by Autumn Reed
“Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
“You’re very welcome,” he responded with a fatherly smile. “Currently, you are signed up to audit the course, so it won’t count as academic credit. I know we haven’t spoken much about what your plans are for the future, so if you would prefer to take the class as an official student, I can probably pull a few strings to make that happen. It will require us to falsify certain records, but it’s doable.”
“Honestly, I’m thrilled to take the class, credit or no credit. At this point, I agree that it would be best to audit it. I’d rather not make things more complicated than they need to be, and I’m still figuring out what I want to do long-term.”
“Of course. Knox mentioned that you’d probably feel that way. And, although I’m sure you’d do exceptionally well, this way you can enjoy the class without having to worry about your grade.”
We spoke for a while longer, and Patrick shared a few stories from his own college days, before returning to the kitchen. I looked around, wondering where the guys had disappeared to since I didn’t hear any voices.
“My guess is the game room,” Patrick said, responding to my silent question.
“I’ll go see if I can hunt them down. Thanks again.”
Heading to the game room, I stopped dead in my tracks when I reached the living room, lit only by the lights on the Christmas tree. The furniture was pushed back, and the floor was now covered in air mattresses and sleeping bags. A fire crackled in the fireplace, and tins with what appeared to be caramel popcorn sat on top of each makeshift bed. All six of the guys were hovering in the corner, watching me.
Instantly overcome with emotion—a combination of awe and something else I couldn’t quite define—I felt my eyes well up with tears as my hand flew to my mouth. Even with everything that had happened the last few months, I rarely let myself cry. But, realizing the guys were willing to do something so considerate to make me happy almost did me in.
Knowing Theo was the only person I’d told about my “camp out” tradition with Dad, I sought his face and found him grinning at me. “Theo, this is . . . I don’t even know what to say. It’s amazing.”
“You should be thanking Jackson,” he replied. “It was his idea to do something special for you, and I happened to know the perfect thing.” Really? This is Jackson’s doing?
Jackson shrugged like it was no big deal. “I knew today would be difficult for you, so I wanted to do something that would remind you of home. We can never replace everything you’ve lost, but we all wanted to show you that we care.”
A lone tear fell down my cheek, and I swiped at it, saying softly, “Thank you. This is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.”
Liam plopped down on one of the sleeping bags and laughed, lightening the mood. “For you? We just wanted an excuse to sleep on the floor. Who needs a luxurious mattress and Egyptian cotton?”
“Indeed,” I replied with a laugh.
The rest of the guys moved to their “beds,” leaving the one in the very middle for me. The exterior of the lavender sleeping bag was accented by pintucks while the interior fabric was covered in hearts. It was the girliest one I’d ever seen, and I loved it. I sat down gingerly and sunk into the surprisingly cushy air mattress. Much better than sleeping on the floor, I thought.
“I couldn’t find any sleeping bags with stars,” Theo pouted, “so that was the best I could do.”
“It’s perfect.” I munched on the caramel corn and moaned when it practically melted in my mouth. “Is this homemade? It’s delicious.”
“I made it,” Liam said. “And, I would have done so sooner if I’d known that was going to be your reaction,” he continued, deepening his voice suggestively. Embarrassed, I put another handful of popcorn in my mouth and ignored his comment.
“I feel like we should tell ghost stories or something,” Chase said, changing the subject. I shot him a grateful look.
“Do you know any ghost stories?” Ethan asked.
“Well, no.”
Theo piped up. “You’re supposed to make them up. That’s the whole point.”
“How would you know?” Knox asked “You were never a Boy Scout.”
“I’ve seen movies.”
Theo then launched into an elaborate ghost story, spooky voices and all. It was so ridiculous that we were all laughing, and I ended up with tears once again falling down my face. I even saw Jackson wipe away a tear or two.
“Please, no more,” Jackson begged once Theo finally finished.
When I returned from changing into my pajamas a little while later, the living room was empty except for Ethan. He was typing something on his phone, but when he saw me, he put his phone in his pocket and turned on his side to face me.
Once I got comfortable in my sleeping bag, I asked him, “How was Christmas Eve with your aunt and her fiancé?”
“Pretty great, actually. Now that Jules is planning the wedding, she’s kind of in this always-excited-and-disgustingly-in-love mood. It would be annoying if I wasn’t so happy for her.”
“That’s sweet.”
“You know, Jackson originally wanted to do this whole camping thing last night, but I asked him to wait. I didn’t want to miss out, but I couldn’t leave early.”
I scanned Ethan’s face for any sign of sarcasm, but he appeared to be sincere.
He gestured to the tree. “So, where is Draco this time?” he asked, referring to one of the constellations I’d pointed out when we went stargazing.
“I guess Theo mentioned the whole pretend-the-lights-are-stars thing, huh?”
Ethan scoffed. “We are talking about Theo. He’s not one to leave out details.”
“True.” Playing along, I searched the tree then pointed to an odd-shaped ornament. “There’s the dragon’s head, and there’s its tail,” I said, directing him to a series of lights that curved almost like a tail.
