Lab Rats in Space

by Bruno Bouchet

  ‘Our virus?’ Xanax turned his head to Bumface and raised his hand ready to start her experiment again.

  ‘Your virus, professor,’ she said, ‘your virus, of course.’

  Xanax had released a computer virus, which had caused the librarians’ glasses to tune into every reality TV show being broadcast on every planet in the galaxy. Their minds were being flooded with useless mind-numbing information. They could do nothing but vote people out, discuss who had the best singing voice, who ran the best restaurant and argue about which celebrity danced best in the jungle. Thousands and thousands of programs flashed before their eyes at the same time, turning them into gibbering idiots.

  ‘I think we’ll find landing on the planet quite simple now,’ Xanax announced, his thin lips pressed together in a determined smile. The Lab Rats would not escape him this time. He had programmed the Typetor with his latest creation. Xanax knew what his most powerful weapon was and now he could make as many copies of it as he wanted.

  Once they had landed on Libris, Xanax strode off the ship. His rubber coat squeaked louder then ever as he brushed aside some librarians who were so focused on the announcement of Yllangork as Idol winner that they didn’t notice a spaceship had practically landed on their heads.

  ‘Come along,’ he announced to the Typetor and Bumface, who were hovering behind him, ‘we have some experiments to complete.’

  Chapter 20

  Meeting an Old Friend

  Zed and Dee were making progress removing the panelling that held Emm’s cocoon. Dee smashed the wood, Zed pulled as hard as he could. They were halfway round.

  ‘If I can get in behind the panelling, I might be able to push against the other wall and force the rest of it to break,’ suggested Zed.

  They pulled at the side of the wood panelling but couldn’t move it enough for Zed to get behind.

  ‘Katy, can you help us?’

  Katy could not wake Jay. He lay on the floor totally out of it. As she went to help the others, XL had never felt so useless. He was sitting at the edge of Dr Doe’s desk, watching as everyone else worked hard. He could do nothing. He didn’t even have information to share with them.

  Katy, Zed and Dee heaved at the edge of the panelling. It cracked open a little more.

  ‘Hold it!’ shouted Zed and he squeezed himself into the space between the wall and the loosened wood. He could feel the wood pushing down hard on him. He managed to place his rear hand flat on the wall behind with his other hands in front of him. All he had to do was push. Zed strained and pushed with all his might.

  It barely moved.

  ‘Come on Zed, you can do it, you’re stronger than all of us put together,’ Katy urged him on.

  XL sent thought messages as hard as he could. He hoped that if he thought ‘be strong’ hard enough, it might just help Zed. He thought so hard he felt his brain was going to burst out of his body. Suddenly his brilliant mind realised there might be another way he could help… if only he could move. Jay was lying on the floor next to the desk. His head lay back just below XL. He could feel the breath rushing in and out of Jay’s huge nose. XL focused his mind on moving his own body. He used every little bit of brainpower he had to move himself to the edge of the desk.

  He strained, he pulled, he thought as hard as he could and moved a millimetre.

  ‘It’s a start,’ he thought to himself and he pushed himself again.

  ‘Heave!’ shouted Katy, helping Zed push the panelling away from the wall. Zed pushed as hard as he could with his rear hand. At the same time he pushed the panelling with his front arms.

  Dee had her hammer hooked around the edge of the wood, pulling it with her whole body.

  Crack.

  ‘I heard a crack,’ said Katy. ‘It’s working, the wood’s breaking. Come on, H-E-A-V-E!’

  There was a bigger crack, and another. Zed could feel himself pushing away from the wall. It was moving.

  ‘Stand back and get ready to catch her,’ he shouted. It would be no good if the piece of wood Emm was stuck to fell over and crushed her on the floor.

  The two girls stood back. Zed took a deep breath.

  ‘Argh,’ he pushed front and back with all his might. Harder and harder. His muscles were so sore he felt they would snap, but he could feel the gap widening. He could hear the wood breaking.

  Suddenly there was a huge crack and his arms shot forward. The panel swung out and down. The girls caught the edge and stopped it falling altogether.

