by Julia Black
I was falling in love with him.
I sucked in a sharp breath, steeling my heart. I knew what I had to do, I just wondered if I would be strong enough.
After another goal, Luana spotted me.
“Mommy!” she yelled, waving at me.
With a small, forced smile, I crossed the street and went to them. Smiling wide, Luana and Josh both breathed hard and chuckled every three seconds. Damn. They were having fun together …
“Hi, baby.” I reached down and kissed the top of her head.
She looked up at me. “Did you see my goal, mommy?”
“I sure did.” I ruffled her curls. “Well done.”
Josh stepped right into my personal space. “Morning,” he said, leaning into me as if he was going to kiss me. Right here. In the middle of the park. In front of Luana and everyone else here.
Panic seized my chest, and I quickly retreated a long step. “Hm, morning.” He narrowed his eyes and I averted mine, lest the confusion in his gaze rendered me useless. “Thanks for letting me sleep in this morning. I don’t get to do that often.”
He nodded. “That’s why I did it.”
“Well, thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
This was awkward. The three of us standing here, watching each other, while other families played around the park.
Other families …
We weren’t a family. Not the three of us.
“Hm, we should get going,” I said quickly, trying to fill the silence.
“Where are we going, mommy?”
“You and I are going out, baby.” It took all my strength not to look at Josh, but I didn’t want to face him here, in front of Luana, and I had to save my energy for later.
“So, I’ll see you guys later?” Josh asked and the hope in his voice gutted me.
I glanced at him. “Hm, yeah, I’ll text you later.”
Then I quickly pushed Luana by her shoulders, and we walked away from the park. I tried looking relaxed, as if this was just another Sunday at the park, but it wasn’t. Nothing would ever be the same now.
“You didn’t tell me where we’re going, mommy,” Luana said as we crossed the street.
“I thought we could have a nice girl’s day out,” I quickly said, coming up with that right at the spot. “How about we go out for lunch then catch a movie?”
She gasped. “Can we go get manis after?”
I chuckled. “Of course.”
She jumped once, excited. “Yay. I like that.”
After the lunch, the movie, and the mani, I sent a text to Josh.
Me: Please, come on over after Luana goes to bed.
His reply came only a few seconds later.
Josh: Okay.
Now I just had to prepare myself for tonight.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Kiera
As I left Luana’s bedroom after making sure she was settled and would soon be sleeping, I realized I wasn’t ready.
But I had to be.
Someone in this relationship, or whatever the hell it was, had to be the adult and do the right thing. I knew Josh didn’t want to hurt Luana. Hopefully, it would be easy. I would explain my point of view to him, he would completely agree with me, and then he would walk away. Forever.
I rushed to the kitchen and poured myself a big glass of wine. I drank it all in two gulps, needing something to give me strength, to make me braver than I really was.
Then I poured some more and paced the living room, waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
Finally, almost half an hour late, a soft knock came from the door.
I drank another big gulp from my wine for safe measure, took a deep, deep breath, and opened the door.
“Hey.” Josh stood behind the door, hands buried in the pockets of his jeans. Damn, why did he have to look so handsome in black t-shirt and damp hair. I wanted to reach over, pull him to me, run my fingers through his hair, messing it up, and kiss that sin-like mouth of his.
I sighed. “Hey.” I stepped aside to let him in. He closed the door while I reached for my wine and took another long sip.
I stood in the middle of the living room, looking everywhere but at him.
Then Josh halted a safe four feet from me and said, “Why do I get the feeling I won’t like what you have to say?”
I looked at him. “We both knew this—” I gestured between he and I “—was temporary.”
“It is temporary.”
Ouch. Hearing that hurt more than I thought it would. Though I knew it would be much easier if he let me—us—go without a peep, deep down I kinda hoped he would fight for us. What could I do? Though I cut myself of all romance, I dreamed about it. Constantly.
“Good. So I think our time is up. We are ending this.”
A knot appeared between his brows. “But … why? We have a good thing going on here.”
I shook my head. “Please, no, don’t try that again. It won’t work this time.” It couldn’t work this time.
His jaw ticked. “Tell me why.”
I stared at him, pondering if I should tell him the truth. Why not? He cared for Luana. I was sure he wouldn’t want to involve her too, not more than we already had. “Because … we both said we didn’t want to get involved, we didn’t want anything serious, but I think we’re way past that. After last night and this morning, I see I let you in my life, in Luana’s life, more than I should have. I promised myself I wouldn’t get involved with any men and bring them home because of her. She’s the most precious thing in my life, and I will protect her from disappointments in her life for as long as I can, and that starts by not letting her get attached to men who might not stick around, who break my heart and her heart.” I gulped down the tears building in my eyes. “I already broke those rules for far too long. But there’s still time to fix this. We can end this off now, and Luana and I can go back to our own routine and life.”
Josh crossed his arms. “Don’t I get a say in this?”
I shrugged. “Why? You didn’t want to have a serious relationship. I’m letting you go before whatever we had gets more serious.”
