by Lexy Wolfe
A smile touched the grizzled face of the woodsman and he shook his head. "I didn't mean literally, lad. And if you think a few lumps are going to keep Nolyn Lirai down, you do not know your master very well yet. Why do you think I'm hanging about here? Someone's going to need to make sure you both get out of Quoesia and back to Ithesra in one piece." He motioned for Marcus to join him by the landing railing to look out into the forest beyond. "Think about the lupine a minute. What are they? How do they behave?"
"They are the giant wolves of Forenta, of course," Marcus replied without hesitation, but with a lot of curiosity. "Most of the time, they hunt in packs to take down their kills. Sometimes, they are by themselves. But usually, they hunt where there are a lot of shadows."
"Right. Most people find them terrifying, which is why we Forenten tend to live high up in the trees. It is a lot easier just to avoid them than to learn how to live with them." Ursin looked down at Marcus. "Everyone, man or woman or child, has things that stalk them the way that lupine hunt. Lurking in the shadows of our hearts, sometimes alone, sometimes with other fears."
"Not the Illaini Magi or Se'edai Magus or Master Nolyn," Marcus argued. "Or you. You are too strong to be afraid of anything."
Ursin shook his head. "No, lad. You are letting what you see on the surface determine what is beneath. I have fears. Plenty of them. I know your master does, too. But it is important we don't let others see our fears, the 'lupines' that stalk our souls. Because some people would use them against us." He looked down at Marcus. "And those invisible lupine are not always normal fears."
"But if my 'lupine' are not something I am afraid of, then what are they?" Crossing his arms, he shook his head. "You do not make any sense."
The woodsman grunted, scowling a bit as he looked out into the distance. "They are not always fears like being afraid of spiders or thunder. But they are things you are afraid of." He looked down at Marcus. "You can either run and hide from your fears, or you can face them. Neither option is right or wrong except as the situation determines."
"I was always told that running away was cowardly."
Ursin smirked. "I've run plenty of times. Like from greater bears when they're coming for me. You saying I am a coward?"
"No!" Marcus's eyes were wide as he looked up at Ursin. "Greater bears are twice your size and they've got huge claws and teeth and they eat people. It would be stupid to try to fight one." He blushed and looked down. "Well. Someone like me. Master said you wrestle greater bears."
The woodsman smirked at that, then turned serious again. "But what if it was your master being attacked by a greater bear and he needed time to get his arse moving to get away. Would you still run? Or would you go at the greater bear directly." Ursin asked, his voice gruff, "Which lupine do you fear more? An attacking greater bear or losing someone you care about? I think we both know the answer to that."
Marcus was silent for a considerable time. "I don't think it was a greater bear that was attacking Master Nolyn," he said in a low voice. "But I see what you mean. There is not one solution for every situation."
"Wild lupine are fierce creatures, lad. But they can be beautiful as well. When you understand them, you can even approach them sometimes." Ursin cautioned, "Doesn't mean they're tamed. Lupine are neither friends nor enemies. They just are. When you understand them, accept them and their natures for what they are, you can at least respect them. When you respect something, fear is less likely to paralyze you. You gain focus and control."
"But… how? How can I learn to deal with those things when the first thing I feel is afraid?" Marcus looked away. "Everyone always said I was useless and weak."
The boy looked up when Ursin put a huge hand on his shoulder. "Not your master."
"…No. Not Master Nolyn. He-he believes in me."
"Then let his faith in you give you strength until you can believe it yourself. As for facing your lupine?" Ursin shrugged as he crossed his arms. "Time. Determination. You'll never be rid of that cold knot that settles in the pit of your stomach. Sometimes you will have to face it down. Sometimes you will have to run from it. So long as you do neither blindly." He touched a finger to the side of his temple. "That is true mastery, lad."
After some time, Marcus said sheepishly, "I guess I have been letting my lupines chase me too much since… since Master Nolyn and I were attacked. I have been distracting myself with physical tasks instead of studying."
"Bah." Ursin shook his head. "Physical tasks are not terrible things. Good for you, in fact. They can let your brain rest from too much thinking so new ideas can squeak inside. However, you got rattled around a lot, so you need to be careful you don't do too much yet that might rattle it some more. You need something to do that won't risk rattling your poor head more." He considered. "You know how to fletch arrows?"
