"I was surprised you even wanted me here," Kirsten was saying.
"I invited you for Penny's sake," Adam told her. "Not for mine."
"And Penny's the only reason I came," she said. "Still…" She met Adam's eyes briefly, then looked at her feet. "It was good of you to call."
"I know you love her, Kirsten. Whatever you did you did it for Penny. I know that—and I think deep down, Ben does, too. Inviting you was the right thing to do." Adam kept averting his eyes, whenever she looked directly at him. But when she wasn't, he seemed unable to keep his gaze away from her face. "But no matter what your motives were, you did this family wrong."
"Adam, can't we put the past behind us? This hostility is just … just so useless. I can't change what I did. Not what I did for Penny—not what I did on our wedding day."
He lowered his head. "And I can't change the way I feel, Kirsten."
"I think you could … if you wanted to. Does hating me really give you such pleasure?"
"Yeah," he told her, his voice dripping sarcasm. "Thrills me to no end. Hell, I'm just getting good at it, I'd hate to quit now."
"You're a bastard, Adam Brand."
He shrugged. "My brother Garrett raised me too well to say what you are, Kirsten Armstrong."
"Cowan," she reminded him. "I'm married now, remember?"
Her barb hit home and drove deep. Ben saw his brother flinch with the impact. "I'm not likely to forget that."
Shaking her head in disgust, she turned, heading away from him. Ben caught her hand in his, and she stopped. She blinked as she looked up at him, and he thought maybe her eyes were a little bit damp.
"He's still hurting," Ben said softly. "Cut him some slack, okay?"
She turned her hand in Ben's, linking fingers with him, and managed a weak smile. "It's not like it matters."
"It does. Trust me, Kirsten, it does." He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Time's the only thing that's gonna help. You be patient, and he'll come around. You two obviously weren't meant to be together. You did what your heart told you, and he can't hate you for that forever."
"I did what I had to do," she muttered. But then she gave her head a shake. "But this is no time for the pile of garbage between Adam and me. It's a celebration. Ben, I'm so happy for you and Penny."
"I know you are, hon."
Kirsten leaned up and kissed Ben's cheek. When she stepped away, Penny was standing beside her, holding two small plates with a piece of cake on each one. Her eyes, when Ben met them, were cool, and maybe a little confused.
"Penny," Kirsten said, and she turned to plant a similar kiss on Penny's cheek, apparently unaware of any tension in the air. "You have no idea how often I've prayed for this. It's like a miracle."
Penny only nodded, and her smile seemed to be made of glass. Fragile, and on the verge of shattering. "Thank you, Kirsten. I … I hope you can stay for a while. I think it's time we had that talk."
Kirsten sent Ben a look, and he thought there might have been a hint of panic in her eyes. But she drew a breath, faced Penny again and nodded firmly. "Yes, it is. I'll stay, Penny. There's a lot you need to know."
"I can see that." Penny handed Ben one of the pieces of cake, and gave Kirsten the other. Then, she turned to go back to the dining room.
* * *
Chapter 10
« ^ »
The party lasted for hours, but at last, well after nightfall, the crowd started thinning out. Wes and Taylor had their horses to tend to at their place, Sky Dancer Ranch. Jessi and Lash had to take little Maria home and tuck her in for the night. And Chelsea managed to talk her own toddler into heading upstairs for his bath and bedtime story, though Bubba argued all the way to his room.
Eventually all that remained were Adam and Kirsten, Penny and Ben. And Ben knew the time had come for revelations, for truth. He was as afraid of hearing it as Kirsten seemed to be of telling it. And he didn't even know why. It was something in his gut that defied logic.
Adam brought freshly brewed coffee into the living room, while Ben knelt to build a fire in the fireplace, working around the two dogs who'd apparently collapsed in exhaustion. Too much running from guest to guest for attention and an occasional crumb of cake, he figured. Their swollen bellies were further evidence of that guess.
