by Julia Black
Me: Are you sleeping?
Five minutes passed and he didn’t answer. Perhaps he was working a night shift again. Who was I to keep up with his schedule? I let my phone down and pretended to focus on the TV again.
Then my phone dinged.
Josh: Sorry. Was in the shower.
I stared at the screen, not sure what to say now.
Josh: Kiera?
I inhaled deeply and held it in.
Me: Want to come over?
One minute passed.
Two minutes.
Five minutes.
Shit. I had exposed myself like that just to have him shut the door in my face again. What the hell was I doing? I wasn’t behaving like a serious mother, that was what I was doing.
With a sigh, I stood to grab myself a wine glass and drown my sorrows when a soft knock came from the door.
I stilled.
The knock came again.
I practically tripped on my own feet as I raced to door and opened it without asking who was behind it, or spying through the door viewer.
Josh stood just outside my door, dark jeans and a simple white t-shirt, his hand stuffed in the pocket of his pants, his hair damp, and barefoot.
My breath caught. Damn, he was so handsome. So hot. How did he not have a flock of women at his feet? He probably did, I just didn’t know about it.
“Hey,” he said, his intense gaze fixed on me.
“Hi.” I retreated a few steps, letting him come in.
He hesitated, but stepped inside my apartment. I closed the door and he turned to me. “So …”
“I …” I bit my lower lip. Now that he was here, I had no idea what to do, how to act, what to say. I felt stupid and embarrassed for calling him just for that. I decided for his approach from this morning. “I miss you, too.”
His shoulders sagged, as if a big weight had been lifted, and, in less than one second, his hand was around my nape, and his lisp brushed against mine.
“I thought this was over for real,” he whispered against my lips.
I inhaled his sweet breath, wishing I could hide myself within him and never come up again. “If you want, it isn’t. For now.”
He nodded, brushing his nose to mine. “That’s all I want.”
“Then kiss me.” I bit his lower lip. Groaning, Josh wrapped his hand around my waist, pulled me to him, and dove in, claiming my mouth with his. I didn’t even try to resist, I melted into him.
“I really did miss you,” he whispered against my mouth.
That statement lifted a boulder from my shoulder. At least, I wasn’t the only one getting lost in this.
Next thing I knew, Josh and I were in my bed, having our best time together yet.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Josh
Even though we had made up on Sunday night, I was only able to see Kiera and Luana again Thursday night. Because I had expected to still be avoiding Kiera, I had scheduled some crazy hours for this week, and whenever I was free, Kiera was busy—with work, with Luana, with homework. She had made it clear she didn’t want me hanging out at her apartment like I had before, and because I was ready to let go of her, I obliged.
It was Thursday night when I showed up at her apartment after Luana had gone to bed.
Kiera opened the door and I thought she would fall in my arms in exhaustion.
“What happened?” I asked, stepping in and closing the door behind me.
With a loud sigh, she plopped down on her couch. “Work has been too busy. I’m supposed to change departments next week, thank God, but I have to train the new girl first, and, besides coming in when I’m almost done with my day, the poor thing is too scared. She is always tense and questioning everything, even every noise and creak around the store. She gives me goosebumps.”
Trying not to laugh with the image she painted in my mind, I sat down beside her and pulled her lean legs over my lap. “Are you sure you aren’t being too hard on her and making her scared?”
She shot me a “really?” look. “Have you seen me? Do you know me? When in the world have I ever made someone scared?”
I could argue that, but it wasn’t in the context she was pointing out, so I kept my mouth shut.
I started massaging her feet. She threw her head back and let out a loud moan. I stilled. “Keep that up and I’ll ravage you in half a second.”
