High John the Conqueror
Vetivert
Bottle of Apple Cider Vinegar
Goofer Dust Powder
A good all-purpose hexing powder, always include at least a spoonful when disposing of a poppet.
Graveyard Dirt (see Chapter 2)
Patchouli Leaves or Root
Goofer Dust Powder #2
Black Pepper
Cayenne Pepper
Graveyard Dirt
Wasp’s Nest or Snake Skin, crushed and crumbled
High John the Conqueror Incense
Although generally used for positive purposes such as bringing good luck and health, and attracting money, this recipe is also used to control one’s enemies; thus, its place in this section.
High John the Conqueror
Orange Peel
Hot Foot Powder
Okay...so Hot Foot Powder doesn’t really burn the feet. But once someone steps in it, they will make tracks and leave in a hurry. For that reason, it’s used to make nasty neighbors move away. (Just sprinkle a little in their yard or close to their front door.) It can also be rubbed on the feet of a poppet to force the target to leave you alone.
Black Pepper
Cayenne Pepper
Cumin
Salt
Sulfur (2 parts)
Loosen the Purse Powder
While this will work on anyone who’s so tight they squeak, it’s especially effective on the boss who refuses to give you that well-deserved raise. Just rub some on your hands, touch the greedy bastard, and watch the money flow.
Lavender
Sage
Thyme
Lost and Away Powder
Crossroads Dirt
Mistletoe
Orris
Sage
Sulfur (the heads from three matches works nicely)
Mad Oil (Lady Dame’s Formula)
Use this oil when absolute fury is necessary for an effort, and hurt feelings are all you can muster.
Chango Oil (if you are male)
High John the Conqueror Oil
Oshun Oil (if you are female)
Patchouli Oil
Rose Geranium Oil
Murv’s Swamp Water Wash
Called Swamp Water because the main ingredient in aspirin comes from the willow tree, this substance is most used in poppet disposal as it literally eats away at the doll; thus, eating away at the problems caused by the target.
1 Large Bottle of Aspirin
1 Quart of Water
Oshun Oil
Dedicated to the Goddess of the same name, this oil is not only used by women to draw love and money but as a protection from enemies as well. To stay on the good side of Oshun, always taste the honey before adding it, so She knows it isn’t poisoned.
Anise
Cinnamon
Honey (a drop or two will do it)
Jasmine
Orange Peel
Rose
Peaceful Home Powder
Widely used for uncrossing and generally sprinkled on carpets, this powder literally lifts nasties from their hiding places where they can simply be vacuumed up and disposed of.
Lavender
Lemon Peel, dried
Rose Petals
Thyme
Queen Bitch of the Whole F***ing Universe Incense
(Also known as Devil’s Master)
When it’s imperative that others do your bidding—this includes spirits as well as the living—there’s little else that does the trick as well.
Chili Powder
Cinnamon
Red Sandalwood (substitute White Sandalwood if necessary)
Separation Powder
Use when your need involves splitting up any sort of relationship, association, or alliance. (Lovers, business partners, and friendships come to mind here.) It can also be used as an incense for poppet-smudging.
Chili Powder
Cinnamon
Galangal
Black Pepper
Iron Filings (rust scrapings may be substituted)
Vetivert
Tall Tale Powder
To force someone to tell the truth, rub a bit on your hands and touch the offending party.
Mint
Nutmeg
Rose Petals
Turn Around Incense
Used to smudge the poppet of a target who’s betrayed your confidence, this can straighten out the mess he or she has caused and turn your luck around.
Bayberry
Cigarette or Pipe Tobacco
Goldenseal
Uncrossing Incense
Use in rituals performed for the express purpose of reversing a hex or a curse, or to remove one from yourself.
Bay Leaf
Lavender
Rose Petals
Sandalwood
Verbena
Van Van Wash
Typically used to bring good fortune into the home, this mixture is also occasionally applied after uncrossing rituals.
Juice of 1 Lemon (for other forms, use 1 T. Lemon Peel)
Rose Petals
1 tsp. Vanilla Extract (for other forms, use 1 Tonka Bean)
Wear Away Powder
This does just what the name implies: It wears away the confidence of the target and replaces it with stress, anxiety, and needless worry.
Black Pepper
Castor Bean
Thyme
War Water
Usually tossed in the target’s front yard or on his or her property, this substance is also used to sprinkle poppets and gris gris bags.
Add all ingredients to vodka and steep for one week. Then strain and add mixture to one gallon of water.
Pint of Vodka
Lavender
Peel of one Orange
Peel of one Lemon
Whole Cloves
Red Pepper
Black Pepper
LIFE IS MESSY: CLEAN IT UP
If you’ve followed the instructions and fully visualized your target while concocting and applying the recipes above, you should feel fine. But remember that psychic residue we talked about in Chapter 1? Well, once in a while, some of that will cling to you during the mixing or application stages anyway. And while symptoms vary from person to person, it’s usually the blah’s that hit first. Sometimes there’s nothing more than that, but occasionally other aggravations will come to call. Common side effects include minor bouts of depression, a sudden inability to concentrate, or a state of complete and utter non-productiveness. And if you begin to experience any of those, the only solution is to get that junk off of you immediately. If you don’t, I can nearly guarantee time spent in bed nursing a cold, the flu, or worse.
