by Kara Hart
“What about him?” Savage gestures at me.
Mike’s eyes crease with strain. “Fuck,” he whispers to himself. He looks at my wounds and shakes his head. “Leave him. He won’t make it.”
Savage looks at me and grinds his teeth. “God dammit,” he says. He wraps my wounds as best as he can. Quickly, he bandages me and sighs. “I’m sorry, man. Captain’s orders.”
And they leave me. They leave me to fucking die out here.
* * *
I crawl to safety. I don’t know how I do it, but the adrenaline that’s left in my body helps me get to safety. I crawl directly out of the compound and see a big bush in front of me. I fall into it, getting out of the way, as at least twenty men come running into the compound.
The bush is covered in thorns and they’re pressing into my skin, popping through. I see the helicopter flying low in the air, I shoot a flare into the air. I don’t give a fuck if it alerts the terrorists. I refuse to be left to die.
Savage is climbing into the helicopter when he sees it. I watch him physically fighting off Mike’s hand to pull him in. He drops onto the ground and comes running toward me. “Dammit!” he cries. “Forgive me. I can’t believe I almost left you behind.”
“All is forgiven,” I manage to say, but the pain is immense. He flings me over his shoulder and somehow gets me to safety. Inside the helicopter, they give me morphine and fresh bandages, stitching my wounds. I can see the compound fading in the distance and the bright lights from Pakistan shine in the horizon.
“You’re okay,” a medic tells me. “We’re getting you back to a hospital now. Just stay put.”
I grab at my notebook, despite the medic trying to stop me from moving. “I have to do this, dammit,” I tell him. “I won’t let you stop me.”
I grab my pen and start writing:
Dakota,
In case I die, I need you to know one thing. I love you. I’ve loved you right from the night we met. Things have gone wrong out here. So wrong. We found our guy, but I’m hurt. Came from nowhere. They say I’ll be okay. I had to write you. I just… I just hope you get this letter.
Love, Payton.
Dakota
“Just shut the fuck up. For once, can you do that for me?” he screams at me, a plate in his hand. “Go ahead and pout. You think I give a damn?”
Outside, cars honk and zoom past the penthouse. I’ve been told marriage has its ups and downs, but this is not what I bargained for. “Please, Danny. Don’t do this,” I plead, falling to the floor. “Just let me go back home to my parents. I promise, I won’t tell them anything.”
“You are contractually obligated to be with me, honey,” he says, smiling. “You aren’t going anywhere.”
“I won’t let you touch me. Never,” I start to scream. “You make me sick!” He throws the plate on the ground and it crashes all around me.
Ever since I fainted on the day he proposed to me, I’ve felt sick. At first I thought it was just my nerves. Now I’m thinking that something is very wrong with me.
Danny can’t get his facts straight. I’ve read the fine print of the contract. I don’t have to marry him. The contract says he has to propose. That’s it. Legally, I’m free to leave whenever I please. He knows he can block me. He knows he’s stronger than me.
“You lied to me, cunt,” he says. “There’s someone else. I know it!”
“Just let me leave,” I start to bawl. I can’t help it. I’m so afraid. “Please. I won’t tell anyone about this.”
There’s no one else. I don’t know what he’s talking about. Ever since he proposed to me, he’s been completely delusional. I asked him about that second house in Kansas. He told me to shut my mouth. Everything just changed so rapidly.
But, for now, I have a plan. I pick myself off the ground and wipe the tears from my eyes. “You’re right,” I tell him. “I need to behave. I’m really sorry, Danny. You’re the love of my life. I don’t know why I acted so crazy earlier.”
His tone changes. He stops breathing so wild and his voice comes back to normal. “Well,” he coughs, “as long as you know it was your fault.”
“I’m so sorry. When you get home from work tonight, I’ll have the best dinner waiting for you. You like prime rib, right, baby?” I say, smiling slightly.
“Whatever,” he says, grabbing his things and opening the door. “That works.”
