by Kara Hart
I had one goal on my mind. To find Laura. And if I didn't, I would never be the same man again.
Laura
I woke up to an ear-wrenching cry. It was the kind of cry that makes you believe in Hell on earth. You know, that shrill noise that says, “If you don’t deal with this, the whole world will end right this second.” Yeah, that was my life now.
I jumped out of my bed, glancing at the clock. It was four in the morning. “Oh, Alex…” I sighed. I ran into the other room and reached into his starry-decorated crib. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Mother is here.” I whispered. I walked over to my rocking chair and began singing a lullaby.
“Hush little Alex, don’t you cry. Momma’s gonna sing you a lullaby…” I didn’t know the words to the song, but it seemed to quiet him down enough. I breathed a sigh of relief, stroking his thin hair. What an angel.
When I sat him back down in his crib, all seemed well. He was fast asleep, completely unaware of the world around him. He was so peaceful. Then I walked outside the room. WAAAAH! Came another set of cries. “Are you kidding me?” I muttered to myself. “I have work in just two hours. Please God, just let me sleep for once!”
I ran back into the room and picked him up again. Only this time the song didn’t work. Think, Laura! Think! So I just began talking aloud. I talked about random things, trying anything I could to get him to stop crying. Nothing worked. Then I talked about Liam.
“There once was a man named Liam Conway.” I began. The baby hushed right away, as if Liam Conway were the magic words. He smiled at me and made a coo’ing noise. “Liam was strong, wise, and a great leader. Mommy liked him very much and, if he had met you, I’m sure he would have fallen in love.” That part made me tear up, but I went on.
“Well, Liam was a real-deal Cowboy. He got sent on a mission, right before he met your momma. He was sent to defeat a group called The Patriots. No one thought he could do it. It seemed impossible. How could one lone Cowboy defeat a whole squadron of Patriots?” Alex made noises and began sucking on his thumb.
“That's right, my love. He was full of courage. He knew just how much it took to defeat an enemy. He wasn't scared to take on the world. Just like you, huh?” I smiled and kissed his cheek. He was asleep at this point. In fact, he was so asleep that, even when I left the room, he stayed sound asleep.
Only problem was now I was too awake to go back to bed myself. I did what I always did and made coffee and turned on the morning news. The anchor seemed thrilled. He was saying, “…and big news for sports fans out there! The New England Patriots are heading to California to battle it out against the Rams! Will Liam Conway have what it takes? Tune in this Monday to find out.”
On the television were images of Liam looking triumphant and excited. They were all images of him winning. Even though he was having problems this season, the country was still on his side, banking on his comeback. This brought a smile to my face. “He’s still got it. I know he does.” I said aloud while drinking my coffee.
By the time I had finished cooking breakfast, cleaning the dishes, changing the baby’s diaper (for the millionth time), I was almost late for work. Even still, the babysitter wasn't here yet. “Oh God.” I moaned, “I'm going to kill her! I'm honestly going to kill her!” I screamed, obviously not serious. Of course, right when I yelled it, she rang my doorbell.
“Um, sorry I'm late Mrs. Perkins. There was a lot of traffic and—” she looked as if she was about to cry, so I interrupted her.
“It's fine, Samantha. I'm sorry if you could hear me freaking out inside the house. Uh, here, come in.” I waved her inside.
“It's okay.” She said. “I figure it's really stressful raising a kid alone. But I hope you know how inspirational you are to me.” I nearly rolled my eyes at this. Inspirational? Me? No, I was quickly becoming the dictionary definition of “a mess.”
I smiled and said, “You're sweet, as always. Anyway, I'm running late for work. Here's some extra money, on top of what I pay you at the end of the month. If you or Alex need anything please don't hesitate to call me.”
“I'm sure we’ll be fine.” She said.
She was so calm and I was just some spazzy mother now. What had I become? “Yes, but sometimes he gets fussy and—” As I was talking, I reached into my purse to find some baby formula. I dropped my purse onto the floor, spilling the formula everywhere, along with everything else inside. I fell to the floor in tears.