“So, that’s it. You’re just kicking me out of your door. And the end?”
I nodded, trying to stay strong, brave while my insides screamed for me to just jump into his arms and press my mouth to his. No, I couldn’t do that. It was wrong. For Luana. When she was a teenager and started having crushes, she would already have too many heartbreaks. I had to protect her from any unnecessary heartbreaks now.
“Pretty much,” I said, my voice a harsh rasp.
“And then what? We bump into each other at the hallway and pretend we don’t know each other?”
“No, we can still greet each other, I mean, I can’t pretend to not know you. Luana will know something happened. But I beg you, don’t encourage her. If she shouts your name and comes running to you, please, cut her off easy. Tell her you’re busy and have to go and … just go.”
He shook his head. “I can’t do that to her.”
“You have to. It’s that now or worse later.”
“I don’t like this.”
“I’m not asking you to like it, I’m just asking you to be okay with it and, please, stay away from us.” My voice broke. “Please.”
Josh took two steps toward me. His hands came up, as if he would reach for me, ignoring all that I just said, take me in his arms and take me to bed. Some part of me was desperately hoping for it. But the part of my brain that listened to reason fought hard against it.
Then he dropped his hands and quickly retreated the steps he had just advanced. “You’re right,” he said, his voice low. He might just have plunged a knife in my heart. That was how much his words hurt. Even if I was hoping he would agree with me, I underestimated the pain they would bring. “We already got too involved and I don’t want that for me. I don’t want a serious relationship. Not now, not ever. No family and no kids.” He nodded once. “You’re right. W
e have to end this.”
I swallowed a gasp, afraid my feelings would show through, betraying my actions. “Good. Then we have an agreement.”
He pressed his lips tight before saying, “Yes, it seems we do.”
Then, without another word or look back, Josh simply walked out of my apartment.
And I fell over my couch, finally letting the tears come out and wash away my pain.
***
Kiera
Next day was brutal and started with a great boom.
After dropping Luana at the bus stop and driving to D’Angie & Co, I found Adam waiting for me in the parking lot.
He approached me as soon as I exited my car.
“Don’t start, Adam,” I said, walking past him. “I don’t want to be late.”
“Just hear me out, please.” He walked with me toward the store’s front doors. “I didn’t know Claire didn’t like kids. I had no idea she would slap Luana and—”
I halted and practically barked at him. “Don’t you dare throw this only on Claire. Yes, she’s a bitch and I wish I could go back in time and break her damn nose, but you were there! You were there, you were supposed to take care of our daughter, and you didn’t see anything.”
“How was I supposed to think my wife would be like that?”
“I don’t care.” I resumed walking. “You’re not getting close to Luana again so soon.”
“You can’t do that to me.” His voice rose. “She is my daughter too.”
“Just watch me,” I hissed.
“Listen to me.” He caught my wrist and pulled me back, much like Claire had done to Luana. Rage filled my chest. “You can’t—”
“What is happening here?”
I froze. My insides had become pure steel in order to protect me from such a twist in my day.
Slowly, I turned around and saw my mother, my freaking mother, standing just a few feet from us. Her driver, who doubled as a big, bulky bodyguard, stood by the car, a very expensive silver Mercedes Benz, but I knew that behind those dark sunglasses, his eyes were taking everything in and if needed he would be by my mother’s side in less than a second. My father had always paid them well to be way more than just drivers.
“Mrs. Harlington,” Adam said, letting go of me. “This is a surprise.”
“I’ll say,” she said, her tone cold. She wore an elegant designer pantsuit and expensive jewelry. What the hell was she doing here? “Imagine my surprise seeing you arguing, and being rather violent, toward my daughter. The last I knew, you reject her and her daughter.”
“I-I changed,” he said, clearly afraid of my mother—and her bodyguard. “I’ve been seeing Luana for the last year and a half.”
“Interesting.” She looked him up and down. “Why, then, are you molesting my daughter?”
Molesting … she was purposely picking strong words to make Adam even more uncomfortable.
“We were talking about Luana …”
“His wife slapped Luana,” I blurted out, hoping he would feel even more ashamed now that my mother knew about that. “She was violent with Luana. Because of that, I won’t let him see Luana right now.”
“Wait a moment.” My mother lifted a finger. “You’re telling me Claire slapped my granddaughter?”
Wait … how did she know Claire’s name?
“It was a mistake,” Adam spat out. “I talked to her. She doesn’t like kids, but she promised to never lay a hand on Luana again and—”
“Young man,” my mother cut him off, her voice dripping with cold sarcasm. She could say such mean things in such a nice voice, it was a talent. “If you or your wife come close to my daughter and my granddaughter again without their permission, I’ll have my lawyers deal with you. Understood?”
Adam nodded frantically. “Yes, ma’am. I understand.”
“Then go on with your day.” She waved him off.
Like a coward, Adam scurried off to his car while stealing several glances at my mother’s bodyguard, probably afraid the man would come at him from behind and beat him to a pulp.