  ‘It’s so heavy!’ Katy said. They weren’t just holding the heavy piece of wood, but Emm’s body and her cocoon. Zed jumped out. It seemed like he didn’t have a single shred of strength left in his body but he knew he had to help the girls turn the panel over.

  ‘We’re nearly there. I’ll lift, you turn it.’

  He stood between the girls, took the weight of the wood panel and tilted it up on its side. Katy and Dee grabbed one side and swung it around.

  Zed lowered it to the ground so the cocoon was facing up. Emm was free from the wall and safe for now.

  The three stood panting and smiling at each other, too tired to talk.

  Dee then pointed to the desk. Her eyes looked worried. The others turned in time to see XL teetering on the edge of the desk. Katy leapt forward to catch him but it was too late, he fell off.

  XL braced himself. The landing would be soft but horrid. For the second that he fell through the air, XL felt wonderful, enjoying the feeling of having moved himself.

  The wonderful feeling didn’t last long. His body dived into Jay’s nose and became stuck. XL could feel the gooey snot pressing in on all sides of him. This had been his plan. He thought all the hair on his body would tickle the inside of Jay’s nose so much it would make him sneeze and wake him up.

  He sat there waiting for Jay to stir and sneeze him back out again. Nothing happened except he could feel more and more snot around his body.

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ said Dee. ‘XL is stuck up Jay’s nose!’

  They looked over at Jay’s nose and saw XL’s body in there. It was like looking at the edge of a volcano—there could be an eruption at any moment.

  ‘Someone’s going to have to fish him out,’ said Katy screwing her face up.

  ‘Yuck!’ said Zed.

  ‘Look, he’s safe in there. Perhaps we should leave him,’ said Dee. ‘We’ve got enough to carry.’

  She was right. The three of them had to carry Emm’s cocoon and Jay’s body. If XL was safely tucked away in Jay’s nose, it was one less thing for them to worry about.

  ‘What about him?’ Katy indicated towards Dr Doe who stood bouncing his head on the window and shouting, ‘It’s not fair, Anthony should have won’.

  ‘We have to get out of here before Professor Xanax finds us. We can’t look after Dr Doe too. He’ll be safe, Xanax isn’t after him,’ declared Zed. ‘We’ll use one of the ladders to get back to our ship.’

  Zed’s plan was to strap both Emm and Jay to one of the moving ladders. Going through the drawers in Dr Doe’s desk, they found big rolls of sticky tape and string.

  First they dragged Jay to the ladder in the corridor. Zed climbed up as high as he could, pulling Jay up behind him. He strapped Jay’s hands to the ladder while the girls tied his feet. Next they dragged Emm on her panel out to the corridor and propped her against the ladder. With a massive effort they lifted the panel up and rested it on the first step. Zed held it in position while the girls got to work with the tape and string.

  It held, just.

  ‘They won’t last very long, but if we hold them on we should get as far as the Great Hall.’ Zed hoped for the best. He scrambled up over Emm’s cocoon and put his arms and legs around Jay to keep him on the ladder. The girls climbed on the ladder either side of the cocoon. Dee held her hammer arm out and Katy grabbed it. It was easy for her to hold on to.

  ‘Everyone right? OK, let’s go!’ Zed announced, expecting the ladder to shoot off at high speed.

  Not
hing happened.

  ‘What did Miss Tennet say to make it go?’ asked Katy.

  ‘It was something really dumb,’ Dee said.

  They screwed up their faces trying to remember what Miss Tennet had first said. The corridor was silent. There were no librarians. The only light was coming from the open doorway of Dr Doe’s office. As they searched their memories for the words, a faint squeak put them off.

  They looked at each other, hoping they had not heard the same thing. They heard it again.

  Squeak.

  ‘Come on, Dee,’ urged Katy. Noone wanted to admit it sounded like the squeak of shiny rubber boots.

  ‘Err, boys will be boys,’ Dee shouted. No movement.

  The squeaking grew louder. The corridor was dark apart from the light coming from Dr Doe’s office. They could not see anything, but that noise meant just one thing. Xanax was coming. Katy gulped at the thought of her cage.

  ‘Please Dee! He’s getting closer.’

  ‘Girls were in the phrase too,’ said Zed.

