by Kara Hart
“You have no idea how much I fantasize about you,” he laughs. “I’m constantly jerking off to the thought of you.”
“So charming,” I say to him as I walk out into the hallway. He reaches out and grabs me one more time, touching every part of my body. He kisses me and breathes in my scent deeply. If I stay any longer, Danny will be awake. It’s almost four in the morning and he usually wakes up around six.
“I love you,” he whispers. “Dream about me, okay?”
“I will,” I tell him, releasing myself from his embrace. “I always do.”
When I walk downstairs, I can’t look back at him. It’s too much for me. I step outside and light a cigarette in hopes that it’ll cover up Payton’s cologne. I have a giant smile on my face and I can’t conceal my happiness.
When I get to the door to my penthouse, however, I feel the overwhelming despair start to creep in. I look at the letter again and it gives me some comfort before going inside. He doesn’t know that I’ve read these. He doesn’t know just how much I love him.
When I walk upstairs, the door to our floor is open. Confused, I slowly creep inside, closing the door.
“Where have you been, my love?” A voice asks through the darkness of the penthouse.
“Danny!” I jump. “Jesus, you scared me.”
“Have a nice walk?” he asks me, sipping on a glass of something alcoholic. I’m not sure what it is and I don’t wish to get near him to find out.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I say, avoiding eye contact with him. “I went to smoke a cigarette. I was having bad dreams earlier in the night.”
“What did we talk about a few months ago?” he asks. “Didn’t we decide that we discuss when a good time for you to leave is? You have a daughter, Dakota. A fucking daughter.”
When he gives me those eyes, I know it’s going to be a long night, but for once in my life I think I’m going to stand up for myself. I walk into Angela’s room and grab her, whispering, “Come here, sweetie. It’s okay.” She looks at me with trust and love, and she doesn’t even make a noise, besides the occasional moan. “We’re going on a little trip.”
I turn around and Danny is pacing in the doorway. “You’re not going anywhere,” he says, almost like he’s about to fall to the floor crying. He’s completely erratic and running his hands through his hair like he’s lost it. “That’s my daughter in your hands.”
“Danny, I need you to move away from the door,” I calmly state. “It’s my right. You can’t keep me here forever. You know we don’t belong to each other.”
“We do!” he screams, punching the door. Angela starts crying immediately, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“Don’t do this to her,” I plead. “Don’t give her these memories.”
“I grew up with worse,” he shouts. “Don’t tempt me. Don’t make me become everything you despise.”
“It’s too late for that,” I walk forward, heart beating quickly. I feel my adrenaline kick in and I know he’s going to give it to me in the worst way. I embrace it. “You’re already the worst man I’ve ever met.”
And then I feel it. A blow to the cheek and I fall back. It’s like slow motion. Angela and I hit the ground. I do my best to shield her and I feel my head hit the wood floor.
“You’re staying in tonight,” he says, walking back to the kitchen to grab his drink.
Payton
I’ve got a smile on my face. Yes, there’s a new kick to my walk. It’s all because I’m going to see my girl today. I’m going to see the one I love. Today’s the day I really get her back, I think to myself, with a sly smile. Nothing can stand in our way.
“I think I’m staying in today,” I tell Dobbins when I see him on the street. “Just went out to get some coffee.” We stand in line at the shitty coffee stand at the end of the block and talk.
“Something’s different about you,” he says. “I can’t put my finger on it.”
“Nothing’s different,” I smile. “I just slept well. The weather’s good. That’s probably what you’re seeing.”
His eyes crease. “She came over last night, didn’t she?” he asks. I don’t say anything and he lightly socks my arm. “That’s my boy! So, tell me about it.”
“I don’t kiss and tell,” I laugh. The guy at the stand asks me what I want and I say “Two large coffees.”
We get our coffees and walk to the corner for a second, talking some more. “Well, whatever happened must’ve worked. I congratulate you,” he says.
