulty was, despite their passionate kiss in the park, now over a fortnight on, he still had not appeared in her bedchamber. She no longer saw him often at dinner anymore either and, even on the nights they did eat together, he would be quiet and distant, just as he always was.
As Christina continued to find herself longing for more, she cursed her foolish heart. After all, she had agreed to this marriage, knowing what he felt — or didn’t feel — for her, but she had never considered that she would find it so difficult. She had believed that life would be just the same as it was prior to this, when she had been at home with her father, but she was beginning to realize how much had changed.
Christina walked through the door of the bookshop, inhaling the comforting, woody scent of leather-bound books. The interior was dim, and the light that shone in from high windows shimmered off the dust in the air. She smiled at the bookshop owner as she began to wander.
When she had been at her former home, there had never been the desire to spend time in her father’s company, for she had found him brash, somewhat heartless, and inclined to talk about himself. Her husband was practically silent, as though he had no interest in sharing anything about himself with her, but she found herself craving his company regardless. It did not help that she was often caught with the memory of his kisses — first in the gardens all those weeks ago and then the sudden kiss at the picnic. She found her hand drifting to her lips as she recalled just how wonderfully shocking it had been. As much as she wanted him in her bed to have children, her heart also quickened as she thought of his lips upon hers once more.
Of course, being untouched, she had no experience of what went on between a husband and wife. Christina’s mother had died when she was but a young child, she had no woman in her life to ask. Instead, Beatrice had, in hushed tones, hastily described the act to her before Christina had married Daniel. Apparently, Beatrice had been told as much by her older sister in preparation for her own wedding, whenever that should come about. To Christina, it all sounded rather painful and hugely embarrassing to be as naked as the day you were born with another person, but Beatrice had informed her, in no uncertain terms, that her husband would require her to be unclad. That had sent shivers down her spine, her mind suddenly filled with questions as to what Daniel might expect and what he would think of her.
Sighing to herself, Christina wandered along the row of books, her fingers idly making their way along the spines as she walked. She enjoyed visiting this wonderful shop, filled with rows upon rows of more volumes than one could ever ask for, but she could find nothing to interest her today.
“Can I be of assistance to you, my lady?”
Christina jumped as the voice startled her, and looked up to see a gentleman leaning against the bookshelf in front of her wearing a warm smile on his face. He was not unhandsome, although his smile did not reach his eyes. He was impeccably dressed, his mousey brown hair neatly styled, and his dark eyes pinning her where she stood.
“I am quite at my leisure this afternoon, sir,” Christina replied, calmly, finding it very strange that a gentleman should speak to her without a proper introduction. “Do excuse me.”
“That was rude of me, I apologize,” the gentleman replied, stepping into Christina’s way as she made to move farther into the bookshop. “I was simply caught by your beauty, my lady.”
“Lady Ravenhall,” she replied, firmly, turning her head to look at him directly, refusing to be intimidated by his gaze. “But as we have not yet been introduced, I do not think it wise to continue our conversation.”
“Quite right,” he grinned, leaning heavily on his cane. “Lady Ravenhall, you say. You must be the young woman who recently wed my old friend, Daniel Harrington, the Marquess of Ravenhall?”
Seeing that she could not easily get past him, Christina sighed inwardly and made to turn around, only for the gentleman to capture her wrist. Her breath caught as she turned back to him, wrenching her arm away as perspiration broke out on her brow and she resisted the urge to flee from the man as fast as she could.
“Do excuse me, sir,” she said, in a voice that she hoped did not shake with her fright. “And may I suggest that you do not touch me again. I am not obliged to speak with you.” She jumped as she heard the door scrape open, allowing another person to enter the shop. Christina’s initial relief fled when she realized they were too far hidden in the recesses of the bookshop to be seen from the entrance.
“Forgive me. It is just that I have been very eager to make your acquaintance,” the gentleman replied, leaning forward so that Christina was forced to press herself back against the bookshelves. “After all, I have known your husband for a long time.”
It was not his words that had Christina’s heart clutching with an icy fear, but rather the look in the man’s eyes. His smile had turned cruel, his narrowed eyes heartless and the tone of his voice mocking.
“You — you are Lord Northcliffe,” she whispered, one hand clutching at her heart.
The man chuckled. “So he married someone who has a decent head on her shoulders! Very observant, Lady Ravenhall. You need not fear anything from me, my lady, so you do not need to look so afraid. I am simply showing you and your husband that I have no intention of going anywhere and that his threats do not frighten me. I was called away on business for a short time, but I have returned to London and intend to do all I can to enjoy the remainder of the Season — hopefully without Lord Ravenhall’s presence.”
He reached up and brushed Christina’s cheek gently, making her shudder. “You will tell him that you saw me, won’t you, Lady Ravenhall?”
“Christina!”
The sound of Beatrice’s voice shattered the tension between Christina and Lord Northcliffe and, as Christina turned to face her friend, she sensed Lord Northcliffe’s presence vanish from beside her.