He slams the door and for at least a little bit, I’m free. I have no money, no cell phone, and I just feel so much guilt for everything. Even if it isn’t my fault, I feel so fucking stupid for going through with all of this. The tabloids, as crazy as they are, have no idea what it’s been like for me. It’s been complete and utter torture.
I do what I can. I go through Danny’s things. I’m praying he didn’t take my phone with him, that he just hid it in one of his sock drawers or something. Knowing him, he’s got it with him though.
I dig and I dig, until I come across a safe. I run my hand across it. “Okay, so what’s the code,” I ask myself aloud. I wrack my brain trying to think of a number, any number that works. Nothing comes to mind, so I dig around some more. I need to get out of here. I need to get back home to my family.
And then I remember, last week, he mentioned the Wall Street collapse. The date that changed his life forever. I enter in the date and the safe opens. My phone is in the safe, but there’s more tucked away in the back. I reach in and grab a massive stack of envelopes, all folded and wound together by a thread. There’s money underneath them.
I quickly scroll through them and see my name printed on the front. I grab one at random and tear it open, feeling frantic as hell. My hands are shaking and I’m practically sweating bullets. “It can’t be. Can it?” I ask myself, pulling out the dusty piece of paper.
I look at the words:
My darling, Dakota. I fucked up. I should have defected and stayed with you. We should have run off together. I’m sorry if I sound insane. It’s been so many nights over here and I’m not sure how long we’ll last. I miss you. I miss that night. I know it’s wrong, but when I get back, I’m going to find you. I need to tell you how I feel in person.
I drop the piece of paper and quickly rip open another one. Again, the same scrawl scribbled onto the page:
Your thick hair. The way your body’s curves arch for me. I ache to hold you. That was everything to me... I want to feel you again. I want to feast on you…
“He hid these from me,” I whisper to myself. “He didn’t want me to know.”
I grab the letters, money, and my phone and run out of the penthouse, out onto the street, tears flooding my eyes. I run to the train station, even if it is more than twenty minutes away. My adrenaline carries me. I buy the one ticket I need to get out of this place and I sit there waiting for the train.
“What’s wrong?” An elderly woman sitting next to me turns to me and smiles. I wipe the tears from my eyes and conceal the bruise Danny gave me earlier. It’s embarrassing. I don’t want her to think I welcome that kind of abuse. I just got mixed up in a lot bad shit.
“I don’t want to burden you,” I tell her, sniffling. “I’m sorry for making a scene.”
“There’s no need to be sorry. I noticed your cheek,” she gestures toward my face and hands me a tissue. “Get out now.”
“Thank you,” I tell her. “For the tissue.”
“I mean it. Don’t ignore me. I’m from the Bronx, born and raised. I’ve suffered like you all my life and I regret not killing the bastard sooner,” she says with fire in her eyes. “Get out now or you’ll be his prisoner forever.”
My head starts to spin. I feel that strange sickness start to set in. Just like that, I fall to the floor. “Someone get this woman a doctor!” a man yells out. Before I black out completely, I see the woman next to me shake her head and leave. “Get out now,” she says again.
* * *
I wake up to unfamiliar white walls, but I know where I am. I’m in the hospital and the doctor is shakin
g his head at me just like that woman did. “Good morning,” he says. “I’m Doctor Lackman. We give you a mild sedative and you slept like a baby. How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” I say. “I guess.” Not good. I’m not doing well at all.
“Well, I’m not too happy about your choices,” he says, leaning against the wall and glancing at his clipboard. He sighs. “You shouldn’t be running around in your condition. You could really hurt yourself.”
“My condition?” My eyes dart up sharply and I feel as if I’m going to have a panic attack. My condition? “I can’t have a condition. I’m healthy. I’m young.” You have to be fucking joking me.
“We called your husband,” he says, without responding to my question. Hearing those words is like hearing a bomb go off. “A pregnant woman shouldn’t be darting around the city. It’s not safe.”