“I’m in over my head, Dobbins.” My smile starts to shift into a frown. “If I’m being honest, I don’t know what she’s feeling still. She’s elusive. And it’s not like she stayed over or anything.”
“But she’s going to come over again, right?” he asks. “She’s not done with you yet.”
“Yeah, but I can’t read it. Sometimes she seems like she’s going to leave the guy, but then an hour will pass by and her tone changes completely,” I say. “She told me it’s more complicated than it seems.”
“Look,” he says, “the guy has control over her. That’s the complicated part. It’s going to be difficult to change that, but you can. You just have to keep reminding her that you want to set her free. You don’t want to hold her hostage or any of that weird shit.”
“Yeah,” I nod, sipping on my coffee. “Anyway, I’m going to get back to staring at my wall. I’ll see you soon, brother.”
He pounds against my shoulder. “Don’t give up the fight.”
I walk back to my apartment and slide the key inside. I hear footsteps coming up behind me and I don’t really make a note of it. But when they stop next to me, I turn. There he is, in all his fucking faux glory. Danny.
“Can I help you?” I ask him.
He smiles. “Yeah, I’m looking for a Payton Caldwell,” he says, sizing me up. I glance at him with a confused look on my face.
“Okay? That’s me,” I say. “What do you need?”
It hits me out of nowhere. I don’t know why I didn’t fucking expect it, but he clocks me. His fist crashes against my cheekbone and I fall to the ground.
“Stay away from my wife, asshole,” he says, turning and walking away. People from across the street glance at me, but of course no one does or says anything. This is New York city. This shit happens all of the time.
I pick myself up from the ground and stare at him as he walks around the corner. I could kill the guy if I wanted to. In a real fight, I could pummel the guy. But I’ll let him go this time. He can feel like a man, if that’s what he needs to do.
I walk inside my flat and grab a few pieces of ice from the fridge. I put them in a plastic bag and set it against my cheek. “Bastard,” I say out loud.
I shake my head and wait. I have no idea what that asshole is up to, but I have to figure that it’s nothing good. Time passes and I remain on my mattress, just waiting. I take a shower and shave, an hour passes, and still there’s no sign of her anywhere.
I decide to leave my apartment. I can’t stay holed up in here like this and I don’t think she’s coming over like she promised. What’s worse, I have a feeling she’s in trouble too. I slam the door and run down the stairs in a hurry. My face stings, but it’s nothing. Danny’s a weak man who takes weak opportunities to try and win. He’s a guy that never got to be an alpha growing up. I’ve met too many of those types before.
I actually think he’s a little more psychotic than that. To keep a woman held in your house like that just shows something’s wrong with the guy. I cross the street and walk straight, until I’m outside of his penthouse. “Even wealth can’t buy you love,” I say to myself, shaking my head.
I look up at the top floor and make out some shadows, but that’s all I can see. “Fuck,” I mumble to myself. “How am I going to get in there?”
There’s the faint sound of shouting. And then, there’s the sound of something breaking, like glass. A baby’s cry sounds and I suddenly hear someone stomping down the stairs. I decide to run off to the side of t
he apartment, but before I do, I shove my knife from the Navy inside the bottom of the door, taping it there. If he opens it right, it’ll catch on the blade and it won’t close behind him.
I do it fast and run off to the side. Danny comes out of the penthouse, breathing like an animal, deep and erratic. He’s holding a briefcase and my guess is that he has to go off to Wall Street and do his job. He takes a left turn and he’s out of there once he jumps into a yellow cab.
I quickly run around to the door and, sure enough, the blade has caught the corner. I open the door and run inside, heading up to the top floor. When I get there, however, I slow myself down. I know what I’m about to find isn’t going to be pretty. I know it’s going to make my stomach churn and my adrenaline rush. Whatever I’m going to find in there is going to make me want to slaughter that man. Hell, if I’m being honest with myself, I already want to.