“Oh my God! Are you okay?” She bent down to help me with my things.
Tears were streaming from my eyes. My hands were shaking. Yep, I was a wreck. I was so distraught that I actually started laughing! I picked myself off the ground, wiped my tears away, and took a deep breath. “I'm fine.” I said, remembering what the newsman said. He's coming to California!
That's it! I would meet him at the game! But what about the baby? I couldn't tell him. I just couldn't! No, that would have to be kept a secret. I smiled at Samantha and repeated the words: “I’m fine!” I ran out the door, jumped in my car, and fled to work.
When I finally stepped into the office, my manager and agent welcomed me in with huge smiles on their faces. “We need to talk to you.” They said.
Great. What is it now? I thought to myself. From the look of their smiles, I just knew it wasn't going to be good.
Liam
I woke up, face first against the turf. I felt dizzy and confused. “What happened?” I asked Charlie Rollins, running back for the team.
“You're asking me? Shit, you got the ball and just stood there. You got sacked, brotha.” He shook his head and laughed as if I was some rookie just learning the ropes.
“Liam, what the fuck man?” My coach came running onto the field. “What's going on with you? What's happening out there? You’ve been weird all week.” He looked around at the other players, who were also shaking their heads. “Alright everyone, take ten minutes!”
“Let's take a walk.” He said.
I couldn't help but feel guilty. I was doing the worst thing a man like me could do. I was letting my team down. I turned to my coach and began apologizing. “I'm sorry.” I said. “I know how much you all have been counting on me. And I know you got a lot riding on us winning. Trust me, I do. I got a lot riding on it too.”
“Then what's up? You can talk to me, man. I may be your coach, but we’re all family here. I want you to know that. This is the Patriots. This is a brotherhood.” He said.
For a second I thought about telling him how I felt. I thought about telling him about Laura, about the shitty circumstance surrounding it all. But in the end, I choked. I couldn't let him know. I wouldn't let anyone know. It was my pain to bear.
“I know, coach. I just haven’t been getting enough sleep lately.” I lied, turning back toward the other players.
“Well, it’s about time you rest up. We have a big game on Monday. California, baby!” He yelled to me.
Right. Got it.
I came back to the other players and called out, “Alright, boys! Let’s bring it in!” My players formed a huddle around me, waiting for some words of wisdom, as well as the next play.
“Now I know we haven’t been playing as well as we should. And I know a hell of a lot of you have been blaming me for those losses. Maybe you’re right. But this where the tides turn, brothers! This is where we come back and crush the opposition. Can you feel it? Can you see that trophy in your hands? We’re going to take this anger all the way to the Super Bowl and back! On the count of three!” Everyone threw their hands in. “One-two-three, Patriots!”
* * *
Off the field was different. I decided that I can wallow in the past. I could hope and I could pray to get her back, but that didn’t mean she was coming back. It was time to move on as best I could. Since Jenkins wasn’t around, I had found a friend in Charlie, our fastest running back and soon-to-be star on the field.
After I showered and got ready, I called him up. “Charlie. I need a night out.” I said.
“Fuck man, y
ou’ve been a recluse since you joined our team. You need more than a night out. Don’t worry, I got just the solution.”
“Good, I’ll meet you outside in an hour. We’ll hit the Patriots Club first. After that it’s in your hands.” I said.
“Roger that.” He replied, hanging up the phone.
The Club was the hottest spot in Boston right now, made completely for the players. It was VIP exclusive and the only people who could get inside were those that were approved by us or the doormen. And you better believe there was all the drugs and booze a man could handle. I put on my best suit, adjusted my hair in the mirror, and walked outside. “Time to slay.” I whispered with a smile.
Outside my place was a stretch hummer, ready to pick me up. The window rolled down “Ah, shit! There he is, there’s that player!”
“What’s up, fellas?” I said, jumping in.
