Cassie sat sideways in her chair watching Tanner and Emily. She’d told herself to keep her focus on them, but halfway through their first dance her eyes strayed toward the best man. Her gaze began at his feet and slowly ascended until she was helplessly staring into his hypnotizing, green eyes. A wave of despair rose from deep within her. Unable to hold back, tears begin to fall, moistening her cheeks as the song came to an end. She turned herself back around to face the table, reached into her gold clutch, and retrieved a tissue.
“Honey, why are you crying?” Landon asked in a concerned tone.
She gently blotted her dampened skin. “I’m… I’m just really happy for Tanner and Em. They’ve fought hard to get to this point. Their road to happiness wasn’t an easy one.” It wasn’t entirely untrue. Tanner and Emily had endured a lengthy, long distance relationship and she was incredibly happy that they’d accomplished their happy ending, but she wasn’t crying happy tears. The reasons for her tears were more complicated than that.
The music blended into the background as white-coated waiters served the first course: spring mix salad with a citrus vinaigrette. Next was the main course: beef wellington, sour cream and chive mashed potatoes, and roasted asparagus. Cassie had remained quiet during much of dinner and Landon decided to spark a lighthearted conversation to fill the awkward silence.
“How’s the weather been here?”
“Perfect.”
“Yeah? What have you been doing all week?” He asked curiously.
“Um… I attended a cocktail party here the first night. Thursday we went sailing—”
“You went sailing? How was that? I’ve always wanted to do that.”
“You would’ve loved it, although I must admit—it’s not as easy as it looks.”
“One of these days I would love to learn—of course, I’d have to manage lessons around my busy schedule.” Landon took a sip of champagne and placed his crystal flute back onto the table. “What else have you been up to?”
“After we went sailing Tanner, Emily, Jacob, and I went to dinner at a restaurant a few blocks from the bed and breakfast, and yesterday was the rehearsal and bachelorette party.” Cassie shrugged her shoulders. “That’s basically it.”
Landon placed his silverware down and grabbed his napkin. He wiped his mouth before setting it back in his lap and stroked the stubble on his chin with one of his hands.
“Is something wrong?” she asked. “You obviously seem bothered by something I just said.”
Still stroking his chin, he answered, “The four of you together at dinner sounds a lot like a double date.” he turned his head, studying the disapproving glare Cassie was giving him.
“Well, if you’ll remember correctly, your name was listed on the invitation as well and had you not backed out at the very last minute, it would have been the five of us at dinner.” Jealousy had never been an issue in their relationship before. In fact, he’d concocted the idea of her and Jacob meeting in New York last fall. It was a foreign emotion; one that she was unaware that he was capable of feeling until now.
“Trust me—I remember. Look… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply anything.” Landon leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers before pulling away to glance into her hazel eyes. “It’s just—I’ve seen the way he looks at you… I guess the idea of you and Jacob together does seem kind of… comical.”
“Why do you say that? Jacob’s a nice guy.”
“Yeah, he’s a great guy—a hell of an architect too, but he’s not your type.”
Cassie tilted her head in bewilderment. “Okay—now I’m curious. What is my type?”
Landon licked his lips and inched forward. “Well, I was kind of thinking it was… me”, he explained. He smiled and Cassie returned the gesture, grinning back at him. “You need stability—that’s something that a guy like Jacob can’t offer a girl like you.”
Cassie was caught off-guard by his last comment and she secretly wondered who Landon was trying to convince: her or himself? “Really? Well, I’ve known him for years; you’ve known him for what—ten months? What makes you think you’ve got him all figured out?”
Landon gestured with his hand. “Two words: personal observation. Back in January I traveled to New York, remember?”
“Yes.”
“After our meeting, several of us stopped and had a few drinks and let me tell you what, women flock to him and from what I could see—he wasn’t putting up a whole hell of a lot of resistance…”
Cassie’s mind wandered. She thought about the night she’d traveled to New York after receiving his text six years earlier. She thought about how he’d managed to bring home another woman and she questioned how a man who’d purchased an engagement ring a day earlier, could end things so abruptly and find comfort from intimacy with another.
“… So you see—the idea of you and a guy like Jacob is completely ridiculous. You’d never fall for a scheme like that and I’m really sorry I let my mind briefly go there.”
Yeah, she was sorry, too. Sorry that she’d betrayed Landon and sorry that she’d allowed herself to seriously consider Jacob’s proposal.
* * *
Jacob sat at the head table, blindly pushing his gourmet dinner around his plate with his fork. His focus was steady on the table adjacent to his and the dance floor. Cassie and Landon’s backs were turned; they were engaged in conversation, although he couldn’t decipher what about. They didn’t appear to be arguing, but they weren’t overly affectionate toward one another either. He couldn’t think of anything crueler than having to witness their interplay. Landon’s arm was resting along the back of her chair when he leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. It wasn’t a passionate one—just a simple peck on the lips, but it tormented him just the same.
