by June Taylor
At last.
‘I do love you, Louie. I always have and always will.’ Louie could feel the heaving in Karin’s chest as she was struggling to speak. ‘But it’s a crazy love and it scares me. I was scared of loving you too much. Scared of losing you and-and scared of what we had because I was terrified of loving someone that much. That’s why I got jealous and paranoid. Kept us in our own little world so no one else could get in. I suffocated us both and I know it was me who ruined it all. I felt I didn’t deserve such happiness, I didn’t deserve you. Saw death as a way of keeping you. And then I blamed you for what that was doing to us, but I know it was me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I ran away from you, but I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to fix it and I didn’t want to take you down with me. But I do still love you, Louie. I do.’
Finally.
Knowing this, Louie could happily slip away.
44
Karin
Karin pushed herself back in horror, sliding across the tiles until she slammed into the wall.
The implications now beginning to sink in.
So where was Aaron? How long had she been sitting here in this daze of confusion? Clambering to her feet again she asked herself: why would Aaron stick around anyway? As soon as the police and paramedics arrived, he wouldn’t want to be implicated in any of this, and Karin couldn’t blame him for that.
He shouldn’t have to clean up her mess.
Aaron didn’t deserve this.
A sudden banging from the next room caused her to freeze. It stopped, followed by a swishing sound, like something being pulled across the floor. Karin felt her lungs would burst if she didn’t start breathing again soon and discover what it was. A few moments later, Aaron appeared, dragging in the rug from the bedroom.
‘Aaron!’ She rushed over to help him. ‘What’re you doing?’ Her words were full of joy and relief, but she knew that couldn’t last.
‘What does it look like I’m doing?’ Aaron snapped, barging his way through. Karin was forced to one side as he hauled the rug into the centre of the room, slapping it down next to Louie.
‘So you didn’t-didn’t call anyone then?’ Karin asked. What she really meant was: did he call 999?
He ran his arm across his forehead, saying: ‘This is my apartment, Karin. Your money is sitting in her bank account, and, although it might not seem like it, we are engaged. How do you think that looks, hm? We have to get rid of her.’
‘But how?’ Karin inched closer. ‘Let me help you, Aaron. Please.’
‘Don’t – you come near me!’ he yelled, putting his hand out to stop her.
Karin immediately shushed him, a finger to her lips as a reminder of people in the adjoining apartments.
He was calmer when he next spoke.
‘The thing is, Karin, I would still have given you a chance. Right up to that point, I really thought—’
He pressed his hand against his mouth, as if it was too much to bear. After a few moments, he managed to continue. ‘I thought that maybe we could start again. Somewhere new, just like you said. I wanted to believe you were sincere. But then you said those things.’
‘I only said them because she was dying, Aaron. Because Louie needed to hear them.’
‘And so did I!’ he yelled. Then, calmer: ‘And so did I.’
He bent down for the rug again, changing his mind and throwing it back in disgust. ‘Did you ever love me? Or was I always just the safe bet?’
‘I loved you – I do love you – in a different way. You don’t make me feel out of control.’
He laughed, scoffing. ‘Is that a good thing?’
‘The truth is I loved you both,’ Karin said, her voice quietening.
Instinct told her to throw her arms round Aaron’s neck, but she couldn’t read him any more. Their relationship had never been fully tested.
Not like this.
‘Listen,’ she continued, ‘I know we didn’t get the money back from Louie, but I have about five hundred left in my account. Pounds, I mean. Not thousands.’ She felt herself blush. ‘I’m really sorry, Aaron. Aaron? Are you listening? I’m saying that I still think we can make a fresh start somewhere with what we’ve got. Between us. We really don’t need that much to be happy. You’ve got property to sell, we’ll be okay.’
Her voice faded.
Aaron glanced at his watch, spinning round as if uncertain of his next move.