Inside were Charlie and two women. Blondes with fake tits, lips, and possibly fake asses. Who could tell these days? Neon lights lit up the inside of the vehicle and Charlie had already poured everyone glasses of champagne. The women eyed me up and down, and smiled, looking pleased.
“The night’s just starting!” Charlie announced. “Liam, I want you to meet Natasha and Riley. They’re huge fans of your work.” He winked, already looking pretty drunk.
Natasha had already placed her hand on my thigh and scooted close to me so that we were touching. I pushed her hand off me and scooted away. To most men she would be considered hot, despite the plastic additions. There was no denying that most sports players would love a girl like her. Not me, though. It was impossible not to compare her to Laura.
“Oh yeah?” I responded. “You like what I do?” I asked her, staring at the entrance to her dress at her smooth thighs. She bit her lip and nodded.
“I loved watching you during the Super Bowl.” She said. So did everyone else. I thought to myself.
“Natasha was born in Russia, but she loves American sports. It’s a, um, passion of hers.” Charlie clarified.
“A passion? Really?” I asked her, taking a sip of my champagne. It was flat.
“Well,” she began, “I like the players. A lot.” She smiled, her tongue ran across her lips. I couldn’t help but think how boring she was.
“I’m a big fan of what I do too.” I smiled, feeling myself become a bit annoyed. She simply smiled, as if she wasn’t listening to a word I was saying. “You’re very nice.” I lied. She wasn’t at all what I wanted. In fact, I wanted her to leave.
The limo pulled up to the curb and we poured out into the club. Inside, the music was pumping as loud as it could get. Second-string players were acting like bigshots, pouring back shots and talking to sub par women. More than likely, they’ll end up in a puddle of their own puke tomorrow morning. Within seconds, some club workers handed all of us beers.
“Cheers!” Charlie yelled loudly.
“Cheers.” I mumbled.
We made our way to the dance floor, where the action was resonating. Charlie leaned in toward all of us and said, “I got you all something.”
“A present?” Riley asked.
“Yes, doll. A present.” Charlie smiled and winked at me. These girls were dull and I was already wanting to go home. But I owed it to my team to perk up. Before all this Laura shit, I was the man of the party. I didn’t give a fuck. The world was my oyster. Now, things had changed.
Charlie opened up his hand and we all leaned in to see what he had. “I got us all some Molly.” He smiled wide.
“Molly?” Riley asked her.
“Yes, honey. It’s MDMA. Ecstasy. Don’t worry. It’s good for you.” He said. I shook my head. I gotta get out of here. I thought to myself. “Alright, everyone. Open wide!”
He placed one pill in everyone’s mouth. We all closed our eyes and swallowed. Well, at least I pretended to. I took a sip of my drink and spit out the pill into the can. Within minutes, of course, everyone was dancing hard on the dance floor. Everyone, that is, except for me.
Natasha danced over to me. “Why don’t you dance with me, baby?”
“I’m not your baby.” I found myself saying. She looked surprised. Luckily, I was used to being a dick to people I didn’t want to be around. “Go dance with Charlie.” I said. “He looks like he could use another woman.”
She looked over to Charlie, who was unbuttoning his shirt with one hand and rubbing Riley’s hair with the other. Apparently the drugs had kicked in for him. He turned to me and smiled, “Best night ever!” He said, looking like a maniac.
“Right.” I said.
Natasha huffed and turned around, clearly pissed off at me. It was perfect, actually. This was the realization of who I was becoming. It was apparent that I needed to lay low and focus on the game. None of this rebound shit. None of the dumb parties. If I somehow found Laura, I would dedicate my life to her. But for now, it was all about the game.
I laughed as I watched them all fall into the drug. They were an embarrassing group of people. Though I respected Charlie’s work on the field, he wasn’t like Jenkins. He didn’t have my interests in mind.
“Fuck this.” I muttered to myself. I shook my head and walked right out those doors. I doubt that Charlie even noticed.
Laura
“You want me to go to New York on Monday?” I asked, flabbergasted.