“There you are! When I called upon you, your butler said you could be found here. What a delightful shop this is. I must confess I do not visit it nearly often enough. And that dress is altogether lovely!” Beatrice exclaimed, a smile wreathed on her face as she came toward Christina. Her smile wavered as she drew closer, however, apparently seeing Christina’s expression. “Are you quite all right, my dear? Who was it you were talking to? Is your husband here with you?”
Christina clutched to Beatrice’s arm, feeling a bit weak at the knees as she drew in deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself.
“Good heavens, whatever is the matter, Christina?” Beatrice asked again, sounding puzzled as the smile faded from her face. “Have you had some kind of shock?”
Christina swallowed hard, closing her eyes and attempting to rein in her emotions. “I was accosted by that gentleman,” she said, becoming angry now as her fear passed, and she opened her eyes to look at Beatrice. “And no, Lord Ravenhall is not here. I did have a maid with me, but the poor thing looked ill as we began walking so I sent her home.”
Lady Beatrice’s eyes widened. “You were accosted? By whom?”
Christina opened her mouth to speak, only to close it again. Her husband had kept the information about Lord Northcliffe and Miss Churston to himself, with the exception of telling Lord Hudson, and it would not be right of her to speak to Lady Beatrice about it.
“I — I am not sure,” she said, as
the door to the bookshop opened again. “Someone who, I think, believed I might be free with my favors now that I am a married woman.”
Beatrice gasped, her cheeks burning rosy red. “That is truly awful!” she exclaimed, grasping Christina’s hand. “You must return home at once. Did you bring a carriage?”
Christina shook her head. “I walked.”
“Come with me, we shall return you home,” Beatrice replied, gesturing to her maid to follow her as they left the bookshop. “It has been an age since we last spoke, Christina, and I so wanted to catch up with you, which is why I was seeking you out.”
“I have missed speaking with you as well, Beatrice,” Christina replied as they walked out to the street. “You must come for afternoon tea tomorrow. I insist upon it. It has been too long since we have talked.”
Beatrice smiled, seeming genuinely pleased with the thought. “That would be simply wonderful.”
Feeling a good deal better now that she was out in the fresh air, Christina drew in a deep breath and settled her shoulders. “What has been keeping you occupied as of late? Have you any gentlemen to speak of yourself, Beatrice? I am sure there are many who are keen to court you.”
Beatrice shook her head as they approached her carriage. “No, not yet. I believe my personality is a little too loud for many of the gentlemen who are looking for a bride. Mama is always telling me that I must calm myself down but as much as I try, there is very little I can do!”
Christina smiled softly. “You will find someone very soon, I am sure,” she replied, glad that the memory of Lord Northcliffe was being chased away by Lady Beatrice’s conversation. “And you need not change who you are to find him either.”
Just as she was about to climb into Beatrice’s carriage, she was interrupted by the sound of her name being called. Turning her head, she saw Lord Hudson waving at her from his curricle.
“Lady Ravenhall!” he exclaimed as he brought his horses to a halt and stepped down from his seat. “How good to see you! I was just on my way to your home, to speak with that husband of yours.”
“Lovely to see you as well, Lord Hudson,” she said. “Lady Beatrice was going to see me home, but if you are going that way, I will not trouble her, if you do not mind.”
“Of course not,” he said with a warm smile and a prolonged glance at Beatrice, which Christina noted with amusement. “I would appreciate the company.”
“Lady Beatrice, you remember Lord Hudson?” Christina asked.
“Absolutely,” Beatrice replied, her eyes brightening as she smiled at Lord Hudson. “From the wedding and then at the picnic.”
He beamed at Beatrice. “It would be difficult to forget you, my lady. You were a wonderful dancer, if I recall correctly, and an excellent lunch companion.” As he helped Christina into the curricle, Christina was interested to notice that his eyes never left her friend.
“I do hope I will have the opportunity to dance with you again, Lady Beatrice,” Lord Hudson continued, seeming reluctant to leave her to join Christina in the carriage. “Or perhaps you might enjoy a short walk in the park one afternoon?”
Christina smiled to herself as she watched from atop the curricle. Beatrice colored furiously but nodded, her expression a little shy. Apparently, Lord Hudson was interested in furthering his acquaintance with Beatrice and, privately, Christina thought they would make a good match, as they were both as cheerfully loud as the other.
“A lovely lady, your friend,” Lord Hudson commented as he stepped and sat down, taking the reins in hand while Christina waved goodbye to Beatrice. “I always meant to call on her but I had not yet had the opportunity what with all I have been engaged in recently.”
Christina lifted one eyebrow. “Helping those who cannot help themselves?”
Lord Hudson grinned. “Precisely. I’m sure Ravenhall has told you all about it but we have been able to secure a third establishment to rent for those who require a place to stay away from drunken husbands and the like. All quite secure, and the sewing and washing will be brought in as a means of payment for the women who are able. That husband of yours is quite something, Christina.”