Fortunately, the remedy is painless, tasteless, pleasurable, and inexpensive. It involves nothing more than taking a bath. And since you probably already take a shower or bath at least once every day, nothing could be easier.
Granted, this isn’t exactly your normal sort of bath, as you’ll need to be clean before you jump in. It’s also going to be necessary to completely immerse yourself in the water several times, hair and all. And because your skin and hair must be allowed to dry naturally, you won’t be able to towel off. When compared to the possibility of having to ingest some foul-tasting medicinal concoction though, that’s a pretty small price to pay—especially considering how much better you’re going to feel.
There are several different types of baths that will handle the problem quickly and efficiently, and the instructions for all follow below. Each works equally well, so just choose the one that most appeals to you and call it good. You’ll be glad you did.
GENERAL INSTRUCTIONS FOR ALL BATHS
Once the bath is ready, sit in the tub, and completely immerse yourself seven times, allowing the mixture to flow into all body openings. (Swish it around in your mouth as well, but do not swallow it.) Stay in the tub for seven minutes, then get out, allowing the moisture on your body and hair to dry naturally.
THE BEER BATH
/> This is a great little psychic cleanser with added perks: It relieves mild depression and is actually good for your skin and hair.
Materials:
1 12 oz. can of beer
1 T. salt
Add the beer and salt to a warm tub of water. Using your index finger, stir the water clockwise until thoroughly mixed.
THE VINEGAR BATH
Long known for its healing and curative properties, vinegar also has the capacity to slice through psychic grime, making it perfect for this bath.
Materials:
1 c. apple cider vinegar
1 T. salt
Add the ingredients to a warm tub of water, then stir clockwise with your index finger until well mixed.
THE UNCROSSING BATH
If you’ve got more to worry about than a mild case of the blah’s, this is an excellent bath to utilize as it also tends to increase focus and personal productivity.
Materials:
1 T. lavender flowers, dried
1 T. rose petals, dried
1 T. salt
1 bay leaf
Juice of 1 lemon
Place the dry ingredients in the filter cup of an automatic drip coffeemaker, add a full pot of water, and allow to brew. Mix in the lemon juice, and add the contents to a tub of warm water.
ALTERNATIVE CLEANSING
One of the perks of relaying psychic cleansing instructions in written form is that I don’t have to listen to folks debate the pros and cons of the shower versus the bath—at least, not up close and personal. But the downfall is that, whether I can actually hear you or not, I know that some of you aren’t comfortable with soaking in the tub at all. I know that some of you are already whining and working yourselves up to full blown bellyaching. But more to the point, I know that some of you are sitting there, book in hand, wracking your brains for an alternative solution.
Are you one of those people? If so, you’re wasting your time.
Regardless of how you feel about using the bathtub, it truly is the most effective tool when it comes to psychic cleansing. In this case, it provides a means for complete saturation, a thorough cleansing of the body openings, and does so in a time-efficient manner. There is simply no better way to handle the process. But just to be sure that we don’t have one of those silly misunderstandings, I’ll make this perfectly clear: If you have a bathtub at your disposal, use it!
With that out of the way, there are solutions for those of you who live in homes equipped with nothing but a shower. And while those solutions are certainly workable, they’re going to take a lot more doing. This means that you’re going to have to restructure the recipes, gather a few more tools, and increase your time in the shower to at least thirty minutes. What’s more, you’re going to have to pay strict attention to detail. Suffice it to say that this won’t be the most relaxing shower you’ve ever taken. But it can still be the most therapeutic if you follow the steps below carefully.
Gather supplies. In addition to the bath ingredients, you’ll also need a one-gallon container marked with seven equal portions, a five-gallon bucket, and an empty spray bottle.
Select a bath from the list above and alter the recipe. As you’ll have less water for dilution purposes, only use half of the recipe. Just divide the amount of each ingredient by two. In the case of one tablespoon, use a measurement of one and a half teaspoons. (If you opt for the beer bath, it’s okay to use the whole can of beer.)
Prepare the recipe. Pour the mixture into the one-gallon container, and fill with warm water. Fill the spray bottle from the container. Pour any remaining solution from the first measurement into the bucket. Then take all the containers to the bathroom and get into the shower.
Spritz. Use the solution in the spray bottle to completely cleanse all body openings. (Instead of squirting the solution into your eyes, apply it with your fingers.) Add any solution left in the bottle to the bucket.
Bathe. Now fill the bucket to the brim with warm water, and pour the contents over your head. Add the next solution measurement from the one–gallon container to the bucket, fill it with warm water, and repeat. Continue the process until all the solution is gone and you’ve poured seven full buckets of the mixture over your head. Allow your hair and skin to dry naturally.