Karin was surprised when he suddenly landed at her feet, kneeling down. He took hold of her wrists, stretching them out, and began rubbing his thumbs over the milky white part of her skin. ‘I did love you,’ he said, winding the engagement ring round her finger. ‘If I hadn’t stepped in when I did, how far would you have let things go with that – girl?’
‘You said I had to make her think I wanted her.’
‘But you did. Want her, I mean. Didn’t you?’
‘No! I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.’
Aaron slid the engagement ring up her finger. It caught on her knuckle and she winced. He pulled harder, angry that it was resisting him. Once it came loose he held it to the light, admiring it; white gold set with tiny diamonds.
Karin rubbed her finger to ease the soreness, wondering what was coming next.
‘Call me old-fashioned, Karin. But the least you could have done was to have the decency to let me know we were a sham.’
‘What? No, it wasn’t like that. We weren’t a sham at all.’
‘I’m sick of being lied to, cheated on. You know that.’
Karin nodded; her guilt and his pain made something very toxic taste in her mouth.
‘Do you honestly think I’m going to let you do the same to me as my ex-wife? And with another woman? How could I ever trust you now? You might be able to live a lie, but I certainly can’t.’ He looked at his watch again, handing the ring back to Karin as he stood up. ‘Keep it. You might need it.’
‘Why are you looking at your watch, Aaron?’ He rubbed his neck. ‘Have you called the police?’ When he didn’t answer, Karin felt her stomach lurch as he took hold of the end of the rug again. ‘Wait. Please,’ she shouted, but he wasn’t going to be halted this time.
She watched him slide Louie’s legs across it. Until now she had blotted out the fact that Louie was lying dead on the kitchen floor. When Aaron went round to the other side of her body, Karin made sure she was there first, and blocked him. She wanted to hold Louie one last time.
Still warm. Her eyes closed.
Karin ran her finger over the seahorse tattoo on the inside of Louie’s wrist. She kissed it.
‘That’s enough,’ said Aaron, prising her away. ‘We need to get the job done.’
Her eyes. Sea blue. Like shiny glass marbles. To think they would never paint another picture. Never trek across Morecambe Bay on the lookout for driftwood or shells. Never see the sun or rain or fresh falling snow. Never see Karin.
Not ever.
She missed Louie.
She had always missed Louie.
The problem was that everyone else before her had let her down. Including her dad. Karin had learned that the only person she should rely on was herself. Running away from Louie ensured that she couldn’t be let down by her as well.
Then Mel’s take on things had always been that Louie was some kind of crazed, possessive stalker. She did behave that way at times, but maybe Karin drove her to it. For leaving in the way that she had, without saying a word, not even a goodbye. And really her own possessiveness had been far worse, during the relationship. Their dangerous obsession with death, that was all Karin too. It was true that Louie liked to explore it in her artwork, but only so she could work through her own demons. It was Karin who saw death as a way of hanging onto Louie. Not the other way around.
Meet me at the edge.
That was too much to ask of anyone. Karin should never have made them say it, knowing Louie would do absolutely anything for her. The moment she felt herself spinning out of control, she
had decided not to take Louie down with her. It gave her another reason to leave.
Yet now, here was Louie lying dead. It had come to that anyway.
Aaron rolled up her body in the rug, leaving a pool of blood on the floor where she had been lying. He was still refusing Karin’s help, but secretly Karin was glad about that, recoiling at the thought of Louie’s body having to be dumped in some dark, lonely place.
‘What will you do with her?’ she asked, feeling her stomach heave, needing to look away. Maybe one day, though, when she could face it, she could go and say goodbye to Louie properly.
Like she should have done before.
Karin realized she had asked the wrong question. What she meant was: where will her final resting place be? And not: how will you dispose of the body?
His answer was cruel. ‘Burn her,’ he said. ‘There’s a disused quarry I know.’ Aaron looked at his watch, wiping his brow with his forearm. ‘Petrol and an oil drum should do the trick. We should have enough time.’