Nodding, Christina looked out at the passing houses, thinking how strange it was that Lord Hudson appeared to know more than she did regarding her husband’s actions over the past few weeks.
“Yes,” she murmured, her eyes glazing over with a sudden sheen of tears. “Yes, he really is something, Lord Hudson.”
16
Daniel yawned widely as he leaned back in his office chair and stretched, thinking that it was likely time for him to retire. He had already tossed his jacket and cravat on the chair across the desk, though he knew his valet would most likely have a fit over the state of his clothing come the morning.
Daniel had been surprised when Christina had returned from her walk with Lord Hudson earlier that afternoon, but of course, he welcomed his friend and, once their conversation was over, Daniel had insisted that Hudson remain for dinner.
He had regretted it, however, when he saw the way Christina laughed with Hudson, smiling at him and responding to his witty conversation. He knew there was nothing between the two of them, and yet, he couldn’t help the envy that crept over him, as he wished that he was the recipient of her sparkling eyes and meaningful conversation.
It was better that she remained at a distance, he reminded himself. He couldn’t help but notice, however, that in moments of silence she seemed somewhat restless, pushing food around her plate and fiddling with the simple gold band around her finger. Following dinner, she retired early, leaving him and Lord Hudson with their port.
Guilt and shame now crept through his veins as Daniel realized he had been caught up with his own feelings of jealousy and entertaining his guest when he should have likely ensured that his wife was not unwell. He had bade her goodnight and left things there, not once thinking to go and check on her, nor considering speaking with her to find out if something was the matter.
Mayhap she just has a headache, he told himself, throwing back the rest of his port. And she will be asleep by now, anyway. There is no need to trouble her.
Getting up from his chair, Daniel wandered to the window and looked down at the streets of Mayfair below, though his mind was now filled with thoughts of his wife. He had been doing so well these last few weeks, ensuring he spent as much time away from her as possible, forcing her from his mind without too much difficulty, but it was taking more and more effort to do so since he was often caught up in thinking of her. He did not want her in this thoughts, did not want his heart to quicken whenever she came into a room, did not want desire to pool in his core when she smiled at him — and yet it seemed he could no more keep his emotions under control than he could keep from breathing. Needing to speak of it, he had finally expressed some of his thoughts to Hudson earlier that evening, but the man had simply laughed at him, clearly not fully understanding his distress.
“Laura is no longer with you, Ravenhall,” Hudson finally said with more compassion, when he realized that Daniel was actually serious, and Daniel wished he had never said anything, as he didn’t want to be pitied. “You have done right by her, but it is time to move on, to find happiness for yourself. You have every right to fall in love with your wife, you know. In fact, I would heartily recommend it.”
Frustrated, though at who and for what he wasn’t sure, Daniel threw his head back and stared at the ceiling, his eyes closing tightly. This was not what he’d intended. He’d thought to remain aloof and entirely unaffected by his wife, believing that he’d be able to consummate his marriage without any kind of emotion bubbling up through him, but now he knew it would be impossible. Perhaps that was why he’d stepped back from going to her bed, why he’d stopped himself from doing the one thing he ought.
He wanted to be detached, and yet his heart wanted to be tangled up with hers. He reminded himself of how he had felt when he’d found Laura in the threshold of his home. Daniel vowed that he would never again leave him
self vulnerable to that potential heartbreak.
No one will ever again have my heart, he vowed trying to convince himself as he opened his eyes and looked back out onto the road. What you feel for Christina is desire. Nothing more.
“Daniel?”
Jerking in surprise, Daniel turned to see Christina standing framed in the doorway. She was in her nightdress, with no kind of dressing gown wrapped around her to hide her form from him. As she walked toward him, Daniel came to his feet, his breath hitching in his throat as he saw the outline of her curves through the thin material, the swift kick of desire catching him unaware.
“What are you doing here, Christina?” he ground out as she reached him, but cut his words off when she looked up at him.
Her eyes were red-rimmed and filled with unshed tears, her lip trembling just a little.
Concern filled him. Why had she been crying? He didn’t think but reached out his hand toward her, and she caught it with her own, clenching it as if drawing strength from him. To his surprise, she leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder, even though he had not invited the contact. For a moment, he stood still, unsure of what to do as he felt her body soft and warm against him. He meant to put his hands against her to gently push her back away from him, but it seemed his arms acted of their own accord, as they slowly wrapped around her shoulders, his hands rubbing her back as she sighed, sniffling just a little.
“What’s the matter, Christina?” he asked, gently, pushing away the sudden, ferocious desire to look down into her eyes, take her lips, and kiss away whatever was troubling her with all of the passion and desire that had been building within him for weeks now. “Is this why you left the table earlier this evening?”
She nodded, her head rubbing against his shirt. “I saw Lord Northcliffe today,” she said, and his blood turned to ice in his veins as he froze in place, his heart seeming to come to a stop for a moment.
Searching Hearts Box Set: Books 1-5 Page 69