I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. This feeling—this kind of, sort of liking feeling—was massively inconvenient. Inkonbinient, even.
I got up and wandered down the street, taking in all the closed-up stores. The only noises I could hear were the buzzing of the konbini and the croaking of cicadas. And also… Caroline?
“You didn’t show up,” she said.
I stopped and looked around.
“I forgot,” David said. “Christ, it happens. People forget things.”
It took me a few seconds to find them because they were huddled in an alleyway between two stores. David had his hands on Caroline’s shoulders.
“I waited for you till midnight!” Caroline hissed. “I called your phone, like, ten times! You seriously expect me to believe you forgot?” She pushed past him and stumbled into the street, stopping short as soon as she saw me. “Sophia?”
“Hey,” I said. Oh God. Her face was pale and blotchy. She’d clearly been crying.
“Sofa!” David said, turning around.
Before I could say anything back, the door to the konbini slid open and Jamie and Mika toppled into the street. Mika’s mouth was open wide with laughter, and she was clinging to Jamie’s arm. She was wearing her Wonder Woman T-shirt, and her hair was gelled into a small blue fauxhawk. Jamie held a plastic bag and gazed down at her adoringly.
I felt my chest expand and then tighten. Oh crap. I was going to implode.
“Sofa!” David said again. His eyes gleamed as he strode toward me, a streamlined figure all in black. Tight black T-shirt, black pants, black pointy shoes that glinted in the light. His clothes made him impossibly tall. They made his eyes intensely blue. When he got to me, he wrapped an arm around me and kissed the top of my head. Then he squeezed my shoulder and kissed the top of my head again. “Sofa! You’re here!”
Caroline stayed back, combing her hair in front of her face.
Were she and David breaking up?
“Check out the goth twins,” Mika said when she reached us. Jamie wasn’t wearing a hat anymore, but he had the same navy-blue T-shirt on. His cheeks and nose were pink, like maybe they’d been sunburned.
My head filled with static. I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t know if I should say anything. We’d been in the same vicinity for approximately twelve seconds, and he hadn’t said one word to me.
Mika reached up to ruffle Jamie’s hair. “Dude, how did you hide all this under that hat?! It looked a lot smaller on Skype.”
Jamie ducked away from her, but he was grinning. “Yeah, well. It’s not quite as impressive as that Smurf Mohawk.”
David sighed. “Break it up, you two.” He rolled his eyes conspiratorially at me, and I exhaled loudly in agreement. Despite everything else, I still liked being on his team.
“So,” I said. “Any desire to tell me what’s going on?”
He pulled me into a tight hug that felt lanky and secure. I caught another glimpse of Caroline, standing away from us, outside the light of a streetlamp. She seemed crumpled and heartbroken, but she lifted her hand to wave at me.
David’s voice whispered in my ear, “Not a cat’s chance in hell, little Sofa.”
It was dark out, but not dark-dark. Purplish clouds curled across the sky, glowing from light pollution. Tokyo never blacked out, not even at night. Not even by the T-Cad, where the buildings didn’t touch the sky.
We waded through the muggy air of the cemetery, David leading the way and Mika and Jamie just behind. They were still being jokey and playful with each other.
And they were ignoring me.
Mika was probably still pissed about how I’d treated Jamie his first night back. And Jamie—he was being cool and aloof again, exactly the way he’d been at karaoke. Once, he glanced over his shoulder at me, like he was thinking about saying something.
But I pretended not to notice.
Which was fairly easy because Caroline was walking next to me, emitting a series of sniffling noises.
The harsh truth was that David broke up with everyone. He didn’t always do the actual breaking up, but he always did the thing that caused the breaking up. He got distant, he got flirtatious, he got desperate for the relationship to end. And then it would.
But even though I’d spent the last year daydreaming about this moment—the moment when David realized Caroline was not his type—I felt a little bad for her. I had a compact mirror in my tote that I shoved wordlessly into her hand. She clutched it gratefully and linked her arm tightly with mine.
