“Fred was young, he needed money to start a business and he had nobody else to ask it from—the banks didn’t want to lend him the dough. He took a loan from them,” Rodeo continued. Lila gasped and then tried to think logically.
“What about daddy? Why didn’t he just ask daddy or our MC for the money?” she asked and Rodeo clenched his jaws.
“I’m guessing this was before he met Lewis, and before the Marked Skulls was formed,” he replied.
“What happened to the business?” Girth cut in and Rodeo swung his head around to look at him.
“It tanked. He lost all the money. He spent a lot of years trying to pay the money back to those assholes, and they were never satisfied with what they got,” he explained.
“How were they not satisfied with it if he paid them back the full amount?” I asked in a squeaky voice. Things were beginning to make sense.
Girth was the one who was shaking his head now.
“They would have charged him an interest and if Fred took several years to pay that money back, he probably owed them more money in interest than he could afford,” Girth explained.
“It wasn’t just the interest. The Hell’s Drifters seemed to have an open tab with Fred. They came after him for more money, they kept going after him—threatening him so they could extract more and more,” Rodeo said.
I could see Lila’s eyes watering. Clearly none of them, even though they had all known Fred well, had any idea what was going on in his personal life.
“Why did they kill him?” I blurted. It might have been an insensitive thing to say and maybe it wasn’t my place to say it but I couldn’t stop myself. I was curious and confused.
“Because Fred refused to keep paying. They’d been after him, controlling his life for thirty years and he just didn’t want to keep doing it forever,” Rodeo replied.
“So they just killed him?” I asked. We were staring at each other. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“They threatened him. They provoked him. They hounded him till he refused to pay. They weren’t just going to let him off the hook—he had been a constant source of money for thirty years. They weren’t just going to forget about it and move on. If they weren’t going to get their money, they didn’t have a purpose for Fred anymore,” Rodeo said.
I gulped. My throat had gone dry. Even though I didn’t know Fred, I had got a sense of how close Rodeo was to him, and it made me sad to think that he had discovered these secrets about his mentor in such a brutal way.
“Girth, Lila, could you please give Jordan and me some time alone?” Rodeo said. He was talking to the two of them, but he was looking at me now. There was a darkened harsh look on his face, and I couldn’t think of why he would want to talk to me alone right now.
“Sure, yeah, Girth, maybe we should go,” Lila said, picking her purse off the couch.
Girth grunted and the two of them started walking towards the door.
“Thank you! I’m so grateful that you took the time out to come stay with me,” I called after them. Lila smiled and Girth tipped his head as they were leaving my apartment.
When I looked back at Rodeo, I could see him still staring at me. It was like he had noticed something new in me and was trying to get to the bottom of that.
“What’s going on?” I asked Rodeo. I could feel a chill running up my spine. Something was wrong, that much I had been able to figure out. This wasn’t about sex. He didn’t want to be alone with me because he wanted me. He wanted to say something to me.
“Rodeo?” I urged him, when Girth shut the door behind him. We were alone in my apartment again, and Rodeo was still staring at me.
“Jordan, maybe you should sit down,” he said. I couldn’t think of one good reason why he wanted me to sit down, unless he had some bad news to give me.
“Rodeo, you’re scaring me,” I told him. He was standing over me now, looking down at me firmly. He had his jaws clenched, his blue eyes were deep and stormy. It seemed like he was trying to prepare himself to say what he was about to say. My heart was racing. What could he possibly have to say to me in private?!
“Jordan, there was something else I discovered in Fred’s apartment. Something that relates to you,” Rodeo stated.
“Me? I didn’t know him,” I argued and he breathed in deeply, squaring his shoulders—like he was going in to battle.
“Fred was your father,” he said.
Chapter 17
Rodeo
Jordan was staring at me, her mouth was hanging open in shock. She was sitting on the couch and I was standing over her, while she looked like she’d just been slapped. I didn’t blame her for her reaction, that was how I’d felt when I first discovered the truth too.
“Rodeo, what are you talking about? You must be crazy,” she said.
I breathed out deeply and then sat down beside her on the couch. I reached for her shoulder, but she had no reaction to that.
“I’m sorry that you had to find out this way,” I told her and she shook her head. Her eyes were bright and wide, she was still trying to process the news.
“Please explain to me what you’re saying,” she said, in a shaky voice. I could see that she was trying to be firm, but she was confused.
“Fred was your father, that is what I’m saying, that is the truth,” I told her and she furrowed her brows.
“How do you know this? Do you think this is funny somehow?” she asked and I shook my head.
“I’m not trying to be funny. Was your mother’s name Sarah Avery?” I asked and she licked her lips nervously.
“Yes, it was. How do you know that?” she asked and I gulped. That was the last piece of information I needed, to validate my discovery.
“Because I know that Fred was your father, I have proof,” I said and Jordan stood up from the couch with a jerk.