“Of course. I don’t know how I missed it,” he replied with a smirk.
“Seriously,” I said with a teasingly haughty tone.
The guys all returned to the living room a little at a time and settled into their beds. Everyone was in an unusually playful mood, and I half-expected Patrick to come in and tell us to “settle down.” Although I’d never been to a real sleepover (Jess staying at my house occasionally notwithstanding), I imagined something like our “camp out” but with more giggling and gossiping about boys.
While I lay there surrounded by my friends and protectors, I couldn’t help but reflect. Any outsider would probably think I was absolutely crazy—I let complete strangers take over my entire life, trusting them even when I shouldn’t have. But there seemed to be a kind of inevitability to the path I’d found myself on, my questionable decisions somehow justified by the circumstances. If feeling happy and cared for in that moment made me crazy, then maybe I was willing to embrace the madness.
Lectured
“Don’t be nervous. You’ll be fine,” Knox said from the driver’s seat.
I grimaced. “Great, is it that obvious?”
He gave me a reassuring smile. “No, but you’re playing with your hair more than usual, so it was a good guess.”
Untangling my fingers from my hair, I sighed. “I feel ridiculous for being so nervous, but this is literally my first day of school. At eighteen. What if the professor asks me a question?” I was about to have a panic attack just thinking about it.
We had left work a few minutes before, which meant I had less than an hour until Knox dropped me off on campus and I’d have to face my fears. Although I was genuinely excited about taking the class, my stomach was in knots from contemplating all of the unknowns.
“Most likely, the professor will take roll and go over the syllabus, then give a lecture. It’s usually best to pick a seat somewhere in the middle of the room—not in the very back or front.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“You can do this.”
“I c
an do this,” I repeated.
“I heard you playing your guitar the other night when you thought no one was home,” Knox said, clearly trying to distract me from my first-day jitters. “You’re really good, especially considering you’ve never had a lesson.”
“You weren’t supposed to hear that, but thank you.”
“If I’m not mistaken, you even played a Willie Nelson song,” he said with a grin.
“I did. Chase loaned me a bunch of sheet music, so I was trying out a few new songs.” Thinking about how happy I was to be playing again, I said, “I still can’t believe that you guys gave me such an amazing gift. And with Theo redecorating my room, it all feels like too much.”
“Yeah, well, just be glad that Jax reined Liam in; otherwise, you might have ended up with diamonds or a matching Audi.”
“What?” I gasped. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
Knox gave me a pointed look. “We are talking about Liam, so you never know. Speaking of cars, do you want to go driving this weekend? I know your dad taught you, but I thought you might feel more comfortable borrowing our cars if you had a city-driving refresher.”
“Cars?” I asked, emphasizing the s. “Does that mean you’re going to let me borrow the Mustang?”
“The Mustang? You don’t want to drive that old thing,” Knox said with fake disdain. “The air conditioning barely works and the brakes tend to stick. I’m sure you’d find the Subaru much more enjoyable.”
“Riiight. Because air conditioning is quite the necessity in January,” I teased.
Knox laughed. “You got me there. Seriously, though, what’s mine is yours, and that includes the Mustang. After I verify your driving skills, of course.”
“Of course.”
I was a little stunned that Knox was so flippantly offering me his and Theo’s vehicles. Not because I didn’t believe they would share—they were both incredibly generous. I just didn’t expect Knox to hand me the keys to my “freedom” in the form of a car. Although I’d been striking out on my own more often, it was usually to bike to the grocery store or library. Driving would exponentially expand the radius of where I could go on my own.
“What about my ID? On the off-chance I get pulled over, would the police figure out that it’s fake?”
“Nope. It will show up in their system as legitimate. Make sure you memorize the date of birth and address on the ID.”
“I did that when you first gave it to me, just in case.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about, but you really should try not to speed,” he said, smiling.
“I’ll do my best.”
Still anxious about my upcoming class, I stared out the window at the passing scenery. Unconsciously, my thoughts turned to Chase, a topic that did nothing to ease my nerves. Ever since our kiss two weeks ago, I’d barely seen or heard from him. I knew that he had a lot going on between work and school, but I was beginning to wonder if he was avoiding me.
I pulled my phone out of my bag and tapped out a group text to Chase and Theo.
Me: I have my first astronomy class tonight. Do you want to meet on campus for dinner in thirty minutes?
Theo: I’m stuck in class, unfortunately. Text me when you’re done with class and I’ll give you a ride home. Good luck and enjoy yourself!
Me: Thanks!
Although Theo responded immediately, after a few minutes, there was still no text from Chase, and my heart sank. Am I overreacting? When my phone finally vibrated, I took a deep breath before opening the message.
Chase: I can’t tonight, sorry.
Disappointed, I returned my phone to my bag. I was determined to not obsess over the situation with Chase. I didn’t even know if there was a situation at this point. He very well may have been busy this evening, and I refused to assume the worst.
“Something wrong?” Knox asked, tearing me from my ponderings.