We trudged out of the cemetery and into the park that wrapped around the back of the T-Cad, away from the gate and the ever-present guard, along the line of the school fence.
“This is it?” Mika said when David stopped us. “This is the plan?”
“This is it,” David said, opening his arms like a circus ringmaster.
We were standing where the fence touched the back of the football field.
David hoisted his long body up and clung to the mesh of the fence like Spider-Man. “We’re taking Sofa inside the T-Cad so she can say a proper good-bye.”
Mika groaned. “Dude. The school is closed. This is so lame.”
“Careful with the ‘dudes,’ nineties girl,” David said cheerfully. “You might wake up and realize you’re in the wrong century. Anyway, it’s not lame. It’s symbolic.”
“It’s illegal,” I interjected. “Or semi-illegal, at least. We’re breaking and entering.”
David gave me a wicked grin. “Don’t worry. This is the blind spot. No security cameras, remember?” He detached one hand from the fence and pointed up.
He was right. Everyone at the T-Cad knew about the blind spot. Everyone had taken advantage of it at least once.
Except me, of course.
“Besides!” David said. “We are students trying to get into school. Someone hand us some friggin’ medals!” He swung over the fence and landed on the ground in an elegant crouch. When he stood up, he fist-pumped the air. “Hell yeah! Ten-point-oh! The judges are unanimous!”
“So lame,” Mika said, but she sounded more on board with the whole thing. She grabbed the konbini bag from Jamie, tied it, and hurled it over the fence. Then she made her own way over. It was like watching two acrobats. It was like watching two people who had definitely done this before.
Caroline pouted, her bottom lip actually sticking out. “I don’t want to climb a fence.”
Jamie pushed his hands through his hair. “Right. I’ll go next. Spot me if I fall.”
“You should just leave,” I said quietly.
“What?”
I was trying to catch his eye, but he wasn’t paying attention to me. Not really. He was watching the football field, where Mika and David were running around.
The air grew so thick, I struggled to breathe.
Jamie was watching Mika. She was his best friend, and he’d missed her, and now they had a whole year together, stretching out in front of them. It was going to be exactly the way it used to be. Mika and Jamie texting and laughing and keeping secrets. Mika and Jamie in their own little world. I felt myself starting to fade.
“If you get caught, you’ll get kicked out of the T-Cad,” I said.
He scowled, like he wanted me to shut up.
I kept talking. “And if you get caught, Mika will definitely know why you’re back. I won’t be able to protect your secret anymore.”
Jamie appraised me carefully, like he wasn’t sure who he was looking at.
Caroline held out her hands, palms up. “It’s going to rain. This is so not fun anymore.”
Jamie held my gaze, then turned to hook his fingers through the diamond-shaped pattern of the fence. In the dark, he was nothing but a silhouette. He could have been anyone at all.
CHAPTER 11
TUESDAY
“JAMIE COULD SPELL ORANGUTAN when he was five!” Mika took a swig from a can of grapefruit Chu-Hi and held up her other hand. “Five!”
We were in the eleme
ntary school playground, Caroline perched on the bottom of the slide, scrolling through her phone, and the rest of us in a séance circle in front of the swings. After the ordeal of getting over the fence, it had become pretty clear pretty quick that there was nothing else to do. We couldn’t even walk around, in case we got caught by the security cameras.
“Yeah,” Jamie said. “And so began the long and winding road to a lifetime of popularity.”
“It impressed the hell out of my mom,” Mika said. “It impressed the hell out of EVERYONE ALIVE!”
Jamie smiled down at his hands.
Mika had gone manic over Jamie, which probably wasn’t good. Mika only got this crazy about something when she was in a bad mood about something else. Like that time her mom said she was wasting her academic potential and she challenged David to a soda-chugging contest and ended up barfing all over Yoyogi-koen.
David started digging around in the bottom of a plastic bag. “Did anyone bring cigarettes?”