“You’ll have the week in New York. We have a set list of locations you’ll be filming at. We’ll want you to go over those during the week and become familiar with everything. On Friday is the Afleck movie premiere. This will be huge Laura. You ready for all this?”
My eyes widened. “Ready? Of course I’m ready. But you really need me there Monday? Can’t it wait until Thursday? Or what about Wednesday?” I asked. Monday was the big Patriots game. Liam would be in town and I had to be at that game. I just had to.
“Monday is a definite. There’s a lot of work to go over and we want you to get integrated with the city.” My manager said.
“Integrated? Why does that matter so much to you guys?” I asked. Was there something they weren’t telling me?
She took a deep breath, looked at my agent, and set her stuff on the table. “Okay, so we didn’t want to say anything, but…”
“But what?” I interrupted. “Are you guys seriously going to keep surprising me with things?”
My agent interjected. “It’s a surprise worth considering. New York City. The Big Apple! Haven’t you ever pictured yourself living in the epicenter of the world?”
“I have a child. You think it’s a good place to raise a kid?” I sassily replied.
My manager smiled, “It’s as good as any. Little Alex will love it there. But, look. We’ll understand if you say no. But the network is willing to give you your own show. A new show.”
I sat down now. “What kind of show?” I asked.
“Whatever you want. You’re our star, Laura. The ratings love you.” My manager said.
“Sports, arts, entertainment. And I want a segment of investigative journalism on every show. I want to blow the lid off some things. I want it to be relevant and poignant. Shit, I can’t believe I’m even considering this.” I shook my head.
“Done and done. We’ll even pay for your place. How does a three bedroom flat in Manhatten sound? We’ll pay for the first 4 years of your stay. If your show takes off, we can talk about a raise.”
“It’s a deal if my yearly pay goes up.” I said, loving this negotiation.
“You’ll make two mil a year.” My manager smiled.
“Deal.” I said with a big smile on my face. “I’ll see you Monday.”
“Great!” They both said nearly at the same time. “Don’t worry about today. The writers have everything covered. Take the rest of the day off.”
They gave me my ticket to New York City and we shook hands in agreement. I made my way outside. A new show, huh? I couldn’t believe it. So much had changed within a year. I had a kid, a booming career, and now I would be starting a new life in
New York City.
Of course, the obvious flashed in my head. Liam was in Boston, right? That meant that he was only a couple hours away. It got me a little excited to think about, but then I remembered I would be missing the big game on Monday. Dammit, I thought. I wanted so badly to see him and now there would be nothing. I would have to wait even longer and who knew what kind of women he had been seeing since our night together.
Besides, when it came down to it, he wouldn’t want to be with me now. I was a single mother to a beautiful angel who was more than a handful. He was the cutest ray of sunshine the world had ever seen, but I knew what football players were like. They were selfish. They didn’t care about babies. If he found out about Alex, he would leave in an instant. That much I knew.
Look, I said to myself, that night was wonderful and perfect, but that’s all it was. It was a great rebound. He’s not going to be your husband. He can’t be a father to your child. It was time to give up the dream.
Even though I had the day off to go back home and be with my son, I decided I needed some time to myself. I headed to my favorite park in LA to seclude myself from the rest of the world.
When I got there, I sat on the bench and tried to meditate. I was never very good at stuff like that, but I figured it was better late than never. I thought about what I really wanted in life. At first, it was a great job. Then it was security. But now I had gotten everything that I wanted and more. I had the whole world in my hands. I whispered in the wind, “I want the thing I cannot express. The one thing I am missing.” Even I didn’t know what that meant.
It was clear that I was restless. I sat in silence for a good thirty minutes until I heard someone calling out, “Hey! Hey! Reporter chick!” I looked up and squinted my eyes. “Yeah you! You used to be on Channel 5 News, right?”
“Channel 5 news.” I said, feeling confused. Who the hell remembered me from that?
The man walked up to me. He was incredibly muscular and toned and had just apparently got done with his morning run. “You remember me?” He asked.