"A little bit. Master Nolyn started to teach me, but he's been really distracted."
"As Edai Magus, of course he is. Rather deal with the wilderness than people myself." Ursin unslung his backpack, pulling out several pouches, and undoing a bundle of sticks fastened to the backpack. "Let me give you a few pointers on the fine art while we wait on him to finish his beauty sleep. He needs a lot of beauty sleep." Marcus blinked at the tongue in cheek teasing, then giggled, clapping a hand over his mouth. Ursin's eyes twinkled with mirth as he set the materials out.
Chapter 31
Nolyn sat bolt upright, suddenly awake. He looked around in disorientation, heart pounding as vestiges of a nightmare fled from his mind's eye. After a few moments, he relaxed with a gusty sigh, flopping back on the bed. The jarring movement made him groan and hold his head. He said to the shadow seated in the corner, "I am surprised Father even allowed me near the tree at all."
"You are being entirely unfair to him, Nolyn. He's not been well since Mother passed. I've been taking care of the head of house duties on his behalf." Bethal moved to sit on the bed next to the mage. "Look. I know you were too young to really understand what things were like when he sent you away. They could not afford tuition to the Magus Academy for one, much less both you and Sharri. Ysai had done away with the scholarships that should have allowed you both to go, gifted as you both were. We had to choose between you, so we chose to pay for your older sister's tuition.
"Sharri was old enough to stay in the dorms, but you were too young. He gave the Avarians guardianship of you so you would be protected from the Dyndrai and able to attend the academy." Offering Nolyn a hand to sit up, he said in a low voice, "Mother never forgave him for sending you and Sharri away. Especially after that attack on her and Ash and your friend Dessa."
Taking the cup of tea, Nolyn looked away. "I should have been there. Ash never forgave himself for what happened to Sharri and Dessa. Especially Dessa. Sharri's death spared her the years of suffering that poor girl endured. Ash tortured himself because he wasn't strong enough to protect them." He explained in terse tones, "The darkling that controlled one of the attackers had remained attached to Dessa, feeding off of her and Ash until the Dusvet Guardian came."
Bethal closed his eyes. "You never saw the account that Bennu sent Father about that attack, Nolyn. He suspected the attack was not just some random foreigner thugs, though I do not think he or Ellis suspected darklings. Who would?" he asked bitterly. "He thought they were hirelings, looking to either eliminate or drive away possible competition for the senior highborn families. Father was ready to march on the Magus Academy, tell Se'edai Ysai what for, and bring you home. And figure out how to adopt Ash and get him out of there, too. 'Traitorous highborn have poisoned the Magus Academy!' he ranted for weeks."
Nolyn looked up, frowning. "Father was going to take me back? I never knew—" As the rest of the words sank in, he stared. "He wanted to rebel against highborn rule?"
Bethal's voice remained hushed. "For you and Ash, yes. Ellis convinced him you both were safer with them there than here where the Dyndrai rule. Mother had written Bennu, asking for updates about how you were doing. We knew h
ow close you and Ash were... well." He glanced to Nolyn's right hand. "Except for that soul-bonded bit. Never told anyone about that. Marcus tried explaining it, but I think his head is still a bit loose after whatever hit him."
Reminded about his apprentice, Nolyn tried to get up, dropping the teacup on the floor and splashing the hot liquid across the simple rug. "Marcus! Where is he? Is he—?" Bethal held him firmly by the shoulders until the brief moment of panic abated.
"He is fine, I assure you. Resilient boy. Most would be laid up for a week moaning and groaning until they couldn't get away with avoiding work anymore. Marcus woke up, came down to the kitchen, barely able to stay upright, and asked if he could help make breakfast for you." Bethal smiled. "Emma is absolutely enchanted with him. And trying to make certain he does not overreach himself and cause himself more injury. He is a determined boy. Stubborn, much like his master."
