I couldn’t understand it, but suddenly I blew on that tiny flake of snow, and that heat, it rolled past my lips and caressed that snowflake. Next thing I knew, one flake turned into a mound of it, and piercing through the layer swayed a delicate, ice-kissed red rose.
Hades grunted with what seemed like shock, and I went absolutely still.
“You have magic?” His astonishment was evident as he reached for the flower, plucking it out of my hand.
I shook my head. “No. I’m human. I’m nothing.”
That flower looked far more delicate gripped between his long, strong fingers. A muscle in his jaw clenched as he studied me closely.
“No, little spirit. Human or no, you’re certainly not nothing. Who were you?”
Rubbing my stomach, which now hurt, I blinked several times. I never would have believed that simply touching my fingers to the waters could have dulled my mind, could have erased the memories, but I’d known nothing of the underworld. I was suddenly very grateful I’d not actually drunk from it if just touching the water could make me feel this slow and stupid.
Trying to remember what it was that’d brought me here... It hurt. Like, physically hurt. Brought the sharp bursts of that fire back, making me shudder, tremble, as sweat worked along my brows and down my back.
“Ssh.” He patted my shoulder gently. “Relax, little one. I would never harm you.”
“Hades was a devil,” I said without thinking.
And for the first time, a whisper of a smile ghosted past his lips, and for just a moment sunlight sparkled upon the cascade of winter, causing it to glimmer like glitter.
I sucked in a sharp breath as another memory tried to push through. A shadow of darkness sitting upon a throne... Rain and lightning, and a field of madness, and love...
Tears gathered forcefully, burning the back of my throat, and a pain so wide and deep and unyielding consumed me so that I felt I might actually die from it. It left me breathless, left me choking and gasping and desperate, and without thinking, I dipped a finger into the water. Instantly the pain quieted, causing the suffocating desires to float away like red balloons drifting slowly skyward.
Hades grabbed my hand. “Stop, Alice. You must stop. Play no more in these waters. There is something in you, something that might be... might be valuable to me too. I didn’t believe Aphrodite when she came to me, but I do now.”
The entreaty in his voice captured my attention, and I closed my eyes, feeling calm again. Serene, the pain of memories all but gone.
“Alice, if I ask you to trust me, can you?”
I did not know him at all, but he seemed a nice enough man. Besides, it wasn’t like I could die again. Laughter bubbled up my throat.
“Come with me, little spirit,” he said as he stood and held out his hand to me.
I took Hades’s hand, thinking to myself that he was far nicer than the devil should be.
I didn’t care where he led me; it was so nice not to hurt anymore. And maybe, if I was lucky, in time I’d simply fade away and cease to be, and all these weird and painful memories would vanish right along with me.
Chapter 10
Hatter
Days turned to weeks and then weeks to a month.
I felt my mind devolving. Felt a terrible madness creeping into me. Desperation. Impotence. Rage. All of it mingling into one horrible and sickening reality.
I’d lost my Alice forever.
The Alice of my former life.
The Alice who’d once meant everything to me. Whom I’d once meant everything to.
Galeta, who’d been unable to remain continuously after the first week, came as often as she could. But it was Danika who kept by my side, daily sharing memories with me.
Both of us suffering in our own way.
It wasn’t just my life Danika revealed to me during our nightly streaming of the alternate Kingdom memories, I saw all our lives. Those of us she’d called her Bad Five. I also saw her life. Her and Jericho’s, the man in the moon who seemed to remember her no more.
I gave all the memories my attention, but none nearly so much as my own. I drank in the sight of Alice whenever she appeared to me. Falling harder, and deeper, and more madly in love than I’d ever been before.
It wasn’t possible that any man, woman, or creature could love anyone as I did her. And it wasn’t simply for her beauty alone.
It was for the soul that lived inside her. I rubbed at my chest as I watched us make love on a bed of spongy brain coral, glued to the vision bubbles as she laughed and teased me. As she’d tackle me to the ground and remind me over and over that I was her man, her lover, her world.
To know that I’d once known such great love and that I’d lost it forever... It was a sorrow I could scarcely describe. The pain sliced me like a knife, so that even taking a breath was no luxury at all.
Waking up in the mornings alone and always wondering why it was that Hades had denied her and me the chance to ever meet. Wondering why it was that I’d only learned of her true existence once it was far too late to do anything about it.
I hated the capricious gods. Hated the world. My life. My existence.
And with that hate came a slowly devolving quagmire of madness that consumed my mind. I found myself turning back into the man I’d been in that other life.
Life made no sense. Reality made no sense. Only the abstract, the foolish, and the ironic seemed to bring a smile to my face.
The paradox was that a storm brewed inside my soul, but outside, Wonderland was beautiful and normal and rational, even though nothing about this situation was rational or made even the slightest bit of sense.
Each night I could only sleep after conjuring up a small cake. It wasn’t much in the way of magic, but it made me feel stupidly closer to her. The cakes always tasted abysmal, and I found myself wishing I could either grow tall or short or maybe even just disappear altogether, but it was just cake. Rotten and unfulfilling and empty.