  ‘Boys will be girls,’ said Dee.

  Still nothing happened.

  ‘Why can’t a… girl be more like… a boy?’ Dee was just guessing now.

  Squeak… squeak… squeak. The noise grew louder.

  ‘It was grown-ups,’ Zed suddenly remembered.

  ‘Yes!’ Katy exclaimed.

  ‘Why can’t a man be more like a woman!’ shouted Dee. Still nothing happened.

  A cackle sent shivers down their spines. The shivers froze halfway down as they turned round. At first they couldn’t see anything but the doorway to Dr Doe’s office. Then Xanax stepped into the light from the doorway. His white coat was as shiny and clean as ever.

  ‘Children… it’s time to go home.’

  Chapter 21

  The Reign of Chaos

  The Lab Rats gulped. They thought of all that had happened to them since they had escaped from the lab. They thought of Emm and Jay and how horrible it would be for them to wake up once again in those cold steel cages. They were determined that would not happen. Like a crystal clear vision they could all suddenly hear Miss Tennet’s words when she first took them on the ladder.

  ‘Too right, Xanax, we are going home,’ Dee shouted.

  Zed waved his third hand goodbye and all three said at the same time, ‘Why can’t a woman be more like a man!’.

  The ladder moved, slowly for a second but then it charged off at high speed. Xanax disappeared.

  They cheered as they went off.

  ‘I should have known,’ said Dee, ‘it was such a stupid line, how could I forget it.’

  ‘We’ll have to get some help in the Great Hall, he’ll soon be after us,’ Katy added.

  As they sped along, XL hoped that Jay would not suddenly wake up and sneeze him out. He had thought of a back-up plan in case his dive into Jay’s nose did not work. From his position he could connect with Jay’s mind quite easily. He would talk to Jay in his dream and make him wake up. Jay was having a strange dream about smelling flowers that turned into chocolate, which he then ate. For now, XL wanted him to stay in that dream.

  The ladder arrived at the Great Hall, which could not have looked more different than when they first passed through. Instead of hushed silence there was chaos. The librarians were still overloading with reality TV programs. Visitors to the library had all run away, scared by the mad behaviour.

  The children gazed in disbelief at the bookcases, which had been turned over. Books were scattered over the floor. The librarians walked into walls, collided with each other and knocked things over. A computer had smashed, short-circuited and started a fire. Just as the children walked in, the automatic sprinkler system was set off. Water fell everywhere but the librarians didn’t care. It was the final of Race Round the Solar System and there were only four contestants left. The noise echoing around the huge domed ceiling was deafening.

  The only way to get across the Great Hall was to walk, but it was a long way to carry the two bodies. Too long.

  ‘We’ll never do it,’ shouted Katy as water ran down her face. They were exhausted.

  ‘I thought Libris was meant to be the easy option,’ sighed Zed.

  They sank down and sat on the nearest surface.

  ‘What are we going to do now?’ moaned Dee. ‘Xanax will be here any second.’

  They looked at the floor as it moved from side to side beneath their feet.

  Zed looked puzzled. Why was the floor moving? He realised it wasn’t the floor moving, it was them. They were sitting on a low book trolley on wheels.

  ‘Look!’ he shouted. ‘Wheels. Come on, we can still make it.’

  They dragged Emm’s panel onto a trolley, draped Jay’s body on top and began their way through the library. Dee and Zed pushed the trolley while Katy walked ahead, moving zombie librarians out of the way.

  Halfway across Katy suddenly stopped.

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ she said.

  Ahead of them, at the far end of the Great Hall stood Professor Xanax. The Typetor hovered by his side and they couldn’t miss the pinched lips of Bumface.

  ‘This way!’ Zed charged off to the left, heading for a side entrance.

  They had not got very far when they stopped again.

  ‘That’s impossible!’ said Dee.

  Xanax was in front of them again. They could not believe how quickly he had moved. They turned and ran again but every time they got close to an exit, Xanax was there.

  ‘If we can’t leave, we better hide in the middle,’ Zed decided.

  They ran back to the centre of the Great Hall, turning left and right and getting as lost as possible in the maze of bookcases and desks.