“No,” I said with forced cheer. “I texted Theo and Chase about dinner, but they’re both busy. I’ll just grab something at the student union before class.”
“Or we could stop on the way. A quick first-day-of-class celebration dinner?”
“Okay, thanks.”
Knox’s expression changed, and I could tell he was about to say something I wouldn’t like. “I don’t want to scare you, but please be careful on campus, especially since it’s dark. It would be best if you go straight to your building and stay there until you know Theo is waiting right outside.”
“Don’t you think that’s a bit drastic? I’m sure there are plenty of other students on campus at night, as well as security.”
“True, but UCSC isn’t a typical campus. It’s spread out and is basically in the middle of the woods. I just want to make sure you’re safe.” Apparently deciding I still wasn’t taking him seriously, he continued, “Remember that student who went missing and then was found dead in October?” I nodded. “Well, more happened with that than you know about, so please be aware of your surroundings at all times. Please.”
“How do you know? About what happened to that girl?”
Knox stared at the road and ran a hand through his hair. “It was a Zenith assignment, searching for her after she went missing; Chase and Theo were specifically involved since they’re students. I can’t tell you any more—shouldn’t have even revealed that much—but I want you to really hear me when I say to be careful.”
“Oh my god.” My mind wandered for a few moments before it started putting the pieces together. “That’s why Chase was so upset during our first Taco Tuesday and then for weeks after,” I said, remembering my attempts to cheer him up when I stayed at his apartment.
“Yeah, Chase took it pretty hard. He didn’t know the girl well, but he’d been in a study group with her the year before.”
“That’s awful.”
“Now will you promise to be extra cautious on campus?”
“I promise.”
“Whew,” Knox said, finally smiling again. “You don’t ever make it easy on me.” He pulled into a parking spot at a café we both liked. “Let’s eat.”
Almost an hour later, Knox dropped me off on campus. Lampposts dotted the walking path, lighting the way to the Interdisciplinary Sciences Building. Having checked my course roster and the clock on my phone several times already, I knew I had enough time to make it to the classroom. I passed a few students carrying their backpacks, but the campus was noticeably quieter in the evening since most classes met during the day.
This is it, I thought as I pulled the door open and walked inside. I climbed the stairs to the second floor and entered the classroom to the sound of chattering. I can do this. I scanned the room for empty seats and selected one mid-classroom next to several girls focused on their phones. One looked up and smiled, but most paid me no attention.
I removed a notebook and pens from my backpack just as the professor arrived, taking her place at the lectern. She fired up the computer and connected it to the large screen at the front of the room. Many students continued talking, despite the professor’s presence, until she called out, “Good evening, and welcome to Astro Four: The Stars. I’m Professor Stein.”
The chatter died down, but an unsettled energy remained as the syllabus circulated and a few stragglers trickled into the classroom. I was surprised by the number of students with laptops propped open on their desks and soon realized that many of them weren’t shy about surfing the web. The professor launched into a general description of the class, practically reading the syllabus verbatim. Apart from the coursework, which sounded exciting, the most notable item was the optional field trip to Lick Observatory on Mount Hamilton.
After the basic course description, Professor Stein asked if there were any questions before she began the lecture for the day. I had been somewhat skeptical as she droned on about the syllabus materials, but once she got to the actual subject matter of the class, she was passionate, enthusiastic, and adorably nerdy. I found myself easily lost in the lecture, and when she concl
uded, I was disappointed that class was already over.
I stayed behind while the other students packed up their supplies and filed toward the exit, eager to leave. I felt elated by my experience and couldn’t wait to share my excitement with someone. Ever since Christmas, Ethan and I had been texting more, back to our easygoing banter, and I knew he would be interested in my class. I pulled out my phone and texted him one of the more interesting things I had learned. His response arrived within seconds.
Ethan: I take it you had your first astronomy class tonight. Have fun?
Me: Yes!
Ethan: Good. I’ve been meaning to ask if you’ve watched Way of the Dragon yet.
I cringed.
Me: If I say no, will you still speak to me?
Ethan: Hmmm . . . it’s debatable.
Before I had a chance to respond, another text arrived.
Ethan: Actually, it’s playing in a few weeks at a theater that serves a full menu during the movie. Interested?
Is Ethan asking me to go as a friend or on a date? I sensed it was as a friend.
Me: Cool! That sounds fun.
Theo pulled up in front of the building, and I slid my phone in my pocket before heading out to the car.
“So . . . how was class?”
“Great. I love my professor, and I think it’s going to be really interesting.”
“Excellent.”
After describing the whole experience in more detail, we pulled into the garage and Theo switched off the car. “Did Jessica’s semester start yet?”
“Not until the nineteenth.”
My phone vibrated with an incoming text.
Jackson: Would you be interested in watching Penny next week?
A huge grin spread across my face.
“What’s got you so happy?” Theo asked as we walked through the door.
“Jackson asked if I wanted to watch Penny for him next week. Can I bring her to the loft?”
“Of course. We love having Penny around, Knox especially.”
I typed a quick response to Jackson.
Me: Absolutely!!!