The door to their place is half open, so I push it open further. There’s the sound of faint crying when I walk into the kitchen. Broken plates and cups are everywhere. The whole place looks like a warzone. Suddenly, I’m sent back to the time I fought in Afghanistan, the time I got stabbed twice trying to save that soldier. I feel the same way. I want to get her and go before he decides to come back and sucker punch me again.
I look to my right, stepping on some glass and the crying stops. “Dakota?” I call out.
“No!” she screams, running to the door. “Why are you here? You can’t be here!” Her face is lightly bruised and her nose is bleeding. I quickly grab a towel from the bathroom and run warm water against it. I put it against her face and hold her tightly.
“What has he done to you?” I ask, even though I already know the terrible answer. “You’re safe now.”
I close my eyes and feel her close to me. It feels good, but I need to get her to a safer spot. “Come on,” I say. “We have to get you out of here.”
“Payton…” she whispers. Before she can finish what she’s about to say, I look up and see her. A baby girl, maybe three years old, if that, is staring my way. Her eyes are blue and wide, and full of fear.
“Who is that?” I ask her, letting her go.
“I—” she starts bawling, uncontrollably. She’s unable to get the words out.
“It’s okay,” I whisper, kissing her cheek. “Let’s just get you two to safety.”
I grab both of them and run down the stairs, down the black, turning the corner, and running into my place. It’s not much safer. He knows where I live now, after all. But it’s the best I can do within my means right now. I lock my door and make a decision. “If he comes in here,” I say, “he’ll get a knife to the gut.”
“Daddy?” the little one says. I look at the kid and she crawls up to me, putting her hand on mine and smiling.
I look back at Dakota and whisper “She’s not your neighbor’s kid. Is she?”
She hangs her head and starts crying some more. “I wanted to tell you,” she says. “I just didn’t know how. I thought you’d leave me for good. I thought you’d hate me for keeping it from you all this time.”
“You said you two never had sex. I don’t get it,” I say. “How is this possible?” I stand up and start pacing the room.
She wipes the tears from her eyes, still looking as gorgeous as ever, and sighs. “Think about it, Payton,” she says. “It’s not difficult to understand.”
And then it hits me as hard as Danny’s fist did earlier. Maui. The night that changed my life. The breathtaking sex and the feeling of love she gave me. “No,” I whisper. “It can’t be.”
“Yes,” she shakes her head, looking at me with sorrow. “It can. And it is. She’s ours, Payton. Angela is our baby girl.”
“What, why didn’t you tell me? Why’d you keep this from me?” I ask, placing my hands across my forehead. I can’t believe it. I’m in total shock and disbelief.
“I had to!” she cries. “You don’t understand how hard it’s been for me. I’m all alone, Payton. All alone.”
I fall to the floor and hold her tight. Behind her is Angela and she comes creeping up again with a smile on her face. “It’s okay,” I whisper, as tears start to form in my eyes too. “I’m not angry. I’m happy.”
“You are?” she asks, pulling away. Her tears start to dry and she looks over at Angela and smiles. “She’s a part of us.”
I nod and smile, reaching my hand out to her small hand. She grabs at it and laughs. “Fuck,” I whisper. My eyes dart back to Angela and I cover my mouth. “I mean, fudge.”
Dakota laughs slight and I say “I just wish I had been there. I feel like I’ve missed out on so many things.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she says, reaching into her purse. She pulls out one of my letters and hands it to me.
“I thought you didn’t get them,” I say to her, holding it in my hand. I remember exactly where I wrote this, at what time, and how I was feeling then. It was in the middle of my tour.
“I didn’t,” she says. “I found them locked away in his safe not too long ago. He had my cell phone in there, so I guessed the code. Turns out, he hid them from me.”
“You guys weren’t even married at the time. What kind of a psycho is this guy?” I ask her, placing my hand around her waist.
“You don’t understand,” she says. “He finds little ways to win every single day. That’s what his job is. That’s who he is, at the very core of his being. He wants to control the world, but he can’t. I guess I was second best. Although, I think he’s incapable of being satisfied.”