She chuckled, a low, tired sound. “You’ll have sex with a doll, because I can’t move a finger.” To illustrate her point, she raised her arm and let it fall heavily at her side. “This past week, I haven’t stopped. Work has been pretty busy, like I said, then I get home and Luana seems to have recharged her batteries, because she doesn’t stop and,” I chuckled, imagining Luana jumping like a popcorn around Kiera, making her crazy, “my classes are getting harder, or I’m too lazy to keep up with it. Midterms are coming up soon, I have several books to read and projects to do …” She sighed, closing her eyes. “And because of all that, I haven’t slept much. I’m done. I know it’s Thursday, but can it be Saturday already? Usually by Saturday night I’m caught up with all my school work and I can sleep in on Sunday.”
I tugged on her ankles before gently pushing her legs aside. “Come on,” I said, standing up.
She opened her eyes and stared at me. “What?” I scooped her up in my arms, gaining a little yelp from her. “What are you doing?” I turned toward her bedroom. “Didn’t you hear me? I have no strength to sleep with you.”
“Get your mind out of the gutter, girl,” I fake-reprimanded her. “Nobody here is talking about sex.” I threw her in her bed, getting another yelp in answer. “Take off your shirt.”
She lifted her brows at me. “Why?”
I chuckled and knelt into bed with her. “Just do it, woman.”
With a knot between her brows, she obliged and took off her tank top.” Then I gently pushed her, turning her belly down.
“Hey,” she protested, crossing her arms above her shoulders, and resting her head sideways over them.
I straddled her round, firm ass—and had to slap it gently once, getting another ‘hey’ from her—then I unclasped her bra, reached to her shoulders, and started working my magic. She gasped as I massaged her tense muscles.
“Good?” Moaning, she nodded. I smiled. “Stop making these sounds if you want me to leave you alone tonight.” She moaned again. In retribution, I slid my hands under her, cupped her breasts, and squeezed her nipples. Her moan was different this time, slower and more breathy. I leaned over to her and whispered in her ear, “Behave or I might take you even when you’re dead tired.”
Eyes closed, she smiled. And all I could was nip at her ear. I resumed massaging her hard shoulder and neck and back. This woman was freaking tense. She needed an specialist. Was her life so stressful that got her all tied up in knots?
Every once in awhile especially when I ran my fingers over her lower back, Kiera let out another moan.
And then she stopped.
I leaned closer and paid attention to her breathing. Slow, deep inhales and exhales. She was sound asleep!
With an amused grin, I sat beside her and, with a gentle touch, pulled out the covers, stripped her off her yoga pants, and tucked her in. I planted a soft kiss on her cheek and lay down beside her, staring at her serene face.
She was so fucking beautiful, it hurt.
Sometimes, when I was alone in the dead of the night, I wondered how I would be, how it would feel, to let go, to surrender to this feeling deep in my gut, and be with Kiera for real. But it wasn’t just her. With Kiera came Luana and that was what really scared me. I wasn’t father material. With my past experience and violence, I couldn’t grasp the concept of raising a kid, of being responsible for a person. What if the motherfucker irritated me? I would punch him and break his nose?
Or I would just yell at him and call him names and forget about picking him up or making him dinner? Or I would drown my sorrows of not having a better life in alcohol and slap my kid for b
eing a kid? Because that had been my childhood. It was the only thing I knew.
I ran my fingers down Kiera’s cheek, savoring her smooth skin.
No, Kiera and Luana deserved so much more. I was glad we had cut our time together, that I didn’t come around when Luana was awake anymore. It was easier this way.
Oh, the lies I told myself.
With a final kiss on her cheek, I pushed off the bed and left her bedroom. I was walking toward the door, when a sudden urge to make sure Luana was okay hit me square in the chest, making me practically breathless. Against my better judgment, I walked to Luana’s bedroom, silently opened the door, and spied inside.
She was sprawled on her twin bed, her pink bunny secured inside the hook of her arm. I could hear her soft breathing from the door and a smile took over my lips. She was okay. She would be okay. Kiera would make sure of it.
And then, even though a dull ache spread through my chest, I walked out of their apartment.