Blue lay in his usual position, head resting atop his forelegs, ears folded on the floor. Olive was not quite as conservative, though. She lay on her back, legs up. Gravity made her jowls pull backward, so her teeth were bared, and she was snoring like a chain saw. Her chest rose from her body like a roasted turkey's. The sight of her would have made him smile under any other circumstances. But not tonight.
He got the fire started, but doubted it would warm him. He thought maybe the chill in his bones had nothing to do with the temperature. He kept telling himself this was the happiest day of his life, and that he was a fool to be so apprehensive. The churning in his belly told him otherwise, no matter how little sense that made.
Penny sat in the rocking chair and took the steaming mug from Adam when he offered it. Kirsten paced like a caged lioness.
"It's time," Penny said softly. "Tell me what you know about what happened to me, Kirsten."
She stopped pacing, and her eyes widened just a little. "I thought we were going to talk alone."
Penny frowned at her, shaking her head. "No, of course not. Ben has as much right to know what really happened as I do. I want him to know."
"No, Penny, you don't." Kirsten's eyes held a warning as she stared hard at Penny. "Believe me, you really don't. We should talk alone."
Penny shot a startled glance from Kirsten to Ben, and back again. "What is that supposed to mean? Look, Kirsten, I have nothing to hide from my husband."
Drawing a deep sigh and shaking her head slowly, Kirsten said, "I guess it's your choice. But I think you should hear what I have to say first—then make up your mind, once you know what I have to tell you."
"It doesn't matter what you have to say," Penny told her. And then Penny got a funny look. A dark one Ben didn't recognize. "Nothing matters, Kirsten, except that I am back now. I'm trying to reclaim my life, and knowing the truth is the only way I can do it. So will you just stop with the arguments and the innuendo and simply tell us what happened?"
Kirsten searched Penny's face for a moment, as if she was slightly confused, and maybe not quite sure what Penny was trying to say. But her words had definitely had the tone of a warning. She couldn't have missed that.
Finally Kirsten nodded, glancing nervously around the room as she took a seat in the overstuffed armchair closest to Penny's rocker. "Where's Garrett?"
"Playing taxi," Ben said. He leaned back against the mantel, crossing his arms over his chest. "A few of the guys got into the beer more than they should have during the party. He's driving them home."
"Why?" Adam cut in. "What's Garrett got to do with any of this?"
Kirsten met his eyes, and hers turned stony. "Because I'm not telling you a thing until your brother the sheriff gives me his word that I won't be arrested or charged with anything when I'm finished."
Adam's brows creased. "So you not only know about all this, but you were involved in it, as well." He said it as if he were not the least bit surprised. "Rest assured, sweetheart, if there are grounds to arrest you, I'll do the honors myself. And I'm going to find out whether you tell me or not, so—"
"Shut the hell up, Adam," Ben said, straightening his stance and glaring at his brother. Fear had shone like glittering ice crystals in Kirsten's eyes before she'd hidden it. If she decided not to talk…
Ben went to where she was sitting, knelt down and took her hands in his. "You love her," he said gently. "Kirsten, please. I'm not gonna let anybody arrest you, I swear it. Just tell us. Penny needs to know—I need to know. What really happened that night?" He could feel Penny's eyes on him. But he didn't glance her way. His entire focus right now was on Kirsten, on convincing her to tell him what she knew.
Sniffling, brush
ing newborn tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands, she finally nodded. "It was only because she loved you so much, Ben. You have to believe that. No matter what she did, it was—"
"What she did?" That knot in Ben's stomach drew painfully tighter.
"I had to help her. I had to. I was her best friend. I'd have cut off my arm for her, you know that, don't you?" She drew one hand away to drag it across her face. The tears left a red streak.
Ben nodded. His throat had gone bone dry. Penny leaned forward in the rocking chair. Adam remained standing, glowering at his onetime lover.
"Doc told her … how it was going to be when the end got close," Kirsten said, looking at Ben. "That she'd … that she'd slip into a coma that might last a very long time." She looked past Ben, meeting Penny's eyes. "It made you crazy, Penny. You were driving yourself nuts going over it all, again and again. Talking about how Ben would suffer, how he'd have to watch you lying there like a vegetable, wasting away. You said you couldn't do it to him." She closed her eyes. "I thought you were going to try suicide, just to save him from watching you die slowly that way. I was scared to death for you, Penny. The symptoms were getting stronger, more frequent, and you knew it wouldn't be much longer. You were so desperate not to put Ben through all of that … I just didn't know what you might do if I didn't help."