Hostility settled in the pit of his stomach, his restlessness evident by his inability to remain stationary in his chair. He ran his fingers through his thick, dark hair and slowly exhaled in an attempt to regain his composure. When he glanced again toward their table, Landon’s chair was suddenly empty. Finally observing an opportunity to speak to her, he quickly stood from his seat.
Tanner grabbed his wrist. “Jacob, don’t do this—not now”, he pleaded in a low tone.
“Sorry, bro—I have to. This may be my only chance to catch her alone; I have to talk to her.”
He quickly rushed toward her, bracing one of his hands on the back of her chair and the other on the table. “What is he doing here?” he demanded. “I thought you said he wasn’t coming.”
“He finished business early in Seattle. I didn’t know he was coming—I’m just as surprised to see him here as you are.”
“Have you thought about my proposal?”
“Jake, we can’t talk about this right now. Landon’s going to be back any second and—”
“Jacob—it’s good to see you!” Landon exclaimed as he approached from behind. He extended his arm and Jacob firmly shook his hand.
“You too.”
“How’s everything been going?” Landon asked.
Jacob stared into Cassie’s eyes as he answered. “Things couldn’t be better.”
Her anxiety level was off the chart—she needed to get away and she needed to do it quickly. Cassie stood up and reached for her gold clutch.
“Honey, where are you going?” Landon asked.
She attempted her best smile, praying that it appeared genuine. “I need to use the restroom. I won’t be gone long.”
She eagerly exited the tent and climbed the steps to the dimly lit deck. Once inside the cottage, she entered the guest bathroom by the den and locked the door behind her. She held a washcloth under the faucet and wrung-out the excess water before placing it on the back of her neck. She closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing; slowly inhaling through her nose and exhaling the air through her mouth. Gradually her rapid pulse began to calm and when she opened her eyes she suddenly became aware of where she stood.
Just over twenty-four hours
ago she’d snuck away from the rehearsal dinner and had met Jacob here. He’d held her body with his strong arms and kissed her passionately. Recalling the sensation brought a smile to her face, one that quickly faded as she suddenly became aware of her reflection. She didn’t recognize that girl staring back at her and that admission frightened her.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Convinced that she was finally calm enough to return, Cassie left the cottage and entered the colossal, white canopy. Jacob and Landon were still engaged in conversation, although Landon seemed as though he was doing most of the talking. Once he was on the subject of business it was difficult to interject.
Moments after she’d returned the music transitioned into a soft, slow melody. Couples migrated to the dance floor like moths to a flame and when Landon excused himself from the conversation he’d been having with Jacob, she knew why.
He held out his hand. “Cassandra, let’s dance.”
She hesitated for a moment. “I don’t know if—”
“Oh c’mon—I promise not to step on your toes.”
Cassie smiled nervously and then quickly glanced at Jacob. “Um, okay”, she responded softly.
Jacob watched helplessly as Landon led her onto the dance floor and pulled her body close to his. His hands rested just below the small of her back as he buried his face against the side of her neck. Jacob’s demeanor went from bad to worse; he needed to get the hell out of there. He snatched two glasses of champagne and fled the tent in search of some fresh air and his sanity.
* * *
“Have I told you yet that you look absolutely beautiful tonight?” Landon asked as they slow-danced.
“Yes you did, thank you.”
Landon buried his face against the side of her neck. “Mmm—you smell really good, too” he stated in a low seductive groan. He brushed his lips against her skin, spreading little kisses across the surface of her neck and jaw.
“Landon—”
“You’re so tense. Relax…”
This wasn’t good. People were watching—Jacob could be watching. She’d never felt as uncomfortable in her own skin as she did at that very moment. She didn’t want to hurt anyone, but as the evening progressed, she knew it was practically unavoidable.
“Pardon me, may I cut in?” Tanner asked.
Landon broke free from his hold and smiled. “Well, I suppose I can’t say no to the groom.” He glanced at his watch. “It’s still early on the west coast. I’ve got a few business calls to make anyway.”
Tanner took her by the hand and spun her around. He placed one hand on her back and held one of her hands in his. “Hi.”
Cassie grinned; Tanner’s gentleman ways always had that kind of effect on her. “Hi.”
“I want you to know how sorry I am about keeping the truth from you. I hope you can find it in that good heart of yours to forgive me.”
“You’re forgiven.”
“Thank you.”
“So, how are you holding up? I take it that you were surprised to see Landon here tonight.”
She cleared her throat. “Yeah.”
“You know… Jacob’s absolutely crazy about you—he always has been. Do you want to know what I think?”
This was so typical of Tanner; always giving his opinion whether you wanted to hear it or not. “What?” she asked cordially.
Tanner ended their slow-dance and grabbed her by the hands. His eye’s bored into hers, commanding her undivided attention. “Destiny is hard at work. Everything that’s happened up until this very moment is a result of it. Landon was supposed to be absent, you were meant to be here alone, and Jacob was destined to propose. You two have the kind of chemistry that only comes once in a lifetime; anyone with half a brain can see it. Fate brought you this far, and now it’s up to you.” Tanner kissed her on the back of her hand as the tempo sped up and then walked away in search of his bride.