***
Kiera
I knelt in front of Luana and tugged on her jacket. It was chilly this morning, though it was supposed to warm up throughout the day.
“You remember my number, right?” I asked her in a low voice.
She tilted her head—it was her version of eye rolling, which I wasn’t looking forward to. “I know, mommy. I also know our address, and my pediatrician’s name and clinic, and I know about calling 911 in case of emergencies.”
I smiled. She was only four, couldn’t I be worried about her? I glanced up at the man standing a few feet behind her, leaning against his sleek black car, his arms crossed and his eyes on me. “Be a good girl, okay? I hope you and your dad have lots of fun.”
She scrunched her nose. “He’s not very fun,” she whispered. “But I packed a lot of my favorites games.” She patted her full backpack. “I’ll teach him to play them all.”
“That’s good.” I kissed her forehead and embraced her tight. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you too, mommy.”
With my hands on her shoulders, I stood and turned her around.
“Done?” Adam asked, his tone plain. He had been waiting for two minutes, and he was already bored.
I walked by him and opened his car’s door. “Get inside, baby.” I helped Luana inside and made sure her booster seat and seatbelt were in place. Then I gave her a quick kiss on her soft cheeks, and closed the door before I started crying in front of her.
“Don’t worry, Kiera,” Adam said, turning to me. “Claire and I will take good care of her.”
I suppressed a groan. If he hadn’t threatened to file for full custody, I wouldn’t have let my baby girl spend the day—and night—with him and his wife. But if he filed for full custody, chances were I was going to lose. Adam had a stable job, made a good income, had a big house, and was recently married to a woman whose family was supposed to have strong foundations and some money, too. Meanwhile, I was a single mother, living in a shitty apartment, working and studying at the same time and barely sleeping. Soon, all of my savings—from the sale of my previous car and jewelry—would end, and that would be when things got really tight. So, who would the judge favor? I didn’t even like to think about it.
“Call me if you need anything,” I told him, still fighting to keep the tears in.
“Will do,” he replied, opening the door. “I’ll bring her back tomorrow after lunch.”
I nodded. Oh my God, that was over twenty-four hours. How would I survive that long without her? Without hearing from her? Knowing she was okay?
Closing my eyes, I took a long breath to swallow my fears and slow my desperate heart.
He bent to enter his car and my heart tightened. “Adam?”
He straightened and looked at me. “Yeah?”
“Please, take good care of her.”
“I just said I would,” he spat, his tone going from bored to annoyed. Shaking his head, he slipped inside the car.
I waved as Adam drove away from my building, taking the most important thing in my life with him. As soon as they turned into the main road and disappeared from my line of sight, my knees wobbled and I let myself fall seated on the curb. The tears rolled free, and my chest shook with each sob.
From now on, Adam would ask to spend the weekend with Luana often. I couldn’t feel like this every time she left , or I would shrivel and die in a couple of months.
I gave myself a few minutes, then brushed away the tears, stood, and went back to my apartment, where I tried to keep busy. I cleaned the floors, the bathroom, organized the kitchen, washed some clothes, studied, finished two projects, had lunch, organized the kitchen again, went grocery shopping—and all the while, I felt like something was wrong. Something was missing. I wanted to crawl the walls, to sink my nails on the floor and ripped it into pieces. That was the only way this uneasy feeling would lessen.
At least Adam sent me a couple of pictures of them playing Candy Land and at a backyard eating ice cream. On all the pictures, she was smiling, looking happy. Which put my heart at ease. But that feeling would only last for a few minutes.
Finally, at six in the evening, Josh arrived from work.
I opened the door and launched myself onto his hard frame. “Thank goodness you’re here.”
***
Josh
I chuckled as Kiera jumped on me and wrapped her arms tight around my neck. “Thank goodness you’re here.”