Nolyn sighed gustily. "I need to have a talk with him again about pushing himself too hard." He looked at Bethal in worry. "What about Tobias? I just shoved him away out of instinct, but—"
Bethal's smile faded. "He has been pushing himself trying to heal you and your apprentice, but whatever you did seems to have damaged his ability to use magic to heal. He's good with the non-magical techniques. Excellent, really. But, that takes time and he's been fussing over you both, beside himself with worry for you and blaming himself for his inability to help either of you more. Valerian finally agreed to dose him so he'd sleep and he still fights it. Never seen such determination."
"I must have been pretty bad, I imagine," Nolyn said, more to himself than Bethal.
"You still are pretty bad off." The older brother reached out to unwrap the long bandage on Nolyn's right wrist. Ugly bruises discolored his tanned skin, the shape of a hand obvious. "He could barely touch this. Or several other injuries. Something about being too old to heal. The Unsvet Guardian suspects it was a particularly viriulent darkling you crossed. Good thing you were out cold for some of the more hands-on tending. Had to force your shoulder back in place by hand." He looked up, his eyes dark with worry. "What in the goddess's name did you two run into?"
Eyes haunted, Nolyn's mouth opened several times, no sound coming out at all. Bethal's concern grew until he shook Nolyn hard to jar him out of his thoughts. "I don't... I can't remember clearly. The last thing I remember is..." He shook his head. "Is crossing the barrier going into Andar's territory. After that it is..." He sighed, closing his eyes. "It's all a blur."
"Like a nightmare?" Bethal shook his head when Nolyn looked up with a frown. "It has been something we have heard quite a bit of over the last year or so. The Dyndrai family has been unusually philanthropic and taking the afflicted in to tend to themselves." Getting a new cup of tea for Nolyn, he gestured imperatively for his younger brother to drink. "However, everyone said that they had been outside of Andar. Now... I suspect they had gone inside the barrier, too."
Nolyn stared at his wrist. "I need to get back to Ithesra," he said in a low voice.
"You are not in any shape to travel, Nolyn," Bethal scolded, keeping his voice pitched low.
"It doesn't matter. Something is not right about all of this, Bethal. Beyond someone punching a hole in the Andarian barrier." He held his hand up. "Despite being attacked, I feel I should... No. I must find a way to... help. It."
Bethal's eyes widened in shock. "Help the monster that attacked you?" He put a hand on Nolyn's brow, peering at his eyes. "The healer swears you have no brain injury but—"
Nolyn scowled at his brother, swatting away his hand. "I trust my instincts, Bethal. I cannot remember what I saw, but I remember… I remember what I felt. And I know that... something is not right about this. And whatever 'it' is... is ancient. Why did it show up in Andar those years ago? Something tells me it is the same reason it remains in Andar instead of leaving now." He glared at his brother. "As much degradation as that barrier has suffered because of the disruption caused by multiple holes, that thing should have been here in Quoesia already and have wrecked havoc like…" He closed his eyes. "…like in Andar."
Getting to his feet, Bethal paced the room before spinning back to glare at Nolyn who watched him with a frown. "I know you have always liked beasts over humans, Nolyn. I cannot fault you for that. People have rarely ever treated you well. But if a beast is rabid, there's nothing to be done but put it out of its misery! And as quickly as possible to spare it suffering and prevent more people from ending up like you."
Nolyn's gaze narrowed. "What do you mean? Ending up like me?"
Bethal gesticulated aimlessly. "You have been unconscious for days, Nolyn! For that whole time, nightmares have tormented you. Marcus has not been, but yours had distressed him. Enough that I had to assure him I would sit and watch over you so Emma could make sure he was all right." He lifted a small mirror from the wall and held it for Nolyn to see his reflection.
Nolyn's scowl vanished as he stared, reaching out to touch the mirror's surface then his own face. Marked with severe exhaustion, his face was sickly pale where it wasn't bruised. The circles under his eyes were a few degrees from looking as though they were deep bruises. He sighed after a while and shook his head. "Bethal, I am Edai Magus of Verusia. The Se'edai Magus's second. My duty to Forenta and the great mother come before everything, even my own welfare." He turned his eyes up. "I promise you, I will be fine and I will come back to deal with this problem in Andar and make sure whomever caused it to begin with is brought to justice. I won't let Quoesia remain held hostage by this."