Uh, what? Excuse me?
Hearing those words is like a nuclear bomb going off. “What?” I ask him. “What do you mean? I’m not pregnant.” I say with mild confidence, but I know what he’s going to tell me. I already feel it. I’m pregnant.
“You mean, you didn’t know?” he asks, surprised. His eyebrows crease and he has to put the clipboard down for a second. “You’ve been pregnant for about three months Ms. You mean, you didn’t notice?”
“That’s impossible,” I begin to say. “Three months ago I was—” I stop myself.
I haven’t been stupid enough to sleep with Danny. Ever since the show ended, he’s shown me his true colors. Oh my God. The realization is swift and hard when it hits me. Three months ago is when I met Payton. But still, that’s impossible. He wore a condom.
My mind keeps flashing to him putting it on. I’m not stupid. I’m safe. Did it break? Oh, fuck. Please tell me none of this is real, that it’s all a dream and I’ll be able to wake up and go home to my parents, and that this all never happened.
“Uh,” the doctor starts to see what’s going on here. He probably thinks the worst of me. I didn’t know this would happen. It’s not like I planned it out. This is the absolute worst thing that could happen to me right now. I’m having that God damn SEAL’s baby. “Should I not have called your husband?”
“I don’t know,” I shake against the plastic hospital bed, fiddling with my gown. “I really don’t know. Just…”
“Just what?” he leans forward.
“Please don’t tell him. When he gets here,” I say, “please just keep it a secret.”
In walks my husband, Danny. He’s got a giant smile on his face, a complete 180 from earlier. I’m terrified of him. I know his moods. This is the sign that he’s going to flip. Later tonight, he’ll go from happy go lucky to the most insane husband in the world.
“My wife’s pregnant?” he asks it so loud that the whole hospital can probably hear it.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” the doctor whispers. “Your wife is healthy and all set, sir.”
“Thank you Doctor!” he slaps him on the back. Doctor Lackman purses his lips together and shuffles out of the room.
“It was that one night,” Danny looks at me. “Wasn’t it?”
“What?” I say, practically shaking in my gown. I’m caught. I know it.
“Man, I was wasted,” he laughs to himself. “After the ceremony. The last episode of the show. Remember? We went back, I asked if we could, you know…”
I remember the night extremely well. He asked if we could have sex, for the first time. He was forceful. I said no. He wouldn’t stop grabbing at me. Finally, I slapped him and he fell asleep, blacked out drunk. Nothing happened that night. I didn’t think he’d remember any of that.
Still, it’s my way out. I nod and start to cry, smiling. “Yes, honey,” I lie through my teeth. I feel so disgusted with him, my choices, and myself right now. How could I let this happen?
“Oh, honey,” he comes close to me and wraps his arms around me. I feel nothing, except for fear and heartbreak. My life is over. “We’re having a baby!”
I’m so fucked. What’s going to happen when he realizes the letters in the safe are gone? Or that I have my cellphone back? Is he going to beat me again? Is my child going to suffer because of this asshole?
I didn’t know. We should have been more careful. Now, I’m having that SEAL’s baby, and everything is ruined because of it.
“Let’s get you home, baby,” Danny smiles. “You need all the rest you can get.”
Payton
“Let’s get you home, soldier,” the medic says to me in the tent. It’s blistering out and I almost just lost my life. But, all in all, it’s a job well done. We found the missing soldier and he’s back in one piece. Although, I don’t know how he’s going to fare after being locked up for three years in a compound, near Pakistan.
Still, I’m being sent home. I did my duty and I did it with honor and valor. I almost died out here, but I’m so grateful to be able to live to tell the story.
They make me sign a bunch of forms. I pose for a picture or two. And then, I’m just sent home. It’s like none of this ever happened. “Thank you for your service,” they keep saying to me. I salute, but deep down I’m thinking, you have no idea what it’s like out there.