“How do you know this?” she snapped. I could see that she was growing agitated. She was in total disbelief and she was beginning to distrust me too.
“Did your mother ever speak about your father?” I asked and she blinked at me rapidly for a few moments, before she shook her head.
“No, she didn’t. She said that it would be best if I never found out who he was. It doesn’t matter—I didn’t think I cared,” she said, and I could hear her voice beginning to crack.
“Fred wrote several letters to your mother over the years. Some of them he sent her—that’s my guess—but many of them, he never posted. I found them in a bundle in his desk,” I told her.
Jordan’s beautiful face was scrunched up and dark, her eyes were watery and the tops of her cheeks had turned to a deep red. I could see her whole body shaking from the shock.
“That is not proof, he might have known my mother at some point. That doesn’t mean that he is my father!” she snapped and I nodded my head.
“She wrote him a letter too. She talks about you in that letter,” I said. Jordan started pacing around the room, and I followed her every movement with my eyes. I was getting worried for her. I was worried that she was taking the news more badly than I’d anticipated.
“I don’t understand any of this. Why wouldn’t she tell me if she was still in touch with him? Why did he leave? Why did he never come see us? Why was he still writing letters?” she asked and she covered her face with her hands.
“Fred had no other choice. If he had a family, he would be putting their lives in danger. He was going to be indebted to the Hell’s Drifters for life—which meant that he was going to live a life on uncertain terms. Having a wife and a daughter would mean putting your lives at risk. He stayed away from you both to keep you safe,” I tried to explain.
Jordan shook her head. It was like anything I was saying to her seemed like a lie. She was still in disbelief.
“Hey, Jordan,” I said, standing up from the couch and walking towards her. She looked over at me and I could see that there was a fire in her eyes.
“No! Don’t just tell me all this and expect me to believe you. I
don’t believe you. This is too crazy!” she was gasping and breathing hard as she spoke and I walked towards her.
“Hey, okay, calm down. You don’t have to do anything. I just wanted you to know,” I said and reached my hand out towards her. She flinched when I touched her arm.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to upset you. I just thought that you deserved to know the truth,” I said and she stepped away from me.
“This is crazy. Why would he do that? Why would she do that?” she was saying and I shrugged my shoulders.
“That was probably why she didn’t want to tell you about him, because you were better of knowing as little as possible about him,” I said.
“Show me the proof. I want to see these letters myself,” she said, and there was a look of challenge in her dark eyes.
I nodded my head and then pulled out a bunch of letters from the pocket of my leather jacket. I sifted through the pages till I found the one I was looking for.
I knew these letters inside-out now. I had spent all this time in Fred’s apartment reading and re-reading them. I handed one to her, and Jordan snatched it from me like she was afraid that it would escape from her hand.
I watched her as she scanned the writing and then she looked up at me with an intense and horrified stare.
“This is my mom’s handwriting,” she said and flipped over the page. I knew that she was looking for the name at the bottom of the letter. I knew that it would say Sarah Avery.
“I know. She wrote it to Fred. That’s your proof, Jordan. That is proof that Fred was your father,” I told her.
***
Fred,
I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to reply to your letters before, I just didn’t have the courage to do it. I didn’t want to go down that road of talking to you again because I knew it would make me sad. It makes me sad everyday, it makes me sad to think that we are leading such separate lives. That you have never, and will never see your daughter. You’ve made your decision already, and even though you insist that it’s for our sake—I can’t get over it.
We were in love! We were supposed to raise our baby together, we were supposed to be a family. And I can’t believe that you were able to give all that up just because you’re afraid of a gang of thugs. I’m sorry but I can’t forgive you for that.
I didn’t plan on being a single mother, Fred, and I have no idea if I’m doing a good job. It’s been tough, I’m still struggling to make ends meet and trying to make sure that my daughter has the best life she can possibly have.
Sometimes I wish that you and I never met, so that you wouldn’t have the chance to break my heart.
I don’t know what else to say to you, other than that I still miss you and that I still think of you. Can’t we run away together somewhere far from here?
I apologize in advance if I don’t have the courage to respond to any of your future letters. Just know that I will always think of you.
Love,
Sarah
P.S. Our daughter’s name is Jordan. Jordan Avery.
I had already read that letter several times to know each word. I watched Jordan reading it now, her eyes flitting across the page as she read it a second time.
I could see her eyes beginning to water, she was gulping profusely; trying to stop the tears from choking her. When she looked up at me, her brown eyes were large and watery.
“So, are you saying that the fact he got shot right outside my apartment building, was pure coincidence?” she asked, and her hand shook as she gripped the letter in her hand.
I took a step towards her. I didn’t mean to upset her, I just thought that she deserved to know the truth.
“No, he was going to see you,” I replied. There were a few moments of complete silence while Jordan allowed the words to sink into her brain.
“He was coming to see me? How do you know this?” she asked in a squeaky voice.
“I found notes in his desk, he was looking up your address and trying to track you down,” I said and she shook her head.