He reached up to clasp his brother's arm, feeling the worry and love in Bethal's return grip. "But I know I must return to Ithesra. The answers are there. Somewhere. Either in the Avarian's personal library, Ash's, or the Magus Academy's. Thanks to Unsvet Valerian's effort, there is time for me to heal while I do research and plan. Since people cannot get inside the barrier for now, the Dyndrai should begin to relax their choke hold on travel out of Quoesia if no new cases of trouble appear."
Bethal exhaled heavily and nodded. "Very well. Ursin knows you well. He said you'd insist on returning." The older brother smirked. "He promised once he got you back, he'd come back here to help me where he can. And I will do what I can here until you return. The Dyndrai have been worse than usual, so I must be careful." He scowled towards the door. "They are very skilled at socially destroying enemies that even the lowest of commoners would have nothing to do with them. When they feel like going through the effort. Too many of their enemies 'leave for greener branches.'" He gave Nolyn a gruff bear hug. "Just be careful, little brother."
Nolyn returned the hug as fiercely as his injuries allowed. "I'll be fine. You watch your back. And send a missive to Edai Magus Eptina for me to inform her I had to depart early. All apologies for not waiting for her to join me. Add some token as a gift. Flowers if any decent ones are in season. Just have the bill sent to me." Bethal narrowed his eyes on Nolyn. "No, I am not courting her. Just trust me. Please." The other man sighed gustily, nodding.
Chapter 32
"Master Nolyn! Wake up!"
The man jumped, startled out of a nightmare, and looked owlishly up at a worried Kelafy standing beside him at the study desk. "Yes, Kelafy?" he croaked in a failed attempt at normalcy, rubbing his face with both hands.
She pressed her lips together a moment, not answering him. She turned to the tray she had brought in, pouring tea and setting it and a plate with breakfast in front of him. The open tome's bookmark was flipped inside, the book closed and pushed away. "Your nightmares are getting worse," she pointed out.
Sensing the keen worry from Ash, Nolyn sighed as he sat up, flexing his right hand. "It is your imagination, Kelafy. I'm fine."
The woman put her hands on her hips. "Do not give me that 'I am fine' bit there, Master Nolyn! I may not be a mage, but I am not an idiot either. By the mother goddess, you are becoming as stubborn as Master Ash and those Swordanzen combined. And don't even get me started about how stubborn the Dusvet Guardian was.
I mean, is."
She stopped talking when he put his hand on her arm. "They are all fine. I would know if anything happened to them, Kelafy. Valerian said they had arrived at Fortress." He turned his hand over. "And I am not lying. If I were in danger, I'm sure we'd have Storm, Ash, and the rest on the doorstep ready to rampage on whatever is harming me."
Kelafy snorted, crossing her arms. "Then you are becoming delusional. But no doubt, they trust you can handle things yourself. Or the gods believe it and are keeping them from coming." She turned away, going to the low table surrounded by couches and chairs, dusting and straightening items unnecessarily. "You have been home for a week, and you have not gotten any rest at all in that time." She sighed, regarding him with maternal worry. "You can't keep pushing yourself like this."
Setting the tea down with a sigh, Nolyn said softly, "I don't have much choice, Kelafy. No one can stop these nightmares, and whatever is causing them will return and may begin to plague Quoesia if we cannot shore up the barriers. Maybe come towards Ithesra itself. I have to try to figure out what it is and stop it." He looked down at his plate of food before picking up the warm bread slathered in jam. "I had hoped I would get better rest here at home, but at least my physical injuries have healed."
"Small blessings," Kelafy grumbled. "As exhausted as you have been, I expect you to fall out of the trees and break your neck and we cannot have that at all."
"Ash wouldn't blame you for—" Nolyn began to reassure, words stopping at the fierce look the woman turned on him.
"I am not worried about Master Ash, Master Ellis, or even the goddess Herself being angry with me, Master Nolyn! I am worried about losing you." She leaned on the edge of the desk, fixing a startled Nolyn with her gaze. "Why do you think I have prayed to all the gods to find you a wife? So you have something to live for other than duty!" Her eyes flashed in emotion and she would have continued berating him when the sound of the front door bursting open drifted down the hall. A pair of youthful voices argued over whether the Edai Magus was available.