Penny nodded slowly. "I can see why you would have been afraid for me."
"So I wanted to help. I wanted to give you a way out."
Ben watched Kirsten, saw the torment in her eyes. "What did you do, Kirsten?"
"I … I helped," she said softly. She looked from Penny, to Ben, to Adam, and then lowered her eyes. "My … husband … has connections. I knew some of them were less than … scrupulous. He … suggested a name, a lawyer he'd worked with in the past, and I contacted the man. He … he was willing to help Penny and I … set up the accident."
Everyone was silent for a long moment. Adam looked stunned. He shook himself. "Jesus, Kirsten, what kind of a man did you marry?"
"Not the kind I wanted to," she whispered, but Adam couldn't possibly have heard from where he stood.
Ben heard her, though. He also heard the hiss and crackle of his heart freezing over. "You're saying my wife…" he glanced at Penny, but only briefly. He couldn't look at her. Not now. "…faked her own death? Let me believe she'd crashed? Let me think she'd been trapped in a car that became a blast furnace—trapped there until her body was so charred it was…" His throat closed off. He had to close his eyes to try to shut out the memory, but even then the vision remained. It had torn him apart to see those blackened remains and believe them to be hers.
It was Penny who spoke then, her voice dull, lifeless. "Whose body is in my grave, Kirsten?"
"I don't know. The lawyer said it was an unclaimed body from a morgue out of state. I realize Garrett and the medical examiner have been trying to identify it, but I imagine they're wasting their time. I don't know how he got it here, or who it really was. A vagrant who'd died on the streets and wouldn't be missed, he told us. It didn't matter. He took your car and your wedding ring, and said he'd take care of everything. We never saw the body—or the accident." Kirsten turned to Ben. "We didn't know how it was going to be. I swear it, Ben. We never would have—"
"How did you think it would be?" he asked her. "Hell, Kirsten, how did you think they'd fool me into believing that corpse was my wife unless they burned the body beyond recognition?"
Kirsten shook her head. "We just … we just didn't think." She sighed. "Maybe we didn't want to think."
Anger welled up inside Ben like hot lava, bubbling dangerously near the surface, ready to boil over. "And the clinic?"
"The lawyer set that up, as well. He said it was a hospice, the best one in the world, set up specifically for people with HWS. He said she'd get the best of care there." She closed her eyes. "Penny was on a flight out of the country by the time her car went into that ravine and exploded."
Adam swore.
"It killed me to see you suffer, Ben. But it was for the best … or we thought it was at the time."
Ben only nodded, fury eating at him, gnawing in his belly like battery acid. Penny said nothing. What could she say? She'd deceived the man she'd claimed to love in the worst possible way. Denied him the chance to be with her when he'd needed to be with her most. Lied to him. Let him believe she was dead. God!
"When I tried to contact her later, to be sure she made it there all right," Kirsten went on, "the people at the clinic told me she'd slipped into a coma right after she'd arrived. They said she'd be dead within a month, and that we'd done the right thing. They told me not to contact her again, for her sake, and for yours, Ben. They said if I did, someone might find out. They told me to let her go. And I did … God help me, I did." She searched Penny's face, tears rolling down her own. "I'm so sorry, Penny."
Penny said nothing, just stared at her as if she wasn't quite sure what she was seeing, or hearing, or how to process this new information.
"I want the name of this lawyer," Ben said, containing his anger—just barely.
"So you can get him disbarred? No, Ben. I'm sorry, but I won't tell you who he is."
"She's protecting her own interests, Ben, you can bet on that," Adam snapped. "Dammit, Kirsten, how could you do this to my brother? My family? How much did you pay that sleazy mouthpiece to set all this up, anyway?"