Time for what, Karin didn’t dare ask. Nor any of the other questions she had. Won’t it smell? Won’t people be able to see it burning? Cremating Louie’s body in an oil drum seemed like a terrible send off. Somehow so much worse than burying her deep in the ground where the worms could get at her. And that was bad enough. The sea would be Louie’s preferred resting place. Always the sea.
Karin bit down on her lip, fighting back the tears.
Aaron gave her a scowl. The way he was looking at her, standing over the rolled-up bundle, Karin found reminiscent of her mother. Before calling the police, she had given Karin’s face the fiercest slap but then afterwards was calm as falling snow. While reporting that her husband had just committed suicide, she glowered at Karin, never took her eyes off her for a second. And Karin stood by, waiting for her to add that it was her daughter who had kicked the steps from under him.
But Birgitta had another punishment in mind. It was Birgitta who gave her the life sentence.
Karin was jolted back to the present when her stomach heaved so uncontrollably she had to divert to the bathroom. It seemed her body needed to turn itself inside out, get rid of everything that was rotten inside it. Expel the badness that kept coming in violent thrusting waves, in between all her sobbing and wailing. Until finally. The storm passed. Leaving her stomach washed up on the shore and her head banging against the rocks.
When Karin completely trusted that it was over, she leant back against the wall exhausted.
Two of her best friends dead.
Will.
And now Louie.
Karin wasn’t sure how long she had been gone but, when she returned to the kitchen, she found herself completely alone. If it hadn’t been for the blood streaked across the floor it would have seemed like a perfectly normal kitchen. Utensils and pans hanging from shiny S-shaped hooks; china mugs, white, evenly spaced and all facing the same way; the knives arranged in order of size on the magnetic strip.
Then suddenly, her thoughts turned to Aaron. He must surely need help getting Louie into the lift.
Karin rushed to the door.
It was eerily quiet on the landing, well after ten thirty by now. She pictured Aaron’s route out to the car park. It was always lonely down there, so with any luck, he probably wouldn’t have to encounter anyone. Plus it was dark. Even during the day Karin hated it, and at night she avoided it whenever possible. The area directly outside the apartment block was also inhospitable, old Leeds industrial desolation awaiting development, and the River Aire.
These things were positives right now. But there was still a lot that could go wrong.
She heard the lift doors closing on a floor above or below. It made her think about CCTV, if there was any; she hadn’t noticed before, never had a reason to, but there was bound to be some. What would be captured on it tonight? She fled back inside the apartment and shut the door again quickly, panting heavily. It made her sickness return, despite her hollow stomach.
She was emptied, inside and out.
Come on, Karin. You can do this. Go into the kitchen and get cleaned up. Get things back to normal.
Normal? Would there ever be a normal again? She stared at the bloody streaks across the floor and wept. Except there were no more tears left to come out of her either.
Karin reached for her phone. She needed to talk to someone.
45
Mel
Mel was busy packing, bagging and boxing up her possessions, repeatedly asking herself how on earth she had managed to accumulate so much stuff over the years. Radio 6 Music was on in the background and every so often she would turn up the volume and dance across the bedroom floor, returning to her task when the track had ended.
The things she wasn’t taking were going into bin liners: books, CDs, old clothes and jewellery, general bric-a-brac. At least she could do her bit for the homeless charity. Whenever she heard a car pull up outside she stopped what she was doing and peered out of the window. It was hard to see very much now, as the streetlamp directly in front of the house wasn’t working – another late-night student prank probably – and darkness had already swallowed up the last part of the day. She hadn’t quite got used to seeing the ‘For Sale’ sign over by the fence. It tricked her every time into thinking it was a person standing in the garden, giving her a scare until she remembered.
It was after ten thirty by the time she had finished packing. Feeling like she had earned herself a glass of wine, she went downstairs to the kitchen, noticing the open blinds. As she went to close them, she saw a shadowy mass just beyond the path in front of the window. A figure. Then a light, shining across the garden, made her retreat quickly out of sight.
Aaron had his own key and would use the front door. So too did Karin, and she didn’t expect to see her here tonight.