“Why would he come to see me at five in the morning? None of this makes any sense!” she cried and collapsed back down on the couch again.
I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans and stood over her. I didn’t want to explain this bit to her. I could sense how difficult this was for her already. The thought that she had watched her father being shot! That she had seen his dead body right in front of her home. That she never got to know her father at all.
“Fred knew that he was getting closer and closer to being killed by the Hell’s Drifters. They’d threatened him, like he’d received serious threats from them, and he didn’t want them following him to your home. He probably figured that early in the morning would be the best possible time,” I said and sat down beside her on the couch.
A fat tear rolled down Jordan’s cheek, and she didn’t even bother wiping it. She didn’t care anymore if I saw her crying.
“Was he coming to see me because he knew that his life was in danger? Because he thought he could die any time and he didn’t want to lose that opportunity?” she asked. She was glaring at me with her wide bloodshot eyes and I didn’t know what to say to her.
“Is that it? Was that his last wish before he died? To come and see me?” she repeated, and her voice became shriller and more high-pitched. I couldn’t do anything but stare at her in her silence.
Jordan broke down, covering her face with her hands. Her body shook as she sobbed and I threw my arms around her and pulled her to my chest. I was stroking her head, trying to make sure that she was warm enough, comfortable enough…
“I’m sorry, Jordan. I’m sorry that you had to find out this way,” I whispered.
“Somehow, I was content knowing that I still had my father—alive somewhere out there. That I had at least one parent. Now, I have no family. I don’t have the hope of finding my father and getting to know him. I have nobody!” Jordan sobbed, with her face pressed into my chest. Her voice was muffled, and I continued stroking her hair. I wanted to tell her that she had me, that I had no plans of abandoning her.
She was Fred’s daughter! She was his legacy and I couldn’t believe that I had found her. There was no way that I would let anything happen to her. I was falling for her already, and now, after I’d found out the truth about Fred—I worshipped her even more.
I cradled Jordan in my arms and she clung to me. Neither of us wanted to let go.
She looked up at me, and her cheeks were streaked with tears. She sniffed loudly and tried to compose herself a little before she spoke again.
“Tell me about my father, Rodeo. I want to know more about him,” she whispered and I reached out to stroke her cheeks with my thumbs. I nodded my head. Of course she deserved to know.
***
I’d been telling Jordan stories about Fred, and finally she had started laughing. She had stopped sobbing and she was listening to the stories intently.
“We should have probably stayed and helped them pick up all the boxes from the floor, but we just ran. We were too drunk to know what was going on,” I continued with the story and Jordan covered her mouth as she laughed. She was genuinely enjoying herself.
We’d been sitting on the couch and talking, and she looked down at her lap with a smile on her face. I tried to tell her as many funny stories about Fred that I could remember. Since she hadn’t known him at all, I wanted her to know the good stuff.
“He sounds like a funny man,” she said finally and I nodded my head.
“He was a good man too,” I added and she nodded her head.
“I sense that, from the way you all speak about him. I know Lila and Lewis were close to him too,” she said.
“He was a calm and composed person. It was very easy to talk to him. He always had time for us, and he was one of those people who genuinely cared,” I continued and there was a watery twinkle in Jordan’s eye.
“From the way that Lila talks about him, I can tell that he would have been a g
ood father to me if only he’d got the chance,” she declared and I reached out and placed a hand on her knee.
“He would have been an amazing father. He was to us,” I said and our eyes met.
“I didn’t even realize that I was watching my father being shot. That he died right in front of my eyes,” she continued and I gulped.
“It’s probably better that way. Maybe that moment would have been a lot more painful for you if you’d known who he was,” I told her and Jordan nodded her head.
“Do you think the Hell’s Drifters know who I am?” she asked and I shook my head.
“No, if they did; they would have come after you a lot sooner. No, I think to them, you are just a witness who could get them in trouble with the cops because you saw the shooting,” I said and she licked her lips nervously and took in a deep breath.
“I don’t even want to imagine what was going through his head. He saw me at this window, now I understand why he looked so directly and confidently at me. I can still see him,” she said and her body jolted.
“That will be my last…my only memory of him,” she added in a quiet ghostly voice. I squeezed her knee and she came closer to me.
“Thank you for telling me, Rodeo,” she whispered.
Jordan was sitting on the couch in front of me, crouched on her knees with her legs underneath her. Our eyes were locked and my gaze dropped down to her heaving breasts.
It was weird for me that I’d had sex with Fred’s daughter. That I’d seen her naked and been inside her. I had no idea what Fred’s reaction would have been to that if he knew, if he was still here.
Jordan reached out her hand and sunk her fingers into my beard. She was trying to make sure that I didn’t look away from her.
“Does this change anything between us?” she asked abruptly, and for the first time in my life—I was feeling tongue-tied. I clenched my jaws and tried to think of what I could possibly respond with.
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