Kirsten shook her head, got to her feet a little unsteadily. "I've told you everything I can, Ben," she said softly. "We were so close once … I hope someday you can forgive me. I truly thought I was doing what was best. For you, and for Penny. Truly."
Looking back at Penny, she said, "I'm glad, God, I'm so glad you're well again. And back home. I hope … I hope…" She bit her lip, tears flooding her eyes, and ran out of the house, leaving the front door wide open behind her.
A second later Ben heard Kirsten's car spinning its tires as it swept out the driveway, and Adam cussing under his breath, referring to Kirsten in less than flattering terms as he stood in the still open door, watching her go.
When Adam turned, his face was a mask of fury. But it softened when he looked at Penny, sitting as still and pale as a marble sculpture, and then at Ben. "Ben, listen…"
Ben held up a hand. "Take a walk or something, okay?"
Adam bit his lip, glanced Penny's way once more and finally nodded. "Okay. You two need to talk this out. But … just don't blow it, Ben. Not now—"
"Get out, Adam."
Nodding, Adam turned and left them alone.
Ben stood very still. The fire he'd started gained strength, licking up the logs, devouring them bit by bit. The way his wife's lie had destroyed him little by little over the years. And maybe now it was about to finish the job once and for all.
When he could manage it, he looked down at Penny, sitting motionless in the rocking chair. "How the hell could you do that to me?" he asked her.
"I don't know. I don't remember any of this, you know that." Her voice was lifeless.
He searched her face, feeling as if he were seeing her for the first time. "I thought you loved me. I thought no two people on the planet could ever be closer than we were. I thought there was nothing you couldn't share with me. Jesus, Penny, was I that blind? Was I the only one who felt that way?"
"Ben, I—"
"I was, wasn't I? All those years, Penny, I thought … but I never really knew you at all, did I?" He turned toward the door, but Penny lunged after him, gripping his arm.
"Ben, wait. You can't just walk away—we have to talk about this."
"Don't touch me."
Her hand fell away. She lowered her head. "I thought," she whispered, "I thought…"
"Oh, come on, Penny. It's not like you're in love with me now, is it? You've been trying, I'll grant you that. But it's like playing house to you, isn't it? You had nowhere else to go, so you thought you'd play the devoted wife. But you never felt a thing. For all intents and purposes, I'm a man you met a few days a
go. A stranger to you. So don't try to tell me you feel anything for me."
"You're wrong!"
"I'm only surprised it took me this long to realize it."
"But I do feel something for you… Ben, wait!"
He didn't wait. He couldn't. He walked out, feeling as if his heart had been ripped from his chest and stomped on. He left her standing there, alone.
"He hates me now."
Several hours had passed since Ben had stalked out of the house. No one seemed to know where he'd gone or what he might be doing. Moreover no one seemed to want to find out. Garrett and Elliot kept saying he needed some time alone. That everyone should just relax and let him be. Then they'd gone about their business, but Penny didn't fail to notice that their glances her way were chilly, or that their words were clipped. The warmth had left their eyes from the moment they had learned what she'd done. They were angry with her. Both of them. And they had every right to be. But they'd also had a right to know the truth. They'd mourned her bogus death—they deserved to know how she'd betrayed them.
Adam had seemed more understanding, but he hadn't returned to the ranch yet, either.
Chelsea seemed to be her only ally. She refilled Penny's teacup, and ran an encouraging hand over hers. Elliot and Garrett had finally gone upstairs, and the two women had retreated to the kitchen.
"He can't hate you for what you did back then. You don't even remember it," Chelsea said gently.
"That makes sense from a practical point of view." Penny sipped the tea, then set the pretty china cup carefully into its matching saucer. "But Ben's thinking from an emotional one at this point. I hurt him terribly."
"He's not thinking at all right now. Men never do when they're hurt. He's just feeling. But eventually he'll realize it and get control of his anger."
Penny shook her head. "He's angry at a woman who doesn't even exist anymore." Then she glanced out the nearest window at the darkness lying like a blanket over the ranch. "I'm worried about him."
THE HUSBAND SHE COULDN'T REMEMBER Page 15