* * *
Three years later...
I couldn’t find her. I tried my best. I looked her up, watched the whole damn show, and I asked everyone I could. No one knew where Dakota Rogers went. It’s like she fell off the face of the earth once she got married. All those paid appearances that the show contestants normally sign up for, they denied. The excuse everyone kept hearing was “We’re married and want to experience that bliss in peace.”
So, I gave up. I tried to put her in the back of my mind, which was extremely difficult considering she was the one shred of hope I hung onto over there. What could I do? Drew and Carlos thought I was crazy to have held on so long.
“She was a fucking one-night stand, bro,” Drew says to me. “Find a real woman. Not some broad who signed up for a show to find love.”
We’re all trying to find love in this world. I never blamed her for that. We’re all just blindly stumbling into the next part of our lives. Only, the more I read about her, the more I feel like her situation is off somehow.
Even though I promised myself I’d forget about her, I can’t. I guess I’m not that strong after all. I comb through articles about her and Danny and the guy just rubs me the wrong way, completely. He’s possessive. He’s actually scary. And the more I read about him, the more I see a pattern emerge.
Online, it’s easy to figure people out. All you have to do is search hard enough and you can find anyone’s darkest secrets. Well, it doesn’t take too long to find out about him.
He has an ex-wife from about three years ago. They were divorced right before the show. I know this because of the court proceedings after. They’re all available online. The screen shines brightly in front of my eyes. “Possible domestic abuse,” it says.
I close out of my computer and head to my room in my lonely apartment. I have to find her, I declare to myself. I feel as if her life depends on it. It sounds crazy, I know. But I have a good intuition. I’m a soldier, dammit.
I miss everything about her. That incredible body…Jesus. The way her tits spilled from her bra that night, nipples protruding from the mesh fabric. I imagine myself picking her up and setting her against the ground, wrapping her legs around my face, and eating away at her. I need her taste. I need to feel her as I pump my thick cock inside her.
Fuck Danny. She needs a real man. She needs me.
I walk into my bathroom, turn on the shower, and strip down, out of my clothes. The room quickly fills with steam and I feel myself start to finally relax. When I get inside, I let the water run over me. It feels good to be back home, back where I can be free. I can walk down the street without fearing for my damn life, finally. And I’m not surrounded by men either.
I think of the way Dakota’s ass looked as she walked up that hill in Maui. It was perfectl
y formed, round and dripping wet from the salt water. I close my eyes and imagine her bending over for me, teasing me. Her mouth opens up and she smiles at me, red lips calling to me. They’re begging me. They’re pleading for my flesh.
My cock grows quickly when I think of her mouth open and salivating for me. I envision her lips wrapping around the rigid skin and grabbing the thick of her hair as I push it deep inside. I moan loudly thinking about it. The water comes falling onto my body, hot and steaming.
“Fuck,” I moan, pretending she’s in this shower right now. “Open wide.”
Far down into her throat, I push further until she gags. Her tongue miraculously wraps around the head of my cock and I feel every muscle in my body start to twitch.
“Payton,” she whispers. “Cum in my mouth. Do it for me.”
I open my eyes and I’ve got my palm wrapped around my shaft. I’m stroking like my life depends on it. I’m pulling back my flesh, watching as it grows thicker. I’m ready to explode.
I feel something build inside of me, a thick pressure, and I fall against the wall. I think about her full tits, and I crash over the edge, shooting my load into the drain, imagining that I’m cumming inside of her. When it’s over, I rinse myself off, grab a towel, and fall face first onto my mattress.
I’ll find her and I’ll make her mine. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Danny is nothing compared to me. He’s a fake and she deserves to know what she’s gotten herself into.
I book myself a flight to New York City, first thing in the morning. I tried to find her when I got back and I failed. Well, not this time. This time, I’ll search the whole damn city if I have to, block by fucking block. I want this woman and I’m not wasting any more time.