I crossed my arms and faced the woman who had given birth to me, but who I hadn’t seen in the last four years. “I didn’t need your help.”
“That might be true, but now he’ll think twice before coming to bother you again.”
I frowned at her, many questions clouding my mind. “How do you know about Claire?”
She lifted a shoulder casually. “Just because we haven’t been in good terms for a while, doesn’t mean I don’t know about your life.”
I gasped. “You have me followed?”
“Not followed,” she said. “Just … making sure you’re okay.”
What … what did she mean with that? Why did she care if I was okay? Wait. Did she care?
“You can’t have me followed. I won’t allow it.”
She looked up to the bright sky. “It’s not often, Kiera, and my men are instructed to stay far away and not interfere in your life, unless you’re in danger.”
“Do you have Luana followed too?”
She fixed her eyes on mine. So serious, so cold. “No.”
“So … you care just enough to make sure I’m okay, but not her.”
She swallowed hard. “I know she’s okay, because I know you’re a good mother. That is enough for me.” I gaped at her. Was that a compliment? “However, I admit I didn’t see this complication coming, otherwise I would have sent someone to watch over her. Did that woman hurt my granddaughter? Is my granddaughter okay?”
My heart squeezed. Oh my God, how many trials would I have to endure in less than twenty-four hours. “It was only a tiny cut on her lip and a bump on her hip. She’ll be all right.”
“That’s good.”
Silence fell in between us and I grasped for the next pressing question. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh, yeah. My maid’s daughter is getting married and the gift list is here.”
“Oh …” And here I thought she had come to see me. “Hm, I’m starting my shift now. If you want, I can help you with it.”
Her lips turned up in a small smile. “That would be lovely.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Josh
It was Friday, only five days since Kiera had given me the boot, but it felt like I was drowning in my own pity party for at least an entire year. It was pathetic.
To honor her wishes, I made sure I left early for work or class, and came back later, when I knew Kiera and Luana were having dinner, or Kiera was putting Luana to bed. It hurt … each time I walked by their apartment, it fucking hurt. I couldn’t stop my brain from trying to conjure images of what they could be doing inside, the games they could be playing, the dinner they were eating, the movie they were watching. And I couldn’t stop my heart from clenching, sending a dull pain through all my muscles.
Holy fuck.
Friday was no different. I worked for an additional two hours at the emergency center, just to be sure I wouldn’t see Kiera and Luana when getting back. After two hours of class this morning, then a ten hour shift at the clinic, I dragged my feet up the steps, hoping I made it to my apartment before I fell of exhaustion and kissed the floor. My stomach grumbled, reminded me I hadn’t eaten anything in almost eight hours. I would have to eat something, shower, then go to bed—I wasn’t so sure I would make it. I would probably fall asleep with my face smooched in my half-eaten dinner.
And that was the only way to keep my mind from going to the door of apartment 303 and whatever was happening inside. At this time, Kiera was probably getting Luana ready for bed. On Fridays and Saturdays, she let Luana stay up later than she did on schooldays by about thirty minutes, but that didn’t mean Luana could slack on getting ready for bed.
And there I went again. Thinking about the two of them.
How would I ever not do that if I walked by their door at least twice a day?
I shook my head and hurried my steps, forcing my eyes to the floor, so I wouldn’t stare at the damn door.<
br />
But then it opened and I tripped on my own feet. I braced a hand on the wall and was able to avoid kissing the floor a little earlier than planned.
Kiera stepped out of the apartment. “Just one more load. Come on, help me out.”
“But I don’t want to,” Luana said from somewhere inside. By her tone, she was upset with something.
My feet moved before my brain caught up and then I was standing right by Kiera’s side. “Hey,” I said.
She gasped, startled. “Oh, hey.”
“Josh!” I heard two seconds before I felt small arms wrapped around my legs. Something in my chest ripped into pieces, and it was all I could do not to reach down and pick her up and embrace her tight.
I patted her head instead. “Hey, Luana. How is it going?”
“Terrible,” she said, pulling away and looking up at me. “Everything is terrible.”
I bit my tongue, but the question escaped anyway. “Why?”
“We’re moving.”
Then I saw it. The many, many folded moving cardboard boxes spread through their apartment. I swallowed the stone that suddenly clogged in my throat. “You … you’re moving?” I turned to Kiera. “When?”
“I don’t know yet. I haven’t found a place, but I’m looking. I want to be ready for when I do find something nice.”
This didn’t make sense. Was she moving because of me? That couldn’t be true. “Why?”
She shrugged, avoiding my gaze. “It’s for the best.”
For the best? Here she had the best set up. The bus stop was close by, she had Mercedes, who stayed with Luana when she couldn’t. She had her friends, Ella and Charlotte. It was close to her work. Why the fuck was she moving?
“If it’s because of me, I—”
She looked up me, a forced smile on her lips. “Of course not. I just thought it was time for something new. That’s all.” She grabbed Luana’s hold and closed the apartment’s door. “Come on, Luana. Just one more load, then we can have ice cream, okay?”