Cassie glanced at her table; Landon hadn’t yet returned. Her mind was cluttered, misfiring information and disabling her ability to reason. She advanced toward the dimly lit deck, coming to a halt at the railing. No matter what she ultimately decided, someone was going to get hurt and it tore her to pieces at the thought of it. She crossed her arms as she inhaled the brisk, coastal breeze and noticed that she wasn’t alone; Jacob was seated below her on the lower deck. She ambled toward the steps, gripping the railing as she descended down them.
The absent moon obscured the private patio, allowing her the opportunity for a private moment with him for the very first time since his proposal.
“Hi—mind if I join you?” she asked.
Jacob smiled as she approached. “Not at all.”
She took a seat in the Adirondack chair next to him and they sat in silence for a few awkward moments before she spoke again. “It was a really nice ceremony.”
“Yes it was”, he commented dryly.
“I can’t believe how well everything came together. The reception tent looks like a grand ballroom. Yesterday the reception area looked so plain and… sterile.”
Jacob chuckled softly. “Yeah, I guess it kind of did.” Jacob turned to look at her, their eyes connecting. “Please tell me you sought me out to tell me yes.”
Cassie lowered her head and let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
“Why, because of Landon? I think we both know if he’d never come here tonight, your answer would be different.”
She shook her head. “I let myself get carried away the last few days; seeing Landon again put everything in perspective.”
“Cassie, don’t bullshit me. You feel something for me—I know you do. The other night when you came to my suite—”
“The other night in your suite was… perfect, but it was one night. I got lost in the moment—I’ve been lost ever since. You aren’t my reality… Landon is.”
He clenched his jaw, trying to control his temper. “Are you in love with him?” he demanded.
“Jake, please—”
“Cassie—it’s a valid question and a pretty simple one to answer: yes or no.”
She stared at her trembling hands resting in her lap. He was right—it should be an easy question to answer, but it wasn’t. It was a question that made her uncomfortable, but one he deserved an answer to. “Landon loves me very much and… and I care very deeply about him, too.”
“That’s not what I asked you.”
“What do you want me to say, Jake?”
“The truth—you’re not in love with him.” Jacob caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers. “You’re in love with me.” He lifted her chin with his fingertips. “Please, look at me. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you love me.”
Silent tears fell as she gazed into his eyes. “I can’t do that”, she whispered.
Jacob pulled away, leaning forward in his chair. With his arms resting on his lap, he bowed his head. An explosion of panic erupted within his gut. Hours earlier he was confident and convinced that she’d finally allowed herself to feel; to disentangle herself from the fear that had crippled her. This was not the same woman that arrived at the ceremony earlier this evening—she was long gone. The woman sitting next to him was tense, remorseful, and afraid; afraid of hurting a man that she genuinely cared about, afraid of uncertainty, and terrified to follow her heart.
He ran both of his hands through his dark hair and sighed. “Okay—you’re obviously overwhelmed and I apologize for putting you on the spot like that. You don’t have to answer right now. Take more time to think about it—as much time as you need.” Jacob stood up and reached for her hands, assisting her to her feet. “Don’t walk away from me—from us.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t need more time. I can’t marry you. I’m so sorry, but… I just can’t.”
He was losing her. She was slipping away. He palmed both sides of her face, demanding her full attention. “Damn it, Cass! I love you.” He pressed his lips against hers, believing his kiss could say what he couldn’t convey with
words; praying he could topple the emotional walls she’d erected since Landon’s arrival. He pulled away, resting his forehead against hers; his hands still cupping her beautiful face. “Don’t walk away. Not when we’re so close to everything we’ve ever wanted”, he pleaded breathlessly.
Cassie gripped his wrists with her hands. “I have to”, she whispered as her voice began to crack. “Please, don’t make this harder than it already is.”
“It doesn’t have to be hard, baby. Stay with me… say yes.”
The back of her eyes were beginning to sting and she blinked back the tears as best as she could. “I can’t. I have to get back.” She started to walk away. She made it all the way to the first step when Jacob rushed after her and took her by the hand, preventing her from escaping. She turned to look at him one last time. Steady streams of tears were now falling and she wiped them away with her free hand as she spoke. “Please don’t follow me. If you love me as much as you say you do, you’ll let me walk away.” Jacob stared into her watery eyes and she could see the unmistakable hurt behind his. His gaze was steady as his grip loosened. “I will always cherish the time we spent together this week”, she said softly, and then turned and walked away.
* * *
Cassie opened the door to her suite and closed it behind her. As soon as Landon placed his luggage on the ground he advanced toward her. He swept her up into his arms and kissed her, exploring her mouth as if he’d forgotten how it felt and how it tasted. He ambled toward the king-size bed and placed her on it, his lips never leaving hers. He positioned himself above her, leaving her mouth behind and exploring the soft, fragrant skin on her neck. She closed her eyes in an attempt to escape. She couldn’t make love to Landon—not here—not now.
She gently pushed her hands against his chest, interrupting his re-acquaintance with her body. “I’d really like to take a hot bath”, she explained.
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