Hovering by the kitchen door, trying to decide what to do, she held her breath and reached her hand towards the cutlery drawer, opening it as silently as she could. Her fingers wrapped around the rolling pin. It was at that point she realized that her phone was still lying on the bed upstairs. She couldn’t go back up to get it now, in case whoever was out there suddenly burst through the back door.
It was locked, but she still went to check, fumbling with the latch and bolts. Her reluctance to part with the rolling pin made the task more awkward.
All secure.
Mel edged closer to the blinds again, the hairs on her arms rising with each tiny shuffle. She reached out and managed to create a larger gap in the slats by pushing down on them with the end of the rolling pin. In so doing, she saw next door’s dog scampering round the garden, the neighbour attempting to catch it. The dog squatted down and for once Mel didn’t mind. It was no longer her problem. She would be out of here soon.
Returning to the lounge, armed only with a bottle of wine and a large glass, she flopped onto the sofa and heaved a sigh of relief. She had only been there a moment or two when she remembered that her phone was still upstairs and went to get it.
That’s when she got the call.
‘Karin? Are you okay?’ All she could hear was Karin sniffling. ‘You don’t sound okay. Where are you? Is Aaron with you?’
After a long delay, she managed to say something. ‘Yes, I’m fine. It’s okay, Mel. I’m sorry to bother you.’
‘Hey, don’t worry. Do you want me to come over? Are you at Aaron’s? I’m in the middle of packing, but I can come. It’s not Louie, is it? Shit. Is it Louie?’
‘No, I, erm, I haven’t heard from her. We’re still working out what to do about that actually. Aaron had a late meeting, but he’ll be back soon. I just got upset thinking about everything, that’s all. My mind’s been whirring, you know, about Will and things. I’ll be okay. So have you found somewhere to live then if you’re packing? Already?’
‘I have. It’s an amazing place, you’re going to love it. You need to make a start on your stuff, Karin. Not that you’ve got anywhere near the amount I have.’
‘Yes, I
suppose I should,’ she replied.
‘You are still into it, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, of course I am.’
‘Are you sure everything’s okay, Karin? Have you and Aaron had a row or something?’
‘No. Nothing like that.’
‘Well are you certain you don’t want me to come over? Because I can drop everything. You know I would.’
‘It’s not necessary, honest. I feel loads better just for chatting. Thanks, Mel.’
Karin ended the call. Mel tapped the phone against her chin as she headed back downstairs. After a few more sips of wine she convinced herself that everything was okay and not to worry.
There was nothing more she could do.
46
Karin
The smell of bleach was overpowering. Karin had tipped almost a full container of the stuff into a bucket of boiling water and was regretting being so liberal with it now. Dipping the mop into the bucket only encouraged swirls of steam to drift upwards, delivering stinging fumes to her eyes and nostrils. At least the swaying motion of the wet strands across the floor had a more calming effect. It couldn’t stop the maelstrom of thoughts from spinning through her mind though. Nothing could stop those.
Luckily the pool of blood was contained to a single area, with just one wider streak where Aaron had pulled Louie’s body onto the rug. Karin tried not to pay too much attention to it, turning the mop blindly in all directions, keeping her eyes half-closed. But each time she dipped it back into the bucket she was forced to take note of the deepening shade to the water. Red. Redder. Redder still.
Thicker than water itself. That’s what they say.
Suddenly another thought crash landed into her head. Where was the knife? She remembered letting go of it as Louie was falling, but hadn’t seen it since. Maybe Aaron had retrieved it and would dispose of that too. The only slight worry was that her fingerprints were all over it. What might that mean if it was found? But then, did it really matter in the scheme of things? If she was going down for one murder, why not go down for all three? Her stepdad’s, Will’s, and now Louie’s. Even if Karin herself hadn’t put the knife into Louie, she was responsible for her death regardless. If she had stayed in Morecambe and tried to sort things out then perhaps they would still be together, still living their happily ever after.