“She’s beautiful,” he said.
They sat in silence for a while, and he knew he wouldn’t tell her that she was no longer his accomplice.
“Don’t tell Rock Sand about our plan,” he said.
“I won’t.”
So she thought they still had a plan.
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Have you already told him?”
“No.”
“Honest?”
“Honest.”
She crossed her heart.
“I’m gonna go home now.” He stood up. He worried if he said anything more, he would destroy their wobbly truce. Why had he mentioned Rock’s name first thing like that?
“Why?” said Janine.
“I have to…my Uncle Edwin’s comin’ by, and I wanna see him.”
It was a lie, it came easily.
“Liar,” said Janine.
He looked down at his shirt, his long sleeves.
“What is it, Danny?”
“Nothing.”
“Let me tell you a secret,” she said. “A big one that I’ll trust you with, so you’ll be able to trust me with yours.”
“Are you sure?” He sat down again. “I probably wouldn’t wanna tell me a secret if I were you.”
“I want to. It’s about my dad.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Just let me check to make sure he’s sound asleep.”
When she was gone, Pearl turned over onto her back with all four legs stretched up. Danny rubbed her tummy. Russell growled low in her throat.
Janine returned. “He’s down for the count.”
A thin layer of white cloud covered the whole sky and turned it a misty blue. Two brown squirrels chased each other around the yard and up the trees and across the telephone lines.
“I wonder if squirrels ever relax,” said Danny.
“You don’t ever see them sitting around. I think it’s either they’re busy or they’re asleep.”
“I’m glad I’m not one.”
“They’re probably okay with it, not knowing any other way of being.”
Pearl turned onto her side, a mound of fur in a hazy sunbeam.
“My dad’s an off-and-on drunkard,” said Janine. “He doesn’t drink for long stretches of time and then he can’t stop himself and he goes on a bender. He just got back from one a couple of days ago.”
She took a long drink of her Kool-Aid.
“So he doesn’t even come home at night?” Danny said.
“No.”
“Where does he go for his benders?”
“Beer parlours. In hotels.”
“How long does he go on them for?”
“It depends. The longest he’s ever been away is five days.”
“And you stay here all by yourself?”
“Yup.”
“Don’t you worry about him?”
“Yeah. All the time. I’m afraid he’ll get killed by a car or beaten to death by another drunk. He goes to those hotels on Main Street. I followed him once. Well…twice. He sleeps there, I guess.
“The thing is,” she went on, “the reason it’s important that it’s a secret is the Children’s Aid Society. They take me away from him if they find out that he’s left me on my own. Somebody told on him once.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know. They wouldn’t tell me. I’m guessing Old Lady Horndog across the street and down. She’s always peeking out from behind her curtains. Salope!”
“Sal-opp?” said Danny.
“Bitch,”said Janine.
“And what’s the Children’s Aid Society?”
“It’s the outfit that takes you away from your home if someone tells them that your dad leaves you alone sometimes even when you’re totally able to look after yourself. They’re a bunch of assholes who don’t listen to you or answer your questions.”
“Assholes,” Danny said.
“Yeah. Next to my dad dying, the thing I’m most afraid of is them taking me again. If they try, I’m going to run.”
“So they’ve taken you before?”
“Yup.”
“What do they do with you when they take you?”
“They put you in a house with people who are in it for the dough. People are paid to take you in. I only had a nice person once.”
“It’s happened to you more than once?”
“Yup. Once you’re in the system, they can pop up any time to spy on you and destroy your life if they don’t like what they see.”
“What about when you were little?” Danny said. “Did he leave you alone then?”
“He didn’t do it when I was little. It just started happeningafter…”
“After what?”
“Nothing.”
Danny didn’t press.
“You could stay at my house when he goes on his next bender,” he said. “That way they wouldn’t find you. You could have Cookie’s room. My mum probably wouldn’t even notice.”
He pictured sneaking into her room at night and slipping under the sheet next to her. They would both be naked and they’d press up against each other, the whole length of them, front to front.
“Does your mum’s sickness mean that she doesn’t notice things?” said Janine.
“Well…she takes a whole bunch of pills for pain and sleep and everything else, and they make her groggy. It’s gotten worse since Cookie died; she barely stands up. I won’t be surprised if one day she wakes up and her legs don’t work anymore. She’ll fall to the floor in a pile of skin and bones.”
“She’ll probably snap out of it.”
“I doubt it,” said Danny. “She’s pretty old for snappin’ out of things.”
“How old is she?”
“Forty-nine, I think. Anyway, you could stay at my house. You could bring Pearl. Russell would adjust.”
Russell wagged her tail.
“Hi, you two.”
Jake stood inside the screen door with a cigarette attached to his lower lip.
“Hi, Dad.” Janine leapt up, and Danny did too.
“How about some pancakes?”
“That’d be great. Will you stay for pancakes, Danny?”
“Sure. I love pancakes.”