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “You have me now. Forever. And I’ll be the best damn father she’s ever had.”
We move over to the mattress and she looks around my place, sighing. I know what she’s thinking. I have no money, no real job, and no good prospects. But I’m a hardworking man and I take care of the ones I love. I can provide for her.
“I’ll make things work,” I say to her. “I’ll give her a better life than Danny ever would.”
She looks at me and says “Just hold me. I’m so tired.”
I let it go for now. I hold her and Angela and we lay down, all three of us. For a moment, everything is perfect. We fall asleep together and I dream that we’re married and happy. We own a house in Rhode Island and I run a fishing line out there. Every day I get to honor my wife and daughter by serving them and I’m all the better for it.
Of course, it’s just a dream. The reality comes pounding at my door at nine o’clock that night.
Dakota
Bang, Bang, Bang.
I know that sound like I know these bruises on my face. I know it like I know the blood that runs down from my nose. I know the sound like the back of his hand, smacking across my cheek. It’s all too familiar to me at this point of my life.
I jump up out of bed, only to find Payton next to the door with his blade. He motions for me to grab Angela, which I do, whispering “Don’t do it, Payton. Don’t you dare kill him!”
“I won’t,” he says, but he’s got the look in his eye that says he wants to. I don’t blame him. I know he’s angry about everything that’s happened. I know he wants to avenge me, but that’s not the way I want this handled. I just want to disappear. I don’t want a huge fight to come out of this.
“I know you’re in there, you cunt!” Danny yells, face against the door. “You too, Payton. You son of a whore, I’ll fucking murder you both!”
“Go home,” Payton says calmly. “Go home and we won’t call the police.”
“Fuck you!” he spits out. “I want to talk to my wife. You don’t know me. You don’t know our relationship. We’re in love!”
He’s drunk. It’s very easy to hear the wobbliness in his voice. Most of all he’s angry and he’s willing to die for his anger. I know how he can get. Usually I’m the one there that stops it. He beats me and his aggression dwindles.
He pounds on the door harder and Payton is still wielding the blade. I look at him, pleading for him not to do it.
Payton lowers his blade, but doesn’t let go of it. With his other hand, he grabs his cell phone and dials 9-1-1.
“I’ll kill you both! I’ll do it!” Danny screams. “You don’t think I will? Well, then. You don’t know who I am! I own this town. Without me, you’d have nothing!”
“I’m reporting a domestic disturbance,” Payton says in the phone. Angela starts crying again and I hold her tight, covering her ears. I don’t want her to hear any of this shouting any longer. She’s grown up with it. It’s becoming too normal.
“Yeah, I’m with her now. Her husband is threatening to kill us. I think he might have a weapon. Yes. Please get here quickly,” he says. “Thank you.”
He hangs up the phone and brings the knife back up. “Danny, you have to listen to me, man. It’s over,” he says. “You have to get that through your head now. It’s done. Time to find someone else to fuck with.”
“It’s never over,” he hisses. “You think you can just come here and take my girl? I won her, remember? Remember the show, honey? You picked me!”
“I didn’t know,” I shout. “I didn’t know who you were. You acted so nice. You wowed my parents. You made it seem like everything was going to be incredible. You lied to me, you bastard.”
“You have my daughter,” he growls against the door. “I’m not leaving without my fucking child. Give her to me! Now!”
“She’s not even your daughter,” I scream. “She was never yours. She’s Payton’s, you pathetic asshole. I would never let you fuck me.”
He bursts into a fit of rage, pounding all his might against the door, screaming bloody murder. It’s like the scene from The Shining, only Danny is much more pathetic. He doesn’t get too far with it. When he gives up his pounding, I hear him sit down on the steps of the stairs.
“She’s Payton’s,” I say again. “She’s his flesh and blood. Please, Danny. You have to understand. I don’t love you. I never loved you.”
The door opens at the bottom of the stairs and I hear a police radio go off with a click. “Sir? I need you to put your hands in the air.”