Danika was curled up on my left side with my arm draped over her shoulder as I sat stiff as a board upon my couch. We reached out to each other for comfort and support neither one of us truly had to give.
Both of us shed silent tears as we watched the remnants of a life that were now nothing more than pictures on a screen. The hurt shouldn’t be this consuming, this painful... I’d never really known this Alice.
But we’d traded souls when we’d traded the Stones of Veritas. A cool, lovely cocoon of warmth flowed like a gentle current through my veins, reminding me all over again that none of this was our imagination, that this strange and alternate life had once been our reality, because nestled inside me was a delicate string of Alice’s soul.
Which meant if she was in me, I was still in her. If I suffered, how much more did she right now?
The vision bubbles shifted, revealing to me a crying Alice. The undulating scrollwork of the black makeup she wore beneath her eyes dripped tears as she held our daughter and looked up at me to make the sun witch’s curse go away.
I swallowed hard as agony pierced every square inch of me.
And then there was a burst of dark energy that caused both Danika and me to practically jump off the couch and whirl as one to face the ominous visage of a Greek god.
I’d never personally seen Hades before. But I could well imagine that this towering pillar of black death could be none other than he.
The man was close to seven feet in height, with long black hair that trailed to midway down his bare chest and a face that seemed both gaunt and fleshed out. And every so often, when the light would strike his features a certain way, I could swear I saw a mask of glinting bone beneath. His eyes glowed with flame, and in his hand he gripped a silver-handled sword that practically gleamed blue in the dim lighting of my cottage.
Hard eyes turned first toward Danika, giving her a quick but thorough once-over before turning back to me. His gaze was sharp, intelligent, and focused.
And the madness that’d teased at me for the
past month suddenly seemed to vanish like a thick fog over dark waters. Clarity of thought and mind returned to me with just the promise of finally getting to see my Alice again. Hope bloomed like a blade, piercing through my heart and leaving me feeling breathless.
“You are the male they refer to as Hatter.”
The words weren’t phrased as a question, so I didn’t treat it as one. Instead, I clenched my fists and took a step forward.
“Take me to her. Take me to Alice,” I barked, knowing Hades could likely end my pathetic existence if he had a wish to, but not giving a right damn at the moment.
He nodded thoughtfully, as if coming to some sort of conclusion. His words were deep and sonorous as he said, “I will take you to her. But first, I must warn you of what you are walking into.”
“I don’t care. I just need to see her. I just need to be with her.”
He lifted a peaked brow, snorting forcefully as though irritated or annoyed, but I didn’t care. Nothing mattered now except her. The rapid beat of my heart was a jarring, almost painful thing inside my chest. Impatience clawed at me. I’d all but given up on ever getting to see her, but I was so close now I could taste it. Any sacrifice would be worth the cost.
Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to speak with a calm I did not feel. “Even death could not keep me from her. If I must die to go to—”
Hades lifted a hand, stalling my words immediately. I had no choice but to react to the strength of the power emanating from him and promptly snapped my mouth shut.
“Death is almost certainly what you will reap for your troubles. But I would be no man of honor if I didn’t at least warn you. You live. She does not. She exists in a world no mortal may enter. Only gods, like myself, and those already dead do not suffer death’s sting. But not one such as you. Every day you walk among my people, you will lose a little more strength, weakening to the point you eventually collapse. It is a slow and very painful way to die. Your only chance at returning to your world is if she chooses to follow you out of there. But know this, Mad Hatter, if she does not follow you out in three days’ time, not only will you perish, but you will simply cease to be. There will be no afterlife for you. Now ask yourself, is that a sacrifice you’re truly willing to make?”
My lips clamped shut as the enormity of his words hit me like a sledgehammer to my chest. Not simply death, but a complete obliteration of self. I blinked. Three days wasn’t enough time. Not for something like this.
“I need more time,” I pleaded. “Three days isn’t enough, it’s not—”
He shook his head, dark eyes flashing fire. “Three days is all you get. And it is a sight more than I’ve ever granted another. You are not the first despondent come to me, begging me to return a loved one. You are, however, the only one I’ve ever invited in. Take it or leave it.”
I swallowed hard, a greasy knot of fear and desperation slicking my gut. “Her soul and mine are joined. If I perish, will she also?”
His nostrils flared, but he answered without the growl of anger behind it. “No. I’ve granted her safe haven in my realm, Alice will remain forever with me. And you should know, I rather enjoy her company.”
An immediate surge of jealousy whipped through my veins. I’d never really been a jealous man. I’d known of Other Alice’s many paramours and had always turned my head and shrugged it off. But the thought of anyone, even a god of death, knowing my Alice made me feel homicidal and full of rage.
Hades’s lips twitched, and a flash of humor washed across his stern features lightning fast—there one second, gone the next, as if the Lord of the Underworld did not know how to laugh.
“I’ve never understood love, or the sappy sentiment that comes along with it, though I’ve witnessed it aplenty among my spirits and marveled at the depth of such powerful emotions us gods seem completely incapable of even mimicking. But I think perhaps I am beginning to.”
Did he love Alice? And on the tail end of that terrible thought came another. Did she love him? My eyes widened and my chest ached.