CHAPTER 6
REVERSING THE CURSE AND VEXING THE HEX
I looked at the cards and studied their positions again. There was a problem, all right, but nothing that couldn’t be fixed. It was more like a temporary roadblock: Something that the client should meet head on and obliterate but at worst could manage to bypass. And that’s exactly what I told the woman sitting in front of me.
“But you don’t understand,” she wailed. “That other reader said I had a curse on me...a really bad one...and...”
“Oh, come now, Darlin’,” I said, putting on my brightest smile and trying to lighten the situation, “I don’t see anything like that here. In fact...”
“Well, she did! And I can’t afford to give her five hundred bucks to take it off. I don’t have five hundred bucks! I don’t have...” Her voice trailed off as she swiped furiously at the errant tears spilling down her face.
I handed her a tissue and sighed disgustedly. I’d heard this story before—more times than I cared to recall. It was the oldest scam in the book. The one that charlatans pulled on unsuspecting clients who’d just come in for a good time and a little entertainment. By the time the clients left, though, they’d had neither. Instead, they were so terrified at the thought of a life of bad luck that they’d do anything not to have to live through it. Even turn over their bank accounts if that’s what it took. And before it was said and done, that’s what usually occurred.
It all started out with this manufactured curse. The reader in question would harp on it and harp on it until the client’s better judgment took flight and soared right into oblivion. It didn’t matter how happy the client actually was—or had been before she’d stepped through the door—she’d suddenly begin to second guess herself and look for problems that didn’t exist. (Surely her husband hadn’t sent her flowers because he loved her. No, he must be screwing around. And the help Sally had given her with that project at work? That was just crap too. What Sally really intended to do was tell the boss that she was incapable of doing her own work and get her fired.) And once she started twisting things around in her mind, the result went way beyond a conclusion that life wasn’t as wonderful as she’d originally thought. It culminated in total agreement with the reader: She was cursed, and nothing she did would ever turn out right until that horrible, slimy mess that clung to her was once and for all removed.
Now charlatans may be lots of things, but fools, they’re not. They read people well. And once they see the client searching her mind for confirmation of these manufactured problems, they swiftly transform themselves into the most caring human beings on the planet. They take the client’s hand, pat it gently, and tell her not to worry. They wipe tears and say that everything will be just fine. Sometimes, they even go as far as to offer the client a cup of tea or coffee. Then when things have settled down somewhat and they’re sure they have the client’s trust, they move in for the kill. They go on to say that they can fix this problem quickly and easily, and all it will take—are you ready for this?!—is the burning of ten specially prepared candles at fifty bucks a pop. A very small price to pay, they say. What, after all, is a lifetime of happiness worth?
Of course, it doesn’t stop there. Now that the client’s been reeled in and written the check, one of two things happen: Either there’s routine “maintenance” to prevent future curses, or more episodes of cursing pop up along the way. But it doesn’t much matter which route the charlatan takes. Either way, the client keeps writing the checks and the reader is set for life.
I sat back in my chair, waited for my client to compose herself, and surveyed the cards again. Two things became glaringly apparent: First, the blockage I saw had to do with this other reader and the fear she’d instil
led, and second, there was no way I was going to persuade this woman to effectively bypass it by ignoring the charlatan’s advice. No, I was going to have to do something about it myself. I just prayed that I was as convincing as the person who’d started this whole mess.
“I can help you,” I said, looking the woman directly in the eye, “and it won’t...”
“But I already told you! I don’t have any money. I can’t get any money. There’s no way...”
I cut her off with a wave of my hand. “And it won’t cost you a thing. Unless of course, you need candles,” I added with a chuckle. “And then, I think a buck fifty ought to do it.”
She looked at me askance. “You’re kidding.”
A quick search of my face told her I wasn’t. And for the first time since she’d taken the chair across from me, my client actually smiled.
Sometimes you have to pull out the big guns, and that’s exactly what I did for my client. But before you wrack your brains to figure out if you’ve missed something, I can assure you that you haven’t. The curse the other reader spoke of was, indeed, manufactured. It was only a ruse to filch my client out of her life savings. And yet, I not only gave her the strongest hex-breaking weapon in my repertoire, I insisted that she use it. What’s up with that?
She needed it. Plain and simple.
Here’s the deal. As we discussed in Chapter 1, we are often our own worst enemies. We work ourselves up into tizzies, and instead of throwing the hissy fit that would bring such nonsense to a screeching halt, we give our minds free rein. They twirl round and round, searching for inconsistencies, inventing them where there are none, and gathering panic. Before it’s said and done, anxiety sets in, paranoia comes to call, and terror rears its ugly head. We become little more than blithering idiots incapable of so much as getting out of bed for fear that this horrible hex—manufactured or not—will find us, harm us, and ruin our lives forever.
Utterly Wicked: Curses, Hexes & Other Unsavory Notions Page 11