Holding her tight against me, I stepped into the apartment and closed the door. I bent down to set her on her feet, but Kiera just tightened her hold on me. I chuckled again, then took her in both my arms, and sat on the couch with her on my lap. She buried her face in my neck.
“I take it the goodbye didn’t go well,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm.
Truth was, I was also worried. All day, I had thought of Luana and wondered how she was, what she and Adam were doing. Shit, I wanted to be here for when Adam came to pick up Luana. I wanted to meet the guy face-to-face, I wanted him to know there was someone here who was standing beside Kiera and Luana, but I wasn’t able to switch my shifts at work, and Kiera assured me it was all right, that they didn’t need me.
I confess that statement hurt, but I knew it was the absolute truth. Kiera and Luana didn’t need anyone. And I was just the guy screwing the mother, wasn’t I? What did I care if the little girl was going to spend the weekend with her estranged father?
Yeah, that was what I kept telling myself.
She pulled back just enough to look at me. “She was fine, and Adam was his normal lukewarm self, though I was a wreck.” She pulled out her phone and opened the photos app. “Look at these. She seems okay.”
Kiera flipped through a few pictures of Luana playing Candy Land and eating ice cream—always smiling. Just then, her phone beeped with a new text showing a picture of Luana coloring at a kitchen island. Again, she was smiling.
“Yeah, she seems okay.” My worry lessened a little. If Luana was okay, then there was no reason for Kiera not to relax, even if just a little, and enjoy her free time. I glided my hands down her arms and took her hands in mine. “How about we go out for dinner?”
She gaped at me. “What?”
“Luana is away and okay. And we’re here alone and free. We should take advantage of it and go out. Dinner. My treat.” She just stared at me, her eyes wide as if I had grown an alien head. I grinned. “Stop staring at me like that and go get ready.” Holding on to her, I stood up, and set her down.
Finally, she woke up from her shock. “I would rather stay here.”
“Why?”
“Because if something happens—”
“If something happens, they will call you and your phone will be with you. It won’t matter where you are.” I cupped her beautiful face and leaned into her. “Let’s enjoy our night.” I brushed my lips against hers and felt her body relaxing, her resolve melting. “Okay?”
“Okay,” she whispered.
I planted a quick peck on her li
ps, then stepped back. “Go get ready. I’ll knock on your door in thirty minutes. “Sounds good?”
She nodded, then she frowned. “Where are you taking me?”
“It’s a surprise.”
She rolled her eyes. “I just want to know if I should dress up.”
“You should dress up,” I told her, a wicked grin spreading on my lips. I retreated to the door. I reached behind me for the knob. “Thirty minutes. Okay?”
Her lips tugged up. “Okay.”
Not wasting another moment, I left her place and rushed to mine. I took a long shower, trimmed my stubble, got dressed in black, dress pants, and light gray shirt—with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows—and black shoes. Then I called the restaurant and made reservations.
When the time was up, I went to her apartment and rang the bell. The door opened a moment later and I sucked in a sharp breath.
Holy fuck, Kiera looked stunning in a dark blue dress that hugged her waist and breasts, but flared a little at her hips and fell to her knees. She had black pumps, and her hair was brushed to the side, a long braid holding half of it in place. And her face … she had applied a little makeup, emphasizing her pretty eyes and her full mouth.
Kiera looked down at herself. “I’m hoping you’re speechless because you like what you see.”
I closed my mouth. “Indeed. You look beautiful.”
She smiled at me. “Thank you. You look good too.”
I offered her my arm. “Shall we?”
Nodding, she stepped out of the apartment and locked the door. Then she hooked her hand around my arm and smiled at me. “Let’s see where this surprise is.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Kiera
Josh had taken me to a restaurant where I could picture my filthy rich parents having dinner every weekend. I hadn’t been in such a fancy place since before I moved out of their house—or even before that. Before I had gotten pregnant with Luana and they didn’t want to go out with me anymore, afraid someone would see me and find out what their sweet little girl had been up to.