Hades shook his head, and the humor was long vanished from him. “It is not your Alice to whom I refer. Only know this: she has come to mean a great deal to me. If I believe for even a moment that you mean her harm, I will toss you from Elysium, and she will be lost to you forever. Have I made myself clear?”
Wetting my lips, I shook my head. “I would never harm her. She is the other half of me. You must know this; otherwise, you wouldn’t have come here. Would you?”
I knew my suspicions were correct by the all too brief and sudden lowering of his eyes, as if he gave me a silent yes.
“Then follow me, boy.” He turned, and suddenly where he’d stood was now a space of vast and endless darkness so all-consuming that light seemed completely incapable of entering in. Hades stood to the side, waiting on me with a look in his eyes that said he tested me even now.
What would I do?
Fear hammered away at my chest. Could I really do this? Could I make her remember me in just three days’ time? We had a lifetime of memories and a life built together over the centuries—it seemed an impossible task. I was crushed by failure already.
Small fingers suddenly clamped onto my wrists like a vise, and when I glanced up, I was shocked to note that at some point Danika had walked over to me. She’d been silent as death the past week, moving very little, if at all.
But there was a fire glowing from inside her now, and when she spoke, she did so with authority and conviction of heart.
“Three days. It’s all you had before. And it was enough. I will not abandon you, Hatter. Should you need me, all you have to do is call my name and I will hear you.”
“No.” Hades shook his head hard. “Neither you nor anyone else may enter my realm. If he is to win her back, he must do it alone. Those are my terms.”
Danika clenched her fingers together tight, looking at Hades with a silent plea burning in her eyes. But the god of death was unyielding in his decree and only stared at her with haughty disdain.
Sighing and with voice trembling, Danika looked back to me and said, “Then go to her, Hatter. Go to her and bring her back. Bring our darling girl back.”
And though my feet felt full of lead, I nodded at her, turned, and stepped into the all-consuming darkness of death’s door.
I fell. For what seemed an eternity. But there was no light. No sounds. Nothing. And as I continued to fall, I wondered if I’d made a terrible choice. What if Hades had lied? What if Alice wasn’t wherever it was that he was taking me to? Or was he even taking me anywhere at all?
And with those thoughts came the return of that madness, and words spewed out of my throat as I tried in vain to calm myself.
“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, / Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”
And with those final words, I fell painfully hard into land. Shoulder and arm jarred so forcefully that I couldn’t help the grunt that passed my lips. Dazed, confused, I blinked several times, wondering if the wailing winds of winter and the dreary grayness of sky was real or if I had died after all and hadn’t been obliterated into nothingness as Hades had vowed.
But then an awareness, a... a feeling so all-consuming and desperate raced across my skin that I shoved up on my arms, ignoring the immediate burst of pain that movement brought with it. And as I looked straight ahead, my soul suddenly trembled.
Jumping to my feet, I stood mute and in awe.
There she was. My heart. My compass.
The very breath and heartbeat of me.
She looked worn. Weary. Exhausted.
Her body was still as shapely as it’d been in the visions, but there was a weariness etched on her features that felt fixed and permanent, as though she’d rarely known a moment’s happiness in life. Her hair was limp, and she wore none of the fancy dresses, jewels, or makeup I’d once known her in. Instead, she wore a hospital gown. Her legs and feet were bare, but she did n
ot seem bothered by the cold surrounding her. Her toenails were painted a vivid red, and a ghost of a grin tipped the corners of my lips. She’d always loved the color red.
And with each beat of my heart, the only words I could hear were: My goddess. My lover. My heart.
There’d never been anything more beautiful than Alice. Yes, she looked similar in form to the other Alice, but there was an innate beauty to her that Other Alice could never hope to mimic.
This was the Alice of legend. This was my Alice. And I would know her anywhere, no matter if a curse drove us apart over and over and over again. That surety deep in my soul spread like heat all through me.
“My Alice.” The whisper tore through my heart and spilled off my tongue, ringing with such purity and truth that for just a moment, even the gloom of her afterlife lifted and a bright beam of light bathed her in its golden finery.
I flicked a glance down once again to her bare toes, and my lips twitched at the sudden memory of our first meeting.
Liquid brown eyes the color of rich earth stared back at me curiously, and though something inside me froze at the emptiness of her gaze, the wait to get to see her, the need of our meeting, it all overwhelmed me and I threw caution to the wind.
“You,” I all but croaked, overcome by my emotions and the unbearable strain of feeling a lifetime’s worth of agony suddenly wash away at my first glimpse of her. I took a step toward her and tried not to panic when she rocked back on her heels and held up her hands warily.
I shook my head, blinking, mind at war with my own heart. I wanted to rush to her. Wanted to declare my undying and faithful devotion to her. Wanted to beg her forgiveness and plead with her to let us start anew.
I loved her more now than I’d ever known could be possible before. My heart beat again, and I felt the stir of our magic move like feelers through the air, saw the world around us practically inhale with the promise of it, impatient just as I was for my first taste of her.
To hold her again. To know her again. To have her look upon me as she once had. It was a desperate madness beating within me.
The Mad King (The Dark Kings) Page 9