He was full of Aunt Dot’s scrambled eggs and toast, but no way would he refuse.
“Okay. You two carry on, and I’ll call you when they’re ready. Hi, Russ.”
Russell clambered up the steps, forgetting all about Pearl for a few seconds. The cat hissed and was gone. Russell peered inside the screen door, wagging the whole rear half of her body. Jake let her in, and her toenails scratched riotously on the kitchen floor.
“I don’t like maple syrup,” Danny confided to Janine.
“Me neither. We make our own syrup: one cup white sugar, one cup brown sugar, one cup water, boil for one minute.”
“That’s what we do too!”
Jake seemed like the kind of person who might feed Russell bits of bacon and pancake right from the table, so Danny put her outside before they sat down to eat. He didn’t want her to develop bad habits.
The pancakes were at least as good as Dot’s. Jake insisted on doing the cleanup as well as the cooking.
“He feels guilty because of his bender,” Janine said when they were back outside.
“Why doesn’t he get fired from his job?” Danny said. “Does he mainly do his benders on weekends?”
“Actually, yeah. He’s very regimented about his drunkenness — does it on long weekends, holidays, those sorts of times. Now and then he screws up — like this time — and misses work, but only once or twice a year. His job is just part-time — three or four days a week, so it fits in well with his drinking.”
“He’s a good dad, isn’t he?” said Dann
y.
“Yup. He’s a damn fine dad.”
22
The next day, after a lunch of potato salad and ham, Danny walked along with Russell to the little house at the end of Lyndale Drive. He liked that he and Janine lived on the same street, even though their houses were some distance apart.
She was in her backyard mowing the small patch of lawn. The push mower clattered quietly in the still afternoon.
When Danny approached, she stopped, and a smile lit up her face.
“You have green eyes,” he said. “I never noticed before.”
“Yes, I do.”
“So green.”
He sat on the stoop and watched her while she finished up the yard. A belt held up her cutoffs today. Maybe her dad had noticed how much of her you could see. There was a Yogi Bear decal sewn on one of the pockets now and what looked like part of a bracelet sewn on another. It sparkled in the sun.
“I like the way you sew extra stuff onto your clothes,” Danny said.
“Thanks. We have a sewing machine that belonged to my mum. It was just kind of sitting there so I figured I’d learn how to use it. I’m just starting; it’s fun. The beads and stuff I sew on by hand.”
This was the first time Danny had heard any mention of a mum. He wanted to ask questions but decided to let it go for now. She probably needed some time to come to terms with having told him so much about her dad the day before.
After she put the mower away in the rickety old shed, they started walking towards the Red Top. He thought it might be nice to treat her to a root beer; he had money in his pocket. But everybody and their dog would be there. Literally. Dogs came. Besides, the Red Top was more for popular kids.
Russell ran on ahead, and they walked along, knocking into each other every so often. Danny couldn’t seem to keep his limbs to himself. Dot had mentioned that morning that he was shooting up like a weed, and he knew it was true. He could feel it; his bones hurt from all the growing.
He wanted Janine to talk. She was still his friend; she had told him her biggest secret (as far as he knew — he supposed she could have a bigger one). But it was possible the friendship had new limits that he didn’t know about yet. He still felt as though it had been shaken to its roots.
“Do you ever go to the Red Top?” he said.
“Nah, the Red Top’s for losers. Let’s turn here, so we don’t have to see them laughing their idiot heads off.”
He began to wonder if Janine was lacking in friends. It hadn’t occurred to him before.
“I’m worried that I might be famous for hatin’ Miss Hardass even if I haven’t been goin’ around talkin’ about it. As well as for my slingshot skills.”
He hadn’t meant to say it yet, but there it was.
“Christ. You and your famousness,” said Janine. “You really find a lot of things to worry about, don’t you?”
“Well, they’re legitimate worries.”
She reached over and tousled his hair. “You know some big words for a kid.”
Danny shook off her touch.
“Everybody hates Hardass,” said Janine.
“Not as much as I do.”
“Some do.”
Danny couldn’t believe that. And he didn’t like that she had said it. No one’s hate was as big as his, and he had thought Janine knew that. Tears threatened. He couldn’t cry, especially after having his hair tousled.
Janine saw his tears; he felt her see them with a sideways look.
“Let me tell you another Hardass story,” she said.
“Okay.”
He glanced around to make sure no one was watching them, that none of the losers from the Red Top were following along behind. Nothing ever felt allowable about what they did, no matter what it was. It felt right, for the most part, but not allowable.
“It was in gym class again. A kid had an accident. Most of us were leaping around playing basketball, and all of a sudden Hardass blew her whistle. We all stopped in our tracks. She loves doing that. If you don’t stop in your tracks when she blows her whistle, you have to do laps. God, I’d like to shove that whistle so far up her ass it comes out one of her eyes.”
“Okay, so it’s not about Cookie,” Danny said, more to himself than Janine.