  The water poured down around them. They were cold, wet and tired and looked more like drowned rats than Lab Rats, but nothing would make them give up.

  ‘If we can’t escape,’ said Katy, ‘we’re going to have to defend ourselves. Lucky we did all that combat training!’

  Zed smiled, remembering all their fights, and even Dee had to admit it had been a good idea.

  ‘We’ll have to set up some defences to keep Jay and Emm safe,’ said Zed.

  They left the trolley with their unconscious friends in the centre. First up they leaned two bookcases together to form a shelter to help keep them dry. Next, they moved overturned bookcases and desks in a circle around them. Katy and Dee dragged furniture together and Zed pushed, pulled and threw it to form a circle. He had been exhausted after removing Emm’s panel but somehow he found more strength.

  Katy’s hands were sore. Dee’s hammer felt heavier than ever. They were amazed at how quickly Zed worked. He was like a demon he moved so quickly.

  Dee saw a flash of white in the corner of her eye but it disappeared.

  ‘Did you see that?’ Dee said to Katy.

  She saw it again, turned and missed it. Through the showers of water she was sure they were glimpses of Xanax but he simply could not have moved around that quickly. She thought perhaps all the water was sinking into her head and affecting her brain.

  Everything was soaking. The thick green carpet had absorbed so much water it was like a soggy marsh and there was still more water pouring down.

  When they thought their defences were high and secure enough, the Rats climbed inside. Jay and Emm were laid under the bookcase shelter. Zed, Katy and Dee crawled into the shelter with them.

  While the fort was being built, XL had decided it would be a good idea to wake up Jay. The Rats needed all the help they could get, so XL entered Jay’s dream. Jay was still in the field of flowers. He had chocolate smeared all over his face.

  ‘XL!’ said Jay in his dream, ‘how did you get here?’

  ‘I’ve come to collect you,’ said XL.

  ‘Wow, you can talk!’

  ‘You’re having a dream Jay, anything can happen.’

  ‘Cool.’

  ‘No, Jay, not cool. Everyone is in danger in the Great Hall. They need your help. You have to wake up.
’

  ‘But it’s so nice here. It smells so lovely.’

  ‘I’m stuck up your nose. Can you feel my fur tickling you? Doesn’t it annoy you, make you want to sneeze?’

  Jay thought for a moment and then shook his head.

  ‘No,’ he said and ate another flower, ‘I haven’t sneezed in ages, I like it here.’

  ‘Jay. We need you.’

  XL remembered that this was Jay’s dream so not only could he talk, he could move too. He lifted himself off the ground and hovered over to Jay’s nose.

  ‘Are you sure this doesn’t tickle?’ he asked as he hovered around the entrance to Jay’s nose. If he could make Jay sneeze in his dream then he might sneeze in real life and wake up.

  ‘Don’t,’ Jay tried to move back but XL moved with him, hovering under his nose, letting fur get carried up.

  ‘Arhh… arhhh.’ It was working.

  Back in the Great Hall, Jay’s nose started to twitch.

  ‘Arhh… arhhh…’

  ‘He’s waking up, he’s going to sneeze,’ said Dee.

  ‘Arrrhhh… arrrhhhh… arrrhhhh…’

  ‘It’s going to be a huge one,’ said Katy, ‘get him out of this shelter.’ They dragged him into the open so he didn’t blow their shelter down with his super-powered sneeze.

  ‘Block the other nostril to make sure XL comes out!’ Dee suggested.

  Katy pushed the side of the nostril that didn’t have XL in it with both her hands.

  ‘Arhhh… arhhh… arrrgh… CCCHHHOOO!’

  The massive sneeze, the biggest, strongest one Jay had ever sneezed, echoed around the Great Hall. Katy was thrown back with the force and XL shot out into the air.

  ‘Catch him!’ Dee shouted.

  Zed scrambled over their fort wall, keeping his eye on the flying XL, and sprinted after him.

  XL flew higher and higher into the domed roof. As he looked down, he saw the mess that had once been the Great Hall. The librarians were useless, voting away on their programs. He could see the fort beneath him and thought how sensible the children had been. Then he looked beyond the fort.