“Not me.” I tilted my head back to stare at the ominous sky, filling up with more clouds by the second. I wished I could see the stars. And I really wished I wasn’t leaving so soon. (In four days, thirteen hours, and twenty minutes.) Dad would have told me not to think about that—to focus on what was happening right then because time only exists in the present moment. But it was hard to focus on the present moment when everyone in it was acting so weird. I felt like I was floating. Lost between this second and the next, between all these different versions of myself I’d left scattered across the globe.
“Okay!” Mika put down her can of Chu-Hi and stood up. “Okay! It’s time to listen. Are we all listening?”
“Nope,” David said.
“Everyone has to listen!” Mika shouted. “Does everyone know that Jamie is famous?”
Jamie jumped up and tried to cover Mika’s mouth. “Okay. Mika. Stop.”
She slapped his hand away. “No! Listen. Did you guys ever see A Century Divided?”
David pulled a crushed box of cigarettes from his pocket. He put one in his mouth and held it there like it was a toothpick. “Christ, Mika. We all know this.”
“I don’t care,” Caroline said. She’d dropped her phone into her lap and was leaning forward on the slide. “I totally want to talk about this.”
David and I glanced at each other. Kill me now, he mouthed.
Mika went on. “Everyone has seen A Century Divided because it’s a big famous movie about the South after the Civil War and blah, blah, blah historical stuff. The point is, Jamie is the little boy! The little blond boy whose mom gets killed by her evil, drunk brother when he comes back from the war! That little boy is totally Jamie!”
“I know!” Caroline said. “David told me, and it is only, like, the most exciting thing ever. I’ve seen that movie ten times. And I’ve read the book! Wyatt Foster is my favorite author of all time.”
“Yeah?” Jamie said warily.
“Yeah!” Caroline said. “My dad has a picture with him. He’s such a cute old man. He even wears a bow tie!”
The air snapped and snarled with something that might have been thunder. Jamie obviously didn’t want to talk about this. But Mika would probably bulldoze me if I said something she didn’t like.
“Oh my God!” Mika said. “Yes! That old man! That cute old man is Jamie’s grandfather!”
Jamie crossed his arms and hunched up his shoulders in embarrassment.
“Wait a second,” Caroline said. “Wait a serious, freaking, serious second. Your grandfather is Wyatt. Foster?”
“Um…” Jamie said.
“He totally is!” Mika squealed. “He is totally Jamie’s grandfather!”
Caroline pointed at me and then David. “You guys did not tell me that!”
“Must have slipped my mind,” David said.
Mika hiccuped and giggled, trying to slick her hair back into a Mohawk shape.
“You know—” Caroline moved forward to ogle Jamie’s face. Anxious red splotches appeared on his neck. “You do kind of look like him.”
“Well, I don’t see how that’s possible,” David said languidly. “Considering James is adopted.”
We all turned to David.
Thunder. There was definitely thunder now. And rain splashing on the gravel. Everyone went silent, and I almost didn’t know if it was because of what David had said or because of the cold shock of water against our skin. The sudden release of all that gluey heat from the air.
“That’s not true,” I said, half expecting David to laugh. For him to roll his eyes and say Of course it’s not true.
Instead, he pulled a lighter out of his other pocket and fiddled with it. “And seriously, Miks, are you guys done yet? Because as much fun as this is, I think we could all use a break from watching you two flirt.”
Jamie walked away from the group, to the other side of the playground. The rain picked up momentum, tapping a faster beat against the ground. Water sliced down the sides of my nose and seeped into the fabric of my shirt.
“Did you seriously just do that?” Mika hissed.
David tossed his cigarette over his shoulder. “What do you think, Sofa? On a scale of one to flirt, where do Mika and Jamie fall?”
“Fuck you,” Mika said.
David raised one eyebrow but didn’t back off. He leaned over and touched her ankle. “Come on, Miks. It’s no big deal. Set your hormones free.”
“Fuck. You.” Mika kicked off his hand, and he sat back.