“No. So we’re all standing there waiting for whatever dumb thing she’s going to say, and she tells Morven Rankin to step forward, which she does. Then she tells her to turn around in a circle. By this time we’ve all pretty much seen what’s going on.”
“I know who Morven Rankin is,” Danny said. “She’s the unfortunate girl.”
“Yeah. Morv’s strange, but she’s all right. And she sure doesn’t need Hardass on her case. Anyway, there’s a red patch on her white shorts between her legs. She had started her period.”
“Oh.”
Danny felt his ears turn red. He knew about periods. There had been a big to-do when Cookie’d had her first one, involving her not being prepared. All he could remember of his mother’s involvement was irritation. It was Danny who went to Wade’s to pick up the equipment. He wore his baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses and waited till there was no one in the store except Mr. Wade and Ross, the pharmacist. Ross served him.
Danny said, “Stuff for a period, please.”
Ross said, “Pardon?”
“Stuff for a period. For a girl.”
“Oh. Sure thing.” Ross raised a finger. “Hang on, and I’ll get you set up.”
He gathered together a few items, put them in a bag, and charged it to Mrs. Blue’s account, without asking how Danny wanted to pay. When he handed the bag over the counter he smiled and said, “You’re a good man, Danny Blue.”
Danny had brought cash and was disappointed that Ross recognized him through his disguise, but grateful that it went as smoothly as it did. It could have been so much worse: Ross could have had a harder time figuring out what he was talking about; kids from school could have come in and noticed what he was buying and tortured him forever; the store could have been out of the sinister supplies, meaning he’d have to go further afield. Also, he had worried that Ross would refuse to sell him the stuff, like he did when kids came in for cigarettes and doobs.
At least Cookie had been at home when it happened. It was a disaster, but a private one, except for Ross, and he was obviously accustomed to periods and probably worse.
Danny still didn’t know all there was to know about them, and that was fine with him. It didn’t seem like the kind of thing he had to concern himself with yet, if ever.
But here was Janine, merrily talking as though it was the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it was at her house, but certainly not at his.
He pictured going home, walking into the living room, and saying, period. He wondered if that would be enough to open his mum’s eyes wide. If it wasn’t, he could say, menstrual period. He’d have to do it when Dot wasn’t there.
“What’s so funny?” said Janine.
“Nothing.”
“Anyway, Hardass berates Morven and calls her a filthy, ignorant girl and tells her to go to the change room and hose herself down. That’s what she said. Hose yourself down. Like she was talking about a car or an elephant. Poor Morv finally got it and looked down at herself. And guess what happened then.”
“What?”
“She fainted.”
“What was Cookie doin’ during all of this?” Danny said.
His pleasure in knowing that it wasn’t his sister’s predicament was like a golden apple resting in the palm of his hand. On this occasion she had been safe, separate from the nightmare unfolding for another girl. He felt bad for Morven, but from a distance.
Janine turned to look at him.
“I don’t know,” she said. “This story isn’t about Cookie. What I’m trying to get across is that way more people than just you and me wou
ld be happy if something bad happened to Hardass. Can you imagine if Morven’s brother had walked by the gym and witnessed that scene the way you saw the thing with Cookie? For all we know, he did and he just didn’t show himself, and right now him and Morven are planning their own revenge.”
Danny tried to digest the story. He had trouble picturing it happening to Morven. It was always Cookie, and the red was huge and running down her pale unsteady legs.
“That’s a very unpleasant story,” he said.
“Yeah, I know, but I had a point I wanted to make.”
They’d arrived at the river. They sat down in the grass and watched the miniature kids on the other side, messing around near the water.
“Danny?”
“Yeah?”
“You need more than one friend.”
“Is that so?”
He felt, as he had so often lately, that if not for certain body parts holding him in, he would have slid out all over the ground.
“Are you sayin’ this because of all the stupid questions I ask?” he said.
“No.”
“Why then?”
“Because it only makes sense.”
“How?”
“Well, for one thing, what if the one friend up and dies?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
He knew she was right. What if she hadn’t come along after Paul had deserted him?
“You’re not dyin’, are you?”
“No, I’m not dying. It’s just…it’s good to spread yourself around a little.”
He didn’t want to spread himself around at all.
“I’ll get back to havin’ friends after the Miss Hardass thing is over.”
Friends would get in the way now. How could she not see that?
“I have to get goin’.” He stood up.
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Is it because of what I said?”
“No.”
“Why, then?”
“I told Dot I’d help her beat rugs.”
She seemed to accept that.
A familiar lump had formed inside his chest, like a good-sized sweet crabapple — not a small sour one.
“I’ll walk you,” said Janine.
Boys were supposed to walk girls home, not the other way around. Her offer drove home the fact that she didn’t think of him as a guy, not in the Rock Sand sense of the word. But she would; she had to. He could wait out Rock Sand.
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