She was angrier than I’d ever seen her. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and her shoulders were squared like a boxer’s.
“I think you’re forgetting that tonight is about Sofa,” David said.
“And I think you’re forgetting to fucking control your jealousy issues!”
Jealousy issues? Why would David have jealousy issues with Jamie? He couldn’t stand Jamie—he’d said so a thousand times. David was being such a jerk, and Mika was possibly going to punch him, and no one even seemed to care that the storm was getting worse or that Jamie might be picked up by the guard or a security camera at any moment.
“Guys,” I said, sweeping my wet bangs from my eyes. “I don’t think Jamie’s on the playground anymore. We should go find him.”
“Shut up, Sofa,” Mika snapped.
I looked at her, startled. “What the hell, Mika? Is this because you’re drunk?”
“Jesus! Is that your catchphrase or something? Stop asking if I’m drunk!” She kicked the swing set, drops of water flying like sparks. “And where the fuck is Jamie!”
David stood up, his eyes sorrowful now. “Come on, Miks.”
Rain bounced off the playground equipment, hitting all the empty aluminum cans. It flattened Mika’s fauxhawk and made David look thin and weak and sorry. He approached her and took her fingers between his own. He tugged her closer to him. And she didn’t argue.
“I’m sorry, Miks,” he said. “Okay? I’m a jerk. Everyone knows it.”
“Yeah, you are,” she said, but her voice was softer now, melting into liquid.
He stroked his thumb over her knuckles and held her hand to his chest. Mika lifted her eyes to meet his. Her mouth was open, like she wanted to say something and—
Oh my God.
“Oh my God,” Caroline whispered.
Mika let go of his hand and jumped back.
My arms went numb and heavy by my sides. The rest of the night had collapsed into that one moment: the whisper of his thumb across her hand, the easy parting of her lips in return.
“This is why you’ve been acting so strange,” Caroline said, looking from Mika to David, from David to Mika. “This is why you ditched me last night.”
David put his head in his hands and groaned. “Calm the drama, Caroline.”
“Fuck,” Mika said.
And all I could think about were David’s “jealousy issues,” and all I could think about was David and Mika hanging out by themselves, and all I could think about were the hundreds of times Mi
ka had told me to get over David because he was a player, because he wasn’t as miraculous as he pretended to be.
“You hooked up with her,” Caroline said, “didn’t you?”
“Oh, fuck!” Mika said.
“Jesus!” David said. “Am I the only one who wants to have fun right now?”
Lightning flashed across the playground, and I stumbled back, my ears ringing and my thoughts screaming that it couldn’t be true.
They wouldn’t do this to me.
Rain bled through my skin and into my bones, and everyone was still shouting around me. But I couldn’t hear them anymore. Because Mika and David—they were my best friends, my focal point, the entire reason I was… me.
And just like that, they were gone.
CHAPTER 12
TUESDAY
THE CEMETERY WAS DARK AND FAMILIAR in the rain. The worst kind of déjà vu.
I raced down wet paths, trying to ignore the ripped-open feeling in my chest. The feeling of being torn out from the inside.
Oh. And the crying. I tried to stop the crying.
I tried to believe this wasn’t happening.
Mika wouldn’t hook up with David, because she knew how I felt about him. And David wouldn’t hook up with Mika because he was—mine. Not mine exactly, but my possibility. He saw me the way I wanted to be seen. He made me feel seen.
“Hey!” Someone was shouting, splashing through the puddles behind me. “Hey.” Jamie grabbed the sleeve of my T-shirt. He was panting and his hair lay in damp, heavy strands against his neck. The rain fell in steady curtains now, separating us from the edges of the cemetery. From the rest of Tokyo.
“You followed me.”
“Yeah,” he said, still panting. “I saw you running across the football field. I went to see if Mika and everyone knew what had happened, but it was like the Council of Elrond up there. You know,” he rambled, “before Frodo agrees to take the ring.”
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